[AN: Monty doesn’t need these levels of bullshit in his life. The poor snan(snake man) ]

Being a teenager is awkward for any species. Technically speaking, Elves can be teenagers twice. Once in their actual teens, and again between their seventies and nineties, when they were handed all the responsibilities and expectations of adults and none of the freedoms. For an Elf, though, the time between their twenties and their eighties was just… too many years of awkwardness. On top of the harrowing experience of gaining on adulthood but being prevented from it, there was also the ever-increasing risk of a First Luume.

Or, as the young and lovelorn viewed it, the promise of a First Luume.

There was a thriving market of tawdry books on the topic from the penny press. Young Elf of either or an indeterminate gender with an older, more experienced, and above all understanding mentor in the bedroom. Usually following chapters upon chapters of dreamy longing on behalf of the younger Elf.

The mentor’s point of view, it might be noted, was conspicuous by its absence.

Young Elves of a certain age bought them by the ton.

Taako, who discovered boys on the exact same day his sister did, had been buying, stealing, or borrowing books in that genre for more than a few decades. He had memorised the basic plot of all of them, but that never mattered. If he saw a new title with the plot of a young boy’s first time with an understanding older man, he would snatch it up quicker than you could say ‘impossible attraction’.

If he owned them, he read the covers off them. He read them to pieces. He daydreamed that plot over and over again. Always with himself in the arms of his biggest crush, Kustaad Trifel. He was vaguely aware that he was also the crush of Kustaad’s kid - Kri. What had almost skipped his notice was that Kri was starting to read Those kinds of books, too.

Kri had picked up a lot of habits from the Twins, up to and including loafing off on top of the caravan they slept in. Taako, coming up for air from a particularly nice climax in the penny novel he’d been reading, noticed that Kri was loafing off on the roof of the caravan he shared with his family. Kri also had a battered penny novel with a lurid cover, and the same dopey expression on his face that Koko had been wearing just a few moments before. He rolled over and looked towards the caravan Koko shared with his family -blood and and adopted alike- but not to the rooftop where Koko was lounging.

Kri’s gaze was fixed to the campsite below Koko’s little nest. A dreamy look that fixed solidly on… Koko’s adopted mother - La’Ming Ton. Currently in her riding leathers and scrubbing at a stubborn stain in the washtub.

What? Koko lined up the angles to make sure. Okay. Ran an Insight Check just to be sure. Okay, fine. Good news: Kri was over his crush on Koko. Bad news… he now had a crush on La’Ming.

“…gross,” Koko muttered. He’d have to talk to the kid about this nonsense. Sort him out. Set things… back to normalcy.

He got his chance after dinner, sitting with his ex-crushee as they both worked their way through Lulu’s five-alarm stew. “So… uh. Gettin’ over the heartbreak okay?”

“Sure. I know having a crush on you was… a little bit immature.”

Koko didn’t know whether to be offended or relieved. “Into the more… uh… mature scene, eh?”

“Yeah,” sighed Kri, looking dreamily in the direction of La’ming… currently in the world’s ugliest khaftan and arguing with Lulu about exactly how many chili peppers the average intelligent lifeform could safely withstand.

“Yeah… uh…” Koko tried to figure out how to do this. “So… uh… Romance books are fine ‘n’ all… but -uh- reality’s kind’a… not that.”

Kri was a picture of innocence. “Why not?”

“Uhm. Well. People who write books… uhm… they don’t write stuff that actually happens?”

“They’ve got real names, though,” said Kri, whose picture of innocence might have used a little bit more scrutiny, but Koko was otherwise distracted.

“Yeah, but… uhm. The good adults? The ones who actually care? Uh… They… they’re more likely to -uhm- Have you heard of the ‘off switch’?”

“Oh, but the really good ones would want to help in the best way.”

“Uuuhhh… Depends on how you define that… I’ve met the bad ones, and… yeah. It’s not as great as the books make it sound.”

“Aaah, but they sound so nice,” he said. “I wanna help her through her next Luume…”

“Yeeks. Nope. No. Don’t go there. She’s gonna fuckin’ adopt ya, pal. You know why?”

