Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad
The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!” One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?” He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!” Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?” And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits” And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.
I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long. So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.” Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy
I love this
I was (of course it was) in NYC at the time, riding on the R train and this burly, tall, leather and black jeans with fuck off huge steel-plated knee-highs and a fourteen foot lime green mohawk gets on the train and sit’s down, his jansport backpack making this Ghu-awful THUNK as he sets it between his feet. And no one says anything. Everyone saw him because how could you not?
And he opens his bag and starts rustling through it and sets aside some YA novel that I don’t remember but that it had this absolutely lovely lavender purple cover. and then he pulls out his fucking knitting and just goes to town. Just, minding his own business, knitting away intently, listening to his earbuds.
And wasn’t a person on that train gonna say a DAMN thing about it. No one pointed or made any comments because this dude was built to crush motherfuckers. And he was knitting in public so you know he knew no fear and was happy and confident and then this little girl walked away from her mum and walked straight up to him and waved and her mother looked surprised (but not scared, this is NYC - we don’t know fear because we’re too busy). But the guy sees this little girl wave at him and just gives her the BIGGEST SMILE and waves back and takes out an earbud and says hi and they start talking about knitting and how he learned on his own and she wanted to learn and her mother didn’t know. But he suggested that there were knitting clubs and a lot of them were free and would happily help a new little knitter like her.
It was the single most adorable and heart warming thing of my life. Like here’s this dude with a Rancid t-shirt that looks like it was probably printed in someone’s flat fifteen years ago with an anti-nazi patch right over his heart and enough metal in his clothes to be worth recycling but a little girl waved and what type of nasty, heartless fuck doesn’t smile at kids? That ain’t punk.
Used to work at a nature center, which was attached to an elementary school. Occasionally the fire alarms would go off, and for the most part, we’d all just go about our business (weekly fire drills for the kids didn’t mean that the snakes tanks didn’t need cleaning).
In the middle of one of these alarms, I had a lovely 7’ long red rat snake wrapped around me while I was cleaning up. (She was my favorite - active, but polite, never bit or struck or pulled back to threaten it, or musked me, no matter what I did with her). Of course, law of averages, there had to be one that was a “real” alarm. Bunch of big firefighters come in, demanded to know why we weren’t outside with everyone else, the work’s.
And then they started screaming.
High pitched, girly shrieks. As first one, then another, noticed I was wearing a snake.
And, of course, the screaming brought more fire fighters over, who also screamed… let’s just say I had three trucks worth of dudes gathered around me, stunned that I would -wear- a snake. Who, of course, saw new people and was doing her best to make friends.
Once the false alarm was sorted, they all came back, to a man, to meet the snakes. I had enough for each of them to “try one on.”
These big, buff dudes, who risk their lives running into raging fires without a thought, had to hype themselves up for me to put a young hog nose in their palms. Anxiety sweat dropped down their faces and soaked through their undershirts as I let the red and grey rat snakes cool around their arms. When the garden snake slipped down one guy’s collar, I thought he was going to drop dead from a heart attack, right there. But they all did it! And survived!
I just wish I’d taken pictures to show the third graders when they came in after classes finished!
I go to college early or fall semester because of marching band and so do a lot of the fall sports teams right? So I’m in line in the dining hall, waiting for some spaghetti or something and two dudes from the soccer team or football team or something are behind me, just chatting, and I’m alone so I’m lowkey eavesdropping. At some point Sports Boy 1 notices another sports boy and points out the pants he’s wearing to his friend, Sports Boy 2. And he says something along the lines of “Those were the pants I was talking about before. What do you think? Could I pull them off?” And Sports Boy 2 looks around and finds the pants Sports Boy 1 was talking about and goes “yeah I think you could pull them off,” and then he paused and almost like an afterthought said “but you know, what’s important is that you feel confident in them,”
And man I sat there so touched because like, yes bro preach that body postivity to your friend, remind him that it’s not about what other people think but how he feels.
My life to have witnessed the firefighters meeting the snakes. Bless their hearts 🤣🤣🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
London Underground, a few years ago. Punk guy - ripped jeans, leathers, multi-coloured mohawk, facial tattoos, safety pins where they really don’t belong, bottle in hand - talking to these two googly-eyed German tourist girls. Tells them how to get to wherever they wanted to go, cool free places in the neighbourhood, what to look out for. Gets up to leave with the final warning: “Just promise me you’ll be careful who you talk to, okay? Some pretty weird people in this town.”
These are so sweet😄
This has gotten better since I last saw it.
