Tumbl'd 3: Forever TAZ, chapter 70 Archive of Our Own

It took me five-ever to get this one going, but it is done.

It was quite the crime scene. The miasma of burned sugar and almonds filled the house. Half a cake lay under a cover of preservation. Some blackened blobs of… something… lay on a baking tray. Bubbles were frozen in the blobs’ surface, and Kravitz noted with alarm that there was no parchment nor any baking paper between them and the tray, which meant that the tray was essentially ruined.

Opposite the cake and the tray was a spread of marzipan fondant, patterned with candy canes and snowflakes, as evidenced by the rolling pin with embossed shapes on it. There were holes cut in the layer, yuletide shapes of gingerbread men, snowmen, trees, and bells. There were those shapes of cookie cutters laying nearby, as well as a large spreader knife.

This was not a Taako experiment. This was… a series of bad assumptions.

The house was quiet, save for the pleading mewls of the household cats. It was past their dinnertime by nearly half an hour, so they were clearly starving to death. Wait. Not quite silent… there were two separate sets of sobbing.

One in Angus’ room, one in Taako’s.

Kids came first.

He found Angus trying to pack to run away from home. He had an umbrella, which he was clearly planning to use as a bindle stick, and a large scarf upon which he was laying out what he thought of as the essentials. Since he was actually only three and a half, those things were mostly toys and favourite books. And a family portrait.

“Packing to leave?” asked Kravitz.

“I have to,” sniffled Angus. “…’m evil now.”

Um. What? “Nobody turns evil overnight, kiddo… Tell you what… I’ll talk about this with Apa. I don’t know what went wrong,” he could guess, but… “Just like Caleb Cleveland, I need all the facts.”

Taako was in a depression ball inside one of his terrible Candlenights sweaters. The one with the googly-eyed reindeer on it, which he utterly despised.

“Dove? Is there anything you need?”

“…jar of super-crunchy peanut butter an’ a jar of fuckin’ peanuts.”

Aaah, crap. This was bad.  He had to be stern with one of them, and Taako was obviously the toughest. “Dove… Taako. I need to know what the fuck happened here. At least come out enough to talk to me.”

He’d let his glamour go, and his makeup run, and his hair tangle. This… was fucking terrible.

“He thought… my marzipan fondant… was sugar cookies. And he tried t’ bake ‘em… while I was on the Stone to Marvellous Magic Magazine. I told him to wait… He didn’t wait… Do you know how long it takes to make marzipan from scratch, Krav? Do you know how long that takes?”

Kravitz could guess ‘more than a little while’ and moved on to the next obvious question. “Why were you making marzipan from scratch, love?”

“Fucking Suzan and her gods-damned neighbourhood Candlenights’ party. Like fuck am I using anything store bought for anything I bring there.” He shuddered and sobbed. “And worse, that baking tray is fucking ruined… It was one of our wedding gifts…”

Kravitz wrapped around him and let him cry it out. “So our boy made some bad choices… In his defence, we had been making sugar cookies all week…”

A shuddering breath in. “I know…”

“He probably thought he was trying to help.”

“I know…”

“So what’s the real trouble?”

“I dunno what t’ do about this,” Taako whimpered. “I might’a overreacted…”

“Angus did tell me he was evil now… and was trying to run away from home.”

“…oh gods…” Taako broke down in incoherent blubbering, but the gist of his teary babbling was that he never wanted any baby to feel unwanted. He never wanted to make Angus feel like he was hated, that life sucked. He was a bad parent and so on and so forth.

Kravitz carried Taako to Angus room so they could both bawl out their apologies to each other under his wing. In this case, literally under his wing… because the shelter of his wings hd always helped both husband and son feel safe.

They finally wound down to coherent words. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait. I wanted you to be proud I could do it all by myself.”

“I’m sorry I overreacted, baby. You’re not evil. And you’re not… anything else I said, I swear I don’t remember a lot of it, and I never meant a word. Apa got way too upset about a silly mistake.”

“All right. Now for a new house rule. You cause a mess, you at least try to fix it.”

“Guess that means tryin’a scrub burned marzipan off’a the baking tray,” mumbled Taako. “I’ll put all your stuff back to rights. Then we all learn Fabricate because fuck making marzipan from scratch after this meltdown.”

Taako could re-order Ango’s room on his own, but Angus would need supervision to at least try to get rid of burned marzipan. It was hard work, for sure, and Angus was not allowed to use Prestidigitation to clean it. He had to understand how much recovery was involved in a mistake like this one.

