Angus had no idea how it happened, but he woke up in the middle of some scrubby forest with no idea where he was or how to get home. He was in a very comfy sleeping bag and Papa was lounging nearby.

“Morning, pumpkin,” he cooed. “It’s survival lesson time.”

He sat up. There was no sign of any other camping gear. “What?” he mumbled. “What’s going on?”

“Every child should learn how to make it if the worst happens. Honestly, with all the folderol with adoption, I was kind’a scared to start. Still am, tee bee haitch, but I can’t let any kid of mine wander this wild world without at least a few basics.”

Angus rubbed his eyes. “Really?”

“We survived a raid on my village and then a raid on the survivors’ caravan, sweetie. If we hadn’t had lessons like this, we would have died at age twelve. Lucky for you we didn’t. Someday, all this will be lucky for someone else.”

Well. Put it like that way. Papa knew for certain that life had ways of throwing mud at you at the worst possible time. Therefore, he paid attention. There were worse things in life than being in a shitty orphanage. “What’s lesson one, Papa?”

“Priorities,” was the answer. “Food, water, shelter. What do you look for first?”

It was a day of lessons. Those very priorities were in the order of water, shelter, then food. Followed by a near encyclopaedic knowledge of which wild foods were edible more than once. As the sun began to dip down in the sky, Papa showed him the Shelter part of the survival trinity. How to build a cote.

“If you can’t find an abandoned badger burrow or a cave, building a cote is your next best thing. These are temporary shelters, here, so you don’t wanna be too elaborate. Start with a tree where you can move some branches around. Make it tricky for any predators.”

It was weaving, in a way. Weaving the living branches into a sort of skeleton for any uprooted saplings or long reeds or tall grasses they managed to find. The real trick was thinning out the brush without picking an area clean. That sort of thing would lead the intelligent predators to realise that someone was nearby.

The best cote, of course, was one that was tricky to get into. If it was tricky for the Elf - or half-elf - who made it, then it would be even trickier for anyone out after them. The green brush used to make it would be near perfect camouflage in a dense enough tree, especially if it was high up in the canopy.

Papa helped him make a cote just big enough for two, and showed him how to make a door to seal it off. By that time, it was well past dark, and their use of magic added tiny lights to the interior.

For a structure made of bent branches, saplings, and grass, it was astonishingly comfortable. Angus slid into a meditative trance knowing that his Papa was watching over him.

Lesson two, the next morning, was learning how to find civilisation. That was how Angus learned that their impromptu camp site was an extensive vacant lot within half a days’ walk of the farmhouse.

Where Dad was waiting with a celebratory feast, Aunt Lup and Uncle Barry.

“No probs, dingus?” Aunt Lup shouted.

“Of course not, goofus,” Papa shouted back. “He’s a fucking genius.”

It had never occurred to Angus that Papa could have possibly been worried. Not until that moment. The concept was re-enforced when Aunt Lup gave Papa a noogie and said, “I told you he’d be fine.”

Dad had been worried, too. Angus could tell by the way Dad swept him up and covered him in kisses and said how proud he was. They’d both been worried about the absolute worst that could happen. Neither of them said so, but Angus could tell.

They’d be less worried, next time. With every lesson, there would be less and less to worry about.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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It didn’t take the world’s greatest detective to figure out that something was up with Taako. The rest of the Reclaimers were dealing with the aftermath of Refuge, but Taako was more chipper than he had ever been. He was smiling a lot more for no apparent reason. His step was lighter.

Even more peculiar was the fact that people swore they heard Taako humming. The Elf who swore nobody would catch him singing… humming. 

It didn’t take the world’s greatest detective to notice, but Angus McDonald did it anyway. Since he was tasked with being the special Seeker for the Reclaimers, he took it on himself to discover what had gotten under Taako’s skin. Which didn’t take long because -duh- world’s greatest detective.

Taako was arm in arm with someone. Smiling and laughing and apparently fascinated with what this someone in black had to say. All the body language they had practically shouted that they were deeply into each other. They even kissed.

Oh.

Taako had a boyfriend. That was an interesting revelation. He wasn’t exactly being discreet about it, but he also wasn’t shouting it from the rooftops. His business should remain his business.

Except…

Angus remembered one wine-soaked evening when Taako got crying drunk and went on an extensive diatribe about his bad luck with men. He always chose the pretty assholes, he said. The lovely ones that left him, after stealing everything they could from him. It had devolved into an off-key rendition of Rainbow Connection with the words changed to include the refrain, “The liars, the cheaters, an’ meeeee…”

Given historic precedent, it was safe to assume that this sartorial stranger was going to do something horrible to Taako at some point, whether or not the Elf deserved it. Sure, they were happy now but the gloss was doomed to come off of that gingerbread, given Taako’s extensive past.

So Angus followed the stranger, keeping himself from Taako’s notice as they strolled together in the pink haze of fresh love.

It was when they finally bade each other a good night that Angus made himself known. Unfortunately, this also happened as the stranger transformed into a black-robed skeleton.

Angus tried Hold Person, but it didn’t do much. 

The skeleton transformed back into a very handsome man and asked, “What the hell are you playing at, kid?”