Every time this crosses my path, it has beautiful new stories on it.
When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay
Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe
4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger
1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix
1 TBs ketchup
1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,
1 Tbs bbq sauce
1 Tbs steak sauce
1 egg
mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)
You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf
here’s a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!
(6 servings)
-2lbs red potatoes
-1 cup butter (2 sticks)
-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)
-Chives (optional)
-Salt & Pepper to taste
1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don’t even have to chop them just wash them
2. boil til soft!
3. Drain
4. Mash (usually they’re small enough you can use a fork if u don’t have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix
5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing
I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf
Now if anybody got some revenge rolls and revenge green bean casserole we’ll get a full meal
Got room for desert? Cus my Grandma was just a generaly evil old hag who was abusive to my mum and my siblings also you guessed it since I came out I was not said hello to at christmas
She made pretty god Dampfnudeln (its like a sweet bread rool you eat hot and with vanilla sauce)
1. Put 300 gram flour into a bowl and make an indent in the middle
2.combine
20 gram yeast
1 tea sp. Brown sugar
3 tbsp milk
mix until smooth
3.mix into part of the flour but leave a big flour rim on the outside
4.set 30 gram of Butter on the flour rim and cover everything with a towel
let sit till you see bubbles in the dough
5. add
1/8 liter luke warm milk
30 gram Sugar
one pack of vanilla sugar
a pinch of salt
2 eggs
and knead the dough until smooth
6. put
1/8 luke warm milk
30 gram of Butter
1 pack of vanilla sugar
into a heat resistant glass bowl and let melt (the glass bowl is quite important)
7. Form about 12 dough rolls and put them into the milk
8. Cover with a lid (any lid will go it does not need to be sealed air tight)
Let bake in the pre heated oven at 200°C for about 30 minutes or until they start to get brown and fluffy
Update: he finally got the cat to the vet to see if she had a microchip
I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is
aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak
me: thats fair i understand
For some reason I find this all the more amusing because it’s written in English
moi: pourquoi vous détruisez le monde!!! l'extraterrestre: parce que il y a des gens qui pensent que l'anglais est le seule langue pour parler moi: ah ça c'est bien
ich: warum zerstört ihr die erde!!!
aliens: weil es leute gibt die glauben dass englisch die einzige sprache ist die sie sprechen müssen
ich: das ist fair ich verstehe
ég: af hverju eyðileggið þið jörðina!!! aliens: af því að það er fólk sem finnst að enska sé sú eina tungumál sem þau þurfa að tala ég: oh, það er vit í þessu. ég skil.
ik: waarom vernietig je de aarde!!!
aliens: omdat er mensen zijn die denken dat engels de enige taal is die ze hoeven te spreken
ik: oh zo, ik snap het
minä: miks te tuhootte maapalloo?
alienit: koska tääl on ihmisiä joitten mielestä englanti on ainoo kieli jota niitten täytyy puhua
minä: toi on reilua, ymmärrän
私: どうして地球を滅ぼしているんですか？
宇宙人: 英語しか喋る必要がないと思う人がいるからです
私: なるほど、わかりました
me: Wosück maakt ji de Welt twei!!!
aliens: wieldat dat Lüüd gifft, de dinkt dat Engelsch de allenige Spraak weer, de een snacken mütt
me: jo, daar seggst wat. Nu versta ik’t
aniga: dhulka maxaad u burburinaya !!!
shisheeyaha: dadka intiisa badani u malaynayaan in Ingiriisidu tahay afka oo kaliya ay u baahan yihiin inay la hadlaan
aniga: waxaan fahamsanahay. waa wax cadaalad
我：你们为什么在毁灭地球?！！
外星人：因为有人以为他们只会英语就可以了
我：懂了，说得有道理
ako: bakit niyo sinisira ang mundo!!!
taga-ibang planeta: kasi merong mga taong akala nila Ingles lang ang kailangan nilang matutunang lenggwahe
ako: ah, sige naiintindihan ko
Aku : kenapa kau hancurkan bumi!!! Alien : karena masih banyak orang berpikir hanya bahasa inggris satu-satunya bahasa yang terpenting Aku : oh, oke lah..
tôi: tại sao các người hủy diệt trái đất!!!
người ngoài hành tinh: bởi vì có người nghĩ rằng tiếng Anh là thứ tiếng duy nhất mà họ cần biết
tôi: ồ thế thì tôi hiểu
Eu: Por que vocês estão destruindo a Terra?! Aliens: Porque há pessoas que pensam que o inglês é a única língua que eles precisam falar. Eu: Isso é justo, eu entendo.
jag: varför förintar ni jorden!!!
utomjordingar: för det finns folk som tror att engelska är det ända språket de behöver kunna
jag: rimligt, jag förstår
Já: Proč ničíte Zemi?