Angus managed to chip most of the bubbly blobs off and scour two burned marks off the surface before Taako declared, “Okay. That’s enough. You’re gonna wait when I tell ya from now, aren’t you, Ango?”

“…’essir.”

“M’kay. Lesson learned. Now for a fun one. Fabricate…”

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Tumbl'd 3: Forever TAZ - Chapter 65 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

In this chapter, baby angus gets glasses!

“Any particular reason why your spawn is in a highchair, babe?”

“Several,” said Apa, who was doing several things at once only moreso,  with extra anxiety on the side. Angus could tell. Apa always whisked or mixed faster when he was stressed about something. “One, he likes to be tall. Two, poor baby’s got a little of the separation anxiety and he’s happier when he can see what Apa’s doing. Three, we’re learning some words.”

“Any interesting ones?” teased Aunty Lup.

“Chop,” said Angus, who thought it was interesting to watch the knives turn things into chunks. “Chop, chop, chop… ‘lice! Chop, ‘lice, dice.”

“Aaaw, that’s too adorable. You’re sure I can’t steal him?”

“Go fuck’n make your own.”

“Duckie,” echoed Angus.

“Almost, sweetling. We got us a goose. Gooooose…” Which was a big pink blob somewhere beyond Angus’ range of focus. “Which counts as a dire duck, I think…”

“Only on that one world with the mega-versions of everything. Can Aunty Lulu help Ango make Maple Thumbprint Cookies?”

Angus jiggled in his chair and giggled in excitement. Cooking with Aunty Lup was the best! He got to be all kinds of messy and could play with the dough and it was always super tasty afterwards. “Map’l Lulu!”

“I think that’s a ‘yes’.”

“You’re still not stealin’ my baby, sis.”

“Oh, just make the stuffing, we’ll be making a mess. Won’t we, Ango?” Aunty Lup picked him up out of the high chair and gave him a cuddle as they danced around and she sang. “It’s a mes-sy bab-y Can-dle-nights, that’s how you know it’s fuuunnnnn… If the baby’s mess’d from top to toe, then the fun has just be-guuunnnn…”

Angus wriggled in her arms and laughed and said, “Map’l, map’l, map’l!”

Angus got to add ingredients to the bowl, and turn the handle of the sifter, and help Aunty Lup stir everything together. He got to squish the dough and leave handprints in it. He had to sit and watch as Aunty Lup added special sweet jelly to the handprints, and was yawning in his seat when they went into the oven.

“Aaawww… someone’s ready for Santa’s visit…”

“Merle better not give him a godsdamned potplant. Augh! My seasoning!”

“I’ve got ‘im, Dove. You worry about the food.” Papa had Angus in his arms and there was bath time and PJ’s and tucking in to his cradle cote with the most patient of the cats as a teddy bear.

There were delicious smells when he woke, and the cat who was with him oozed out into the bigger, greater expanse of the house tree. Angus crawled out to the opening of the larger cote to see a whole lot more grownups than usual. He could spot Apa and Aunty Lup in the kitchen, and the big shape with the blue legs had to be Uncle Barry.

“Heeeyyy, it’s the pipsqueak.” The big fuzzy shape resolved itself into Uncle Magnus. “Hello, Master Angus. Shall I be your transportation, this morning?”

“Up! Up!”

Uncle Magnus had a lot of Up to spare. Angus laughed to be yeeted briefly above everyone else’s heads.

“Oi! Careful with him…” said Papa.

“I’m careful, chill out.”

There were colourful things under the mountainous Candlenights tree. Angus could only see blobs, but they sure got his attention. They twinkled along with the fairy lights and had NOT been there the night before. One of the cats emerged from the depths over them, stretching as it went.

“Aaaah!” Angus pointed. “Colours!”

“Lots of colourful presents, yeah,” cooed Uncle Magnus. “The star of the show’s noticed the presents, and good old Santa has been here.”

“You guys owe me a new lumbar support,” grumbled Grampa Merle from under a host of cats. He was stationary, squishy, and warm. Three things the cats adored. There may or may not have been a bonus fourth with the things that were always in his beard. Angus couldn’t tell from this far away.

Apa dusted himself off. “Okay, the goose is getting cooked, we can hand out presents, now.”

“Pwesents,” echoed Angus.

“That’s the Candlenights spirit,” cooed Aunty Lup. “Gimmie love, gimmie lots, gimmie Candlenights trove.”

