Tumbl'd 3: Forever TAZ - Chapter 60 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
In this chapter - more Kravitz-luume shenanigans.
Reader Request #133
On chapter 53 of Tumbl’d 3
If Kravitz decided to stay as a half-elf, would he eventually go trough luume? I have a feeling he’d either be real easy to deal with, like you’d barely notice he’s in luume beyond some possessiveness. Or he’d be worse than Taako. Either way it would be fun to read about him going “Mine” on Taako and Angus.
P.S your fics help me get through my week!
Some choices can have… interesting consequences. Kravitz hadn’t thought much of his choice to be half-Elven. It helped him fit in with his little family. It also helped him experience things from an Elven perspective. It helped him understand both Taako and little Angus.
What he did not understand was the sudden onset of a feverish sensation. He was dead. He couldn’t catch anything meant for mortals. He couldn’t pass anything along, either, which was a boon to his family.
His family. His loving husband. His gorgeous little boy. Kravitz bent over their son and smooched Angus’ brow, surprised anew at the purr that came out of him. This was good. This was his. As was Taako, in the middle of an almost-typical breakfast argument with his sister.
“Too many sweet things, baby bro. You need some savoury.”
“Savoury, maybe, not five fucktons of chilli sauce. There’s a baby at the table, babe.”
“Well, you’re feeding him garlic by the bulb, babe.”
“By the clove, sweetheart. By the clove. Anyway, weren’t you complaining about not feeding Ango enough savoury stuff -mmm- two minutes ago?”
Angus laughed at the ongoing debate. He had his pick of all kinds of food and amazingly chose a complete breakfast.
“How’s my best baby boy?”
“Absolutely fine, Daddy,” Taako teased.
“He’s got some horrible business thing going on today, so I’m stealing the ba–”
SNAAARRLLL… Kravitz shook at the sound before he realised it was him making it. “My baby,” he growled.
The twins turned, eyebrows raised in an unconscious mirror of each other. They looked Kravitz over from top to toe and back again. “Hmm,” said Lup. “Hey, Bar-bear…”
Barry surfaced from the book he’d been reading. “Hanh?”
“Can you steal Taako for like five seconds, babe?”
The next thing Kravitz knew, he had a confused Angus under one arm, and Taako behind the other, snarling at Barold and defending Taako from his own sister.
“Yyyup,” said Lup.
Taako’s hand wasn’t very warm, any more. Kravitz rumbled a confused mrrrowp? kind of noise. Part concern, part not understanding what the flying hell was going on.
“Yeah,” sighed Taako. “It’s Luume.”
“It’s what?”
“You’re over two thousand years old, babe,” said Taako. “And you’ve never had The Talk?”
“I’ve….” Mine, mine, mine mine! “Never had….” Mine! “Never had Luume before.”
“I’ll call around and cancel your plans, baby bro,” soothed Lup. “And let Bird Mom know her feathery son is occupied for the foreseeable future.”
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 1]
[Also sincere apologies for taking way too long on this. I’ve had a shitty week]
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[AN: That you did. I am a dummins]
It was a beautiful town. High-class folk. Lots of beautiful things. Lots of nicely portable, small, shiny, valuable things on display for any light-fingered person happening by to help themselves.
Which was what Lulu and Koko had just been caught doing by the City Watch.
“We were just lookin’,” Lulu lied. “We’re gonna put ‘em right back.”
One of them slit open her poke. More glittering tchotchkes spilled to the cobbled streets.
“Oh my gods,” Koko attempted. “Sir, we’ve been selected as some vile footpad’s patsy! We had no idea those things were in there…”
“My babies! Oh, my babies!” A glittering, glimmering vision descended on them from a set of stairs like a cloud of glamour wrapped in feathers, rich velvet, and gleaming gold. She sailed over like a conquering galleon. She had pearls at her throat and what appeared to be diamonds in her hair.