He still had his wand out, running through the list of spells he could reliably perform and idly wondering if skeletons were vulnerable to piercing damage. He could easily guess that they weren’t. “I’m not afraid of you,” he lied. “If you tried anything against–” shit. Words. Taako hadn’t exactly formalised what kind of deal they had together. “–my mentor… I’ll fight you.”

An elegant eyebrow raised. “It would be a short fight. Do you even know what you’re planning on fighting?”

He couldn’t keep the tremble out of his voice. “You’re a l-lich in d-d-disguise. You w-www-want the G-grand relics and you’re using Taako to g-get them.”

The puzzled expression softened. “I’m no lich. I’m a Reaper.” He summoned a scythe with the Raven Queen’s emblem on it. “I hunt down liches and bring them to judgement.” The scythe vanished into the pocket dimension from whence it had come.

Angus wasn’t convinced. “You could be using illusions to do all that.”

“True,” allowed the stranger. “I could. Consider this counter-argument… If I was evil, I would have zero trouble with hurting or killing you because you were in my way. This is a very foolish way to approach someone you think of as a threat, young sir.”

Belatedly, Angus remembered Rule Five - don’t get into the middle of a fight. Taako would be incensed that Angus had forgotten that one. Glass cannons, he repeatedly said, have no business being in the middle of a battlefield. He was too used to having the Rockport City Watch backing him up, or being under the watchful eye of one of the other Bureau staff members. He was so used to never being alone that he had forgotten that he actually was alone.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” said the stranger, and offered his hand. “My name’s Kravitz, and I promise that I would never deliberately harm Taako.”

Insight check - nat twenty. He was honest. He was truthful. All the same, “What’s your real goal here, please?”

“My goal?” Kravitz laughed. “I… I want to enjoy as much time with Taako as I can. Nothing more. He’s… incredible. Unbelievable. He’s…”

“An ass?” suggested Angus.

“Yes, that too. And I love him anyway.”

Well. Okay. “I’m still keeping an eye on you, sir.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from Taako’s star pupil. It was nice meeting you, Angus McDonald.”

Wait. How?

“I’m the Grim Reaper. I know everyone’s name.”

*

On the next date, as they were sitting and watching an amazing sunset, Kravitz said, “Met your kid.”

“Huh?” said Taako, and winced at the banality.

“Well. Your student, protege, or apprentice. What’s the word for it, these days?”

“Angus fucking McDonald? You met that brat?”

“I didn’t know his middle name was ‘fucking’… but yes. He threatened to fight me if I was out to hurt you.”

“Cute, pointless, and a complete reversal on Rule Five. I’m gonna have to give him extra drills f’r that.” Taako considered the actual implications for a second. “Did he win?”

Kravitz had the most wonderful smile. “I managed to defuse the situation with logic and reason,” he said. “He’s making sure I don’t hurt you.”

Gods. That was so fucking adorable that Taako wanted to hurl. Of course, Taako couldn’t say as much out loud. “Eh, babies get attached to the weirdest things…”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]

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The Pine Guard used to be great. A well-oiled machine that took out abominations like they took out their lunch. It had once been something magnificent. Until recently, it was Mama, Barclay, and the handful of Sylphs in and around Kepler who could actually do something useful about the situation. Situations that frequently got out of hand, no matter what.

Mama knew that the sequential clusterfucks couldn’t continue. She also knew that she was no spring chicken. Hell, she was barely an autumn fowl. She had a bum ticker, stress out the wazoo, and three chucklefucks who could barely keep a plan together. Sure, they were great at improvising, but they needed to get better.

Strengthen the weaknesses, for instance. Which was why they were having training sessions in the long-abandoned old water park called Watersports Wonderland. It was safe and had been safe for a very long time because nobody in their right mind wanted to be associated in any way with a place called Watersports Wonderland.

Back in the old days, her and her team could practically fly through the traps and surprises that Barclay and some others peppered the old waterpark with. This lot could barely make it to the parking lot without some desperate adventure. That. Had. To change.

Mama didn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to keep sweeping up after these idiots. She didn’t have a lot more miles on the clock, so to speak, before the inevitable breakdown. She couldn’t let them continue in the half-assed manner that they’d been doing.

They stood before her in an outright parody of a military parade. The reluctant hero, the liar, and the mage. All with their merits. All with their flaws.

She had to get them to a level of competency before she bit the big one.

“Duck,” she said. “How’s your lyin’ practice?”

“Well, I gotta tell you, I’ve been talking to my mirror and– fuck. I’ve been sorta… rehearsin’ in the show–fuck. No. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.”

Ned fucking Chicane, on the other hand, could make a scientist agree that the sky was green. That wasn’t his problem. His problem was taking too many fucking risks and landing in the hospital. That, and gambling too much.

Aubrey was doing great at learning magic, but she had all the focus capabilities of a kitten in a discotheque. If she didn’t have crazy bad ADHD, then Mama would be as blue as the summer sky.

They needed a special kind of help. Fortunately, Mama had learned to come prepared. “Duck,” she said, digging into one of her many pockets. “You’re the closest thing this team has to a figure of authority. We could work with that if only you could lie worth half a darn.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just against my nature. I keep fuckin’ it up…”

“Well,” she took out the bracelet. “I want you to remember from now on, What would Ned Chicane say?” and she put the letter bracelet around his wrist. It was one of those hobby shop ones with the lettered beads, and the five initials were WWNCS. “See if that’ll help you.”