“You mean the other kind of adopt… as a bedmate. A lifelong bond…”

“She’s old enough to be your parent. She’s gonna adopt you as her kid because you are a kid. There’s no way a grown-ass adult is gonna want anyone like you because… they’re…” The ‘oh shit’ landed heavily on his heart and shattered it to bits. “…’cause they’re gonna feel like parents around us…” He wiped away the sting in his eyes. “It’s the bad ones who do the stuff in the books.”

All his daydreams came crashing down around him. He didn’t see much of the world outside his head from that moment on. He was peripherally aware of Lulu coming to comfort him, because she was the one person who could understand his pain before he could articulate it.

He certainly didn’t notice Monty, Kustaad, and a few other circus people slipping Kri some shiny new coins.

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

[AN: One universe at a time, pls. The combo thing means - combos of words. My bad for not saying that. Three stories for the price of one!

1. Saccharine - LA

[AN: LA stands for Little Accidents. A universe in which a WAY younger La’ming and a WAY nastier Sazed manage to create half-Elf Angus. La’ming and Taako raise him and Nono in a loving -if mobile- home with La’ming pretending to be older and Taako pretending to be hetero and married to La’ming. 90% angst]

The fair was under full enough swing that Taako couldn’t give food away. Which meant that Sizzle it Up! was not doing any shows until after a majority of the other food carts had closed for the evening. On the plus side, plenty of time to spend looking around for ideas. On the minus side, he had to keep the kids entertained as well as himself.

In a fairground, that meant the potential for encountering processed sugar and, in the case of tiny little Angus, someone using cow milk instead of any of the perfectly reasonable alternatives. Taako knew he couldn’t go anywhere near a peanut, and as for the rest of their little family of four… staying away from processed sugar was just smart.

“Oh look. Miller Labs. They’re always good for a giggle. They’re doing a food science show.”

Minmin, pretending to be an adult, also pretended cheer for her babies, Nono and Ango. “Yay,” she said. “Food science.”

The kids were less than enthused. However, the bribe of some spun maple candy and a hot dog in combination with a place to sit seemed to keep them appeased. They would be appeased and sticky in less than ten minutes, Taako guessed. He kept an eye on the kids -all three of them- and watched the show.

This one was a new alchemical wonder. Sugarless sugar, called saccharine, and Miller Labs was so sure of its safety that they were allowing volunteers to come up and taste their saccharine-laced fare.

“I wanna,” piped tiny little Angus.

Taako took the baby boy into his lap. “No you don’t, son-of-mine. You’re a little young to turn into a guinea pig.”

Since he had his hands full with Angus, and Minmin was busy trying to take him back, Nono leaped up, waving a hand in the air and bouncing out of parental reach. “I want to try!”

“…gods damn it…” muttered Taako. Too late, he handed Ango back to his mother and stood, ready to field an errant Elven teen…

…who already had a cake in her mouth.

“Damnit, Nono…” he sighed. “This is not the time or place to be rebellious streaking. Fuck.”

Nono was wincing. “Too sweet,” she complained. “It’s like way, way too sweet… it’s–” no further words came out of her, but there was a torrent of regurgitated cake, dissolved maple sugar, and hotdog.

Taako wasn’t about to sabotage a fellow food show. “Aw, honey,” he said, pitching his voice to carry. “I told you three goes on the Chunderwonder was two too many.” He sampled a cupcake for himself. Eugh. WAY too sweet. “Needs more lemon curd,” he said, and then quickly got outta dodge because -damn- that stuff made him want to hurl, and he’d survived the slop they served at Saint Vingo’s.

He didn’t get as far as that, though, but did find cool relief in a green patch far away from the smells of the fair. Nono fanned him with his wizarding hat and Minmin provided the damn cloth for his brow.

“Are you okay, Daddy?” said tiny little Ango.

“I will be. Eventually,” Taako panted. “Moral of this story, try new foodstuffs with caution. They always test on Humanmen… ooogh…”

The things he did for love.