The twins almost didn’t recognise her as shy, mousy, softly-spoken Mak’arune.
“Oh you found my poor innocent babies,” she cooed, sweeping the twins into her arms and kissing them both heartily. “Have they hurt you, my darlings?” she wheeled on the guard with the knife. “How dare you accost my babies and damage their property! Do you have any idea who I am?”
Her arrogance sold it, the guards immediately bowed and scraped, tugging at their forelocks. “No, m’m. Our apologies, m’m.”
“Your Grace,” she hissed. “I demand immediate recompence at once for your astonishingly ignorant behaviour. My babies are clearly distraught at this grievous insult.”
Lulu and Koko took the hint and burst into crocodile tears, with cries of ‘Mommy!” and accusations of gross violence.
In less than five minutes, the guards were falling over themselves to press the purloined pieces on her and the twins, and hustling them towards a fine clothier so the twins could be outfitted appropriately, “So the same mistake can’t happen again, your Grace.”
Koko had a panic attack in the changing room, cushioned against Mak’arune’s bosom and listening to her soft, parental purring. “That was so close,” he kept saying. “We nearly lost our ears. Lost our hands. Lost our lives…”
“Close only counts in Horseshoes and fireballs,” Mak’arune soothed. “Just breathe, now. We’re safe. Safe and sound.”
Lulu was still shocked and awed. “That’s the most phenomenal scam I have ever seen. What the fuck, Mak?” She smirked, “Or should I call you ‘your Grace’?”
“Mommy works,” she smiled. Luume’irma had been milder to her, but she still counted the twins as her babies. “Mommy works very well indeed.”
All the same, they didn’t even try shoplifting for the rest of their time in that town.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]
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Tumbl'd 3: Forever TAZ - Chapter 3 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
In this episode: the aftermath of the luume’irma episode from a previous anthology.
If there was any day that would be the worst one for a surprise inspection visit by the Fantasy CPS, it would have to be the day that Taako was sliding inexorably towards a full-on Luume rampage.
He was currently cooking everything in the kitchen whilst Angus, Agatha, and Carey flipped rapidly through reference material, desperately searching for something that would prevent Taako bonding with all the babies in the house. Carey and Killian liked Taako just fine, but not as a co-parent to their own daughter.
Both Orc and Dragonborn had rougher hides, and couldn’t finesse an Elf’s ‘off switch’ like an Elf or a Humanman could. The only other option was one of the children, and by the time he got near one, he would want to grab the other.
“Here it is,” Carey found the passage. “Co-parenting of a child by a more authoritative figure can prevent a parental bond forming in an Elf suffering luume’irma. This is it. One of us goes with and does most of the parenting stuff instead of letting Taako do it all.”
“Or I could just hide,” suggested Agatha.
“No, hon. He’d scent you out,” said Killian. “We’ve seen this sort of thing before. Unless Kravitz turns up to really distract Taako–”
“Gross,” said the kids.
“Yeah, we figured that wouldn’t be an option,” said Killian. “And I don’t wanna disinfect my kitchen again.”
“Babies eat,” singsonged Taako, bearing an overloaded platter of nutritious and delicious treats.
Someone knocked as they barged in. “Fantasy CPS inspection.”
Sniff? Snort. SNARL!
“Oh shit,” said Angus.
Taako quickly put the tray down and leaped over the couch to scoop up the kids, growling at the representative from the Fantasy CPS, and one of the staffers from the very orphanage both kids had come from.
If there was anything that was a worse threat to those children, it would be the slightest hint that they were going back to that horrible orphanage.
Taako lifted one kid in each arm, hissed defiance at the representatives for their alleged welfare, and bounded off towards the backyard, where he had built a cote some years prior.
“Agatha, go limp,” Angus advised.
“Luume?” said the Fantasy CPS representative.
“Luume,” said Carey, lifting up the tray. “I gotta go make sure he doesn’t adopt our kid. Okay?”
