Challenge #02340-F150: Situation Under Control
During an enemy attack on their cargo ship.
Human: “Be lucky you still have legs, because I collect those ! :-) ”
Alien Crewmate: “Can you please Stop quoting Isaak from Battleborn?”
Human: “It works though! Just look at those wannabe Pirates!!” – Anon Guest
There is a saying, Human is as Human does, and it has a multitude of meanings. In this case, the Human is one thin moral line away from outright sociopathy and psychopathy at the same time.
“You’re lucky you still have legs,” grinned Human Jon. “I collect those.” The delivery was right from the depths of the deepest nightmare, and made the would-be pirates retreat to the safety of their vessel all the faster. Leaving behind them a trail of semi-valuable items and, perhaps, personal effluvia as their fight or flight instincts kicked in.
Hyroq sighed at the rescue, knowing that Human Jon had a remarkable capability for acting. “Can you please stop doing that? It’s very disturbing.” Then, because he realised that was the point, he added, “To more than your intended audience.”
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Challenge #02315-F125: Lightning Bottles
“Because it’s people like us who do the strange stuff who think up all the technology you take for granted.” – C. M. Weller/InterNutter – c/- Anon Guest
Anything invented before one turns ten is normal and everywhere and expected. That’s what they say. Anything invented between the ages of twelve and forty is new and cool and interesting. After that, there is an increasing risk of it becoming strange and frightening and alien. Such is the theory put forward by Douglas Adams. A man who wrote quite a lot of strange fiction.
It’s always the weird ones that come up with stuff like this. It took a strange kind of genius to be Nikola Tesla. It took an odd collective of odder people to come up with the different types of personal computer. For the allegedly normal, for the everyday sort, the way things always were is the way things always shall be. Normal people make incremental progress. They add clocks to extant technology, for instance.
It takes a peculiar kind of genius to invent the Gravity Drive. Equal parts advanced physics, peak engineering, and cargo cult… there is no such thing as mass manufactory of such a device. Miniaturisation, yes. Even remote activation of specific… call them ‘receiver units’. Yet there is no such thing as a Gravity Drive that was made start to finish by automation. There certainly wasn’t such in the conglomeration of experiments involving ten grams of the rarest of rare Earths, a peculiar amalgam called, in another man’s notes, Unlikelium.
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Challenge #02301-F111: Self-Entertainment Hazard
“Oh god. Please, I beg you, stop this terror-inducing nightmare!!!”
“…dude, I’m just clicking my pen.”
“W H Y ?”
“I dunno, I’m bored”
(highly sound sensitive alien meets human with non-stopping clicking habit ^^) – Anon Guest
Fact: Humans need enrichment in their environments for the best mental health. Fact: Humans can accept a vast variety of potential entertainments, even whilst performing other duties. Fact: If a Human’s environment is not sufficiently enriched, the Human is capable of making their own enrichment.
Fact: Clicker pens still exist.
Thorqak tried not to twitch as the Ships’ Human erratically played with their clicker pen. All attempts to confiscate it had failed. He knew this because he had a dozen of them in a secure storage area, and yet Human Zi found more. Or, Thorqak was starting to suspect, the Human could manifest them out of thin air. All of Human Zi’s time on duty, when both hands were not needed for a task, were accompanied by an arrhythmic click-click-click-click-click.
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Challenge #02273-F083: Smouldering Leaf Habit
This is a page from the Safety Manual for Humans.
“…… even if dangerous and self-destructive, some Humans will continue to light small fires for the inhalation of toxic substances ( To-ba-co) and will do so anywhere, if not provided a smoking-area.
PLEASE ALLOW THEM THIS !!!!!” – Anon Guest
[AN: Speaking as a lifelong asthmatic whose life has been put in peril by smokers - irresponsible tobacco addicts can go to hell. The prizewinner is still the bloke who lit up upwind of me as I was attempting to use my nebuliser -_- He especially can go to hell]
Taken from The Explorer’s Guide to Surviving the Edge, by Gorx Thaarkyk…
Those accustomed to the clean air regulations of Alliance space will notice that there are no such regulations within the Edge Territories. Attempting to exercise your rights to clean and breathable air will be countered immediately with others’ apparent rights to pollute their own air and everyone else’s at the same time. Many who are addicted to toxic lung-delivery stimulants insist on their rights to inflict those toxins on others.
Many fail to understand that their right to inhale toxins ends when they exhale into public air. Most amongst that number are willing to violently defend this right. It should be taken as obvious that those wishing to explore the Edge Territories and beyond should wear their livesuits at all times. Pack twice as many toxin filters as you think you need.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit steemit (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02273-F083: Smouldering Leaf Habit
Taken from The Explorer’s Guide to Surviving the Edge, by Gorx Thaarkyk…
Those accustomed to the clean air regulations of Alliance space will notice that there are no such regulations within the Edge Territories. Attempting to exercise your rights to clean and breathable air will be countered immediately with others’ apparent rights to pollute their own air and everyone else’s at the same time. Many who are addicted to toxic lung-delivery stimulants insist on their rights to inflict those toxins on others.
Many fail to understand that their right to inhale toxins ends when they exhale into public air. Most amongst that number are willing to violently defend this right. It should be taken as obvious that those wishing to explore the Edge Territories and beyond should wear their livesuits at all times. Pack twice as many toxin filters as you think you need.
All these ‘humans are weird’ posts seem to talk about how difficult humans would be to work with— but what we’re actually one of the easiest species to work with?
Sure, we have that weird ‘relationship’ with local fluffy predators that nobody wants to talk to much about, and when scared (or happy, or excited) we scream at a frequency that bursts other species’ eardrums, and sometimes we do this thing called ‘brushing hair’ which involves using a spiked tool to rip out most of our head hair in an effort to make what’s left lie flat— but we’re just so well prepared!Other species spend generations trying to figure each other out, but for humans there’s a guidebook… written by a human. Several decades before humans actually made contact with other species.
Yeah. Sometimes this preparedness can make us seem a bit like the kind of creep who spends the whole first date talking about the wedding, but even while they’re weirded out by it, nobody can deny how useful it is.
For instance, every species goes through a phase of hating what they see as 'alien invaders'— the difference is that humans pretty much got past that stage almost before they’d discovered space travel. By the time we make contact, we’d already made the groundbreaking works of fiction that suggested that other species weren’t all that bad. The leap from first contact to working with other species, which for most species took generations, was incredibly short for us.
What’s more we’d, bizarrely, already prepared for species that hadn’t been discovered yet. When UP (United Planets, a human idea that had caught on. Other species were amazed that such a thing had been achieved, humans seemed a bit surprised that there hadn’t been one already) made contact with the first known sapient reptillian species, it was the humans who set to work redesigning the heating controls to mimic the climate of that planet. Hell, before other species— who weren’t sure it was going to be that easy— stopped them, they were about to go through with plans to put a hatchery on every ship.
All this 'humans are space orcs’ stuff is what makes humans so easy to integrate into the galactic community.
(via humans-are-space-orcs)