“That hardly rhymes, Lulu.”

“Grinch!”

Uncle Magnus put Angus down near Papa, who had distribution duty. “Oh, this one says it’s for a special little boy.”

“Must mean me,” joked Grampa Davenport.

“It’s from Santa,” rumbled Apa. “That means it’s for the baby.”

The present fit neatly into Angus’ lap, and the colourful paper was fun to play with. So much fun that he almost didn’t notice when some of it tore.

“Well, the wrapping paper’s a hit…”

“He’s not quite a year old, Luce. Let him discover.”

Oh! There were things inside the bright colourful outsides! This one was a bouncy ball! Angus tossed it up and watched it swirl with colours and sparkles as it bounced to a stop and, of course, got attacked by a couple of cats. He crawled after it, laughing. Trailing ribbons and paper that the cats pounced upon, much to the hilarity of all.

Hours passed by like that, with ripping paper and ribbons and so many fun things and cats pouncing and laughter and… and then, there was the feast. An entire table full to the brim with delicious food and a golden-brown roast goose and thumbprint cookies and things wrapped in other things and so much colourful stuff. Angus wanted to try it all.

He said, “YAH!” to everything, even the dreaded vegetables, because Apa and Aunty Lup made it all look and smell so attractive.

This just had to be the best day in the whole world!

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 2]

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Tumbl'd 3: Forever TAZ - Chapter 59 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

In this chapter, Taako gets the news about the new family member.

cw: vomiting

When Kravitz came back at one in the morning, he found Taako pacing the floor with a very upset Angus in his arms. The baby was just wearing a diaper and Taako was looking very, very frazzled indeed.

“Great, you’re back,” said Taako. “Put that frosty hand of yours on our boy’s brow, real quick. Or hold him.” He didn’t even wait for permission, just thrust a whiny baby into his arms.

Angus just whimpered, but he was scalding hot to Kravitz’s senses. Hotter than Taako usually felt when he felt compelled to pounce on his undead hubby. “He… shouldn’t be this warm,” he allowed.

“No, our boy’s feverish,” said Taako. He had his Stone of Farspeech out and was apparently dialling a frequency from memory. “And it’d help if a certain alleged Cleric would PICK UP HIS DAMN STONE!”

Angus mewled piteously, poor baby had hardly any voice left to cry.

Kravitz hummed some soothing tunes, not exactly focussed on a spell, just trying to soothe their baby. Poor little Ango. Apa Taako had tried several home remedies, if the mess on the counter was any indication. Herbal teas and medicines, ice, herbal teas turned into ice… cooling washcloths, the lot.

“…the frequency you called did not pick up, if you would like to leave a message…” Taako slapped the stone down with an, “Abraca-fuck-you!”

Angus cried weakly, a limp and miserable weight in Kravitz’s arms.

“I could try a healing spell,” Kravitz offered.

Taako took a few steadying breaths. “You got Cure Disease?”

“No, but I do have Revifying Slumber… it might help break the fever if it counts as a Condition.”

“Worth a shot,” Taako shrugged. “I’m calling Mags. He’s closer to Bottlenose Cove, so he can go kick Merle’s ass for me.”

Kravitz started humming Lean on Me as he juggled Angus from one shoulder to the other. The magic flowed with the notes and Angus drowsed as he sucked his thumb. It was difficult for him to tell as he warmed up through the power of true love, but it seemed like Angus’ fever might be easing.

“Yeah, that’s Krav in the background. Ango’s sleeping for now, but… babies, right? Just… go sic your direhounds on Merle and get up his ass for having his Stone turned off. We need a cure or a rest or something… Already? Sweet. Soon.” Taako hung up. “Magnus is rushing in.”

“That’s good news,” sighed Kravitz. “Did my spell work?”

Taako felt their baby. “Still hot, so… nope. At least he gets a little sleep, poor mite.”

…and the parents, not so much. Kravitz could tell. “Have you had any kind of rest?”

“For the two days since you left?” Taako asked. “He started on this thing yesterday and I’ve been calling the Dwarf every other hour since that afternoon.”

So… possibly not. “I’m guessing I can’t spell you on this watch?”

“Fuck no.” Taako’s stone chimed, indicating Merle’s frequency. Taako pounced, “ThisiscasadelTaako, pleasetellmeyou’recominghere,”

Magnus’ voice said, “He had it on Silent the entire time, and yes, I am bringing him. Super-speed.”

