Tumbl Into TAZ - Chapter 95 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

Karaoke night at the BOB

The extra performances would have to wait until they hit the next town and they would all be praying that they wouldn’t need it until long after then. For now, the focus was on packing everything up for an expeditious retreat from Ranratton.

The twins, the usual barometer for this kind of exodus, had already packed up everything they owned into their caravan. Therefore, they were helping pack up the mermaid act with La’ming. None of them were dressed to impress and La’ming took that particular creed to heart. She hadn’t even changed out of her sleepwear: a pair of briefs and a loose half-shift and nothing else. She had washed her hair and hadn’t taken it out of the towel wrapped around her head for hours.

Currently, her hair was in a scruffy bun and she had slipped into storytelling mode. As long as they gave a cursory effort to packing, things would be allowed to persist.

“…so there I am, in my knickers. Three Orcs, a Drow, and five Gnomes surrounding me, and I only had the feather fans,” La’ming said to her enthralled audience: two underaged Elves who could almost feel the way this story was going to go, and were praying that they’d actually hear it this time. “So I said to the Drow, I said–” La’ming frowned, looking outside the tent. “What the fuck does she think she’s doing?”

Koko looked to Lulu, who shrugged. At that exact moment, there was a rather familiar screaming howl of immense upset. The twins knew it by heart. They had, after all, heard it for almost five hours in the Ranratton Watch Cell.

Mak’arune was having a nervous breakdown out on the larger fairgrounds. Largely because she had what looked like her entire life to date packed, piled entirely too high and definitely precariously on a tiny dolly trolly that was never made to roll anywhere over grass and packed dirt. She was in a ridiculously overblown dress and an equally overblown hat, trying to shove the overloaded dolly trolley another inch or two, and currently having a very tearful breakdown.

Koko took all of this in and said, “I’ll fetch Monty, you do the girl thing.”

“Girl thing?” boggled Lulu.

He pointed. “That’s no-man’s land, dingus. I go out there, I’m dead. Go be girls together. Fuck. I’m getting the boss, this is totally over my head. I’m gone.” To prove his point, he took off out of the tent and towards the greater mass of the disassembling circus, screaming for Monty the whole way.

Lulu looked up to La’ming, who was perched on one of the larger cases.

La’ming rolled her eyes and hopped down. “Fine. Let’s go mop her up.”

*

Montgomery could almost tell the story from the scene he encountered. The mousy, shrinking violet of a milliner had either decided or been forced to leave town. She packed everything she owned onto the only transport she had - a tiny dolly trolley that had never shifted a couch in its life. Which was now underneath a literal pile of boxes and some pieces of furniture, and some brand-new suitcases.

Mak’arune was miserable, flanked by La’ming and Lulu. The former had a scarf draped across her front that she couldn’t be convinced to wear by any other living being.

Everyone in his circus knew that La’ming’s evening half-shift was transparent as hell and showed everything underneath. Everyone knew better than to look when La’ming was dressed down. Therefore, someone in this triumvirate had convinced her to put it on and Lulu had never had the chops.

Therefore, mousy, shy, understated Mak’arune simply had some form of power that three hundred and forty people didn’t possess. Which instantly gave her worth to anyone tired of seeing La’ming’s boobs on her ‘dress down’ days.

He lowered himself to somewhere below Mak’arune’s eyeline and said, “What has happened here?” in the softest, gentlest voice he could muster.

“My reputation’s ruined,” Mak’arune wailed. “I’ve got a criminal record and my business is over and there’s nothing left so…” gasp sob. Lots more sobbing.

Lup patted her shoulder ineffectually. “She’s got nowhere to go and all of this shit,” and gestured at the overloaded dolly. “It’s… kind of our fault she’s like this, so…”

“We have to at least set her on her feet somewhere that’s… less…” La’ming gestured back towards Ranratton and trailed off.

“Less of a racist mud-hole?” suggested Koko.

“Tha’s–” hic, “that’s–” hic, “that’s my only ho-ho-hoooommme…”

Koko gestured wildly. “You see?” he said above the hubbub, “You see? I come out here, I’m dead.”

“Only because you keep trying to eat your foot, goofus,” said Lulu.

Montgomery gently took one of her hands and patted it gently. “Miss Mak’arune… you are welcome to come with us until such time as you find greener pastures.”

“I’ll never keep up,” she bawled. “I’ll be left in the gutter!”

Montgomery shared a Look with La’ming, and the twins. Yes, she’s a wet hen, but she’s also our problem.