She moved on to Aubrey, who was playing with a small mote of fire, running it in a slalom pattern around her fingertips. “Aubrey… you’re getting very strong in the magic department, but you need serious help with your foc– Aubrey!”

“Huh?”

“You need help maintaining focus,” said Mama. “Y’all got a favourite kind of fidget?”

“Uh. Actually… plastic and I don’t get along. I wasted a lot of money on those things and they just melted after like a couple of days.”

Thought so, Mama took out a ring made out of interlocked parts. “This one’s a little tougher than the plastic ones. Meteoric iron and high-tempered steel. Try it out.”

Aubrey put it on the index finger of her left hand and twiddled at it with her thumb. “Holy shit,” she murmured. “Holy shit…”

Last, but not least, Ned Chicane.

“I don’t think there’s anything in that black duster for me,” he said.

Mama offered him her hand. “Five bucks says you don’t make it through without a scratch.”

He grinned. “You’re on.”

The challenges set out for them on the obstacle course within Watersports Wonderland were physical, mental, and co-operative. Mama watched via the minicams Barclay had set up so she didn’t have to chase after them all. They were doing it! They were collaborating. In the case of Duck Newton, he was prevaricating!

Sure, he was establishing a scaffold of half-truths, but he was getting there. Baby steps. Ned was taking sensible precautions. Aubrey was even in the moment. It was working. It was all working.

A ghostly blue light in a vaguely humanoid form shimmered into her peripheral vision. Mama knew better than to turn and try to look. “They’re getting there, Minnie. At fucking last, they’re getting there.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

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The whole gang was invited to the party. That meant snuggle-buddies were included, and some baby-mommas came too because -hey- free food. The new family seemed to just roll with it and rent a hall, throwing the doors open to anyone who was hungry.

Neosemo hadn’t been born yet, when the Story and Song flooded the world, but he’d seen enough penny plays. He knew enough to know that the Birds were formidable, loaded, and dangerous to rile.

The penny players always picked skinny actors to play the Twins, and put shining yellow wigs on with the red robes. Therefore, Neosemo didn’t expect the upholstered forms nor the bright colours they wore. Yet, they were unmistakable.

Hair like gold. Mismatched eyes of amber and green. A casual disregard for how many spell slots they had was a definite giveaway.

Neosemo was nervous about approaching them. They should have been in red robes. They should have been something more than everyone else. Yet, there they were. Laughing and joking and bustling about with trestle tables and foodstuffs. Taako from TV, who had faced down -and then married- the Grim Reaper had no business wearing a Kiss the Cook apron nor cracking what had to be a terribly filthy joke.

“…didn’t do that when I tried it,” was the punchline. Several people around the immediate area were turning red. One was laughing so hard that he was drooling.

Neosemo loaded up a plate with offerings that were already crowding the table, licking sauce off his fingers.

Taako - it had to be Taako. He was the one with the apron and the slightly duller hair than his sister. Taako turned and gasped. “Angus Taacoson McDonald… how dare you. You can’t even wait to make your own, you had to adopt?”

Neosemo stuffed his face before anyone could chuck him out.

“You’re the one throwing the family welcome party, Papa,” said Professor McDonald. “Also - you know how Uncle Irma can change a life.”

“More than one,” said Taako. “Teenaged grand-baby. I’m barely two hundred! I’m too young to be the grandfather of a teenager. I’m old before my time! Old before my time…” He struck a pose. Three poses. Languishing for want of an audience.

“You still don’t look a day over a hundred and sixty to me,” said a dark-hued man in dark-hued clothes with silver ornaments in his hair. That had to be Kravitz.

“Flirt,” chided Taako. He put down a dish of things that Neosemo wasn’t able to identify. “Okay. You’re new to the family, kiddo. This kind of thing is normal for us. C’mere. Come to Grampa Taako. Gods, I can’t believe I just said that…”

Neosemo shuffled nervously closer to one of the most powerful wizards in the twelve planes. He was aware that he had his mouth full, and sauce dribbling down his chin, and one hand full of plate, and the other filthy with sauce and food.

He fully expected this literal living legend to tear him down atom by atom. Which was why it was such a surprise to have Taako from TV sweep him up in his arms. “Welcome to the family, kiddo! You and your friends might just give me a challenge for a change.”

Professor McDonald had wet wipes. So did Taako. They both had spare utensils for Neosemo to use. They both introduced him to more family than he could remember, let alone think plausible.

The full-blood Orc who proclaimed herself to be his Aunty Killian, wrapped him up in a bone-crushing hug and told him that she could help him build up his muscles if he ever got tired of living like a wimpy, weedy Elf.

The human with the greying sideburns offered him a dog, and told him that he was Uncle Magnus.

Instant family. Just add Starblaster.

The doughy human with the horn rim spectacles and the perpetual blue jeans had to be the Barry Bluejeans of legend. He sort of sat beside Neosemo and said, “You don’t have to be what anyone else wants you to be. We can all help you in whatever you want, wherever you want to go. Education, work, a career somewhere… we got your back. Just… remember. You gotta be true to yourself or your dreams will never come true.”