They let her go off with a wave of their hand.
Killian, attempting to remain calm, made tea. “So,” she said. “How does your organisation feel about moments of bad timing?
Meanwhile, up in the cote…
Taako sniffed at the entrance. Food. Friend? Friend. Yes. Let friend in. Babies scared. Babies hungry. Babies in danger.
“Bad people near,” he said.
“Ye-e-es,” cooed Carey-friend. “Bad people are near. This is the safe place. This is a good place.” She handed Taako a cake, and gave one to Agatha. “You feed your baby, I feed mine. Okay?” She urgently whispered, “Don’t let him feed you. Always look to me for that ‘kay?”
Agatha nodded, taking the cake from her Dragonborn mother’s hands.
Taako knew he could groom both babies, that was good. He could sniff and worry and guard. That was… allowed. He could feed his baby and keep him arm and comfortable and that was very good. He could purr up a storm for the three of them. And if he saw even the slightest hint of the dangerous outsiders, he would occupy the entrance and threaten them until they went away.
That was excellent.
*
Agatha stayed glued to Mom’s lap or wrapped around her arm if a lap wasn’t available. The passages she read had said she had to make the belonging clear to a being whose mental capacity was diminished at best. Mom was cool with it, always keeping at least one limb wrapped around her.
The cote was comfortable, Agatha knew. She used it as a treehouse once or twice. The food was great - of course it was, Taako had made it. Much though she loved Mama Killian’s cooking, Taako was the best chef in one hundred worlds. He did actually make the best stuff. Even when Int and Wis were his current dump stats.
She got to chatter - quietly - with Angus about how their home lives were so much different now that they had a home. How worried they were about Fantasy CPS and the orphanage taking them back.
At that point, Taako wrapped himself around Angus and groomed him towards calm, purring as soothingly as he could. Mom Carey had her own Dragonborn purr, too, and rocked Agatha in her arms as she singsonged, “We burned the receipts, you can’t be returned, it’s going to be okay… Mom’s gotcha. Mo-om’s gotcha…”
Agatha held hands with Angus as the conversation turned to whispers. Finally, as the moon shone between the woven branches, Mama Killian strolled into their yard. “They’re gone. You’re all safe now.”
Taako sniffed the air, snorted, and murmured, “Danger…”
In the end, it was a sleepover and campout. Mama brought up pillows and blankets and some fairy lights, and snuggled with Mom while they both held Agatha safe between them.
Angus curled up safe in his Papa’s arm, with Taako purring in his ear.
It was a good night.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]
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…in another reality, a fragment of the one we know…
Growl… Taako rather insisted that Mrs McDonald remained upright.
“None of that nonsense,” said Mawlitt briskly, levering Mrs McDonald’s feet out from under her. Or at least, that’s what he tried to do. There was a blur and a snap, and a sharp sensation of pain in his left shoulder. And a blood-soaked Elven face in his.
“Need. Safe,” Taako growled.
“Sir…. sir… deep breaths, sir. Dr Mawlit is here to help.”
The growling continued like a burning fuse. The sort of growl that starts in the back of one throat and ends in someone else’s.
Mrs McDonald shrieked. “It’s… coming!”
Grrrrrrrrooooowwwwllllll…
“Sir, it’s okay. I won’t let the doctor hurt her.”
The baby was out before he could think of dressing his own wounds. Something Mr McDonald was there to help for. The important part was hale, hearty and crying.
“Baby eat,” was even more disturbing with the slow fuse of growl underneath it.
Mawlitt let that distract the Elf in the room and got out the forceps and special scissors. “Now to cut the cord…”
There were sharp, Elven teeth in his wrist this time, holding forceps and his hand away from the trailing cord. The growl intensified with flecks of foam. Mawlit was close enough to see murder in those suddenly-thin slits.
“Sir, no!” Mr McDonald put himself between Taako and Mawlitt.