2. Sunbathing - Monty Pithon

It had been a rougher winter than Varmvale, and therefore the circus that stayed there, was used to. The spring had been weak, for the first month, but now the sun was out with a vengeance and all the cold-blooded species were out, too.

Lulu and Koko, also thawing in the sunshine, found Monty, Mrs Monty, and all the Montlings spread out on a stretch of dark stone and sighing in the sunlight.

“Say, chief, aren’t we late to get on the road?” said Koko with fake enthusiasm.

“Yeah,” said Lulu, who knew that a cold-fogged Monty was a gullible Monty. “We got a circus to put on. Acts to plan. Rubes to bilk…”

“Time to quit sunbathing and start moneymaking,” said Koko, hoping that Monty hadn’t heard that last bit.

Montgomery Pithon was neither impressed nor swayed. “The roads will still be mud, the people know to expect us closer to summer, and I’m not falling for that horseshit again.”

Drat. Koko sighed and settled down on the rock. “Mind if we thaw with you?”

3. Harsh Whisper - Little Domestic

There is but one truth of life on the streets - cold kills. Pass out or try to sleep away from the warmth - any kind of warmth - and you could die. Even in summer’s last hurrah before winter moved in, you could die from the cold.

Lulu had been looking for more clothes to line their little nest-box with. Koko was prone to chills at the best of times, and this coming winter wasn’t looking to be the best. They were lucky they got through the last one with all their fingers and toes intact.

They were not lucky in the fact that the City Watch was clamping down on homeless people camping out in or near the old steam tunnels. The worse news was that more and more places that used to be safe were employing hostile architecture to try and get the homeless to move away - or at least die somewhere out of sight of all the nice, orderly rent-payers in the city.

At least here, they had a shelter from the wind and a steady supply of half-eaten food via the dumpster and the neighbouring blocks of flats. Lulu was moderately sure she could figure out how to pick the lock and get into the basement before the snows came. That way, she and Koko could huddle in a corner near the furnace and stay nice and toasty during the worst of the winter.

That had been the plan, anyway.

Right up until the instant a huge garbage bag fell on Koko from above with the sound of shattering glass and the sickening thud of one baby twin brother hitting the uncaring concrete of the alleyway floor.

Lulu dropped everything -literally- and ran to her brothers side. She could roll the garbage bag off her brother. He was beat up, cut a little, but still breathing. Okay. Okay. That was fine. That was okay.

“Koko?” she managed in a harsh whisper, lest any noise alert anyone prone to narc. She shook him a little. “Koko?”

His hair was straight. His hair was never perfectly straight. There was always a kink or a curl or straight-up frizz. Lulu couldn’t even remember the last time she’d seen her brother’s hair completely limp.

“Koko…” Lulu wrestled his head and half his body into her lap. “Koko.” Nothing. He was completely limp, just like his hair. And there was a wet patch of blood spreading out through those golden locks and -oh gods- “Koko, don’t die! Koko!”

Panic. Utter panic. Koko was going to die because some asshole dumped garbage on him and they were going to take them both away and she’d never know where he was buried if he even got a burial and they couldn’t take him away, they couldn’t! He was her heart! He was her whole heart and the only reason she even bothered waking up in the morning and Koko! Koko please! Wake up, Koko! KOKO!

There was an adult Elf leaning over them, and that was when Lulu went from ordinary hysterical to full-blown scream-crying and fuck whatever authorities wanted to take them away. She’d scream and scream and scream until the whole world vanished. She’d scream her heart and soul away if it got her Koko back.

The Sea Elf kept murmuring and cooing and gently touching them both in an I-won’t-hurt-you-ever way. She had half a bagel that she picked little mouthfuls off of to offer Lulu and things that stopped the blood and a way of showing Lulu that her dumb baby brother was still alive, just unconscious. She had a better, cleaner place where he could recover and they could both get clean and she could cook them a nice, hot meal and wouldn’t everything be better after a hot chocolate?

