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Crabs are a universal constant. So much so that they are used in first contact. Earth is strange for the amount of crab types that we have. Keep them away from the Japanese spider crab though. The first alien to see one said it was the equivalent of an eldrich monstrosity.

Sorry, but the correct place to post a prompt for my daily flash fictions is over here: https://www.internutter.org/bb/category/6/prompts

I have, however, added this to my queue of prompts [currently standing at 84 prompts in the queue] on your behalf, properly credited.

Reader Request #141

Been rereading your works, again, cuz their so good. And that one with Taako and Angus running into homophobe made me think, how would Kravitz react to homophobia? He is like several millenia old, and ancient cultures are a bit hit or miss on the whole sexualities thing.

[AN: I’ve headcanon’d Krav as being 2K+ years old but I suppose it doesn’t matter for the narrative…]

It was a word, in many ways much like any other word. In many ways, it was not like any other word. It had once been a weapon. It had once been his death. His hand slipped from Taako’s as his beautiful Elf husband whirled and said, “You’re just jealous that I know I got real love. I didn’t have to knock mine up to force him to stay.”

If the woman he was with showed any sign that that was true, Kravitz wasn’t watching for it. He was watching the unthinking man’s fists. Fearful of a fist for just a handful of seconds.

It was only a handful of seconds, though, before he remembered what he was, now. He went Reaper and said, “Beware, mortal, where your path might lead you.”

Somewhere outside his tunneled vision, Taako said, “Hot…”

The man with the foul mouth retreated, and Kravitz reverted to his mortal form. He was shaking. He was breathing fast. His knees wanted to give out.

“You okay, babe?” Taako was close. Warm. Holding him up more than a little.

“Bad memories,” he managed. His eyes stung.

“Not gonna lie, that was bad ass,” said Taako. “There’s a tea place real close t’ here. I gotcha. I gotcha.”

Taako’s perfume helped ground him. As did warm, sweet tea and some sweet foods that couldn’t hold a candle to Taako’s usual offerings.

“Breathe deep, babe. We won. Remember? Married and all.”

Kravitz wiped his face. “There’s still so much hate, all over the world.”

“Yeah. I’m taking the victories we got.”

“We haven’t really won until all the hate is gone.”

Taako sipped the tea. It was all key lime gogurt to him and, therefore, he couldn’t criticise. “Gonna be a long time winning, then,” he mumbled.

Kravitz reached out for his free hand. Held it tight. “Long as we’re together? I feel victorious enough.”

Reader Request #133

On chapter 53 of Tumbl’d 3

If Kravitz decided to stay as a half-elf, would he eventually go trough luume? I have a feeling he’d either be real easy to deal with, like you’d barely notice he’s in luume beyond some possessiveness. Or he’d be worse than Taako. Either way it would be fun to read about him going “Mine” on Taako and Angus.

P.S your fics help me get through my week!

Some choices can have… interesting consequences. Kravitz hadn’t thought much of his choice to be half-Elven. It helped him fit in with his little family. It also helped him experience things from an Elven perspective. It helped him understand both Taako and little Angus.

What he did not understand was the sudden onset of a feverish sensation. He was dead. He couldn’t catch anything meant for mortals. He couldn’t pass anything along, either, which was a boon to his family.

His family. His loving husband. His gorgeous little boy. Kravitz bent over their son and smooched Angus’ brow, surprised anew at the purr that came out of him. This was good. This was his. As was Taako, in the middle of an almost-typical breakfast argument with his sister.

“Too many sweet things, baby bro. You need some savoury.”

“Savoury, maybe, not five fucktons of chilli sauce. There’s a baby at the table, babe.”

“Well, you’re feeding him garlic by the bulb, babe.”

“By the clove, sweetheart. By the clove. Anyway, weren’t you complaining about not feeding Ango enough savoury stuff -mmm- two minutes ago?”

Angus laughed at the ongoing debate. He had his pick of all kinds of food and amazingly chose a complete breakfast. 

“How’s my best baby boy?”

“Absolutely fine, Daddy,” Taako teased.

“He’s got some horrible business thing going on today, so I’m stealing the ba–”

SNAAARRLLL… Kravitz shook at the sound before he realised it was him making it. “My baby,” he growled.

The twins turned, eyebrows raised in an unconscious mirror of each other. They looked Kravitz over from top to toe and back again. “Hmm,” said Lup. “Hey, Bar-bear…”

Barry surfaced from the book he’d been reading. “Hanh?”

“Can you steal Taako for like five seconds, babe?”

The next thing Kravitz knew, he had a confused Angus under one arm, and Taako behind the other, snarling at Barold and defending Taako from his own sister.

“Yyyup,” said Lup.

Taako’s hand wasn’t very warm, any more. Kravitz rumbled a confused mrrrowp? kind of noise. Part concern, part not understanding what the flying hell was going on.

“Yeah,” sighed Taako. “It’s Luume.”

“It’s what?”

“You’re over two thousand years old, babe,” said Taako. “And you’ve never had The Talk?”

“I’ve….” Mine, mine, mine mine! “Never had….” Mine! “Never had Luume before.”