“Ba– baby? Threat! Threat! Babies. Threatening babies!”
Mawlitt figured it out. No bladed instruments. Right. He moved his more imposing obstetrical arsenal well out of sight and hopefully out of mind.
“No threat,” he assured. “Help babies.” He bandaged his right wrist. “I’m using the clean hand, to help with the afterbirth. Okay. No hurt. No threat.”
Taako yielded grudgingly, growling the entire time and poised ready to strike if the slightest hint of trouble glimpsed his way.
Whoops. That’s a second baby… He got the kid oriented the right way with a gentle shove. “Ms McDonald,” he said, “You’re going to have a twin.”
Taako was suddenly happier about life in general. “Babies,” he preened. Then returned to growling slightly softer at Mawlitt.
“He is going to be intolerable,” she complained between pushes.
“He is never going to shut up about this,” agreed Mr McDonald
Twin number two entered Mrs McDonald’s arms and Mawlitt found himself pushed forcefully towards the exit by a pissed-off Luume-addled elf. Just as those sharp, sharp teeth drew closer to his neck, rescue came in the form of Kravitz Reeper. “Hello, Dove. Don’t bite the doctor.”
Agatha squirmed past squeaking, “Babies! Babies! Grampa was right! There’s twins!”
Mr McDonald stage-whispered, “We don’t need to encourage Grampa…”
Mawlitt would be grateful when civilisation reasserted itself. Fortunately, he was plenty distracted by the husband cleaning blood off of his face.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]
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Still Tumbl'd, Still TAZ - Chapter 95 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
In this chapter: Luume shenanigans on the Starblaster.
TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6
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One year After Story and Song (ASS)…
Taako was looking… demented. His pupils had almost obliterated his irises. His face was flushed and, mere moments before, he had been turning the place upside-down as if searching for something desperately needed.
“Sir?”
Taako took one look at him and smiled as if he had found the solution to every problem in the world, all wrapped up in one weddy pre-teen boy package. “Baby,” he cooed.
“I’m baby?”
Taako pounced.
*
Five years ASS…
He’d come down to see what the fuss was. Taako had cooked more than a spread. This wasn’t an anxiety bake-off. This was Taako going through every ingredient at his disposal and every recipe in his noggin.
“Are you… okay? Sir?”
Taako turned. “Baby!”
Sigh. “I’m baby,” he grumped. This sort of thing was only supposed to happen once a decade, damnit…
*
Nine years ASS…
He woke with Taako sprawled across him and purring voluminously. How long he had been under the influence of Luume was anyone’s guess.
“Baby…” Taako singsonged.
Yawn. “I’m baby,” he sighed.
*
Nineteen years ASS…
“Sir, I’d like you to meet Miss Agatha Tre–”
Whump.
“Baby!”
Angus, ass knocked flat on the floor, sighed and looked pleadingly around to where Agatha was lurking and hiding. “I’m baby,” he growled.
*
Twenty years ASS…
This time, he grabbed Agatha with a cheerful, “Baby baby!” and whisked her off to the cote.
“Agatha! Go limp!” It was a mere handful of moments after that that that he had to wonder, “What the actual shit?”
But in a minute, Taako was back. “Baby!”
Ah. Now things were back to what passed for normal. “I’m baby…”
*
Twenty-four years ASS…
This was the first time he hadn’t called Angus ‘baby’ since… since forever. He was more interested in baby time. On one hand, it did give Angus the freedom to call the doctor and help resolve a mere few of the issues.
On the other hand… he kind of missed being the baby.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]
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[AN: It normally isn’t, but I can make an exception with pressures on Taako’s brainspace]
He’d killed a town. Again. At least the survivors of Glamour Springs had been able to bury the dead and pick up the pieces. This was way, way worse. A whole down. Wiped off the map. That which wasn’t black glass or a ring of slag was ash.