There came a point in a cascade of terrible events where just about anything was a step up. If it turned out that this Sea Elf was some kind of horrible, they could bail anyway and be no worse off. In the meantime, there would be a clean place and hot food and new clothes and, once Koko was back to wakefulness, a real bath with real soap and real hot water.

All the same, Lulu refused to let go of Koko and flat-out refused to let him out of her sight. All the way up to a tiny, one-bedroom flat where Koko looked even tinier inside a grownups’ bed. All the way through patching him up and getting him clean and making sure he wasn’t in real danger. All the way through a quick mercy run to the local Bodega -don’t go anywhere! Not that Lulu had any such plans.

All the way through dinosaur chicken nuggets and bubble-and-squeak patties all cooked in the microwave with ketchup on the side.

Koko was awake. Koko was okay. That was all that mattered. Koko passed the weird-ass concussion test, which was better. Koko was also amazingly cool about letting a stranger bathe them and clothe them in identical baggy I (heart) NW tee shirts and ludicrous, one-size-fits-nobody pull-cord pants.

“You sure you’re okay, Koko?” Lulu whispered after the stranger called La’ming tucked them in for the night. “You’re not complaining about anything.”

“Bad food is better than no food,” he whispered right back. “This place is okay. It’s out of the weather and she seems to care enough to want to look after us. Worst comes to the worst, we’re outta here when it gets warm.”

Lulu wrapped herself around her brother. “That’s the dumb baby brother I know,” she cooed. “Always planning for the worst.”

“Geez, make me puke,” Koko mockingly scolded. “Then she’ll call the Fantasy CDC on our asses.”

[TAZ Prompts remaining: 0]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

[AN: That you did. I am a dummins]

It was a beautiful town. High-class folk. Lots of beautiful things. Lots of nicely portable, small, shiny, valuable things on display for any light-fingered person happening by to help themselves.

Which was what Lulu and Koko had just been caught doing by the City Watch.

“We were just lookin’,” Lulu lied. “We’re gonna put ‘em right back.”

One of them slit open her poke. More glittering tchotchkes spilled to the cobbled streets.

“Oh my gods,” Koko attempted. “Sir, we’ve been selected as some vile footpad’s patsy! We had no idea those things were in there…”

“My babies! Oh, my babies!” A glittering, glimmering vision descended on them from a set of stairs like a cloud of glamour wrapped in feathers, rich velvet, and gleaming gold. She sailed over like a conquering galleon. She had pearls at her throat and what appeared to be diamonds in her hair.

The twins almost didn’t recognise her as shy, mousy, softly-spoken Mak’arune.

“Oh you found my poor innocent babies,” she cooed, sweeping the twins into her arms and kissing them both heartily. “Have they hurt you, my darlings?” she wheeled on the guard with the knife. “How dare you accost my babies and damage their property! Do you have any idea who I am?”

Her arrogance sold it, the guards immediately bowed and scraped, tugging at their forelocks. “No, m’m. Our apologies, m’m.”

“Your Grace,” she hissed. “I demand immediate recompence at once for your astonishingly ignorant behaviour. My babies are clearly distraught at this grievous insult.”

Lulu and Koko took the hint and burst into crocodile tears, with cries of ‘Mommy!” and accusations of gross violence.

In less than five minutes, the guards were falling over themselves to press the purloined pieces on her and the twins, and hustling them towards a fine clothier so the twins could be outfitted appropriately, “So the same mistake can’t happen again, your Grace.”

Koko had a panic attack in the changing room, cushioned against Mak’arune’s bosom and listening to her soft, parental purring. “That was so close,” he kept saying. “We nearly lost our ears. Lost our hands. Lost our lives…”

“Close only counts in Horseshoes and fireballs,” Mak’arune soothed. “Just breathe, now. We’re safe. Safe and sound.”

Lulu was still shocked and awed. “That’s the most phenomenal scam I have ever seen. What the fuck, Mak?” She smirked, “Or should I call you ‘your Grace’?”

“Mommy works,” she smiled. Luume’irma had been milder to her, but she still counted the twins as her babies. “Mommy works very well indeed.”