“I’ll call around and cancel your plans, baby bro,” soothed Lup. “And let Bird Mom know her feathery son is occupied for the foreseeable future.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 1]

[Also sincere apologies for taking way too long on this. I’ve had a shitty week]

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Reader Request #96

Aliens vs Dragons – @jazzmaster009

“One small step for an Elf… one… giant leap for Elven kind.”

“Taako, do you have to do this every single time you put first foot on another world?”

“It’s luck, homie. Every time I say those words, my sister and I don’t beef it that year.”

“Oh, so you’re fine, the rest of us can go hang.”

“Dude, as long as one of us is alive to fly the Starblaster, we’re all fine.”

“Just leave him alone, Magnus-dear. My poor dumb baby brother does like his superstitions.”

Lyyrn peeked out from the shrubbery in which she was hiding. So far, these invaders weren’t doing anything worse than arguing with each other. But that didn’t make them any less strange and frightening.

They were peculiar things. Bigger than her; but everyone said she was still a baby. They walked on two legs like a trained bear, and only two among the seven were alike. There was the big hairy one, the small really hairy one, the small not-so-hairy one with the flame-red tuft of hair. There was the really dark one with the really pale hair, the really pale one with the sort-of dark hair… and then those two.

They all had really weird skin that flapped around them as they moved. Red and shiny with gold. The two almost-identical ones had long hair that flowed out and over the red, but some of it was under a different container of some sort. A big red cone on top of their heads.

They all had funny black feet. Really weird black legs, too. Lyyrn was fascinated by the way they walked around without once needing to drop to all fours. But then, they didn’t have tails like Lyyrn’s tail.

“I am liking this planet,” said the one they called Taako. He was reaching up and plucking fruit off the trees. Sniffing their flesh. “Nice landing area, plenty of forage…”

“No light,” said one of the small ones. Lyyrn had to wonder if they were like babies. They were smaller even than her baby sister, and she was tiny.

“Oh sure, sure. Rain on my fuckin’ parade. Make the best of what’s there, I always say.”

“Is that a Taako Original?” teased the one who looked just like Taako.

“Eheheheheh,” mocked Taako. “You’re so funny.”

Then the big hairy one parted the bushes where Lyyrn had been hiding. His weird, flat face split open to show even weirder teeth. “Guys,” he whispered, “I found a dragon…”

“We are not taking it with us,” said the little one with the red tufts. That one sounded so much like a Mama that Lyyrn really wondered what was up with these alien creatures.

She froze, resorting to baby instinct and not even thinking about her elemental breath.

“Aaw, did I scare da poor widdle ting,” cooed the big hairy one. “Iss okay… iss okay.” It put its paw by her nose, and a very odd smell invaded her nostrils. Not like anyone or anything she knew. That paw ran gently over her scales as he cooed, “There, there, there… I won’t hurt you.” And let her sniff again. Its scent and her scent mingled.

That was a trick for animals. “I’m not an animal,” she said. “Lea’me alone or Mama’s gonna get you.”

“Oh tits,” said Taako.

“Fucking run!” yelled the copy.

Mama came to the rescue, swooping down and making all the aliens rush for their silver… thing. A thing that lifted off from the ground and sailed to a safe distance in precisely the way that clouds didn’t.

Mama scooped her up and flew her back to the nest and spent most of the evening watching the night sky for silver things.

Three days later, the silver thing hovered like a cloud. Right where Lyyrn and Mama could see it. It was not doing anything at all. Just… staying there. Carefully out of breath range.

If Lyyrn squinted, she could see the small really hairy one being held up on the front of the silver thing by the big hairy one.

Mama made Lyyrn stay in the nest as she did a fly-by. There were words. The aliens talked low and soft and so did Mama. No matter how much Lyyrn leaned on the edge of the nest, she couldn’t make out what was said.

Mama came up to the nest, and the silver thing followed. Lyyrn hunkered back down in the nest, watching as they both flew closer. She feared the thing, but Mama trusted it enough to let it come close. Mama knew what was safe. Lyyrn had to trust Mama.

The strangers were… weird… but they were okay. They were friendly aliens. The big, hairy one - Magnus - apologised for trying animal tricks on her. They told all kinds of wonderful stories, and even though they were odd, they were nice.

It took Lyyrn all of two hours to forget about being afraid of them.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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Reader Request #73

Lucretia decides she wants to look more regal and glamorous after her year alone on the judges planet and goes to the twins for help – missdreamgirl32

The white light re-wove itself into all the crew. As it always had. All in the position they were in when they breached the barrier between realities.

Magnus let go of the railing. Lup and Taako let go of each other. Barry let go of the railing. Merle let go of Davenport and Davenport let go of the wheel. Every single one of them was wondering how they made it out of that reality alive.

Then Lucretia let go of her books. Just… fucking dropped them onto the deck where she had been cringing when their world ended. She wasn’t cringing any more.

There were still more than a few hints of her usual timidity there, of course. Changes so profound weren’t always so obvious in mere seconds.

