Challenge #02467-F277: Human Jae’s Video Log
Up next, the top 10 questions you’ll get from your intergalactic crewmates. – Anon Guest
Hey, out there, infonets! It’s your friendly wandering Human Jae! Living large on the Edge of the Galactic Alliance, yeeeaaaahhhh… Have no fear, I am mostly harmless, I swear. That thing with the Vorax scout troop was a fluke I have yet to explain. Promise.
So I’ve been doing the round robin thing, escorting the. Absolute. Cutest. Havenworlders on their scientific excursions, and oh my God I could die from how adorable they are. Anyway. I took some footage with permission from my livesuit helm-cam and found… The top ten things your Galactic friends will shamelessly ask a Human! Wooo!
Okay, so mandatory offensensitivity warning for people unfamiliar with Humans, uncomfortable with incidental swears, mentions of blood, mentions of disease, mentions of violence and -hey- it’s a Human talking, that should be offensensitivity warning enough. Okay? We good? Cool. On with the show then.
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Challenge #02464-F274: No Ordinary Fool
Master Chef in SPAAACCEE!!! – Anon Guest
Chefs tend to treat certain groups of people differently. Professionals who mess up are far more likely to get the chewing out of a lifetime than a small child or a student who is just beginning to learn. The most famous of them who held this philosophy has managed to spread it memetically through most of Human space. Now, every Human chef follows the same philosophy.
Now, because of the Train Wreck Phenomenon, cogniscents all over known space watch entertainments in which at least one Human chef bawls out alleged professionals competing for a prize. What the prize is, but what never differs is the length and breadth of creativity in the Human’s insults towards the other chefs.
That’s what most people tune in for, anyway. They come for the insults, they stay for the pageantry of competition, creativity, and tension created by all of the above. Some watched strictly to test their resilience by the method of exposure to dramatic musical stings. Very few indeed watched it for the cooking ideas.
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Challenge #02463-F273: Night of the Living PJ’s
“I fucked up my internal clock and having insomnia always triggering midnight hunger.”
“Midnight hunger?”
“A zombie like state that make me crave food.”
“What’s a zombie?”
“You’ll see tonight.” – Anon Guest
Humans have weird terms for everything. Spacers, even more so. It’s as if being locked inside a limited space with only audio channels available for communication triggers its own unique permutations on language. Either that, Grux speculated, or they were just Like That from the beginning.
“Just a warning,” said the Human trucker who was giving Grux a lift to Nowhere Station, “I messed up my internal clock, and my chronic insomnia is always triggering midnight hunger.”
Grux briefly pondered educating the Human in the many ways that time was a social construct to keep large masses of intelligent beings lined up in the same work cluster. But it was also an important unit of currency that no wealthy person could hoard. Instead of any of that, ze said, “Midnight hunger?”
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit steemit (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02462-F272: A Not-So-Little List
Rael’s introduction to cream pie, please. – Anon Guest
[AN: You can find something similar in my very first anthology under the title of Time Out From That Good Fight (It should be in the late one hundreds, but if not, here’s the link to the version on Steemit.]
Was there any bigger portent of impending doom than Shayde singing a certain song from The Mikado? Rael had unfortunately found out that the answer was ‘yes’. It was Shayde singing a certain song from The Mikado, whilst wearing Insulter Silvers and filling aluminium pie plates with shaving cream.
“I’d ask,” he said, “but finding out involves a sanity check.”
Shayde stopped singing to grin, which would have raised his hackles if he had had hackles to raise. “Aw, c'mon. You know you’re curious.”
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Challenge #02461-F271: Works Every Time
So, based on your story about visiting aliens having to hover their hands over something to check if it was hot, imagine if one alien (or maybe even human) uses it as a pick-up line. Like, they hover a hand over someone’s wrist or hand and they just say “hot.” I think it would be cute! – Anon Guest
Love is many things, but it was never logical, reasoned, or well thought. In literary terms, love is that idiot who dives into a midden for the laughs and comes out with the golden crown. Love is the friends made along the way. So it is when a Havenworlder repeatedly crushes on Humans.
That is, they develop sincere and soft affection for humans. There are very few Havenworlders who can even attempt to crush a Human. Even when they do, the general reaction is (a) positive, and (b) some comment regarding how soft/fluffy/cute/huggable the Havenworlder in question is at the time. They don’t even get mad.
P'taal had what could easily be considered a fatal flaw in that they found Humans to be very attractive indeed. This was a problem because many of them could literally crush them without so much as a second thought. Havenworlders have never had to evolve much in the way of defences, before they got out into the Galactic Alliance. It wasn’t much to be concerned about. Humans would rather break their own heads than harm a Havenworlder.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit steemit (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]