Challenge #02444-F254: Our New Friend
We have a lot of “dragons” in our history, whether they be a legend, fairytale, myth or cultural history. Humans find that there is a dragon-like species that matches many of there historical depictions of their dragons, but are treated like outcasts. The Alliance, not knowing this, get a little worried when they threatened about the dragons. While humans try to make the dragons feel less like outcasts. – Anon Guest
At first, the Humans thought it was a joke. Galactic Alliance maps held pictograms showing the intelligent species that lived within any given territory, though some were so small that an observer would have to zoom in. The territory of the Drakkoen was large and had a picture that the Humans instantly recognised.
“You’re kidding, right?” they would say. “Here there be dragons? For real?”
The patient map-holder would have to explain that, yes, that was a real territory and those were the real Deathworlder beings who lived there and yes, they really were dangerous and– why are you jotting down co-ordinates, Human? Following this was the dawning horror that the Human or Humans were actively planning to go there and say ‘hello’.
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Challenge #02444-F254: Wilful Air Adulteration
They were out on a scientific survey of a new planet and pirates were on their tail. They knew they had at least two hours before they were caught and their ship had little by way of weaponry. They made their ship’s human his favorite, but usually forbidden unless they were planet-side where there was lots of fresh air, meal. Hot dogs and BEANS! As he smiled, thanked them, and dug in to his meal, the gas masks were being handed out. The pirates boarded, thinking it would be an easy win. As the air grew hard to breathe, even their livesuits were struggling, they never knew what hit them. – BKFecyk
Don’t be a pirate if you can’t afford the suit - a peculiar saying in the Edge territories.
Submitted for your education, the Battle of the Far Sniffer. The vessel was on a scientific mission in the Edge and had therefore hired a Human to be their bodyguard/assistant/hazard deterrent. Fortunately, Human Jef was good at their job. Unfortunately, they greatly favoured dishes that resulted in noxious fumes emitting from their digestive system.
Those meals were restrained to open-air environments, simply because his sulphurous eructations were too strong for the low-budget filters on the cheaper livesuits available to both public and private organisations. Too strong, and -as many complained- too frequent. Human Jef was greatly amused by this, and obeyed the Far Sniffer’s rules. That is, until the pirate ship attacked.
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Challenge #02441-F251: The Mikado’s Song
Puns: a beautiful amalgamation of the language it derives from, and that situation that comes forth. – Anon Guest
Of all the atrocities committed by the English, I give you one that has passed into the levels of international crime, yet has also passed almost unnoticed by the law. I give you - the pun.
Words are plastic. Meaning is malleable. One word can sound enough like another to make the actual joke hit like a missile. It is a form of cruel and unusual punishment metered out by those smart enough to create them, to those smart enough to understand them. The kind of joke where the punchline is not greeted with laughter, but with moans of pain.
Only Humans could come up with a style of humour specifically centred on the mental anguish it could deliver. One reliant, specifically, on the easy confusion between words. Further, some puns only work best when they are read in text format, and cannot be communicated verbally. This is simply because the words sound so alike that they cannot be a pun in an audio-only environment. Yet, Humanity did not stop there.
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Challenge #02437-F247: Looking For the Light
The human had seen his entire ship destroyed. It had been a sneak attack, an ambush. He fought for hours, it felt like months to him, but in the end, the pirates had overwhelmed them by sheer numbers. The only reason he survived was because one of his crewmates had done a “hail mary” maneuver and jettisoned an engine that had gone critical. The pirates were so badly damaged from that explosion that they were no longer able to go after what they’d come for. He had managed to get into an escape pod which, after being picked up by a havenworlder’s transport, got him to a spaceport. But now he was alone, everyone he cared for was gone, and every part of him wanted to join them. How do havenworlders help a man who has given up on life itself? How do they react, when they find him unconscious after a botched attempt at suicide? – BrighidRaven
There was one survivor. A Human whose nameplate declared them as Jenkins. They didn’t say a word when the Anisoptae found them. They hadn’t said a word for weeks. The Anisoptae tried their best to provide intermediate therapy, but Human Jenkins remained unresponsive.
Human Jenkins didn’t want to talk at all. They did not respond to physical contact. They did not wish to get involved in any kind of activity that the Anisoptae attempted. Human Jenkins just… sat there. Staring. Not at anything at all, it was more like they were staring across space and time at something they found disturbing. They went through life like an automated machine.
Though they hurried to reach a Human medical expert, they could not get there fast enough. Something was bound to break, and it was the Human Jenkins. Deathworlders only seem invulnerable by comparison to the more fragile Havenworlders. They do have their vulnerabilities, some of them were inside their own heads.
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Challenge #02436-F246: A Concerning Countdown
I am a big fan of your “Humans are Space Orcs” Series, I read them every chance I can get. I would love to see this one for one of your stories. A deathworlder, a human, has been living with a Havenworlder as his bodyguard for quite some time. He is a scientist and was working with ways to extend a Human’s lifespan and she has always been willing to volunteer for his work. Even when she was warned it might hurt. His people live the equivalent of almost 600 Human years. She was the fourth, or was it fifth, to guard him while he worked. His experiments were always careful, always gentle. And those that volunteered, for no one was ever forced, were always well compensated and made as comfortable as possible. Well, I can see his experiment actually succeeding this time, with her, and over the years, the two fell in love. Problem is, they are very different species and it’s not always… well looked upon. But love doesn’t care. – BrighidRavenwolf
Love is strange. It’s so strange that even Humans have noticed and, of course, written about extensively. They have such short lifetimes, compared to mine… a hundred years, and most of that spent in the decay of old age. Whereas my people can live six times that long without much in the way of suffering. It is not even remotely fair.
When I met the Perette bloodline, I let them know I expected their family to loan me their service as bodyguards. I like consistency, and swapping one familiar face for another once every fifty years or so is far less stressful to me than trying to hire new talent in the same interval. The Perettes have been my guards and companions for decades. I have been trying to help them since the beginning of our arrangement.
Humans are also fascinated by immortality. They have thousands of stories about people who, despite all logic and reason, simply fail to die. There’s even a song or two on the topic. Some of them have devoted entire planets to extending lifespans and the associated health. Myself? I just want to keep them around, in good health, for longer than their usual time.
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