“…fuck me, he has the Boots of Haste again,” muttered Taako. “Great news, lug. Just make sure he doesn’t impact the door on his way in. And re-set his fucking Stone while you’re there.”

“I already did that.”

Taako wavered a little during a really long blink. Kravitz caught him in a spare arm and guided him to the couch, draping a sleeping baby across his chest. “You just keep him close, Dove. I’ll do all the fielding.”

Taako mumbled, “You know I’m going to catch whatever crud Ango’s got, right? I’m going to be hideously ill.”

Kravitz said, “In sickness and health, babe,” and then smooched both his loves.

Magnus rushed in, Dwarven Cleric over his shoulder. Dogs at his heels. Every cat in Casa del Taako fled for safe enclosures and Angus himself woke at the ruckus and started his weak cries again.

Taako got up, glaring boiling liquid death at Merle and Magnus, and began again on the Grumpy Baby Two-step. “Get on over here and do that voodoo you do, damnit,” he grouched.

“I did make a promise,” Merle grumped, waddling over to the centre of attention. Taako sat so he could reach, and tried to fend off the sniffing and curious dogs that seemed to be everywhere.

“Heel,” Magnus barked, and the dogs seemingly evaporated from the area, clustering around the big, burly oaf. “Sit,” and they sat, panting in the way that all dogs did when they knew they were being good good boys.

Merle laid on hands and mumbled a few words to Pan and finally, Angus’ fever broke. “He’ll be able to ride out the rest, no trouble,” he announced. “Just a cold.”

“Just a cold,” mocked Taako. “Dude, a cold doesn’t drag out that long. Susan and her fucking anti-vax and wine crowd let that killer ‘flu get loose, didn’t they?”

“It wasn’t the killer ‘flu, geez…” Merle rolled his eyes. “It’s just some cruddy rhinovirus that’s doing the rounds. Hit him a little hard, that’s all.”

“I’m gonna tear her and her little disease vectors a new one, just you wait,” Taako vowed.

“After a decent nap, Dove?” suggested Kravitz. “And a good meal. When was the last time you ate?” He was definitely two-missed-dinners crabby. Kravitz could tell.

“Uuuuuhhhh…”

“Yeah, you need to eat something,” decided Magnus. “One Magnus Special coming right up.”

“Oh gods, not Depression Dinner,” moaned Taako. “Out of the way, lugnuts, you always get the spice profile wrong…”

Magnus shot Kravitz an ‘OK’ sign and then scooped up Merle for the trip back. “It’s been a slice. See you soon.”

Magnus, Merle, dogs and all zipped away in a small cloud of dust, leaving Kravitz the alleged trouble of getting his two closest treasures to bed.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 1]

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Taako was making bread. Sweetbread, sourdough, wholemeal muffins with added bits, brioche… it had been a while since he’d had the time to really bake and there was something about kneading that was relaxing and mediative. Ango was seemingly occupied with some of the more harmless kitchen tools, wheeling things back and forth over the countertop.

That was what he had been doing until Taako caught him playing with some of the dough he’d set apart to rise.

“Yeah, I know. This looks like your fun colourful stuff, baby.” Taako gently separated the blob from Angus’ tiny hands, scooping up his boy into his arms. “This is hard to understand, nugget, but Apa’s not playing. Apa’s working.”

“Wanna play,” insisted Angus.

“That stuff has to sit quietly for a while. It’s in time-out,” Taako explained. “It’s having a nap so it can grow big and strong.”

“No naps!”

“No, you don’t have to have a nap…” Taako thought hard. How old had he been when Aunt Ques had welcomed his presence in the kitchen? It seemed like an everyday thing. There hadn’t been a memory of Aunt Ques when he wasn’t in a kitchen with her. Well, her and of course Lup.

His earliest cooking lesson had been mashing soft fruit, and he couldn’t recall if any of that product had gone into anything Aunt Ques made that day…

Taako mage-handed over some bananas  and peeled them, getting out another bowl in a long line of bowls and some tools that might be enjoyable. “You, my sweet little nugget, can help Apa smash up all these bananas.”

“Yay!” cheered Angus.

Taako gave his baby a butter knife. “Take a banana… and chop it up into this bowl.”

Angus was more wont to stab it within the bowl, but that wasn’t any skin off of Taako’s nose. It let him get on with kneading and rolling and pressing and portioning. Of course, when Angus was done with the cutting, he was allowed to graduate onto the mashing. The kid soon gave up on using the mashing wand, preferring to get gloriously sticky with his own fingers.

