Challenge #02760-G203: Biological Hazard
“Attention, intruders. Your attention, please. This is the ship’s human. I am sincerely sorry to inform you that my Aunt Flow has come to visit me for Shark Week. You have ten minutes to get out of here before I come over there, rip you open with my bare hands, and feast on your internal organs to replenish the vital materials that my body has decided to purge via my reproductive system. I haven’t been able to find any pain relief that does more than take half the edge off, and our theobromine didn’t make it past customs. I repeat, ten minutes. Thank you.”
After retreating from the cruise ship they had been attempting to capture for ransom, the pirates took the time to look up “Shark Week” and, for good measure, “Aunt Flow”. They were surprised to find that they were the same thing. They were somewhat less surprised to find that that thing was covered with offensensitivity warnings. – Escla
As far as Deathworlder threats went, it was even more effective for the lack of knowledge concerning the terms used within it. They were smart enough to know that it wasn’t wise to hang around when a Human threatened death and destruction, even when they really wanted to know what certain terms actually meant.
There were the free infonets for that kind of thing. Far less risky to life and limb than risking a Deathworlder’s obvious ire. The Shandy Shanty made an expeditious retreat to one of their least-hazardous hideouts before risking their research.
Search term: Aunt-Flow, Human-phraseology, explanation. Search result: Terran euphemism, dating back to pre-Shattering era when reproductive necessities were taboo. See: Human reproductive system, uterine cleansing cycle. Offensensitivity warning: bodily fluids, blood, pain, muscle spasms, partial organ failure, hormonal peaks.
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Challenge #02759-G202: Empirically Tested
I would love to see Mythbusters in Space! You know, where some humans have seen the original old videos of it and decides to do a new mythbuster series based for their era? It’d be cool! – DaniAndShali
[AN: In light of recent losses, I have debated having a Human Grant in this one and… honestly… I didn’t want to risk disrespect to his memory]
“We all know how Human drama has historically portrayed asteroid fields,” said Human Steve at a planning table. Ze, and hir co-host, were helpfully labelled for newcomers.
“Lies,” said Human Bob, and gestured to a screen displaying a ship dodging space rocks left, right, and centre. An ancient audio clip played a sound-bite that said, “It’s only a model,” as if the watching audience couldn’t tell.
“Visually appealing lies because we went into several asteroid fields and this was what we saw,” Steve gestured to a display that held lots of black, some stars, and a few visual augmentations pointing out actual asteroids and the distances they were from the viewer.
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Challenge #02758-G201: Organic Pest Control
A shipment of fruits and plants that had gone through a DeRegger station was opened in a very large Alliance station. The plants were bound for a new section that had been added to the botanical garden there. Unfortunately, an unwanted guest came along with it. Within a month or so, that dreaded high-pitched sound that all humans from Earth knew all too well was starting to be heard. An invasive pest that bred rapidly anywhere there were pools for it to breed in had arrived. Humans called them Mosquitoes. – Anon Guest
The stamps said, Inspected and Passed Regulations so the inspection team thought they were safe. In retrospect, they should have checked the point of origin. After all, Greater Deregulation means almost exactly what it says[1]. If they had known then…
This was just one of the many disasters associated with Greater Deregulation and their misuse of clearance codifiers. The Alliance would eventually learn that nothing was going to make Greater Deregulation comply with Alliance standards, and therefore enact procedures to keep the larger populace safe from hazardous Deathworlder infestations.
Of course the living plants were sent with water and soil. Live cargo was, to this particular brand of technophobic Dereggers, the only way to be certain it arrived fresh. Of course said water and soil was the best that this particular polity had to offer. It had passed all their inspections. It did not meet Alliance standards, but the Alliance was still learning about that particular loophole before closing it thoroughly.
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Challenge #02757-G200: Say it With… ????
A xenobiologist decided to study the mating behaviors of many other races from the the weakest havenworlders to the strongest deathworlders. However, when it came to … ah… HUMAN mating behaviors, well, things just got weird! – DaniAndShali
It was the study of centuries, greatly aided by just hanging out in various public zones of crossroads stations and people-watching. Of course, the more invasive aspects of the study were a matter for each species individual fictions and documentaries. This study was about the social aspect of things, not the physical act of mating.
If two cogniscents were trying to attract each other, the reasoning went, it was wise to know how all species preferred to do so. One being’s flirting, after all, was someone else’s deadly insult. A little cultural understanding between various peoples was always a good thing.
As far as sociological studies went, it was doing very well. Havenworlders were generally straightforward with each other, and most species had stopped messing about with various manipulation games by the time they got to space.
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Challenge #02756-G199: Oh Marvelous Me
I’m sorry to add to your already heavy workload that is your Prompts. But I would really like to see Unununium Jones on her stellar yacht get her just deserts. (From Prompt #02605-G048: Atomic Element Number Six) – Anon Guest
[AN: Link thanks to DaniAndShali <3 Bless you for being helpful]
Life, the saying goes, is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat. That saying was certainly true of Uni Jones. She has, to stretch the metaphor, so much bread that the comparative fecal matter was invisible to the naked eye. Or at least, that’s the way it was.
There’s another saying, Without change, there is no life. In short, the lifestyle of the ludicrously rich were about to change abruptly. In order to prevent the gross indecencies performed by Unununinium Jones and her lifestyle, the CRC changed its basic standard of living definitions and the Alliance itself altered its tax laws.
Trade with alliance citizens, businesses, and so forth would be taxed at one hundred percent unless all employees, minions, and wholly-owned subsidiaries complied with CRC rights regulations. The same applied for trade within alliance registered businesses.
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