[AN: I can certainly try]

Every day, Barclay had a good reason to curse the name of Ned Fuckin’ Chicane. That good reason was Agent “up your ass” Stern. Hanging out at the lodge, investigating things. Asking questions. Being underfoot.

“What does everyone do around here?”

(Try to pretend to have everyday lives.)

“What’s with the menu? Is it normal to have this much variety?”

(So many Sylphs had special diets, it was easier just to have those options available.)

“Man, I love those springs. I feel so energised whenever I’ve used them. What’s the secret?”

(Barclay made up some bullshit about trace minerals.)

So, in desperation, Barclay was taking Agent Stern around Kepler for a sightseeing spree. The active waterparks, the inactive ones where some of the kids went to skate. The local all-in-one takeout place. The general store. The stores that weren’t so general and were -generally- a place for the local hobbyists to keep their completed works.

And, of course, the Cryptonomica.

Barclay knew damn well that the “unedited footage” in the Cryptonomica - available for a fee - was heavily edited to remove any footage that could be plausibly used forensically. Kirby had added digital ‘snow’ to the cuts so that they looked like something hit the camera and caused a flaw.

Stern watched it four times.

Barclay couldn’t stand to watch it once. He hated being photographed even with his Seeming on. Being caught as Bigfoot, even with Ned’s shaky photography, was worse than excruciatingly embarrassing. Worse, there was only so much time he could spend staring at all of Chicane’s fake bullshit exhibits.

Stern finally emerged. “Amazing. Amazing. That has to be the best footage I’ve ever seen.”

Barclay kept his voice low. “You know it’s all fake, right?”

Stern frowned. “I know most Bigfoot films are faked,” he allowed. “This is the most realistic footage I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, costumes are amazing, these days. Ned’s quite the artist. Look at this,” he pointed to the mummified remnants of some mythical creature in a case. There were no other rubes around, but he still kept his voice to a whisper. “Looks real, right?”

“It is impressive…”

“Chicken bones, A little plaster. A lot of toilet paper, and some latex. Paint and low light does the rest. I can show you how to make ‘em.” It was a good thing he knew, too. He could make a very convincing copy.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I can even show you how he turned a cheap-ass Star Wars costume into that realistic-looking Sasquatch you were just drooling over.”

That was a beginning of something interesting. Something… Barclay might have regretted if he’d had the foresight to see it.

Barclay had a little workshop in an out-of-the-way space off the beaten path of Kepler proper. In it, he had all sorts of things that the old team had used to use for disguises and suchlike. He had absorbed most of the skills by osmosis and, in a pinch, could claim that it had been a few years since he’d applied those skills.

He never anticipated Stern having fun with it.

There were two projects, to begin with. The Sasquatch from Wookie, and the Mummified Thing. They were weeks at it. Adding convincing fur to the wookie costume, retooling the feet and adding extra internal structure to add height.

The Mummified Thing involved gathering or making interesting bones, and destroying any joints that might give the game away. Building up the layers of fake anatomy had them pressing their heads together over the fine details and finding things to laugh about.

He never expected to bond with the man. He certainly hadn’t expected to fall, ever so slowly, in love.

Every day, Barclay had good reason to bless the name of Ned Fuckin’ Chicane…

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 1]

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