He had heard people making plans for him before. People wanting to help him by getting his tusks removed. People wanting to help him by putting him into some institution designed to pump out perfect, cookie-cutter kids. People wanting to help him be what he wasn’t.

These people were just giving him offers. If you want to… not We want you to… Just one of the many differences that made the Starblaster family what it was. And better - they were just as welcoming to Neosemo’s street family. Letting them know that there were plenty of rooms in the farmhouse, if they wanted to help out, they could live there.

Angus caught up with him as the party was winding down to people lounging around with drinks in hand. “You look like you’re thinking some deep thoughts, there.”

“Old Maisy used to look after a bunch of kids when I was little. She was always coming up with these weird old sayings,” he said. “She said, home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.”

“Interesting choice of wise words,” allowed Angus.

“I was just thinking… Home is where they welcome you in, whether they have to or not.” He looked out over the motley crew, where Tuff Jari was learning how to ride a deer under the guidance of two Elves and a guy who looked like he’d never exercised in his life. “This feels like it’s gonna be a great home.”

[TAZ prompts remaining: 8]

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Twelve years, give or take. All alone. Without any real senses. Without touch. Without feeling. Twelve years of being emotions and memory and trapped in a curtained hell. Air burned her lungs when she took her first breath in a decade. Weight pulled her down. She was heavy. The slimy goo was heavy. The robe was heavy and the warmth of it was as unfamiliar as the cold of the goo.

Barry had done this time and time again during the time she was trapped. Tirelessly swapping from lich to body and taking risk after risk to try and find her. He was used to this. More or less. He knew that she didn’t need or want a hand grasping her arm to help her up. He knew that that would be too much on skin that was technically mere minutes old.

He had a mirror so she could see that she’d come out right. With the right junk and all. That had been a major worry for her, while her body had been growing. Even though she could see the progress, it had still been a big terror.

She defused that anxiety with humour. “Man, I forgot how good I look.”

Barry smiled, as he always smiled. So dopey in love with her that it almost oozed from every pore.

“I’m about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe.” Of all the things she missed most, two were at the top of her list. Barry’s kisses and cuddle-puddles with her twin brother. Taako was too much into a freak-out to watch her emerge in the flesh and had elected to stay at the moon base, wrapped around his boyfriend for comfort.

Barry felt so warm against her. His hands were so rough - when had that happened? No. It wasn’t him. It was her. Skin. Organs. Even her hair was brand new. Minutes old. She had a newborn’s sensitivity to the world in an adult body that came replete with a lifetime’s worth of scars.

She had to remind herself that Barry’s skin wasn’t rough. It was her hands that were new. That the touch she had craved wasn’t the sensory explosion that she felt it as. That she didn’t need to be afraid of it.

Barry held her close as she hyperventilated, so very gently. “You can cry,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I cried the first time, too.”

She instantly had the mental image of the man she’d loved -discreetly and not so discreetly- for a hundred years, coming out of a tank like that, and onto a rough floor. All alone, with few memories, and nobody to help him. That was all she needed to tip herself over the edge.

She had spent decades of her life hiding her feelings. Putting up a wall between herself and beings who could hurt her or her brother. All she needed was permission from one of the few she could trust completely, and the concept that he had been hurt.

Lup cried like a child. Let Barry take her to a soft cot full of fluffy pillows and blankets and each other. Let herself cling and howl until the weariness of it took her down into lassitude. Let herself be looked after. Barry wiping away at tears and snot and drool. Barry gently kissing her, caressing her. Comforting her. Let herself run dry. Let herself sigh.

She finally said, “Do I have to start with baby food?”

Barry laughed. “Comfort food,” he said. “The easy stuff. You can work your way back up to wow-wow sauce.”

Breathing was okay, now. Touch was okay, now. Which was a good thing, because, “Taako’s gonna want to hug the stuffing out of me.”

“Don’t blame him,” said Barry. “I can take you there express if you want.”

She could stand, now. She could stand to stand without the feeling of the world pulling her down. Without the feeling of her clothes wanting to drag her through the centre of the globe. She could stand to feel bare earth on her feet. “I think I’m ready.”

She wasn’t ready.

Not for seeing Taako with his glamour off, red-eyed from crying and frizzy-haired from worrying. Not for seeing him so vulnerable with her own eyes. Not for hearing that little shriek of relief. Definitely not for the impact of a brother who had only recently realised what had been missing from his life for twelve horrible and long years.

Lup was definitely not prepared for that shuddering intake of his breath that meant that he was about to start bawling his eyes out. He had a death-grip cling to her. Just like she had to him. His scent was all she needed to know that she was home.

She said, “I missed you so much.”

Taako said, “I wish I had,” and then the tears fountained out of both of them.

They finished up kneeling and leaning into a huge Fantasy Beanbag, their spouses cuddled around them, and only the fairy lights to give their living room some shape.

Her voice trembled as she said, “That was more emotional than it had to be.”

Taako sniffled. “Got’cha a comfort food feast with add-your-own spices,” he offered. “I wanna watch you work your way up.”

“Sadist,” she laughed. “I’m gonna eat ‘till I creak and fall asleep with all of you around me.”

“Bold of you to assume we could let you go,” said Taako and Barry together.