“There’s a bunk space in the costume cart,” said Koko. “That’s where we hid before the Chuck Wagon Incident.”

Monty glared at him. “So that’s where you two were squirrelled away… Explains… quite a few things.”

“What about her stuff?” protested Lulu. “She’s got her stock and half her house on there.”

Monty sighed and said, “I’ll have a chat with Rynmaru and Kustaad. They have some space. We can manage some wriggle room until she can get a caravan or a cart for all…” he looked up. And up. And up, to where a stool was perched precariously on a table, which was nebulously resting on several hatboxes.

She was an excellent milliner… she likely had the core skills… “Miss Mak’arune… we have a rather urgent need for a costumer. Perhaps, while we sort out where to stow your belongings, you could have a look at some of the worst cases and see what you can do?”

That huge hat of hers had to be her own work. It was also her own advertising. Everything she did to that hat, she could do with outfits. Well. Maybe not with all the dead birds and silk flowers…

His wife was going to kill him for adopting another lost soul.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Quick Question

Should I gather all my Young Angus Verse/Baby Birds/Monty Pithon stories into their own anthologies or nah?

Like, each one gets their own anthology kind of thing so y’all don’t have to go rummaging through Tumbl Into TAZ for your faves.

Good idea? Bad idea? What sayest thou?

[Super huge thanks to @dualityandsuch for the lovely arts]

Life was good, working with a circus. Regular meals, so long as they didn’t mind doing the cooking. Cameraderie and companionship on a level only fellow villains could understand. The only downside was that villager people didn’t exactly trust carnie types and they trusted Elven carnie types even less.

Lulu and Koko were with a Sea Elf called La’ming Tonn, a ‘rescue’ from a far worse circus who didn’t know what kind of talent they’d had. She’d been with Mongomery’s Amazing Circus for two years and had grown into her confidence like kudzu into a neglected lot. Gossip had it that she was saving her spare shekels to get a Restoration spell or five and regain the losses caused by having her ears docked by her previous employer.

On the plus side, it meant she didn’t have to work very hard on Disguise Self. Just a simple change of her natural blue skin tone for a more Human-acceptable brownish beige, and making sure her hair or scarf covered the obvious difference between herself and the humanmen around them. On the minus side…

She, and some other Elves in the troupe could easily tell that Lulu and Koko were minors and would not let them out into the towns for any sort of shenanigans.

The other minus side was having to drag along Borstok, one of the circus roustabouts, to stand around and Be Human so that the local City Watch wouldn’t drag them off for Shopping While Elven.

The Xenophobia Wars may have ended, but the attitude that started them was alive and well and threatening to start another round.

La’ming could pass as Human. The twins could not. They were there to hand out flyers to passers-by and otherwise look like respectable Elven citizens who were just passing through. They were not to pick pockets, Koko, set things on fire, Lulu, or try on any hustles or scams, both of you. They were also there to be certain La’ming didn’t flirt with any married people of any given gender.

It had all been going so good, talking hat designs with the local milliner, a half-Elf of Moon Elf origins called Mak’arune. The twins had been peering through the window at some of the Fascinators when the Watch turned up.

“Good morrow, madames and sir,” said the spokesman. “It is my duty to inform you Elves that assemblies of three or more peoples are unlawful by decree of the Duke of Westingstoke under the Riot Act of the Year of the Concussed Whelk[1].”

Koko was the first to whirl in alarm. “Where the fuck is Borstok?”

“Any further disruptive language will be treated as Public Indecency.”

The twins clapped their hands over each other’s mouths. And then La’ming really put her foot in it. She primped her vibrantly red hair and said, “Hello, there handsome. I’m pretty certain there’s been a misunderstanding. Perhaps I can clear some air?” She showed them her docked ears. Purely by accident, of course, but they could see that she wasn’t Human.

The official charge was Unlawful Assembly, but three out of four Elven folk knew that they’d been arrested for Shopping While Elven. The worst part was that they’d dispersed La’ming’s Disguise Self and revealed her blue skin to the world. Therefore adding a charge of minor fraud to the sheet.

They had been in the Ranratton City Watch Cell for half an hour and Mak’arune had yet to stop her wailing hysteria.

Lulu was propping up the wall. Koko was sitting on the single bunk and holding his head up while he watched Mak’arune pace and cry. La’ming was evaluating the cell like a professional. “New straw mattress. Decent bed frame construction. Clean cell. No rats. Maybe four tin cups out of a potential six.”