All the same, they didn’t even try shoplifting for the rest of their time in that town.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Sometimes… it’s good to get away from the kids. Kustaad, La’ming Ton, Mak’arune, and Montgomery Pithon were glad enough to leave the twins with Kri with Tri’fel and Exandria as the grownups took a break from their combined shenanigans in the Varmvale Inn.

Montgomery was enjoying things slightly less, since he was used to parenting two of the remaining three whilst they were on the road. It took him a good percentage of the evening to get drunk enough to relax.

Kustaad, on the other hand, was well into his cups. It took a lot to get an Elf drunk, and the Varmvale ale was thick and strong and potent as hell. “Tha’ li’l Koko,” he rambled. “He’s goin’ be trouble.”

“I know he’s a rough diamond,” said Mak’arune, who could not hold her ale. “But he’s… he’s real sweet. Th’ poor boy’s been through lots… Lots ‘n’ lots ‘n’ lots ‘n’ lots….”

La’ming took the tankard out of Mak’arune’s fingers. “I’m pretty sure you’ve had enough, there, dear.”

“I think,” said Kustaad. “I think… I think… I think I’m starting to think… That poor li’l boy might… just be sweet on me a li’l.”

Montgomery was glad he couldn’t roll his eyes. Everyone in the circus knew that Koko was fully occupied with pining for Kustaad. Happily married Kustaad. Old enough to literally be his father Kustaad. Also ripped, more than a little bit of a nerd, and thoroughly beautiful even for an Elf.

“I think you might be right,” he announced. “You’re kind of his type.”

“I’m also… approaching… Threehunnerd an’ fi’tty…” Kustaad belched. “I gotta… I gotta… uh… I gotta baby… tha’ss closer to his age’n I am.”

La’ming chuckled. “Babies always gotta get crushes onna grownups,” she said. “I remember this one time? In Freeport? I was only a hundred and thirty, but that didn’t matter… This li’l fifty-year-old squirt tries to sneak into my tent after th’ show…”

Mak’arune latched on to Montgomery’s arm. “Y’r th’ bess’ boss inna wholewide worl’… di’joo-di’joo-di’joo-di’jooo… know that?”

“You’re very drunk,” said Montgomery.

“…didn’t notice until I was halfway outta my costume, y’aw’msayin…”

Mak’arune’s eyes began to mist over. “Are you mad at me?”

“I’ll be less mad if I have my arm back, thankyou,” he allowed. I’ll be really mad at you tomorrow, when you can appreciate it. To add to the freedom, he gently tipped Mak’arune towards La’ming.

“…so there I am in tights and skimpy little panties, my bra half off… More’n half off if you get my drift… And he pops outta the clothes basket like, ‘tah-dah! You gotta love me’… so o’ course I– Hey!”

“Y’re ver’ preddy,” said Mak’arune.

“You’re kind’a adorbs yourself,” slurred La’ming.

The worst thing about tonight, Montgomery reflected, was that none of these Elves would remember any kind of progress they might make tonight.

Damn it.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Another village, another attempt at keeping the Bail Fund intact for another fortnight. This time, at least, La’ming Ton was there to help keep the twins in rein.

Allegedly.

“I’ll have your strongest ale,” said Koko.

“He’s having a mild cider shandy[1],” said La’ming. She wheeled to face Lulu, “And so are you, young miss.”

Lulu switched to Street Elven, “These are Humanmen, they can’t possibly know.”

“Elves already have a reputation for being duplicitous, deceptive lawbreakers. The last thing we need to enforce that reputation. So you two under-age Elves are drinking shandies. End of.”

The twins grumbled, but suffered to drink shandies.

Raucous laughter erupted from a card table across the inn.

“That’s what I like to see,” roared the most obnoxious one. “Tame Elves.”

One of his lieutenants laughed even louder and said, “Rather see ‘em hangin’ in a ‘pothecary to dry!”

“Hey, hey. Careful. They can hear us,” said another lieutenant. “With ears like that, they can hear your hand!”

The twins were growling under their breaths. La’ming, with her ears docked and her disguise on, rested a hand on one each of theirs. “Okay,” she said in Street Elven, “Now is the time we run the kind of scam where we let them walk home in their breechclouts.”