Gods, it was good to be back in the flesh.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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By the third home visit, Angus felt a little more confident about Mr Taako and Mr Kravitz meaning the things they said. Especially when it came to choosing his clothes. Their first shopping trip had arranged one ensemble and one set of pyjamas, that were still there and waiting for him by the second home visit. Further, Mr Taako and Mr Kravitz let him pick out another outfit to wear if he wanted one.

Which was still there today, for his first week with his potential parents. This time, the destination was not Fantasy Costco, but a rather more extensive clothing establishment with every possible fashion choice for every possible size from Kobold to Gargantuan.

“Seven days, seven outfits,” said Mr Taako. “Anything you like, and they’re guaranteed to have it in your size. Anything you want, pumpkin. Anything.”

Mr Kravitz folded the handle of a pull-along basket into Angus’ hand. “You can mix and match if you like. There’s no such thing as a bad choice.”

They had never uttered the phrase, “Are you sure?” when he was picking out stuff before. They asked, “You like that one?” and accepted his answer. 

Angus avoided the racks containing over fifty shades of grey. He had had enough of grey in the orphanage. The bright colours dazzled his eye a little too strongly and he didn’t want to wear all black like Mr Kravitz did. Therefore, the improbable alternative was pastels. As he approached the display, the default human mannequin shifted to become a mannequin Angus, replete with matching skin tone, showing off the best-selling ensembles including dresses and skirts.

Angus blushed. The orphanage had Views about clothing non-options according to gender.

Mr Taako leaned down to whisper in his ear, “Anything you want. No judgements here.” As if to prove his point, he reached out and grabbed a flowy, flower-patterned dress with frilly overhangs and draped it against his own body. “This would look sweet for the summer heatwave…” Then he draped it against Mr Kravitz. “Oh yeah, babe.”

Mr Kravitz smiled warmly and said, “Dove… this is for Angus, not for us.”

“Who says we can’t all have some fun?” scoffed Mr Taako. “Let’s enable our little lad. Come on.”

Angus still feared the watchful eye and the sharp tongues of the nurses and the staff of the orphanage. As if they were following his every move once he was past the severe iron bars of the institute’s fences. Thus, he edged carefully closer to the racks of pastel blue. Still a boy colour, even if it was a baby boy colour.

No lightning, jeers, nor vengeful figures of wrath descended on him from above, behind, or anywhere. He picked up a pair of pastel short pants, and the display showed him a myriad of garments that could go with.

He put it back before Mr Taako could ask the question. He didn’t like it. He picked it because he was supposed to. The next garment almost leaped into his hand. A pair of culottes. Pleated and swishy and with a nice, smooth feel under his hands. They looked real nice on the Angus mannequin, too.

Realisation dawned that he didn’t have to pick blue, either. He replaced it with a pastel teal coloured one, then a green one, then a powder orange.

“Like that one?” said Mr Kravitz. He was wearing a pale blue, floor-length gown, now.

Angus found the courage to speak. “…’essir.” Just… not very loud.

Mr Taako had found a fountain of frills in a rainbow of colours and was swishing around in it to make the frills flare out. “I think this baby needs glitter, how about you?” he said.

“Babe,” chided Mr Kravitz. “You already have three of those in different colours…”

Mr Taako struck a pose. “What’s wrong with having four?”

Angus let the interplay go on while he looked at the matches for the culottes. The gods of vengeance and destruction failed to appear when he picked out a frilly shirt with slashed sleeves, either.

He spent half an hour playing with a dress with rainbows of mermaid sequins that all flipped to a glittering black, but he didn’t end up putting it in his basket. He preferred to move on to other things.

Having seen Mr Taako lounging around in footie pyjamas, he had to at least look at them and see if he really liked them. So far, he was comfortable in the enormous and soft giant T-shirt, but now that he’d seen Mr Taako being comfy in a set, he had to look.

Too tight, when he tried a set on. Not his thing.

There was no judgement from his rejection, either. No cries for him to hurry up. No disparaging remarks about his ability or lack thereof to make up his mind. Just Mr Taako and Mr Kravitz in different, pastel-coloured outfits as the day progressed.

Angus finally reached a count of seven, and didn’t protest as Mr Taako threw in another multipack of underwear. He did protest when he saw the rainbow mermaid sequin dress come out of the basket and join the rest of the clothes on the way to the checkout.

“I- I didn’t… I didn’t pick that, sir?”

“Want we should put it back?” offered Taako. “I saw you playing with it, I thought you liked it?”

He couldn’t say he didn’t like it. Because he did like it. It was just… “…dunno if I’m brave enough t’ wear it,” he mumbled.

“You can still play with it even if you don’t wanna wear it yet. Everything in here is charmed with Good Fit,” Taako breezed. “How d’you think Krav and I had so much fun with the merchandise?”

Mr Kravitz added, “It’s okay to want clothes and never be bold enough to wear them. So I’m told.”

“I have entire closets of clothes I’ve never worn,” added Mr Taako. “Don’t mind if ya wanna play with ‘em bee tee dubs. It’s half the fun.”

Angus did that, but always made sure he had ‘proper’ clothing on when he did. He could get braver. Eventually. Just… not this week.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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Tumbl Into TAZ - Chapter 61 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

Another prompt via AO3, but this time, I have a system for keeping my prompt queue intact. Huzzah! Everyone gets a fair turn.