“Five silver says she faints before she stops crying,” muttered Lulu.

Koko sat up a little from his huddle. “You even got five silver?”

“Monty gave it to us for shopping,” said Lulu. “Get ourselves a little treat.”

“Well I ain’t got five silver.”

“Loan it to you.”

Koko went back to his huddle, only moving his eyes as he watched Mak’arune wail, flail, and pace along the wall and back.

“I am going,” said Koko at length, “to fucking stew Borstok.”

“Hush-hush,” said La’ming. “They can still charge you with offensive language.”

Koko swapped to Us and cussed up a storm. They couldn’t get him for cussing if they didn’t know he was cussing. Only Lulu could understand what he was saying and was reacting more like he was telling a joke that turning the air blue with invective.

Four hours of utter boredom later, Montgomery Pithon, owner of the circus and actual Naga. They could tell he was arriving by the way the City Watch looked incredibly alarmed and at least one of them ran for the weapons lock-up.

Lulu could recognise the voices of his Ringmaster, Barstock, and two other Humanmen from the crew. Vellos and Brinn. Monty had brought out the big guns. Or rather, the biggest, most muscular Humanmen he had on hand to make an impressive show of things.

As if a large, black and red Naga wasn’t impressive enough.

Koko stood and switched back to Common. “Monty’s here.”

Lulu leaped away from the wall and clung to the bars. “Monty! Monty, we didn’t do anything!”

Mak’arune turned towards the bars, took a great, big, shuddering gasp… and fainted dead away.

La’ming lunged off the bed and caught her before she could hurt herself.

“MONTY!”

“MONTY!”

There he was. The man himself. If you could call a Naga who could stand at seven feet tall a ‘man’. He worked out, so his arms and chest carried impressive muscles. All under a pseudomilitary ringmaster’s jacket. What he was not wearing was his top hat, because that was resting on top of Koko’s head.

“I see you’ve been looking after my hat,” said Montgomery, retrieving it through the bars.

“I was gonna get my own, but we got arrested for doing nothing,” Koko complained.

Montgomery noticed Mak’arune. “Who’s the unfortunate maiden on the floor?”

“You know La’ming, boss,” cheered Lulu.

La’ming said, “This was supposed to be our milliner. Mak’arune. Our entire business day is shot to heck.” She patted Mak’arune at her face. “Come, love. Wakey wakey, now. It’s only our boss…”

Mak’arune whimpered and clung to La’ming.

Lulu elbowed Koko, and muttered, “I ship it,” in Us.

Montgomery glared at her. He didn’t understood their twin tongue, but automatically assumed they were swearing. “Quite,” he iced. “I trust my party will be allowed to purchase some hats from your excellent milliner, Lady Mak’arune?”

The nervous Watch, realising that their harassment had turned into a parade, nervously nodded and let them go.

They’d have to do at least one more performance to sell the tickets to refill the circus’ Bail Fund.

[1] Borrowed liberally from Australian gold rush history where the Riot Act prevented groups of three or more persons and declared them Unlawful Assembly. Fun times.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 10]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

[AN: Yet another instance of @dualityandsuch​ egging me on because she’s the only one who knows what the Baby Birds AU even is. I see you hiding there. So. In brief:

• The Hunger doesn’t exist
  
• The Relics don’t exist
  
• Bureau of Benevolence does?
  
