[Image is that of a pale peach coloured book cover featuring a red jelly with a skull inside it. The title is Well Rendered and the author is C. M. Weller]

This Halloween, give the gift of reading one of the What-the-fuck-iest creepy story I’ve written to date: Well Rendered.

A story of domestic abuse, cannibalism, and murder most justified.

Vision-impaired readers can get this story in plain text here.

As always, my October Short is FREE! Get it now!

FREE! For All Hallow’s Read!

A story of violence, murder most justified, and sweet gelatin treats.

Available in all formats, including plain text for the visually impaired.

BREAKING NEWS! Audiobooks can now be made of all my works! The caveat being that it’ll take me out of pocket by a significant amount of money. See if I’m worth it with this one and then buy me a ko-fi if you think I am.

FRESH NEW ALL HALLOW’S READ!

Show the ones you love a scary time with a fresh new spooky short from C. M. Weller!

BUY NOW! $0 to pay, $0 interest, FOREVER!

Better

This years’ All Hallows Read free story is finally all fixed up and ready for readers!

Get your copy now. And while you’re there, why not buy a few more titles?

You know I need the money

Smashwords – Better – a book by C M Weller

New free short story for All Hallow’s Read.

Happy birthday to me
I am now Forty-three
And a present for my readers
Is a new tale for free!

Challenge #00978-B247: The Prying Eye

callmegallifreya - you have the honour of being my last Tumblr prompt. Yay

Challenge #00977-B246: Rictus

callmegallifreya I had to do one in my pet universe again. Aliens vs humans.

Challenge #00960-B229: One Stormy Evening in a Former Enemy's Tool Closet

A spot of Girl Genius, today.

Share and enjoy.

Challenge #00954-B223: Careful How You Wish…

(Discussing being granted superpowers, Person #2 doesn’t want them)
Person #1: I’m sorry, but whether you want to or not… this is something that is going to happen. The next time you fall asleep-
Person #2: Then I just. /Won’t/. Sleep.
Person #3 (Full of cheerful sarcasm): That sounds like a solid long-term plan!

Irde glared at Bianca. “No. No. This isn’t a solid wish.”

“You did use the words ‘I wish’, said the Djinn. What she had been doing an a Chianti bottle had to be anyone’s guess. “And your wish is my command.”

“Ah! I didn’t just say ‘I wish’, I said ‘sometimes I wish’. The qualifier itself means that it’s not a permanent state of wish.”

“Is there such a thing? I don’t think wishing is a state of being…”

“You’re not helping, Bianca.”

The Djinn blushed. In so far as a creature made of night and smoke could blush. “Er,” she said. “I… um… didn’t hear the ‘sometimes’ part.”

“Can I retroactively wish you had better hearing?” Irde tried. “Trust me. Nobody really wants to wake up with that kind of power. Okay? Can you un-grant things now?”

The Djinn frowned, brought out a thick tome and paged through it. “Uhm… er… actually,” flip, flip, flip. “Yes. I can do that for you. If you wish that I had better hearing in the past. That creates an alternate reality where the -ah- misheard wish is never granted. And I can make sure you remember this little side-reality. For free.”

“Sounds like a deal to me,” sighed Irde. “I really wish you had better hearing in the past.”

[Muse food remaining: 21. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00946-B215: The Houyhnhnms’ Arrival

A new species  arrives on the station, and the humans Will Not Stop Staring.

New species is worried. Did it offend them somehow? Is it edible?

Meanwhile all the humans are thinking is “Holy ***,. a unicorn.”

G’pux soothed her new companion by petting her neck. “There, now. It’s all right. It’s natural to be a little tense when meeting the Galactic Alliance.”

Thrass tossed her head and stamped uncertainly, Though she fit the pattern for Horse, she was undoubtedly a cogniscent species. She was certainly more flexible and robust than a Terran horse. And the species’ gift for telekinesis did no harm, either. “This not being little tense,” she managed. “This being close to snapping.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” whispered G’pux. The lizard leaned closer to Thrass’ twitching ear. “You won’t be meeting planetary ambassadors. You missed the Meet by a year and a half. What they’ll have is -ah- unattached ambassadors. People with the title but little to no influence. And possibly some station-resident staff who handle matters for the planetary ambassadors. If they have nothing better to do.”

“So… I will being most important in room?”

“Oh yes. They’ll all be there to impress you.” G’pux thought about this. “Except perhaps Ambassador Shayde. She’s… kind of… a law unto herself.”

“Need I worrying about her?”

“No. You’ll be fine. There’s very few things that annoy her and you’re not prone to do any of them.”

The ship docked, and far too soon, it was time to make Thrass’ introduction formal. G’pux exited first, just to make sure there were no accidental ambassadors lurking in the corners. Shayde was present and actually standing to attention for a change. And Rael stood at her elbow so he was ready to preempt anything Shayde was going to try.

Five other humans were in the group of twenty and at least one had brought a gift basket. G’pux secretly hoped that it was actually full of gifts and not mostly cellophane. “Gathered cogniscents, Ambassadors and staff, it is my singular honour to introduce you to Ambassador Thrass of the Houyhnhnm. Planet H’ruh’hra.”

Thrass stepped out, resplendant in the golden copy of her former work suit. She had been a farmer before G’pux had crash-landed into her life. Her speech was heavily rehearsed. “Honoured cogniscents, I thank you for your welcome.” The rest, I bring peaceful greetings from H’ruh’hra, appeared to die in her throat.

The humans were all staring.

Bug-eyed, barely-breathing, slack-jawed staring.

“Is they think I edible?” Thrass whispered. “I doing some thing wrong?”

Then Shayde, most likely to blurt anything uncivil, blurted, “Holy fookain shit, that’s a unicorn.”

[Muse food remaining: 11. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]