Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
Challenge #03095-H187: Only Among Siblings
Human: We’re going to die.. it’s over, we’re done for…. I’m.. so tired.
Havenworlder: Stop that, we’re NOT going to die, you’re the human, you’re supposed to be comforting me!
Human: I can’t do this anymore.. I want to go home, this is hopeless it’s over….it’s over.. it’s over…
Havenworlder: I beg forgiveness in advance for this! - gives the human a sharp slap! -
Human: – startled –
Human: Sorry… sorry… yeah.. needed that… c'mon, little brother, let’s go home together.
Havenworlder, sad they did that: “I’m sorry, too. I love you too, yes, let’s go home alive, together.” – Anon Guest
Neither Grof nor his Human sibling Parb mentioned the fact that the slap was more of a shock to Parb than a pain. Grof’s hand stung, but it was not worth mentioning. “Remember,” he said. “Look at the problem, think about the problem, solve the problem.” It was an old mantra, from the time that they were both very small and confused and welded into a patchwork family.
Parb started chanting the word, “Okay,” to themself as they looked around, assessing the situation and what they had to hand. Grof braced himself for an act of inspired desperation at its purest. When necessity caused invention, it was inevitably a mother. A final, “Okay!” was triumphant.
Parb had a plan. Grof could almost relax. When a Human had a plan, the odds of everyone getting out alive increased. However, the phrase “getting out alive” often had painful caveats. The good news was that a life of being sibs meant that Parb had laser-guided accuracy as to what Grof could tolerate. What was coming to shape under Parb’s rapid hands was not a weapon, but some form of PPE[1].
The human larva wasn’t cleared to interact with anyone more delicate than a level 2 deathworlder. Companion Rix wasn’t sure why… until they saw the toddler leave bruises on their mother by biting, apparently in play. – Anon Guest
[AN: I scoured my archives for Companion Rix, but I haven’t mentioned them before. Thanks for the new character, Nonny]
Human Nii seemed like an ordinary Human larva. Bumbling through upright locomotion like most of their age peers. They seemed to be of the correct stage of development to learn and implement concepts like “careful” and “gentle”. Yet this was a larval Human who had not yet been cleared for interaction with Havenworlders of level two point one and above[1].
Human Fen, Nii’s primary parental, had warned Rix to at minimum wear their livesuit gloves when ze came to visit. The reason behind this became apparent when Human Fen picked their larval young up for some simple maintenance.
Human Nii had four very new teeth and knew how to bite with them. Without missing a beat or batting an eye, those four new teeth sank into Human Fen’s hand. Human Fen seemed to carry on with only a laughing, “Oww…” as acknowledgement of their injury.
I would like to see a level 2 or 3 deathworlder who doesn’t recognize a human as a level 4/4.5 deathworlder trying to be protective of the squishy. And the human letting them, on account of not being a fighting type of person. Right up until the level 2 or 3 deathworlder gets in over their head, and then the human is like nope. You do not hurt my protector. I am protector now, and it is time for adrenaline blitz. – Anon Guest
Phrin took one look at Human Stiv and instantly concluded that this could not be the legendary kick-rump-and-take-names Deathworlders that scared the Vorax away from entire stellar empires. Not this one, at the very least. Human Stiv was meek and softly-spoken, the kind who didn’t just blend in with the wallpaper, but would sidle nervously aside to get out of the wallpaper’s way.
Phrin, not exactly a Deathworlder Companion on account of being a Deathworlder herself, decided on the spot that she would take this meekly murmuring embodiment of a shadow made from diffuse lighting and teach them to be bolder, better, and brighter. Or at the minimum, capable of giving the wallpaper some attitude.
The wing part was easy enough, and Human Stiv was glad of the invitation to hug. They liked being in the security of darker and comfortable places, and a good friend top hold was a bonus in a strange new place. Owing to this, they sort of shared Companion Kresh, who was a small and fluffy creature that clearly needed nurturing. In their own ways, they each adopted Kresh.
I know the whole “humans are weird and scary” thing as a sci fi concept has been rendered kind of cutesy and outre recently but like humans are absolutely the creepiest fuckers on this planet and I WILL die on this hill, doubtless pursued tirelessly by dozens of freakishly vertical ape creatures with unprecedented levels of thermoregulation, possibly accompanied by other animals that they have somehow formed bizarre social bonds with. Oh my god humans are the worst
Other Terrible things about humans!
A Single Dead Human can provide provide replacement organs for 8 other humans, and donate life-improving tissues for 140 more! Achieve Mass Imortality and become an Organ Donor Today!
Human cells are outnumbered by thier gut flora by several degrees of magnitude, and it’s suspected that the bacteria play a significant role in their psychology!
Nearly every human is capable of swimming short distances in an emergency, and many do it for fun or as thier primary means of foraging. This is weird for something that was an Arboreal Primate not that long ago.
Having already conquered all terrestrial ecosystems and several aquatic ones, humans are currently working on aerial envoirns and fucking space. The Ultimate Invasive Species.
the favorite food of many humans is the fermented lactations of other animals. Other humans find this substance totally undigestible.