The twins turned to assess the quartet of boozy card players. “We have three… We could run the Winterheim Two-step.”

“I was thinking of the Passholdt Handshake.”

“How about somewhere in-between? The Goldcliff Warm Welcome.”

The twins grinned like sharks. “Goldcliff. I like it.”

La’ming sighed. “I don’t know whether it’s more disturbing that I know what all those are… or that you do.”

The game, known to hustlers as the Goldcliff Warm Welcome, was also known as skin the guys who are going to learn better. It began with La’ming airing a little more cleavage and hiking up more than a mere corner of her skirt.

The twins insisted on speaking only in Gutter Elven, a language that La’ming insisted was their twin talk. She also gave them the story that the twins were found wild and didn’t understand Common. A ‘fact’ that emboldened the Humanman quartet to be louder and more boisterous than they had been before.

It took only a few hours to rid them of every coin they had on them, all their jewelry, every single weapon in their possession, and most of their clothing. They were also getting the message but, as Koko and Lulu gathered up the spoils, Koko had to twist the knife.

“Just so you know,” he said to their astonished and gaping faces. “It’s really bad luck to insult an Elf.”

La’ming hurried them out of there and back to the safety of the Circus campgrounds. Haul and all. There, she made the twins vow that they wouldn’t leave the grounds until the Circus left with them.

Three weeks later, when they left for another town, La’ming noticed that her savings jar was a lot more full than she knew it had been a mere week ago. Of course she confronted her adopted kids the instant she found it.

“Did you two have anything to do with the extra coin in my restoration fund?”

“Depends,” said Koko. “Are you mad about it?”

Lulu elbowed him. Hissed a stop-talking noise with some urgency.

La’ming took a breath. Parenting these two was a constant negotiation. “I’d only be mad if you took any risks. Like going into the town when I told you it was dangerous. Especially going into the town without an escort to make sure you’re,” not arrested, “safe.”

“We never left the circus grounds,” said Lulu truthfully.

“We gave all that stuff we skinned off’a those dudes to Monty so he could hock ‘em for us,” added Koko. “And we put all of it into your jar.”

“No Elf should have their ears docked,” said Lulu. “It’s painful and limits expression and…” her voice fell to a mumble, “…’n’ I read of how it can cause problems in y’r dome piece…”

They could have blown all that coin on fashion, luxuries, ingredients, or even treats for themselves. They could have wasted it on potions and pipeweed. “You… really put all that profit into my restoration fund?”

The twins looked at each other, and joined hands. “Every last copper,” they said together.

She swept them up in her arms and smooched the heck out of their adorable little faces. “Thank you, thank you. I’ve got the best babies in the world.”

“Stop it…” whined Koko without much conviction.

“You’re embarrassing,“ added Lulu without any honesty.

[1] Shandy: mixing small amounts of alcohol with large amounts of lemonade or sweetened soda water.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Still Tumbl'd, Still TAZ - Chapter 68 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

Twins… meet your new brother… Terry “turkey boy” Ton.

Her babies were off researching very clever stuff over at IPRE, competing with other people in the IPRE for some posting on a two-month mission into the greater beyond. La’ming wished them luck. They needed a good adventure on their own. Her concern was with one of their past misadventures.

One of Lup’s past misadventures named Greg Grimaldis. He was one of the rare few scum-sucking user assholes who had successfully passed all their paranoid inspections to later betray the whole family.

On the surface, it was a simple matter of fifteen dollars. Not only was it the principal of the thing, but it was also one of Lup’s special fifteen dollar bills. The one success she’d needed to fund the thinnest of their college years. It should have gone back to La’ming and Mak’arune, but Greg Grimaldis had left her with a very clever fake.

He was now using the original to fund his entrepreneurial ventures, having dropped out of the IPRE the second he got what he was really after. And here she’d been thinking he was simply out to procure sex. Now she was thinking of ways to get past Grimaldis’ increasingly convoluted security measures.

