THE FACTS ARE THESE

interstellarvagabond:

Okay I’m actually really proud of this fic please read, reblog, and review!
Angus loved Taako, every weird bit of him.
He was definitely weird, the elf was just a walking collection of eccentrics. Of course, as a detective, Angus was able to find a reason for each and every one of them.
“That’s alright, sir, I’m full,” Angus said, putting his hands up as Taako approached his plate with the pot. Taako scoffed and loaded Angus’s plate up with more seconds than the small boy could ever eat.
“You’re too small just eat it, squirt,” he said as he walked back into the kitchen.
He was always like that when it came to feeding Angus, slipping the kid extra cookies and making sure he had a big lunch to take to school with him.
THE CLUES:
-Taako likes to make sure everyone in his life, especially me, has enough to eat
-Taako keeps a hoard of snacks under his bed
-Taako eats till his plate is clean
-Miss Lup says her and Taako never got enough to eat as kids
THE SOLUTION:
-Taako starved as a kid and has been paranoid about food and others starving ever since
Taako didn’t just slip Angus cookies. He was also loose about the liquor cabinet.
“You want soda or beer, sweetie?”
“I’m only ten, sir?”
“Better to learn young so you can get the taste for it,” Taako said uncapping the bottle.
During New Year’s Taako had let Angus have a sip of his champagne, and had earned a through scolding from the director for it.
THE CLUES:
-Taako gives me alcohol even though I’m only 10 11
-Taako swears around me a lot
-Taako raised himself
THE SOLUTION:
-Taako’s never followed a rule in his life, and doesn’t see why I should have to
Once Angus had gotten up for a glass of water in the middle of the night and found Taako crying in the living room. Once Taako realized Angus was there he’d cast a glamour on himself to erase any signs of crying and greeted the kid with a snappy: “shouldn’t you be in bed?”
“Are you alright sir?”
“None of your business, twerp, go back to bed, jeez Louise.”
THE CLUES:
-Taako cries a lot at night
-He always cries in the living room, bathroom, or kitchen
THE SOLUTION:
-Taako doesn’t want me or Kravitz to see him crying
Living with Taako and Kravitz had taught Angus a lot about love and being in a relationship. For example, one night they were walking home from the best pizza place in town, Taako had been very drunk at the moment, and had been the one to insist on going out to pizza in the first place. All three walked down the street munching on their slices when Taako paused and looked Kravitz dead in the eyes.
“Babe. Baaabe. You wanna know how much I love you?”
“Okay?”
“You see this pizza? This is the best pizza in the goddamn world.” Taako shook the slice in Kravitz’s face. “But for you, for you Kravitz, I would throw this bitch right on the ground. I would do that for you!”
Taako had then thrown the pizza onto the ground.
“Do you want me to buy you another slice?” Kravitz had said once he finished laughing and kissing Taako.
“….yes, please. I still love you more than pizza! I just-“
“Love pizza very much, I know, dear.”
As they waited for Kravitz to come back with his new slice, Taako picked up the street slice and started feeding it to some nearby racoons (ANGUS WE CAN’T LET FOOD GO TO WASTE).
“I’m glad you took us out for pizza, sir!” Angus said. Kravitz had asked him to keep an eye on the drunk elf while he was gone, and he was taking his job very seriously and making sure Taako didn’t put his hands too close to the racoon’s teeth.
“S’lonely,” Taako sniffed. “Needed someone to get pizza with.”
“What was that sir?”
“I was lonely, Ango. I get lonely a lot. A looooot.”
Taako slumped over, sitting with his back to a building. Angus sat down next to him and Taako lay his head on the boy’s shoulder.
“I’m not a good…” he hiccupped. “M’not a good person, Ango McDango. “Dunno why Kravitz hangs out with me….or you…”
“One fresh slice of pizza, please try not to drop it to prove your love,” Kravitz said, returning that very moment.
“Gimme!” Taako made grabby hands and snatched the pizza away from Kravitz, chowing down with all sadness forgotten.
“I love you, silly man,” Kravitz laughed, pressing a kiss into Taako’s hair.
“I love ya too, I love you more than pizza, ‘n the moon, n’ magic n’….” the list continued.
THE CLUES:
-Taako is lonely and thinks he’s bad
-Taako gets drunk a lot
-Taako doesn’t like to be alone while he’s drunk
THE SOLUTION:
Angus crept into Taako and Kravitz’s room, breakfast tray clutched carefully in his hands. He’d followed one of Taako’s recipes for cinnamon walnut pancakes and had tried to throw together a decent mimosa (which he tried just one sip from to make sure he got it right! Cause he’s still a little boy!).
He set the tray on the bed. “Good morning sirs!”
“Mmm…good morning, Angus,” Kravitz yawned. “What’s all this?”
Taako rubbed his eyes and looked down at the tray. “Hot shit Angus you got ‘em just right, nice job little dude.” He ruffled the boy’s hair.
“Happy father’s day!” Angus said, blushing slightly.
Kravitz and Taako exchanged a surprised look for what seemed like an eternity. Then suddenly Taako burst into tears and pulled Angus into a hug, almost knocking over the tray (Kravitz saved it with his quick reflexes before joining in on the hug)