[AN: I hope you got some fluffy stuff while you were waiting for me to get around to this prompt]

“Taako Taaco…” said the Reaper. “You are comin’ wif me.”

Taako, having just finished one of his cake frosting extravaganzas, smirked at the spectre of Death. “You going to do this for every date night, babe?”

Kravitz reformed into his fleshy, handsome self, chuckling the entire time. “It makes you smile, Dove. Anything’s worth it if it makes you smile.”

Taako placed the cake under a preservation cover and tidied himself up. He knew he had a dusting of sugar on his cheek, colouring staining his hands, and that his hair was a mess. “I can tell you got something planned, bone daddy, any guidance on how to dress up?”

“You always look amazing no matter what,” said Kravitz. “Let’s just say… changeable weather is anticipated.”

“Good thing I can afford silk,” singsonged Taako. “Timetable?”

“Not important.” He gathered Taako in his arms and enjoyed a kiss. “You’re worth the wait, Dove.”

Taako’s hands, covered in colouring and flour and fondant, tangled into Kravitz’ hair. He was out of breath when he pulled away. “I’ll try not to keep you waiting long.”

“I could wait forever,” said Kravitz. “I already have.”

*

Taako didn’t take forever. He washed up quickly and dressed efficiently in a khaftan top and some flowy pants made of finely-patterned silk. His heels were relatively utilitarian - at least in comparison to most of Taako’s footwear. Combined with his usual two-foot wizarding hat and trademark Umbrastaff, he cut quite the figure.

His golden hair had been combed, twisted, and wound up into a twisted braid that ended in a jewel-encrusted clamp with no visible means of closure.

“Whoah,” breathed Kravitz. Taako could easily tell he was falling in love again.

Taako struck a pose. “So. You got a plan or are you just gonna undress me with those hypnotizingly dark eyes?”

Kravitz, the cheat, had altered his form to create a splendid suit that matched Taako’s clothing. Darker toned, of course, but still vibrant. “Oh, I got a plan…”

They were arm in arm as Kravitz tore holes in reality. In a dizzying moment, they were in a thronging marketplace halfway across the world. It was rife with lifeforms of all shapes and sizes. Every colour in the rainbow and more than a few that weren’t.

“Shopping?” guessed Taako.

“Better,” said Kravitz, leading him through the multicoloured labyrinth. There, in a haze of steam, smoke, herbs and spices, were a host of food carts. “I searched the world for something new,” he said. “Something to inspire you.”

Taako’s eyes were lit with delight. “Ooooh…” He let his nose lead him to the best-smelling foodstuff and watched the cart’s chef in action. Already taking notes. Of course he had to try some, and then share with Kravitz as he learned about the spices.

One such tidbit had him blowing flames as he spoke for twenty minutes afterwards. They were harmless, and came out in different colours for every word. Taako wanted to play with that spice for the rest of time, and bought a whole sack of the stuff to take home.

They must have shared thirty different dishes there. With more than thirty kisses in-between. They did go shopping, too. Buying an assortment of interesting and shiny things that Taako would turn into clothing at one point or another.

“Gonna be hard to top, ain’t it love?” teased Kravitz.

“Ooh, I dunno,” Taako cooed. “I might have me some plans…”

Next week, Taako would be showing Kravitz the Shadow Sanctum, where the adepts took turns singing the universe. A wordless, eternal chorus. Beauty without light. It would be fun watching that Bard’s face in the darkness.

Until then, though, there would be plenty of opportunity to fall in love with him on an hourly basis.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 10]

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For the first time in a long time, Angus McDonald felt safe. Nobody around him was judging him, or at least not judging him harder than the word ‘nerd’. That was just a word and wouldn’t cause anyone using it to hurt him. Nobody telling him everything he’d done wrong and never telling him what he’d done right. In fact, his time in the Bureau had been -he had to be honest- the best time of his life.

Cracking mysteries, doing the good he wanted to see in the world, being praised for his deeds, following independent studies on topics and skills that interested him and not pursuing the ones that his parents insisted on. The food was great. The people were friendly, for the most part.

Magnus kept pulling mean goofs, but Taako was actually trying to be a better person about Angus’ presence.

And now, there was Moving Scroll Nite. One of his favourites - Fantasy Labyrinth. He got to sit between Taako and Madam Director, two people he secretly wished were his actual parents. They were way more helpful about improvements on his business than his actual parents were.

In the middle of Fantasy David Bowie’s introduction, when the Goblin King was flipping crystal spheres around, IT started to happen. A rumbling vibration started deep in his chest. His parents had never liked that happening.

Angus cleared his throat, desperately running through the horrible things that stopped IT short. Grampa’s death day. Something horrible happening to his actual parents. His birth mother’s disdain in regards to his existence and the only words she ever said to him: “You should have died already.”

It was only when he imagined something horrible happening to Taako that his growing thunder instantly toned down to a subtle stutter. Inaudible to everyone around him. All he had to do was keep that image in the back of his mind and nobody would say anything rude.

Taako pressed the back of his hand to Angus’ brow. “You okay, little man?” he whispered.

Angus lied like a rug. “Just peachy, sir. If you don’t mind, I’d like to enjoy the movie, please.”