• August McDonald adopted Killian
  
• Killian marries Carey Fangbattle
  
• They adopt tiny twins - BB Lup & Taako [Lulu and Koko] age 8-10?
• They get Sellsnow Farm via estate auction from the lingering Starlights [Grunkle Taako’s kids & grandkids] who have already disavowed relation to the twins because assholes
• The estate wards don’t react to the twins and the Sweetflips Moms work out what’s up. Fortunately, legal adoption includes them into the family.
• Surviving Starlights sued for fraud (they deserve it) which funds the estate restoration back to the country farm it once was.
• Twins grow into young teens via Terrible Elf Larvae Shenanigans. BB Lup transitions as soon as her nature is confirmed [like one year after she realises who she is] and the family budget takes a suckerpunch because the spell is hella expensive.
• Carey and Killian take turns adventuring, alternating with raising their Elf Larvae. Include Elf Practice gag
• Teen Twins in some kind’a boarding school that isn’t quite hell but is pretty snobbish and has some shitty rules that the twins don’t like [because of course]
• Somewhere in the previous three points, the Twins start getting into solving crimes somehow.
• Tell their tales to Young!Lucretia, who chronicles their tall tales and turns them into an adventure series called The Terrific Twins.
• Series is a fucking hit. Whoops.
• BB Angus shows up. 4YO sweet baby genius, picked on because orphan in cardboard shoes. 
• L&T remember their time in a govt foster shelter and adopt the boy at school. Take him home for Candlenights
• Moms find out that this might not be a legal thing to do, contact the school and find out that nobody really cares for this sweet, tiny orphan boy.
• Boom. Third child. Babyest brother. Grats, kiddo, you got two moms, two big siblings, and all four of them are gonna teach you how to cook, ride deer, and speak a lot more languages than you bargained on. Yay!
• Terrific Twins becomes Terrific Trio. More proactive since they’re no longer stumbling into trouble, but actively finding it thanks to genius babyest brother being a detective.
• Somehow run into Magnus on an adventure. He’s “the dog”.
• Merle is the shitty teacher who really shouldn’t be teaching. Chief reason why the Trio can scoot out of school and get up to shenanigans.
• Principal Davenport initially tries to stop them, or at least make it clear that this sort of horseshit is Dangerous Beans and they are children… Children deserve safety, etc. etc.
• When Angus argues, “Isn’t helping to capture criminals making the world safer, sir?” Dav just… gives up. Starts helping them both covertly and overtly.
• Carey and Killian are both impressed and horrified. Can and will show up to rescue their doofus kids. “For people who are so smart, you lot find yourselves in a LOT of dumb situations.”
• Encounter Krav and Barry whilst investigating MegaBigBad. Lup has crush on Nerdy young Barold and gets shy and flustered. Taako and Krav pretty much double-entendre battle from the get-go.
• Love reforms the villains arc. More accurately, love reforms the minions of the villains and they find a way to get around MegaBigBad’s threats [possibly by short-circuiting them?] {Honestly, is there a villain threat that can’t be completely dissolved by coming clean and being determined to be a better person in future?}
• Random shenanigans henceforth with all the faves, fluff, cuddles, and smooches for all!

And that’s the plan for the entire thing. This is just a little snippet.]

“…doonts, doonts durn-dun, doonts, doonts durn-dun…”

“Koko, stop singing your own theme music.”

“Shuttup.”

“You shuttup,” said Lulu.

A muffled voice from within Koko’s bag said, “Please, sir and ma’am, could you both hush?”

The twins instinctively clapped their hands on each others’ mouths. Right. They had to do this without their moms finding out. Or at least, they had to do this without their moms finding out right now. Bickering about shit was the easiest way for two hyper-competent super-agents from the Bureau of Benevolence to find out that their adopted kids were stealing babies before they were anywhere close to Elven maturity.

They shared a telepathic Look, and got on with sneaking an orphan into their home.

Angus McDonald, four-year-old orphan, was in the pocket spa inside Koko’s bag of holding. With any luck, he would remain undetectable to the estate wards until he was somehow officially adopted into the family.

They were still working on that part of the plan, to be honest. Hell, they were still working on step one - get Angus inside the wards without their moms finding out.

They made it into the house, proper, a gigantic construction moulded into a living tree by generations of Elves over possibly millennia. So far, so good. They used the less-popular pathways to get to their room, and finally opened the pocket spa once behind that particular closed door.

Angus emerged, soaking wet and heavily perfumed. “Thank goodness. Everything was spilling in there.”

“So take a bath in the ensuite,” said Koko.

“We got some old clothes you can use,” added Lulu.

“We’ll smuggle you some food in a few.”

“Hell, we’ll cook you some food, babe.”

Koko wrapped the dripping boy up in a large towel and an equally big hug. “It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. We promise.”

*

Killian saw everything. The twins cooking way more than they usually would, even for a post-school feast. Loading up bowls and containers with enough to feed maybe three people or more.

She didn’t confront her kids, but rather went to her wife Carey, who was busy with post-mission paperwork in her office.

“The twins are up to something,” she said.

“It’s them, said Carey. “When are they not up to something?”

“Wanna make sure it’s nothing nefarious?”

“Only if you fill out the rest of this field report for me.”

“Done and done.”

“You certainly have been,” she high-fived Killian on the way out, and went Stealth.

*

Softly, softly, catchee… two young Elves who had a habit of finding trouble before it was lost. Carey was quieter than a shadow as she crept after the twins. It had been half a decade since she’d last caught them at something nefarious, so they were way beyond due. Either that or they were getting better at being completely sneaky.