Fifteen dollars a day, every day, added up to quite the tidy fortune.

She did not intend for it to add up for him for very much longer.

A combination of clever spellwork and superior stealth got her into his offices, and ransacking them for the bill proved fruitless.

“You really think I’d leave it somewhere like a doofus?” he said.

La’ming stood from her former, covert huddle. “Grimaldis.”

“Ton,” he smirked in that oily way she had hated from day one. “Small surprise I’d find you in here. Looking for something… special.”

“You have something that isn’t yours. I’m simply retrieving it for the person you stole it from.”

“Prove its hers and I report her for forgery. She’ll get kicked out of that fancy-schmancy gig they got going. Think she’d love you after that?”

He had to have it on his person. Somewhere. Good thing Taako had taught her how to rob someone blind without them knowing it. La’ming turned on the charm. Smiling seductively. Edging closer.

“Now, now, Mr Grimaldis… can I call you Greg?” she didn’t wait for permission. “Greg… we’re both beings of the world. I’m certain we can come to… some form of understanding.”

He grinned and moved beyond her reach. “Nice try, but you told me to fuck off in no uncertain terms at every given opportunity. I don’t think you’d betray your little wife like that. She is prone to cry.”

Damnit… La’ming sighed. “You should also know that this isn’t over. You’ve angered a very talented family. We’ll get that fifteen dollars away from you one way or another.”

“Any more threats, Mrs Ton, and I might have to call in my boys,” he cooed.

She left while things were still civil.

*

Of all the things she regretted, La’ming regretted not being able to tell the twins about their new brother. He’d been adopted at age seven in another fit of Luume and didn’t seem to mind having two Elven moms doting on his general welfare.

They taught him everything he needed to know.

Low cunning, high strategies, and being able to play the fool at a virtuoso level. Terry was almost as good as the twins and their mothers put together. He’d even counted on his older sister to figure out a way to try and procure it herself.

Sorry, Lulu. The circus needs that fifteen dollars more than you need to destroy it.

La’ming waited, watching what she could from hacks she had made in the Grimaldis Casino security systems. Her twins were very good at this, avoiding many pitfalls along the way. They were so close to taking it with them…

Then everything cut off. A pre-recorded image of Old Blue-Eyes was glaring in her general direction.

“Of course you’re up to something, La’ming Ton,” he said. “Try it again and I’ll destroy everything you ever loved. Starting with Turkey Boy.”

He knew!

“Yeah, I know he’s yours. The interesting thing is going to be whether I fire him or kill him. Guess we’ll see how much a rich man can get away with murder.”

*

Terry kept the bill safe and himself financed all the way to Varmvale, where a neat little cottage rested by a barn made to shelter a moderately-sized traveller’s caravan. The original note was safely hidden and he had an easy way to tell the original from the dupicates that sprang forth once a day.

His step was lighter on the way to that little cottage. His smile wider as he walked up the path towards the pretty little gate and the neat little fence. “Mo-oms… I’m ho-o-ome!" 

Two Elven figures, one blue, and one pale, rushed towards him from their former places in maintaining and keeping their winter home. One was half-Elven, but that didn’t matter when family was on the table. They scooped Terry up in their arms and covered him in kisses and there was more than one pair of eyes that got a little moist. 

"Any trouble?” said the blue one, known to the world as La'Ming Ton, Fushi Mermaid. 

“You were right about the twins turning up,” said Terry, letting Mak'arune Ton add a bobble hat to his ensemble. “Mom, it isn’t that cold. Give over…”

“You need to stay warm, baby. Did they make more trouble for you?" 

"No, your scrying was right on the button. I gave them the wand and they bought it hook, line and sinker. I could tell Lup was gonna be pissed, though." 

"She’ll get over it. How’d they get back into this dimension? I never saw that part." 

"Special belts. Which means we might be in for trouble when they recharge." 

La'ming grinned. "I think they’ll forgive us. Meanwhile, it can help fill out the Bail Fund." 

Terry let himself inside to warm by the fire and started to relax after he handed over the fateful bill. "Grimaldis was a piece of work, though. I almost didn’t make it in.”