Ah, what the hell. They could probably do with some banana bread anyway. Or maybe banana cake. Cake would mean less stress for Angus, since there was less waiting for the dough to rise. Choco-banana muffins for sure.

Angus could sift flour into the goo, and ‘help’ stir. As far as Taako remembered, his early cooking adventures had been more about the mess than they had been about making anything to eat.

…he’d need another bath. Natch. That was no real bother. Bath time was fun and the stuff in the oven wouldn’t burn in the time it took to get one sticky little baby clean. Then it would be time to get sticky again with icing and decorating and all that fun stuff.

Lup had enjoyed making the cupcakes and muffins pretty, Taako recalled. Maybe Angus would like that too.

But that was hours - and about six more bananas away.

Angus woke before dawn, a bundle of energy and excitement. Today was the day! He bounced on his bed until the light was bright enough to see, and rushed through his morning ablutions at maximum possible speed. There was one thing he couldn’t do, and that was the rest of getting ready.

He needed Apa and Dad.

Still in his PJ’s and bed socks, Angus scurried to the master bedroom. Apa and Dad liked to sleep in, but today was way too important. Dad was dead to the world, of course. Apa wrapped around him and purring in his sleep. Angus had more than half a chance with waking Apa.

He clambered up onto the big bed and picked a spot free of lurking limbs or body parts, then started jumping. “FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! COME ON APA! COME ON DAD! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!”

“…dunwanna go t’ school…” Apa mumbled. “…five more minutes…”

“Apaaaaaa… it’s time for me to go to school. I gotta get ready, come oooonnnn….”

Apa’s purr turned into a low growl. “Ango, baby. It’s…” he fumbled around for a timepiece and squinted at it. “It’s not even five AM yet.” He yawned. “Gimmie half an hour, m’kay?”

“Half an hour? But that’s forever…” Angus bounced even more. “I wanna get ready nooowwww…”

“MmmmnnnnNNNNGH…” Apa shoved at Dad. “Babe. Babe wake up. Babe! Up and at ‘em lazybones.”

“…mmh?”

“Your son wants us to get ready already.”

“My son?” said Dad. “Lemme explain some basic biology to you, babe.”

“I wanna get ready, I wanna get ready,” chanted Angus. “First day of school!”

“…i need coffee,” sighed Apa.

Dad sighed and lurched into a sitting position. “All right, Dove. I’ll get this little lad bathed and your coffee ready. You see to breakfast and the lunchbox.”

“…sch’l unif’rm’s inna top draw’r…” mumbled Apa, burrowing under the covers.

“I swear ‘e does that just to get in the extra kip,” Dad muttered, and then scooped Ango up. “Awright, young master. Let’s start the coffee before we have a bath, eh?”

Angus laughed and cheered, and almost missed the rude gesture Apa made with the one hand poking out from the bedclothes, which made the morning even funnier as Dad tried to distract him.

Morning chaos was always fun, but this? This was exciting too. Angus got bathed and dressed in his brand new uniform. Of course he helped Dad prepare the coffee. Apa was still in his PJs as he took his first cup.

Stronger than the love of the gods, blacker than the depths of space, and with enough maple sugar to sweeten the heart of Asmodeus himself. Bit by bit, degree by degree, Apa came to life. Which was always a bit weird because technically? Dad was the dead one.

Apa helped with the lunchbox. Angus selected the things to pack. Sandwiches, snacks, fruit… everything a small, yet growing magic boy needed to have a good day. And, of course, breakfast. It was a larger family affair in the big kitchen, with Aunt Lup and Apa having their ongoing sibling argument while getting everything ready and stealing each other’s ingredients. Dad and Uncle Barry could be relied upon to peel or chop things, but they spent most of their time admiring their respective spouses.

It was a great morning.

Apa picked out some super glittery clothes and readied his favourite deer saddle. They were going to ride in style. Angus grinned. He couldn’t wait to see the other kids’ faces when he came to school on a real live Elven Riding Deer! Of course Apa picked the one with the impressive antlers and the tack that included silver bells. Apa just adored showing off.

Dad could just take a portal if he wanted to, but he chose to ride with, this day. His mount was more… his work aesthetic, so he changed out of his fleshy look and went with his work look on.

“Think I’m going to knock ‘em dead?” Dad asked.

“Da-a-aad…”

“Only figuratively, babe.”

It was going to be the best day.

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