She didn’t know whether to be proud of them or pissed off.

“Feeling better, kiddo?” That was Koko.

“Yes, sir, thank you. These clothes kind’a fit where they touch, though, sir.” That… was a complete stranger. A very young sounding complete stranger.

“I’ll find you something with drawstrings, babe, gimmie a mo,” that was Lulu.

“Wow, ma’am, I’ll never be able to eat all that,” said the suspiciously young stranger.

“That’s what all the Preservation Boxes are for. So you’re like… set whenever you’re hungry,” said Lulu.

“Boom. Instant food security,” said Koko.

Aw shit, thought Carey. She moved closer to their room. Okay. So. They had someone with them, and that someone was likely hungry. Someone who didn’t belong here. Yet.

Since they sounded so young, they had to come from Miller Academy.

They’re too young to be stealing babies, what the hell are they up to?

In just a few more steps, she saw for herself.

There was a very small half-elven lad, darker in hue than the twins, somewhere in the middle of some old clothing that was one good sneeze away from falling off him. Which only made him look even smaller.

There were the twins, getting him to try samples of their cooking. Being good hosts but not -say- early bloomers who had had an ‘interesting episode’ and come home with a freshly-adopted kid.

Nope. They were going for a more defacto adoption. He followed us home and he needs one, moms. Can we keep him? Yeah. This was seventeen colours of bad.

Carey cleared her throat, causing the twins to jump in front of the young stranger in a protective manner. “You have five minutes to explain yourselves, kids. Then we’re calling Miller’s.”

“Please don’t send me back in there, ma’am, the twins only brought me here because I didn’t wanna go back to the orphanage.”

Well shit. He’d just said the magic words. “All of you. Living room. Family discussion.

Lulu patted the kid on the shoulder and said, “Chin up. We’re not dead yet.”

Yikes. Now that was a blast from the past…

*

“Miller Academy, what’s the sitch?”

“Yeah, this is Killian Fangbattle. One of Lulu and Koko’s moms? Yeah. Uhm. Our two came back home with a third? Are you missing anyone? Like… who’s supposed to be staying there?”

Merle flipped through some paperwork. “Oh. Uh. We only have one kid who was staying. Angus… McDonald. Orphanage kid on the grant.”

“So he is from the orphanage? We’re not in any legal trouble for having him at our place, are we?”

Merle looked at the paperwork with a magnifying glass. “They won’t even miss him, and we won’t either. Tell you what. You keep him for the holidays and we can send you a cut of what the orphanage is paying us to keep him out of their halls.”

The caller hung up.

*

Killian slammed the Stone of Farspeech onto the counter. It took all her strength not to swear. Ten deep breaths. She had to control her anger around a kid from the orphanages. It never did to be angry around kids like that.

“Okay,” she said at length. “Carey? Babe? We’re having another baby.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Spring Carnival was a time for celebration. Wearing flowers, dancing, bright colours and any excuse for fireworks was a good one in Taako’s mind. Fresh fruit and feasting and a good dance or three to shake off any lingering winter funk.

He had flowers in his hat and woven into his hair, wearing something bright and flowy and sparkly enough to attract any jackdaws that might be living on the moon.

Everyone was having a good time. Even “permanent bummer” Johann was smiling as he played a lively tune for the carnival crowds.

Well. Almost everyone. His apprentice wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Taako checked the rides, the food stalls, the games of skill and cunning… Nowhere at all. Which struck Taako as kind of odd. When he was a kid, he leaped at the chance to be in on the big parties. Spring festival, harvest festival, candlenights, you name it. He was all over the place and gorging himself on sweet treats.

Yet Angus wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

Come to think of it, he’d been conspicuously absent during Candlenights as well, only turning up for the presents and beating a hasty retreat as the party came to a crashing halt.

Now he was nowhere to be seen during Spring Carnival, too. Something, therefore, had to be up. Taako grabbed a go-box of commissary chicken soup, almost as good as his own and a flower crown and headed off to Ango’s little flat.

Ango answered the door.

“Oh, so you’re not sick,” said Taako. “And here I am with chicken soup, looking ridiculous.” He swanned in, leaving the flower crown on the kid’s head, and added the box to Ango’s Fantasy Refrigerator. “What’s your excuse this time, then?”

Angus was untangling the crown from his curls. “Excuse, sir?”