He could wheedle his way out of it. He knew he could. He was a pro. If they’d killed that Kurtz kid (a literal child, he couldn’t know what he was doing). Or if they’d just ignored the scavenging raiders (and left a literal child to deal with slavery or worse. He’d been there…) and gone on with hunting down and stopping Cyrus…
He’d killed a town. Again.
All those families. All those lives. All those people.
They couldn’t even be buried.
Then, for an encore, the people who could have helped dragged his sorry ass up to the moon with two other chucklefucks. They could have helped, if only they could literally communicate what the fuck was going on. If he’d known…
If he could tell the difference between Elderberries and Deadly Nightshade on sight…
If he hadn’t cried out and gained the attention of that one archer…
If he wasn’t born with witch eyes…
It was so far down to the ground. He didn’t have the spell slots to run away. But there was still worse news in this shit sandwich.
He’d forgotten entire fucking war. An ages-long, seemingly endless war. Friends. Family. Dying in it, and he’d forgotten.
If there was any worse time to get a visit from Uncle Irma, it was now.
But Taako didn’t know that. All he knew, as the fever rose and his mental capacity shot down, was that he had to protect his family.
*
Taako was looking super-squirelly, searching through the four, tiny bunks as if he were searching for some lost ancestral trinket that was worth more than his soul.
Merle, finding him in the middle of his rummaging, said, “You okay, there, son?” and thereby learned that there was a very rare fourth aspect of luume’irma. Instead of the usual fight, fuck, or feed, Taako had gone to fortify. Which meant he was driven to protect and guard his family.
“Danger,” Taako said, and scooped up Merle faster than the Dwarven Cleric could blink.
The next thing he could make sense of, he was in some soft, cavernous space made out of mattresses. Someone had laid in supplies and there was one exit to a privy and the other–
“No! Danger!” Taako physically shoved Merle back inside. He had a dazed and confused Davenport under one arm and was frantically out of breath.
“Davenport?” said Davenport.
“Danger,” Taako repeated. “Danger.” He repeatedly set the two of them down, repeating, “Danger,” and, “Safe,” until they finally both sit put.
“Davenport,” sulked Davenport.
“Yeah, that kid’s deep in luume. Better to just sit down, shut up, and put up until he wears himself out.”
“Davenport,” he mumbled, still sulking.
Magnus had to be dragged in, half an hour later. He had made the mistake of attempting to fight an Elf deep in luume, and had been knocked the fuck out and tied the fuck up. Taako physically picked up Merle and mashed him into Magnus. “Safe,” Taako insisted. “Live.”
Merle cast Cure Wounds and Taako seemed happy. He left in the blink of an eye.
Magnus moaned as he came to. “What. The. Fuck.”
“Never mess with a manic Elf, kid,” growled Merle. “Now sit tight, play nice, and exhibit some patience. I’m not made outta spell slots, you know.”
Next into Taako’s collection was Madam Director herself. Stunned, but not unconscious. Meerle spent another spell slot on recovering enough of her hit points for passing normalcy to resume itself.
“Well,” she announced on her return to the waking world, “this is a clusterfuck of epic proportions.”
“I don’t know what got into him,” said Magnus. “He managed to overpower me and drag me into… this place.”
“The bedding depot,” said Madam Director. “It seems to be a magnet for Elves in Luume. They like building their own dens.”
“This has happened before?” said Magnus.
“Amongst our Elven population. Some PSA’s go around periodically about procedure… You missed the last one. I must update our administration protocols.” She crawled to a space by the entrance and waited.
Half an hour later, Taako entered again. Frantic. Out of breath. Hyper-aware and freaking out. He counted them all. “One. Two. Three. Four. One. Two. One… two… three… four…” he pawed at they air twice. “Need…”
“I know what you need,” said Madam Director. “Come here, I can help…”
“Not safe. Danger… Danger…”
“Just come here. I’ll help you.”