Madam Director leaned back in her seat and started making signs in the air with her fingers. ESL[1], but Angus didn’t pay much attention to it beyond that. He could pretend that they were plotting to throw him out of the Bureau if it helped keep IT down to imperceptible levels.

Taako and Madam Director were having a covert conversation literally behind his back. Good. Less cause for that thing to happen at all.

When Sara was lost in the stone part of the maze, and little goblins were messing up her marks, Madam Director put her hand to Angus’ forehead. Then gentle fingers to his neck. He deflected her hands when they approached his chest.

More signing happened. Angus scooted forwards and kept the fury in his mind so that he wouldn’t get any louder. Not that it had much reason to come out, any more. At least they left him alone for the rest of the movie.

*

“You remind me of the babe,” said Fantasy David Bowie as the owl flew off in the moonlight and the credits started to roll. Most of the audience began shuffling out, but Taako and Madam Director stayed behind. Eyes centred on Angus.

They all waited together, until Taako, Madam Director, and himself were the only people left in the Fantasy Theatre. Angus folded his arms and refused to start the conversation.

“So,” said Taako. “Who was the asshole who got on your case for purring?”

That was exactly the wrong thing to say. “MY PARENTS AREN’T ASSHOLES! THEY’RE TRYING TO RAISE ME RIGHT! I’m the one who’s messing up. Every day.”

Taako reached out and tucked some of Angus’ curls behind his pointed ear. “No Elf would teach you that purring is wrong…”

“Angus… purring is a perfectly natural reaction to stimuli. It’s part of proper communication, proper emoting… withholding it is… it’s worse than teaching a left-handed person to only write with their right hand. It causes horrible and lingering emotional scars.”

“If you don’t wanna talk about it,” said Taako.

He could do this. Angus took a deep breath. “My birth mother left me with Father, and then he re-married. They’ve been making sure I grow up right.”

“Both humans?” said Madam Director. She’d seen how Angus hid the points of his ears in his hair.

Angus could only nod.

“Humanmen,” muttered Taako. He tutted. “Sure they were trying their best, but Elves need to purr, kiddo. You. Me. That nerdy library nook you like to live in. Elf Practice. Tomorrow.”

“I’ll arrange a counsellor to help with the -uh- emotional side of things,” said Madam Director. “Would you feel more comfortable talking to a man or a woman?”

Angus couldn’t dredge words out of his mouth. He shrugged. He couldn’t look at either of them.

“I’ll find a good match,” said Madam Director. She finally got up and left. So did Taako.

*

Taako was sprawled in Angus’ favourite book nook and seemingly half asleep. He opened an eye upon Angus’ approach. He yawned and stretched and sat up. “Morning,” he said. “I don’t get up this early for just anyone, so gratitude should be a thing.”

“Uh. I-I-I’m not– I dunno– Maybe– This isn’t the greatest idea?”

“Says who?” Taako pointed out a pillow in a sunbeam. “Sit. Right there.”

Only the concept that his parents would freak out about this had him hesitating. Sunbeams were so nice…

“Go on. It won’t bite.”

Well… he could easily get his teenage rebellion phase started early… Angus sidled into the sunbeam and hummed a little in delight at the warmth. The next thing he knew, there was a small plate of fat little cakes with walnut halves on top of them. They were drizzled with honey and glistening like a forbidden treasure.

“Elven sweet curd cakes. Try one,” said Taako. “I checked. You’re not allergic to walnuts or anything else in there.”

Angus gingerly picked one up and tried a bite. Just the right balance of sweet, gooey, chewy, and a little zing of bitterness to stop it being cloying. This was even better than the macarons. He was licking his fingers clean in seeming seconds.

“There’s more. Feel free.” Taako had somehow produced a hot chocolate from nowhere. Prepared just the way Angus liked it with the dusting of candied honey crystals and cinnamon on the cream.

He could feel IT start to happen.

Taako booped his nose. “Uh-uh, kiddo. Let it out. You’re part Elf. Own it.”

THRRRMMMMBLPT… He flinched out of instinct. His parents weren’t here. His parents couldn’t know. They’d never hear about this unless they heard him purr.

“That’s it,” cooed Taako. “It’s okay, now.”

Another cake. A swig of the world’s most perfect hot chocolate. The sunbeam and the comfort and the deliciousness all got to him.

ThrummmblerumblerumbleRUMBLERUMBLERUMBLErumblerumblepurrrrrr…

Taako lunged into a hug, and Angus could feel his chest vibrating in a matching purr. “There’s my beautiful magic boy,” he said. “You got this, champ.”

Angus’ next purr was so loud that the nearby window shook with it.

Taako was impressed. “Damn, son. You got yourself one hell of an engine in there.” He directed Angus to lean into the sunbeam and sort of curled around nearby so he, too, could snack on an Elven sweet curd cake. “Perfect. We’ll lounge around in comfort and safety and practice purring together.”

Angus’ voice vibrated with his ‘engine’. “How long, sir?”

“…’till I wake up again,” Taako yawned, got himself comfortable, and apparently fell asleep. Purring the whole time.

Angus ate another cake. Elf Practice was looking pretty excellent so far.

[1] Elven Sign Language.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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[AN: This got submitted twice, but I don’t care. Moar fluff!]