“You were barely there for Candlenights, and now you’re playing possum for Spring Carnival. What the fuck? It’s free food and all the rides you can eat out there.”

“Oh, I just… prefer to stay in for the holidays, sir.”

Taako felt his brow. Nope. Not feverish. “You’re a child. Holidays were made for children.”

“I’m of adult age in some circles, sir.”

“Yeah, Gerblins and Kobolds’ circles. What’s the real dirt, D’angus? Dish.”

Shrug. “It’s just… stressful, sir.”

“Stressful,” echoed Taako. “Candy apples and roller coasters is stressful?”

“No, sir, it’s all the yelling and fighting.” Angus realised what he’d just oh-so-casually said and clapped his hands over his mouth. “Please don’t tell anyone I said that. My parents would be mad. They work so hard on getting things right for the holidays, it’s totally my fault I add to that by getting underfoot all the time…”

Taako raised an eyebrow. “Keep digging, you might reach Fantasy China.”

“Wait,” said Angus. “That’s not normal?” He almost had the flower crown free of his head.

Taako re-seated the thing on his head. “No arguing or fighting out there, homie. If you want, I could escort you around so you can see for yourself.”

“I-I-I’m not… I don’t– I’m not sure…”

Taako gripped his skinny shoulder and bent down to his eye level. “Sooner or later, you have to face your fears, kiddo. Face them, or they’ll face you.”

Angus made a face. “Isn’t that the opposite of know when to cut and run, sir?”

“It’s a corollary,” Taako allowed. “C’mon. I’ll be your bodyguard and you can tap out when you’re feeling gross. Deal?”

Angus said, “Deal,” and took Taako’s arm.

Twenty minutes into the carnival, the kid forgot about his death grip on Taako’s arm. In another half hour, he was off and having fun on his own.

Taako kept an eye on him anyway. It just wouldn’t do to have his apprentice have a meltdown in public view.

That’s what he told himself, and that’s what he’d tell anyone who was invasive enough to ask.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

It was the Conjoined Twin Act without the special shoe and the bespoke leggings. And more swearing and bickering, which always drew a laugh. Taako did the sparkles and the showy shit. Lup did the pyrotechnics. They both made fucking excellent food.

Taking it on the road was a stroke of genius. It meant that they would never be run out of town. They could run themselves out whenever the atmosphere turned bad. Not that there was much sign of that. The crowds absolutely loved them.

Lup couldn’t exactly remember who sponsored the Stage Coach or the merchandise deal, but they were moving so fast that neither of them could keep up with the demand for autographs. Lup grinned at her brother, who grinned back. They knew better than to say it, but this was it. This was them finally getting out of the gutter. This was their path to better things.

“Hello, again, gorgeous,” cooed Taako. “This is your third show. Like what you see?”

Lup sized him up in a cold second. Doughy boy. As far from gorgeous as he could get. No doubt Taako was attracted to the insurance that he would survive a winter or two and the fact that he would be less likely to run away.

“Uh. Uh. Are you the girl one?”

Okay. That lost him some points. More than a few, in fact. “I’m the girl one,” she iced. “So what?”

He blushed. “Uhm. You… look… really identical.”

Taako sensed the inherent problems at last and said, “Yeah we were born identical, but Lup decided to make a few improvements.”

There it was. That uncertain look. The once over. The sudden dawning of abject fear. Taako saw it too. This loser went from plausible companion to absolute nope in the tiniest moment.

“What’s your name, handsome?” said Taako, now completely feigning interest.

“Uhm. Sazed. Baker. I’m Sazed Baker.”

“Fuck off, Sazed Baker,” they said in unison.

They didn’t think about him again for their entire six-year tour of Faerun. They didn’t even recognise him when he turned up in Glamour Springs.

They knew who he was when he sabotaged the show, though. Using a simple cantrip to foul the food and give forty people food poisoning. Sure, he burned for it, but the Taaco & Taaco show was burned with him.

They never got to keep anything nice.

Back on the run. Back on the road. Back to the fucking gutters. Again. With luck, in three years or so, nobody would know who they were and they could start over.

“We can deal with this,” she insisted, huddled in a burrow. “Just a few years out of sight. No big. We’ll be back up on top.”

“Sure,” Taako lied. “Back on top. Easy.”

Lup rolled her eyes. Most of her time would get eaten by propping his pessimistic ass up for the duration.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 4]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Angus stabled the deer he’d ridden and crept through the less obvious corridors of the farmhouse to his room. He needed his sanctuary right about now. Just a few minutes to breathe where nobody could get to him. Just time enough to centre himself. That was all he needed.