He did, but stopped to pause at every other handful of seconds. “One… two… three… four…” paw, paw. He moved a little closer to Madam Director. “One… two… three…”
Madam Director pounced. Seizing Taako’s head with both hands. Her fingers found his ‘off switch’.
“Danger…”
“Ssh… Hush, now,” Madam Director whispered. “It’s all right, now. I’ve got you. Ssh-ssh-ssh-ssh…”
“Danger…” mumbled Taako, slowly slipping under. “One… two.. three… four…” Paw, paw at the air. “One…”
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you…”
Mismatched eyes rolled back. Luxurious eyelids closed. He trembled from head to toe. His breath shuddered. Then he slumped, purring softly, with his head still in Madam Director’s hands.
“There, now,” she cooed. “None of you try to get back out of here, he’s still aware of us. The slightest disturbance in his environment and there’s no predicting what he’ll do.”
“So…” said Magnus. “We just sit here until he’s done?”
“Davenport,” nodded Davenport. He offered a packet of chips.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]
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Something… missing. Something wanting. Something gone. Something he had to search for. Something he had to find. Need. Needing hurt. Want. Wanting hurt worse.
Scent. Track. Find. Find baby. His baby. Taako crept closer. Baby sleeping. Quiet. Baby needs sleep. Sniff…
Baby sick!
Taako crept right up to his baby. Sniffing and carefully feeling. Much bad. Hot baby. Exhausted baby. Bad bed.
The thing people forget about the simplified form of the three classes of Luume - fight, fuck, or feed - is that ‘feed’ includes every form of nurture…
Taako lifted Angus - his baby - off the Humanman bed and, stripping most of the boy’s clothes off as he went, carried his baby (a young man, now, but that didn’t matter to Elven instincts) to a cote with a nice through-breeze in the summer.
Careful lips to his boy’s forehead. Still too hot. Need cold magic. Need good food baby will eat.
Ray of frost chilled off the ceiling and sent coolness drifting down on his baby, and Taako purred to hear the sigh of relief from his boy.
Not done yet. Good food. Soft food. Soup! Plenty good things. Ginger. Garlic. Chicken. Vegetables. Herbs. Lots and lots of herbs. Good food makes for better baby.
Poor baby.
Baby needed him.
Taako took a healthy portion into the cote, to a nook charmed to stay warm where at least one cat usually nested. Taako hissed at the one there to drive it off and make room for the soup. From there, smaller bowls of it would be used to tempt baby into eating.
“…sir, please, I’m not hungry.”
Taako didn’t have many words. Not at the moment. “Baby eat,” he cooed. “Strong baby. Good food. Strong food.”
“Sir?” Angus blearily peered into Taako’s eyes, then slumped back and sighed, “Oh no. Not this again…”
“Baby eat?” It was a very small bowl. No trouble for baby. Mostly liquid. Nothing too hard to chew.
Sigh. He accepted the cup and sipped. Carefully. He winced when he swallowed.
Taako pressed his lips to his baby’s brow. “Too hot,” he complained. He found water, found a cloth, and washed down his child. “Poor baby… Sick baby…”
“I just want to sleep, sir.”
Taako uged the contents of the bowl on his baby. Stayed close, but not close enough to crowd or overheat him. He purred a soothing rhythm as he watched and waited for his baby to stir on his own. From there, he would offer another bowl of soup.
In between times, he would wash his baby and purr and maintain the chilled ceiling. Once or twice on the half hour, Taako would press his lips to Angus’ brow to check on his fever.
A fever that broke sometime before Kravitz returned from his work.
Taako purred a little louder the instant he saw his chosen mate.
“Hello, Dove,” his mate murmured. “What’s happened?”
“Sick baby,” Taako cooed. “Won’t eat.”
“I’ll help. You rest, love.” Kravitz ran his chilly hands over Taako’s face, then rested one on Angus’ still-warm brow.
“Th’nk you sirs,” Angus mumbled.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]
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