“If you kids don’t stop murdering each other back there,” threatened Angus McDonald, “I will turn this wagon around!”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” the riding deer and the Wizard mounted on it seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Angus had seen him Blink closer from up on one of the hills. “This is Elf territory. I’m stealing your babies.”

Three small people screamed, “GRAMPAAAAA!” and leaped from their wrestling, off the wagon, and towards the deer that Taako was riding. The deer, long since used to this shit, didn’t even flinch. Not even when Aloicious tried to do gymnastics on the antlers.

Taako had Bigby’s Hand ready to scoop children onto the deer’s back. “Not a good idea at the end of Summer, Aloe. Those things can fall off, precious.”

Ambrose had leaped directly into his Grampa’s arms and clung there, whimpering a little.

Agnes had leaped from the wagon to her accustomed seat in front of Grampa Taako. She and her baby brother Aloicious were excited to be spending time at the country estate. Ambrose was not.

“I’ll drop off their stuff in the vestibule,” said Angus. “They’re really hyped up, this time.”

“Two outta three ain’t bad,” mumbled Taako as Angus urged the horse further up the track to the giant tree house. “You okay, there, Amber?”

Ambrose shook his head and clung to Taako. He had wetness in his eyes and he mumbled, “Mama’s goin’ be hurt.”

Taako rubbed the babyest brother’s back and purred for him. “Slow your roll, little man. It ain’t that bad, I promise. Your mama’s a competent lady. She’s more likely to rescue your pop.” He started the deer at a slow amble towards the farm, much to Aloicious’ disappointment. Anges, who had gone through this stage of things, decided to enjoy the scenery and point out cool things for the older of the twins.

Ambrose was still pouty and clingy. Not wanting to enjoy himself. “Mama could be hurt,” he objected.

He was four. Kid had spent little holidays like this with the Grandparents since they were infants. It was only now that he’d made the connection about what was happening around those fun little holidays. “Why spend all your energy being afraid of what might happen?” said Taako. “Let’s focus on what will happen, huh?”

He was still sulky. “How do you know what’ll happen?”

“I’m nearly a hundred and seventy years old. I’ve seen lots,” said Taako. “What’ll happen. We’re gonna ride this deer to the house. Aaand Papa’s gonna hug you and kiss you and try not to cry. Popop’ll take the wagon into parking because Papa’ll wanna ride a horse back to be faster…” Taako lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “He wants more time to smooch your Mama.”

“EUW,” chorused the tiny trio. One day, they may not mind so much.

“Then we go inside and I help you all make some Ambrosia salad with real food instead of that… Miller Labs pressurised shit.”

“Grampa…” chided Agnes. “It’s not evil…”

“Listen. We just got cream cheese, and this nerd has to go cram it into a can and do weird things with it? No. No spray can anything for Taako.” He cleared his throat. “After we make the Ambrosia, we need to let it chill, so we’ll head off to the swimming hole and chill for a while. If one of you catches a catfish, we could have it for dinner.”

“I’m not bait,” protested Aloicious, who had caught the last catfish by accidentally stepping in its maw.

“Pretty tasty in beer batter, all the same,” Taako breezed. “You’re even bigger, now, they probably won’t eat’cha.” Taako knew damn well that none of the catfish in the pond would even try. They were lazy little fucks by now. Well fed on Taako’s vegetable scrapings and stale bread or cakes. “After a swim and fuckin’ around with the fish, we’ll all need a bath. And then Popop’s gonna break out a cake that he hid somewhere…” That Taako had baked and decorated, some time previously.

The kids laughed. They loved it when their Grampa got dramatic about his diet.

“Then we all sit down on the fantasy bean bags for bad food and worse fantasy television and cats and cuddles. You little nuggets will be out of it before nine. Tops.”

“Will not,” said Ambrose. “I’m gonna wait up for Mama.”

“You’re gonna fall asleep,” predicted Taako. “And your Mama and Papa are going to be just fine. They’ll come in some hours before dawn and curl up nearby because they don’t wanna wake you. And when you do wake up, they’ll be waiting for you like it ain’t no thing.” Taako thought about this. “And they’ll have probably finished off the catfish and all the other stuff.”

“Will not,” protested Ambrose. “‘S gonna go bad.”

One day, it might. Taako would rather walk naked into the Fire Plane than tell a four-year-old child that. “What’s so bad about staying with Grampa and Popop, huh? It’s fun here.”

Ambrose only shrugged.

“Fine. Be grumpy about it. You’ll see. Taako is never wrong.”

*

Three in the morning is the traditional hour that things go tits up in obscenely bad and vile ways.

Not this three in the morning, though.

Taako woke to the sound of his kid and daughter-in-law attempting to sneak into the house. Whispers. Stocking feet. Shushing each other. None of it worked against an Elf who had long-term-trained paranoia about that sort of shit. Life on the road will teach a person to always be wary of people trying to be quiet.

He sat up carefully and watched those night-blind humanman goofuses attempt to sneak in to the big living room.

Taako lit a candle. “Good morning,” he whispered.

“Dangit, sir. Could you not do that?”

Taako, legs dominated by both husband and sister and three cats, just smiled. “So you know,” he said, “it all went according to plan.”

Agatha lay down sort of curled around Ambrose, so she’d be close when he woke up.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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