The smell of the old tree almost instantly soothed him. He nearly burst out in tears at the smell of Taako’s cooking, down in the big kitchen. One of his Welcome-home extravaganzas with all of Angus’ favourites and mood-boosters in the mix. Of course, too much for one small boy, two parents, and an aunt and uncle to devour alone, so friends of the family would be invited for an instant party.

Some of those friends had kids who also went to Miller Academy. Kids who knew everything. Every little detail of every embarrassing thing that nobody could shut up about whenever he was in earshot.

Angus could just imagine what that party would turn into. It made him feel so very not hungry. Which was bad. He knew that intellectually. He also knew that he hadn’t been eating much at Miller’s either.

Angus didn’t want another caring lecture about proper nutrition from Taako. Especially not in front of anyone he went to school with. That sort of thing would spread like wildfire. He wouldn’t ever stop hearing it in mocking voice from anyone and everyone.

He huddled up on his bed, clutching at his stomach. He didn’t want this to happen, he didn’t want to feel sick, he didn’t want to dread the news of today and tonight reaching the Miller’s gossip mill. Yet… here he was, doing all of that.

Worse. Taako had noticed, and come upstairs. “Hey, boychick. Not feelin’ so good?”

Angus deduced that Taako had rolled high on his Perception and Investigation checks and was probably running an Insight check right now. Lying would be pointless, but he could still tell a very specific truth. “I don’t want a neighbourhood party tonight, sir.”

Shit. Fuck. He’d called Taako ‘sir’ instead of ‘Papa’. That was the deadest of dead give-aways. Now one of his adopted parentals knew that there was trouble.

Taako was the king of over-the-top reactions to literally everything. He would call down storms. If there was anything worse than being tormented, it was having a parent rescue you from being tormented.

That sort of thing never died down or went away.

“So who do you not want at the party?”

He was fishing. “Please don’t call down any wrath, sir…” Shit. Again. He did it again. “I couldn’t… I don’t… Please…”

Gentle hands ran through his hair. “Ango… Sweetheart… I’m not gonna do anything to anyone, I promise. I know how the pecking order goes in asshole schools. What’cha need is a means to get back at ‘em while looking completely innocent. So… who’s on your kill list?”

“I don’t want anyone killed!”

“Metaphor, metaphor. I promise.” Taako crossed his heart. “At least give me their usual routine.”

Explained at length, it didn’t sound as horrible as it felt, but it was what Taako referred to as making hag stones. One little drop of water didn’t do much, but dozens, day after day, year after year, could wear the heart out of anything. It had been a very hag-stone semester for Angus. Hour after hour, the concentrated effect of five drips had literally made him sick to think about it.

Papa Taako eased him through the episodes, using a little bit of magic, a little bit of comfort, and a lot of logic. Eventually, the beginnings of some plans hatched forth.

For now, not inviting them to the welcome-home bash was punishment enough.

For now.

Real justice, served at sub-zero temperatures, would happen later.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 4]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

[AN: AU? Nah, fam, this is coherent with the twins’ expansion-pack history. But I can take it into AU turf if you like]

“Koko! Koko,wake up, it’s kitchen day!”

“Mmmuuurrrrrhhhhnnnn…” Koko complained. “Whyyyyy…”

“We gotta get started on breakfast, Koko,” insisted Kri. “That includes the wood-gathering.”

Koko cracked open one eye. Everything was grey. “’S not ev’n dawn,” he whined.

“They heard you can cook, bro-bro,” said Lulu from their shared bunk. “Time to pay the piper.”

“Mrrrnnngh,” Koko complained, hauling himself out of a relatively comfy bunk and a pocket of warm, mingling, sibling farts. “…don’ wanna be doing this,” he whined.

“Do what I did and burn everything,” mumbled Lulu.

“That’s always your solution.” He wrestled into a pair of pants and threw on a coat. “No professional standards,” Koko yawned. “Tha’s my stoopid sister f’r ya…”

Lulu mumbled something that could pass for the words, ‘dumb baby brother’ and rolled over.

Koko mumbled and slid into the warm boots. Like fuck was he going out wood-gathering at the crack of sparrow-fart without some kind of warm footwear. He didn’t bother taking his hair out of the braids he’d worn to sleep. It was too early in the morning to worry about his beauty regime.