One of the first foods humans invented on purpose was a mild toxin ingested for recreational purposes! It is an important part of many human religions.
The humans were having a rave. The music was old-fashioned techno music as one would hear in the pre-shattering era known as the 1980’s and 1990’s. The music flashed, many had glow-sticks, the dance floor flashed colors and there were bright, but harmless, laser lights. And a Vorax raiding party, landing on the planet, stumbled into the rave by accident.
Just in case someone’s not been to a rave or heard rave music at it’s most wild, basically - it’s this, but a lot louder with a lot of heavy bass due to the types of speakers they use.
Party planets were thought to be soft targets. Why not? They had lots of resources, lots of financial boons, and lots of wealthy people to ransom for more goods and financial benefits. It should have been an easy raid.
‘Should’ is not 'is’.
They landed to surround a high cluster of the population, armed, armoured and ready to conquer. They blasted open the doors, and were immediately blasted by what was inside. Weapons-grade sound, irregular flashing lights, nauseating combinations of unnatural colours… and the people within were gyrating around in seemingly impossible ways. It looked like they were suffering from intolerable spasms. To a casual observer, it looked like they were narrowly missing each other in a wild, aimless combat.
But they were also smiling…
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis.
Did he survive?
Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).
His name was Aimo Koivunen if you want to look him up
Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed
Important distinction, it wasn’t “amphetamines” like Adderall or Vyvanse or something, it was Pervitin, prescription grade methamphetamine.
Have you ever looked at a young human and thought “this is a creature that should terrify me”? I have. My unit came upon an educational facility. We had been scouting the planet, carefully, silently. The humans thought we were just tourists, we did our best to blend in. Find their weaknesses, they seemed to have many. But it was not until what we sat in that educational facility that fateful evening that convinced all of us that this colony was not to be touched. In fact, we were to avoid this place at all costs. We needed to find other prey elsewhere. We were told they were going to do a gentle ceremony for their instructor who was retiring. Something simple that the students, who had loved this instructor very much, could do for him. But when we saw the ceremony, we saw those faces, before the ceremony, during, and after. And that horrific chant, that terrifying sound. Their expressions before, one of caring, it was meant to honor their instructor, but it convinced us all, even their young were dangerous.
There is nothing, nothing more chilling than a group of Humans moving and chanting in unison. Regardless of the age, gender, and physical condition of the Humans involved. Regardless, in fact, of what they are moving and chanting in unison to.
Of the terrifying capacity for Human synchronisation little is more horrifying than a group of grade schoolers performing the Haka. Outsiders not used to observing such displays go through a chain of reactions that begins in, “Aaaw, cute,” and ends in, “Not cute! NOT CUTE! RUUUUNNN!”
The Haka, like many things beginning in Deathworlds, is a display of strength, discipline, fortitude, and co-ordination. When performed by Human neophytes, it is once again a reminder that even their fragile young are capable of far much more destructive power than most adult Galactic Citizens[1].
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency
Human: *is eating ice cream*
alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!
human: well, you see, not with this food
This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.
Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*
Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*
Alien: *exasperated sputtering*
Human: shots! shots! shots!
Alien: this liquid has negligible nutritional value and, furthermore, contains some molecules that I believe are poisonous to your species.
Human: …look, sometimes we just like to gather in social groups and disorient ourselves
Human: *grabs a packet of ramen*
Alien: Based on my research of your species, you shouldn’t be able to consume that without suffering heavy detriment to your human body.
Human: …look man, I’m in college. I can barely afford this house with roommates. Let me appreciate this 50 cent block of sodium ridden noodles.
Alien 1: The human consumed this harmful “ramen” because it is affordable. I saw many others consuming unhealthy but affordable foodstuffs from a place called McDonalds. Based on this, I think we can reasonably assume that all foodstuffs that are unhealthy are also affordable, and that humans will slowly die off because of their economic system.
Alien 2: I visited a different land mass. There were several humans called “sushi chefs” preparing raw fish foodstuffs. The most expensive was made from the carcass of a poisonous blowfish. It was very popular among the wealthy humans.
Alien 3: The land I visited had no nearby places to engage in commerce to trade precooked food. I interviewed a family that trapped and killed animals for dinner. They ate venomous rattlesnakes.
Alien 1: *throws clipboard in the air and storms off*
[Human casually munches peppers]
Alien: According to my scans, that organic matter contains highly corrosive chemicals. Are you sure you should be consuming it?
[Human chokes]
Alien: Human! Are you injured? Do you require assistance??
Human: Ahahaha no no I’m fine, it’s just *snicker* these are just jalapenos!
Alien: ……….request clarification?
Human: I usually go for habaneros, man. Hell, I have a buddy who took two bites of a ghost pepper on a dare.
[Alien consults space Google]
Human: ………Hey man, you okay?
I’m dying the alcohol one happened in Star Trek the original series