Lucretia set down her pen and ink, more careful about those than the books that had slammed onto the deck. All around them, they noticed that the Starblaster was in worse shape than they remembered.

“I did it,” she whispered. “It worked…”

Three months into their next reality, she came to the kitchens where Lup and Taako were where they belonged. Together, and cooking, and arguing in their friendly manner.

“If you’re looking to document my macaroon recipe, you can fuck off,” said Taako.

“No. It’s not that,” said Lucretia. “Um. I’d… like your advice in your other area of expertise.”

“You’re not getting my hachi-machi hot Hades Heartburn recipe either, babe,” said Lup.

“No, no. I mean.” She forced herself to stop her usual submissive huddle. “You. Both of you… Always find ways to command respect. You always look so… magnificent.”

“Natch,” said Taako.

“It’s in the genes,” said Lup.

They were currently both in ratty old clothes that were almost worn to a whisper. A garish combination of three different worlds’ full of disparate fashions. They still looked fucking amazing.

Taako’s hair hadn’t been brushed since he put it up in braids the evening before, and he still looked like he was runway ready.

“I… want to look better. I want… I’m tired of standing in the shadows and fading into the background. I’m tired of my own crew running perception checks so they don’t bump into me.” She took a deep breath. “I want to stand out.”

The twins got that speculative look they always got before pulling one of their epic pranks.

“Without looking like a fool,” Lucretia amended.

Taako blew a raspberry.

Lup sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine. Take all the fun out of it.”

“Nah. She’d tell everyone we told her to dress like that. It’d ruin our rep.”

Lup vented a long, anguish-filled groan. “Fiiiinnne. You, us, and all the trade goods we can wrangle. We’re going to the markets and giving you some kick-ass style advice, dear.”

“You’ve already failed step one,” said Taako, “which is, ‘be an Elf’, but we’re willing to work with that handicap. We’re magnanimous like that.”

The twins, of course, paid more attention to their usual look than they would have a month into a mission. Full uniform for both of them with all the stops pulled. Taako had even bothered to shine his boots.

They were representing the Starblaster, Elven kind, and whatever transformation they wrought upon her during the day.

There was a lot of walking. There was a great deal of either twin holding up things against her form and humming a lot. There was a lot of checking jewellery against her.

“Blue,” they decided before their mid-morning break. “Blue is definitely your colour.”

“Shades of blue,” said Lup. “Trim of white. Maybe small amounts of orange if you want it to pop.”

“Very small amounts of orange,” said Taako. “Little details. Fine trim level or less.”

“I see silver, I see sapphires, I see little bits of gold, maybe some amber… Heels f’r sure.”

“Lulu, she’s taller than both of us.”

“Yeah? So? She would fucking slay in heels.”

Lucretia took notes. They eventually found a plethora of clothes that gave her some regal aplomb. Some that would take her some years and a lot more courage to wear. Many that she would never wear for various reasons.

Some… she would rename later into calling them her “full business regalia” and use to command respect in her role as Madam Director in the Bureau of balance.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 10]

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Ask & Answer!

In the little Angus verse, you mentioned before they live in Taako’s grandfather’s house, which is a tree. How do you feel about a literal family tree, with magic figures in the roots to represent the members? How would you feel about Angus “meeting” some dead family? (I’m also thinking that adopting a kid works much like an adult bris when the guy is already circumsized, there’s a drop of blood and a prayer (or a spell in this case) because adoption is super valid and also magic)

[AN: Wow, I did not know I still had submits as a thing…]

I am now officially in love with calling this Li’l Angus Verse. It’s gonna be tagged with that if I get any other prompts on the idea.

Ahem.

We see Grampa Tostaada’s literal tree house in Over the River and Through the Woods, which is part of the When We Were Us series over on AO3 [Series here, actual story over here]. Though in Faerun, Grampa Tostaada and Grunkle Taako didn’t have golden-haired twins for Grunkle Taako’s kids to swindle.

[Insert bad business practices leading it to be abandoned here…]

Taako is legally a blood relative of the Faerun Tostaada in the same way that Merle has Rockseeker blood. Same horseshit, different family. So he’s legally able to take up the old Sellsnow farm and rename it Casa de Taako.

Since it is a very old tree, it’s more or less been grown over generations to house several families at once. It’ll do that again in good time.

Lup and Barold have their own suites which they have decorated according to their whims. AKA- flame themed denim.

With three actual Reapers in the house, any remaining ghosts would be guided to the afterlife, no problem. Angus doesn’t have to worry about spectral visits in the dead of the night.

Faerun adoption policies probably would involve a small blood - or DNA - ceremony. Leave it to Barold to come up with some kind of bloodless bonding ritual that could include a definite non-relative into the ‘bloodline’. I mean, the man invented a liching ceremony that didn’t involve any sacrifice of any living being, so… I’d bet money he could do that.

…actually, now that I think about it, with three reapers in the family and Lup’s interdimensional travel belts, Ango probably could meet the family. The original family.

But that would fuck with my whole “no family name” headcannon, so nah. Not going there.

Thanks for the question. It may birth some new plot kittens.