Working with Kri wasn’t that bad. The son of the man that Koko was crushing hard on was a nice sort. Way too enthusiastic in the mornings, but everyone had their little flaws. They were pretty close in age, but it was evident what a difference having a parent had made in their lives.

Koko had a hard enough time protecting this sweet summer child from the harsh realities of life on the road. He didn’t need to tell this kid everything, after all. The less he knew about rummaging through middens for the next meal, the better. Besides, the circus was a sweet gig. No sense in ruining it for anyone else.

“Sometimes I wish I could have the freedom you do,” Kri was rambling as they brought the baskets of sticks back to the chuck wagon. “I mean, you set your own hours, make your own decisions, you don’t have to eat sprouts… It seems like you got it all.”

Because he was tired, he said, “Except a mom.”

Kri stopped stoking the ovens. “What?”

Well, shit. Now he’d stepped in it. “Uhm. Lulu and I… we’re the only family we got. There’s… been… more than a few times when we’d trade any freedom you think we have for… a guarantee that there’s someone to look after us, y’know.”

“But you’re allowed to smoke,” said Kri.

“More like nobody can stop us smoking,” corrected Koko. “We also got nobody to make sure we got soup and blankets when we’re sick. Or… hold us when we get nightmares. Or make us breakfast…”

“We’re making breakfast,” objected Kri. “It’s our turn.”

“Yeah. Uhm. Before… we joined your circus… there were no turns. It was cook or go hungry.”

“All by yourselves.”

Now he was getting it. “Yeah. All by ourselves. Nobody else.”

Kri was rearranging wood. “Nobody but your sister.”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“Since we were twelve.”

Kri got back to work, after that. Stoking the fires and following Koko’s direction in regards to ingredients and what to do with them. Eventually, he said, “Let’s make my dad something special, okay?”

He was halfway towards doing that anyway. “Sure.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

New school! New books! New clothes! New people! Loud noise everywhere, of course. People made noise. They made a lot of noise, especially on occasions like orientation day at Miller Academy.

He knew this in advance. He thought he was prepared.

But still the hubbub of chatter hammered at his ears. Still, the confusion of uniformed bodies dazzled his eyes. Still, the eternal clatter of footwear on tiled floors vibrated his very bones.

And there was a black cloak around him and the cool touch of Mr Kravitz’s skin on his cheek. “Deep breaths, Chickie,” he cooed. “Need some green?”

Mr Taako was there, much warmer and soothing his hair. “You okay, pumpkin?”

“…loud,” he said. “Green please.”

The three of them made their way to the nearest small garden. Miller Academy catered to many kinds of genius and recognised the need for little courtyards full of green, growing things. This enclave had an abundance of feathery ferns and soft mosses to cover the ground. There was also a sort of wicker basket chair that his parents plopped him into like a prince into a throne. Papa at his left hand and Dad at his right.

“Deep breaths, baby,” said Papa. “I’m gonna call Aunty Lup and get her to bring your teachers over here, one at a time.”

“It’s not going to be like this all the time,” soothed Dad. “You’re going to be okay, Chick. Breathe with me.”

It was easy, now that they were in a space that felt safer, was less loud, and had a deep calm to it. He could focus on his breaths. Centre himself with the help of the wickerwork basket of a chair, and its inherent, subtle creaking.

“Lulu’s got this,” Papa returned to kneeling on the moss. “Need a hug?”

Angus lunged into his Papa’s arms. His bracelets jingled as they wrapped around him. He let his world be Papa’s perfume and the soft texture of his clothes and the silky softness of his hair and the warmth of his skin.

Somewhere outside of the world that was Papa, Dad said, “Want some Calm Emotion?”

Angus shook his head. This place and the comfort of his parents was good enough to defuse the rising tension caused by the hubbub of the halls. Two more breaths and he was able to stop his shaking.

By that time, the first of his teachers had arrived in Aunty Lup’s tow. A kind-faced half-Elf woman with skin almost as dark as Dad’s.

“Hi there, Angus,” she singsonged. “Orientation’s a big noise, huh?”

Angus let himself relax into Papa’s lap. “It’s good, now. My family knows how to help me.”

“We’re prepared for this sort of thing,” assured the teacher, who introduced herself as Miss Terkiish. “No more than ten students per classroom, easy courtyard access and soft rooms if the need arises.”

“According to the hall monitors, things should be going quieter in about ten minutes,” said Aunty Lup. “We can time the rest of the tour for the lulls in noise.”

Angus felt safe enough to say, “That sounds like a great idea. Thank you.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]