08/12/2017, 19:03 with 3,904 notes #taz #read it #you're welcome #angus mcdonald #taako #gimmie that found family shit straight into my veins!

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interstellarvagabond:

I wanted to do this whole thing as a comic but I’m a writer not an artist so baby steps and all that. I’mma write the rest of it here:
Kravitz stepped through the portal into the living room he now shared with one of the most famous elves in the world. Taako had been at a press conference that day with the rest of the seven birds, answering questions about the Hunger attack and all the secrets an extraplaner might have. He was sure that Taako would be in a great mood when he returned, excited from all the attention and his increased fanclub.
Instead, he found Taako sitting quietly on the couch, an old piece of paper clutched in his hands. When Taako noticed Kravitz enter he shoved the paper into his pocket, but not before Kravitz managed to see that it was an advertisement. A poster for an old Sizzle It Up With Taako show that showed the elf standing there with a confident smile arms spread wide and various ingredients spinning magically around him.

Keep reading

@interstellarvagabond, forgive me for what I am about to do…

Asked and Answered

Lup knew the signs instantly. Her brother was about to shred that fucking tardigrade-level scum for asking that question. Very possibly with Evard’s Black Tentacles. She whispered, “Taako, mm-mm,” for all the good it would do.

The luckless personage of the press repeated their question. “Taako. What is your weight loss secret?”

“Heard you the first time, homie,” said Taako. Putting on that fake-ass smile that meant that murder was a viable option for him, right now. “You want to know how I managed to lose like twenty pounds between the time of Sizzle it Up! and the Hunger War. It’s not that hard you know.” He took a deep breath. Let his inner rage show. “You just have your best friend and business partner let you think you poisoned forty fucking people to death and then get that kind of eating disorder where you’re god-damned afraid of food for six fucking years.”

Magnus, ever the protector, stood and loomed in the general direction of the newsie who’d been hoping for some diet tips. “Taako’s in recovery from an eating disorder and it’s still early days for him. Thanks for being an asshole.”

What hurt most is that Lup couldn’t hold him. She was as ephemeral as smoke. Sure, she had a body brewing in Barry’s tank, but it would be six months too late by the time she had arms to hold him.

“Koko,” she cooed. Trying to soothe.

His ears were flat back in barely restrained fury. His hair was starting to frizz up in a certain sign of anxiety. Lup knew it before he said it. “I’m gonna go make a huge batch of peanut butter brownies. Wanna come mage-hand things around with me?”

Fuck.

He only made brownies when he was in the shittiest moods. And adding peanut butter? He was fucking allergic to peanuts. So… food he could not eat. And stress baking added to that. Emotionally speaking, her brother was circling the drain. Thanks, asshole.

Fortunately, Lup knew exactly what to say. “Only if you let me make those peach custard danishes with the caramel toffee drizzle.” The only food in the multiverse to tempt him into eating when he did not want to eat.

Taako… imploded. His face collapsed into a rictus of rage and misery. He curled in on himself as a few rough sobs tore out of his throat. Three of the IPRE crew were around him in instants, but not before a few fantasy cameras got a good shot of his breakdown face.

They dragged Taako off to Barry’s kitchen. Small but serviceable. Big enough and stocked enough for Taako to bake his emotions and for Lup to make her danish balm for them.

He had his with whipped cream. Made with vanilla sugar. Breathed a sigh that could easily pay for early release from the Eternal Stockade. “Best sister in the world,” he said. “In the multiverse.”

“Natch,” preened Lup. “You gonna be okay?”

“I can make it home,” he allowed. “Don’t know about dinner.” Another sigh. “I need Krav.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said. Already planning to rip the scythe out of his gorgeous hands and throw him through a rift if she had to.

08/12/2017, 05:41 with 60 notes #taz #sorry not sorry #response fic #taako #interstellarvagabond #I've been thinking about this thing 5ever I had to

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