Challenge #02228-F038: Tactile Rewards
Human giving an alien scritches.
“I’m not a pet, you know.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“…No” – TheDragonsFlame
The one thing one must remember about Humans, Thrikki wrote in her journal, apart from the most obvious like the whole Deathworlder thing, is that they are incredibly tactile. They reach out to feel things just to experience what it feels like. They reassure themselves on the presence of their fellows. They show affection through touch.
Human Cass was doing just that, perched awkwardly on the arm of the same chair that Thrikki occupied. They had a reader in one hand and the idle other had drifted to the fur on Thrikki’s exposed skin. Possibly on automatic, they started stroking and kneading at Thrikki’s loose skin. Not that it wasn’t unpleasant, per se, it was just…
Thrikki had formerly observed Human Cass doing something similar to one of the Skitties on board. Which should have made the automatic action insulting, except… Tactile reward systems went both ways. Thrikki took a stand for all future fuzzy cogniscents. “I’m not a pet, you know.”
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit steemit (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02227-F037: Think of the Children
An alien equivalent of a lawyer is studying up on various human court cases and stumbles upon a series of cases from family courts dated up to the mid 2030s citing “deviant sexual attitudes” or “deviant sexuality” as reasons for being an unsuitable parent. Upon consultation with its human liaison as to the nature of these cases, the alien discovers the murky and dark legal situations around kinks. – Anon Guest
For those seeking further proof of Human Insanity, look no further than their legal records. – Common saying amongst the Legistrar Major.
Darael was studying up for Xenolegal history, and had wound up on a wiki walk into the deepest of deep labyrinths. Humanity was like a train wreck. Fascinating from a distance, but horrifying at close range. Everyone knew the one about the hot coffee, but some of these…
Humanity - a species not naturally inclined to mate for life, invented marriage as a means of cementing relationships between polities via familial alliances. Then they traditionalised it. Then they invented divorce as a means of sundering those alliances. Often messily, loudly, and with numerous parties dragging others through the mud in the process, because property ownership was often tied solely to one gender. Which was clearly a messed up way of arranging things.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit steemit (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02210-F020: Keep on Rolling
A Cheese rolling in Gloucestershire. A bunch of humans running down a really steep hill in order to out race each other or possibly catch a wheel of cheese in order to win said cheese. People get injured. Try explaining that to Aliens – Anon Guest
“This is a sport?” said Glaux, who was honestly attempting to understand their Ships’ Human. “In a place called…” they looked up the spelling. “Glaw-sess-ter-shire?”
“Gloss-ter-sheer,” corrected Human Tess. “It’s a common mistake, but yes. That’s where it happens.”
“You roll a hardened and fermented item originally made of milk… down a hill…”
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist]
Challenge #02209-F019: An Unnatural Fascination
Alright, so I have yet to see something about pyromaniacs in any of the posts out there and figured here was a good place to submit the idea.
Could you imagine them finding out about some humans really, really loving fire?
Like sure, they use fire and appreciate it and its many uses, but maybe there aren’t any aliens that actually love or enjoy fire?
Like there are many of us that actively play with fire or are drawn to it in some inexplicable way. Then the aliens find out and… They are even more terrified of us. – Anon Guest
Before Humans, Galactic Society made some presumptions. They presumed, for instance, that civilisations naturally grew out of a fascination with fire. Then Humans hit the Galactic scene. Even on the edges, these weird statistical outliers of Deathworlders proved to be surprising at all angles.
The Human they had hired barely spoke GalStand Simple, but they had proved useful on multiple occasions. Including this one, where they were stranded on a wild planet and awaiting a response to their rescue beacon. They knew a shocking amount about survival in that sort of situation, and their Fafthniki shipmates had to wonder if all Humans were trained in this sort of knowledge from birth.
The truth was far weirder than that.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist]
Challenge #02110-E287: Dealing in All Directions — Steemit
Priff reached out to restrain the Human before ze even turned to look, saying, “Human Will. No.” The main problem with Human Will was that they so very often lived up to their name. Whatever a Human should not do, that Human will.
“But it’s so shiny,” protested Human Will.
“Yes, it is shiny,” agreed Priff, urging Human Will further away from the glittering display. “It is also expensive and very likely to be fragile. Do you yet understand why you should not touch?”
Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi
Challenge #02070-E246: Noncogniscent, Noncommissioned Officer — Steemit
Shipwide notice, said the message that went to all the crew. Any further referral to ship’s equipment by any name is unauthorised. Only registered crew with names, ranks, and files in the ships’ staff listings are permitted to be referred to by name, nickname, or rank.
Evidently, Captain Thork'z had grown tired of the Human crew chatting about ‘Stabby’, the altered vacuum-bot roaming the halls. Also as evident was the fact that Captain Thork'z had not been warned about Human stubbornness, obstinacy, or ingenuity. All three of those were about to come into play.
Crewman Registry. Name: Stabby A. Vroomba. Age: 15 GalStand Years. Identifying gender: Male (he, him, his). Planet/Base of Origin: Saturnalia Station Manufactory. Rank: Trainee. Duties: Maintaining crew alertness levels. Contemplating ship-wide dust issues.
Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi
Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like:
“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?”
“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.”
“…Noted.”
“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.”
“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”
“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”
“Yeah.”
“Does such a process not hurt?”
“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.”
“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?”
“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?”
“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.”
gumi:
everyone please watch this im fucking losing it
I’m feeling emotions that no human has ever felt before
(Source: lissaremade, via cyberneticspacerock)
Challenge #01933-E109: Once Upon an Adventure — Steemit
Humans are an inventive lot. They invented inspired desperation as a survival instinct. They invented fiction to make their lives more interesting. They’re one of the few cogniscent species and the only known Deathworlders to have boredom. They can multitask, and some of them can multitask, apparently, faster than light. Some are capable of multitasking with mind-boggling precision. Others can’t remember what they were doing two minutes ago, and are capable of burning water.
What they are famous for is inventing stories. If taxed for an answer to a question that they don’t know, they are capable of making something up. Fortunately for the other species in the Galactic Alliance, these instant fictions are easy to spot, since they are generally prefaced with one or a combination of, “I don’t know,” and, “Maybe.”
Humans are also well known for playing games. What was less well known was that Humans could play games with stories. And it was quite the spectacle to witness for the uninitiated. There was one Human running what the others aboard the Enforcement Cruiser Swift Catharsis were starting to call the Madness Room. The others were gathered around the table and telling fragments of stories.
Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi
Challenge #01778-D317: Just Like the Force
Duct tape. Undoubtedly one of humanity’s most useful and versatile inventions. – TheDragonsFlame
Humanities’ inventions preceded humanity throughout the Galactic Alliance. All the useful things go ahead of a species. Especially when that species is the most flakk-off-dangerous band of Deathworlders that the Alliance has ever seen. The humans. And for all that they are dangerous and deadly, the things that come from their disparate societies are amazing.
Bubblegum. Cats. Dogs. Paperclips. Swiss Army Knives. And most useful of all… Ductape.
It arrived in the Galactic scene amongst some confusion. A good portion of people called it Duck Tape for its water repellant qualities. Others called it Duct Tape for its ability to fix small holes in the air vents that should not have been there. A third, vehement group insisted on calling it Gaff. Because it was short and easy to pronounce.