To Find Your Joy

It’s Wordpress Wednesday! On a Thursday!

My main compy is on the ropes :(

The SSD card is fried and installing anything else on it is likely not going to work.

I can deal with this. I guess. I mean… I have enough to deal with this and make it work and stretch stuff out but…

This was the first computer I earned. I actually had a job that paid me money and I could afford to buy something I wanted and not have to wheedle it out of anyone else. 

Getting a replacement is not going to be as easy, since that job no longer exists. Thanks to my spiralling anxiety, I don’t feel right in charging my Patreon any monthly fees. It’s like I don’t have anything worth selling to anyone.

That’s impacted everything. My continuing hunt for an agent/publisher is on pause because my writing is on pause. I don’t feel right flinging unedited books out there and though I’ve finished a lot of books, the aren’t edited because so few of my Betas get back to me. 

Editing is hell anyway.

Stupid gremlin brain thinking any kid of correction == I Am Evil Somehow.

…where the fuck is the reset button for 2020? We need a do-over.

Give me some cheese, I’m whining…

My main compy is dying. My phone is dying. The places that could help me with that are either shut or unavailable or full of the Karen Squad thinking that masks are tyranny or whatever the fuck.

The one person who can help me with things is living in a completely different time zone even though they’re living in the same house.

We need stuff and things and I need to venture out into the wilds of Costco to get them. The last time I went there, it was PACKED with people who refused to wear their masks. Now that panic-buying has returned, maybe there’ll be more masks. I can only hope.

GFDI I hate this plague.

[Image ID: Screenshot of a panel that reads “1 new cases (last 24h)” the 1 is in large font and bolded above the rest of the text.]

I’ve been watching the QLD government health site on the daily and this particular number one is my personal worst nightmare.

I’ve been stuck at home since fucking FEBRUARY, only going out for the essentials and wearing a stifling mask every single time. Staying as far from others as I can for the duration. Trying not to touch anything or interact with anything other than what I need.

I’m allergic to alcohol (long story) so I try to minimise my use of hand sanitiser so I can still have SKIN. I’m asthmatic, I don’t need the extra damage caused by surviving this plague. Hell, if I caught it, there’s a high likelihood that I would perish.

Yes, Queensland has been very good about being cautious in regards to this disease. Yes, there have been 1068 cases so far and “only” six deaths. That’s still 1062 people with lasting lung scarring and random fucking internal organ damage. 1062 people who have a shortened, more painful lifespan because they had this disease.

I have been blue and breathless and gasping in medicine via a nebuliser. It’s not a fun experience. I have been oxygenated, yet trembling because an overdose causes minor muscle spasms and an overdose is the only way to keep me alive. It’s slightly shittier because everything I want to do takes three times longer because my body is not completely under my control any more.

Hell, I’ve had a close personal experience with being injected with adrenaline because asthma nastiness and that is also not the wild ride people expect. PM me if you want the gross details.

Yes, this one case is probably someone who came in from overseas or outside the state and got either caught and tested or just got tested. What I’m worried about is how many people they came into contact with before they were put into quarantine. The people those people came into contact with, and so on.

So thanks, fucknuts, whoever you are. I now have a minimum of two more weeks of this bullshit. AGAIN.

My government’s Covid Tracker is famous for not working properly. There’s no actual way to know if I’ve been in an area where someone with Covid-19 has also been. Yet everywhere I go, people are acting as if the plague has gone away.

PLEASE DON’T

For the love of mercy, for the simple sympathy for your fellow humans, for enlightened self fucking interest… Wear the mask. Keep your distance. Stay out of public areas unless necessary for mental or physical health.

Until there’s a working vaccine, that’s the most effective way to quell the spread of this goddamn thing.

Trust me. Wearing a mask is WAY less hassle than what you’d go through if you catch it.

Fucking Victoria and NSW…

They know the cases are getting out of control down there, so what do people do?

• Attempt to defraud the security of others by changing their address to be outside of the shut-down suburbs.
• Refuse on-the-spot testing
• Refuse door-to-door testing
• Refuse to get their children tested
• Refuse to stay inside
• Continue to act as if there is nothing wrong with the world

Fucking… Karen Squad acting in contradiction to the greater good, common sense, and public interest.

I want to slap them on an individual basis.

Aiming to get blocked by JK…

I just went on Twitter and said the good things:

[x]

If this “kills my career” with the straight right, then fuck them. Fuck the TERFs. Fuck the racists. Fuck the gatekeepers. Fuck those who are cruel just for the sake of being cruel.

My only regret is that I cannot freely conjugate all available NB pronouns. I can try, and I expect to be corrected when I fuck it up. Who knows? I might eventually be able to get it into my addled noggin. NGL it’s gonna be a lot of work on both sides.

I’ve always sided with justice anyway.

The Creeping Numbs

I got those bad feels again. This is just how I cope. Hope it helps you cope.

So…

I made a start on today’s Instant at like 6AM. Here’s why it didn’t come out until nearly 6PM:

• Brat run
• Bus watch
• Yard work for kitty kondo™
• Patreon posts
• Reminder that I have a shrink visit in 30
• Miss a turn-off and get lost
• Do that thing
• Reminder that my lappy is ready for pickup at Apple Store
• Trip to Chermside via Redcliffe
• Retrieve lappy, go home
• It’s 1:30, so I also have lunch and maybe write a paragraph or two
• Chaos buswatch [because I have to be there or else]
• Pickup Mayhem
• Finally home enough to write shit. Yay.

So yeah, it’s been a very busy day for me and that’s why there might not be a flash fanfiction this afternoon.

I’m sorry. And I’m also buggered.

I Keep on Hurting Myself

In this wordpress wednesday, I talk about the things I do to me, and what I’ve been doing to prevent it.

Bad news

A dear friend of mine has passed without warning. Some of you in the DS9 fandom may remember Dakhur Central? She ran it.

If you do remember it, grab any fics off there that you can. It may be gone soon.

It’s early days in the scheme of things, nobody knows what killed her. I can only hope that it was quick.

We had plans to meet up in August. I was going to share a whole bunch of weird shit with her. We were going to have a geekfest. Now that opportunity is closed.

I have one more name to scatter through my works. So part of her can live on. It’s pretty much all I can do for her, now. She will be reflected in every no-nonsense character with relentless tenacity and determination.

I know she’s going to some form of heaven. She’s already been through hell.

To absent friends…