Mimozemšťani: Protože tu jsou lidé, kteří si myslí, že angličtina je jediný jazyk, který potřebují znát
Já: To je fér, to chápu.
ja: dlaczego niszczycie Ziemię?
kosmici: ponieważ są ludzie, którzy myślą, że angielski to jedyny język, którego potrzebuję
ja: rozumiem, w porządku
io: perchè state distruggendo la terra!!!
alieni: perchè ci sono delle persone che credono che l’inglese sia l’unica lingua di cui hanno bisogno
io: capisco, mi sembra giusto
Yo: porqué estás destruyendo la tierra!?!?
Extraterrestre: porque hay personas quienes creen que inglés es la única lengua que se tiene que hablar.
Yo: te entiendo, es justo.
Я: Почему вы уничтожаете Землю?!?! Инопланетяне: Потому что есть люди, которые считают, что им нужно говорить только по-английски. Я: А, ну понятно, тогда ладно!
A modern Rosetta stone.
Onipa: ad3n ti na woo se3 ewuasi
3wiamu nii: efri s3 nk⊃fu⊃ bi w⊃ ho a ⊃mo fri s3 br⊃fo ne kasa p3 a ehyia ⊃mo
It’s a fine line to tread when you’re breeding your phoenix. A swan is good:
Elegant
Classic
Like Cleopatra, he burns upon the water
Equal parts beauty and danger
Full of Secrets
But take it a few genes to the left and you’ve got a GOOSE
A raptor if raptors were total idiots
Neither beauty nor grace
Full of Hate
Has so much poop for you
(Make no mistake, a swan will mess you up just as hard as a goose. But it is the difference between being slain with a katana and getting whacked with a bag of old potatoes.)
Oh my God someone actually drew a Good Version of my Dubious Penguin????? And THEN someone added a sweonix (swan phoenix)? Oh man, this is the stuff you miss when you’re in the middle of a reblog chain.
@english-history-trip that is some powerful art, and I respect the trip that it represents from the sublime to the absurd, for in this journey we find enlightenment.
@keire-ke your magnificent penguin art represents the other side of the journey, which takes us from the absurd to the powerful. In this journey we find truth.
According to some sources, the legend of the phoenix might be derived from another bird noted for it’s striking appearance and who, indeed, are of the order Phoenicopterus
You know what birds those are?
FLAMINGOS!
Just saying…. if someone wanted to try ANOTHER take on Fawkes….
This is terrible and I feel like I should apologise, but really, it’s @iconuk01‘s fault.
Also I am not a certified Birb artist.
Never
Apologize
For
Shaming
Herodotus
so I’m speaking hypothetically here but is there any reason we can’t move the whole Phoenix thing backwards up the dinosaur family tree a little bit?
T-Rex Phoenix. that’s where I’m going with this.
Bunjy I think that’s a Dragon.
I know but please let me cross the streams just this once
Im honored to have been the person you reblogged this from i feel like in some small way im blessed just for providing you with the post to make this addition thank you
It’s back!
I t s h e r e
OH MY GOD THE LEGENDARY POST
The hat meme saga has returned!!!
!!! I’ve been BLESSED
The best meme on the frickin planet. Will never not reblog!
>Walking home from party late one evening >Several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >Try to walk faster, to no avail, as I’m drunk as shit >Catch me in some random college student neighborhood >Oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >Still in talking phase >Lights flick on in the house >Three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >Leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >“What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!” >Guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >“Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!” >All three of them draw rapiers on their belts >Guys run >“I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!” >Spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >Bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >Blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >Stagger home completely drunk with a hat
I have no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.
Image 2: a 4chan post from 03/24/11
Holy shit, this is still being posted?
I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys.
Their
leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa
revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that
his right to stay in the country was contested, and he had to go to
court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked.
I
was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he
shouldn’t be deported for lack of common sense or social normality.
His
defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of
man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a
one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of
people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of
the random people he’d helped out, including one memorable point where a
woman, nearly on the verge of tears, pointed out how he’d taken on a
guy threatening to rape her and carrying a knife by whipping out a
fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish
accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen
people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his
eccentricities, made the country better.
He
was not deported, and lives here to this very day, stalking the streets
in musketeer garb, rescuing drunks, and dispensing his own brand of
justice.