“Yeah. We tried to warn your sister, but…” Mak'arune shrugged. “You just can’t warn people sometimes.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

Still Tumbl'd, Still TAZ - Chapter 37 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

In this chapter - the moments when they had their adoption acknowledged.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

Still Tumbl'd, Still TAZ - Chapter 36 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

In this chapter, revenge is the sweetest gift a family can give.

Taako had taken the flier off of the dweeb because it was more or less a professional exchange. He, too, had been handing out fliers for Monty Pithon’s Amazing Circus and they both promised to see what the other’s flier was about. You know, the usual horseshit.

Except this dude actually turned up. In the actual midway while he was doing the lunch rush and turning it into an instructional show at the same time. Lup was down with the local crud, so he had to go solo this time.

“And that’s the chicken bouillabaisse,” he smoothed, ladling out small portions of it to the audience thanks to one of the circus brats. Anyone who actually worked in the pandemonium of the circus would stop by for whatever they wanted, but the people watching him had to add an offering to the box before they got theirs.

Bluejeans dude added a silver to the pot and, after taking a few bites, called the kid with the box back to add a couple of gold. Nice guy. This meant, of course, that Taako had to go to whatever his shindig was. Scouting forum for something called Ip Re.

He was only a hundred and sixteen. Barely an adult by Elven standards, so he showed it to his moms and sickened sister. A little of his legendary ginger garlic chicken soup saw her over the crud enough to come and attend with him.

My gods… it’s full of nerds…

Lup was still a little under the weather despite his soup, and he needed to boost her spirits. So he kept up the acerbic comments in her ear about the nerds, geeks, and dweebs that took turns up on the podium. Interesting stuff. This super-nerd called Hallwinter insisted that there was more than one planar system, and was busy devising a method of departing one planar system to investigate another.

Lup was coming up with some interesting questions about it and jotting them down. Taako kept his questions in his head. The ones that Lup didn’t think of, anyway.

There was a queue of people who wanted to ask nerdy questions. Some of them also bought books thick enough to be fucking weapons.

As they approached the desk where Professor Hallwinter was signing and answering queries, it was none other than Bluejeans man himself! He leaned over to his sister and said, “Nerd alert,” a little too loudly.

It was classic. He looked over their way, did a double-take, took off his glasses and cleaned them, and looked again.

Then it was their turn.

“He– Yo– Wha– I– There’s two of you? I mean, we were looking for a cook for the eventual mission, but… twins would solve a lot of the bond engine issues. Hi. Sildar Hallwinter. Professor.”

Lup had recovered her edge. Taako could tell by the way she launched right into their Bit without turning a hair. “Wow. So… you think all Elves look alike, then?”

“That’s a bit speciesist,” said Taako. “And listen to him presuming we’re twins.”

“We are totally different people,” said Lup. “Next thing you know, he won’t be able to tell us apart despite the obvious differences.”

He was stammering so fast that it almost made a word. “Ah-er-ab-u-da-er-ih-tha-oh-de-ur…” He was turning so red it was a miracle he didn’t bust a vessel somewhere.

Lup burst out laughing, and Taako followed. “We’re pulling your leg, professor. Of fucking course we’re twins. Hi. Call me Lup. And this is my dumb baby brother…”

“Taako,” said Taako. “From Tre Llew-Ddion.”

It was a half-hour of interesting questions, followed by being loaded up with offers to further their education at the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration. The very young Professor Hallwinter thought they could gain some diplomas - after a few catch-up courses that they’d obviously sail through.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, he thought they were both very brilliant and would be shining stars at the Institute. “Now I know he’s trying to sell something,” Taako joked on their way back to camp. “You and I both know I’m as dumb as a bag of rocks.”

“Let’s humour him,” said Lup. “If nothing else, we can be cooks and get a proper education.” She had her wicked smirk back, too. “Besides, he looks like he’d be fun to play with.”

“Play gentle,” Taako advised. “Humanmen are kind’a fragile.”

If he only knew then what he’d know in less than a century…

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]