The Archive of Moronic Ideas (Or: Proof I constantly Nightblog)

I get ideas all the time. Some of them are pretty damn whack, but also shiny to the degree that my muse keeps picking the goldurn things up.

So I figured I might as well put them here in the hopes that someone will do something intelligent with them.

Jesus in America

(Yeah this is not going to get me burned at the stake) Not the blonde-haired, blue-eyed jee-zuss favoured by the right-wing loudmouths. The brown-skinned Jewish boy with novel ideas about treating people kindly. About healing the sick and so forth.

And since I always envision these things as TV series, the first episode involves getting him pulled up by security at an airport on suspicion of being a terrorist. Name like Yehoshua bar Yoseph is bound to get you in trouble.

Of course, he doesn’t run around in the stereotypical robe-and-sash. His look’s updated but still low income. Jeans, T-shirt and hoodie with weatherbeaten sandals at almost all times. And -yes- sometimes, a yarmulke.

He’s released because there’s absolutely no evidence that he’s a terrorist and given residence because he’s in the US to see “his father’s country”. Naturally, the wording alerts some right-wing upper echelon type who assigns an agent to tail the dude.

Thence follows a long trail of Jesus-being-Jesus and everyone else doubting including the audience. I have no idea how to write this, let alone how to successfully pitch it anywhere. I can easily envision set-ups like: Jesus in the ally section of the Gay Pride Parade, Jesus volunteering in a hospital that caters to corrective surgery for Trans*folk, Jesus talking in all innocence to protesters outside an abortion clinic and getting rid of them without raising a finger… and so on.

My other main idea from the left field is half sillyfic and half darkfic. It can’t even make up its mind what it wants to be, yet. But I have a title and a premise…

The Ponyville Witch Trial

Yeah, I said these ideas were whack. Basically, some busybody realizes that the incidence of mayhem has increased since Twilight Sparkle came to town and blames the Mane 6 for anything awful that’s occurred. One thing leads to another, and soon all six are accused of being in league with evil forces.

I just got this one, so it’s not like it’s going anywhere soon, but I know the signs.

It’s a horrible, horrible idea. It should be locked up in a strong-box and sent to the sun. It should never get written.

But… it’s also so shiny that my muse won’t put it down.

Help?

I freaking called it!

I have billions of good ideas and no concept of how to take them to fruition. Fine and dandy.

What bugs me is that I later see these good ideas coming into reality at a minimum of five years after I was flat-out told that my concepts were impossible for one reason or another.

In my teen years, I dreamed up an animation program that any idiot could use [specifically, an idiot like me who has no freaking clue how to animate]. Just recently, I bought a Blue-Ray movie with a give-away. Said give-away was Aardman’s animation program that is allegedly easy to use.

I’m betting not as easy as they think, but damn, it’s getting there.

I also thought that the sides of skyscrapers could be employed as solar collectors. Now, some genius has invented A solar panel that doubles as a window.

Amazing.

I won’t drag you through the details of all my other genius ideas [mostly because I’ve forgotten half of them] but I will share some of my current ones.

Bamboo is the cash crop of the future. Seriously, it’s like the duct tape of the plant world. Not that I see a future made of duct tape and bamboo, but mostly bamboo would be fine. Seriously, you can eat it, make clothes out of it [Though only socks and jocks have been spotted thus far], turn it into paper, build with it and out of it and use it as a container. As a bonus, it grows like blue fuck and only needs a little space. No more clearing out old growth forests! Yay!

Automated medication delivery. We seriously need a system where, once you have to take a medication for life, it gets delivered automatically when you’re near to running out. It would save thousands. Lives, dollars, hours, you name it. And it would cut down on disease vectors because you no longer have to hang around for ages on end for a two-minute visit for a new scrip.

Across the board apps. Imagine this: you buy an app for your phone. Instantly, your at-home Mac and iPad also have that app installed. If you have an app on one device, why shouldn’t it be on all your linked ones. Apple only do this for Pads and Phones, but why not include the desktops? I for one, would like Message to be available on my desktop as well.

Keep an eye out for these innovations. And remember that I freaking called it.