Free Scene for TAZ Ficcers
[BC I don’t have a whole story to go with this]
He saw his sister carrying a bunch of empty platters on his way to the Multiversal Ship Designing Think Tank.
“How’d it go?” he asked, knowing full well that he was using Bigby’s Hand to hold seven baskets full of assorted treats.
“They thanked me very much and told me to screw off in the nicest possible way. They even shaved a few inches off the bathroom, but it won’t do any good. I even told them I would sleep on a box on the floor if it would get us a bigger kitchen, babe. No soup.”
Anyone else would have said ‘no soap’, but this was a family quirk born out of going without and running for their lives for so very, very long.
“We’ll see where the ol’ Taako charm gets us, sis,” Taako breezed. “It’ll finally be proof that my cooking is, of course–”
“Horseshit?” suggested Lup.
Taako snapped his fingers. “Of course. I forgot to add the horseshit.” He laughed. “Gotta try it, right?”
“I’m seducing the captain, next,” said Lup.
“Don’t squash him,” cheered Taako. And sauntered onwards to the Think Tank suites. Where he found someone already willing to whine about his offerings before he got the chance.
“Oh gods, did the two of you have to try the same tactic on the same day?” whined the administrator. “And oh gods, you made pastries…” She slurped back drool. “My diet is shot to hell.”
“Chill, you can have these whenever. See, I’ve wrapped them all in a little invention of mine. Taaako’s Utilitarian Preservation and Protection Envelopes. Everything in them stays as fresh and warm as the moment they went in. How’s TUPPEware suit you as a marketable thing? Copyright Taako.”
“It still won’t do you any good. We have to design a humane interior for seven people and weight is an issue. The bond engine…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard the lecture from Doctor Whatsisface. Always wears blue jeans. Looks like Tom Arnold. You know the dude.”
“Yeah, we know him. He’s in here every other day telling us not to listen to people like you.”
Taako thought hard about blowing up her ass. Nope. Diplomacy. “Just for that little dig, I won’t tell you where I hid the cheesecake.”
“Caramel?”
“Saltwater taffy.”
“I’mverysorry, youcangorightinandnegotiatewitheveryoneontheteam.”
Taako handed her a large TUPPEware box on his way through.
“I love you forever, but my dietician hates your ass.”
“I get that a lot,” he chirped.
Inside the labyrinth of desks and drawing boards was less successful than Lup’s. Not even trying to sell them on TUPPEware was worth anything.
He propped up a support column and watched someone carefully inking the profile of the future multidimensional ship with care whilst he munched on some “I failed, oh well” cheer-himself-up cookie dough balls.
And he came up with an innocent question. “Hey, real quick, I gotta know. What are the masts for?”
“Huh?” said the inker.
“What are the masts for? Everything that moves the ship goes through the bond engine, right? All the helm shit goes to the ring in the rear. So… what are the masts for?”
The person doing the inking stared at their work in horror. Then slapped their tools down with an aggressive slap.
“I am going to need,” he said, “The biggest, richest, gooiest, most luxurious piece cake you have with all the fucking cream, because…” he gestured at the work in progress. “DAMNIT!”
The entire office flinched.
“WE DON’T NEED FUCKING MASTS, GUYS! START GODSDAMN OVER. AND GIVE THESE MOTHERFUCKING ELVES THEIR FUCKING KITCHEN.”
Taako gave him his best fucking cake and an entire box of his deluxe coffee fudge. Poor fellow needed it.
Challenge #01949-E125: Naked Without it — Steemit
You couldn’t deny he was a wizard. The hat was a huge give-away. It made his full, wizarding height two feet taller and he changed it in all other ways from town to town. One week, it was dripping with gimcrack jewellery from fantasy dollar stores. The next, it was festooned with flowers and illusory beads of dew that sparkled in the light. It said ‘wizard’ louder than any collection of sequins, erroneous spelling, or arcane symbolism could manage.
And it made him easy to spot in a crowd. Something for which Sazed was eternally grateful, because he stood a chance of stopping Taako from blowing all their profits on more gimcrack jewellery, swatches of interesting fabric, or other decorations for that fucking hat. Or, failing that, some kind of knock-off high fashion that involved thirty near-identical shirts. It had got to the point where Taako could mouth along to the We’re on a budget, damnit speech.
And now, heart-stoppingly, that damn hat was on a hat-rack. Outside somewhere that looked really expensive to be inside.
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Challenge #01947-E123: Loose End Tied — Steemit
Okay, now I’ve fucked up, thought Taako, transmutation wizard extraordinaire. Crew-member of the Starblaster. Multi-dimensional traveller. One of the Seven Birds of Prophecy. Member of the B.O.B. Best chef in all of Faerûn. Oh, and main squeeze of the Grim fucking Reaper. This thought came, of course, at half-consciousness as the not-so-stupid guards dragged him to the throne room of the latest Big Bad.
On the plus side, now he knew where the leader of this particular horde was. On the minus side, his allies did not. The most that the B.O.B. could do was track where he was thanks to his bracer. They could not, for example, send a team through solid rock to save his gorgeous ass. Not unless they could get a line to his boyfriend, his sister, or her husband. And worse - someone had taken his hat.
That was an insult worse than his current injuries. And there was no place worse for an injured wizard than right in the middle of the nest of the Big Bad Badguy. Glass cannons did not belong in the middle of the powder keg. Not unless they had something really cool up their sleeve.
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Re: Purring Elves
I’m 10000000000% behind you on this one, but consider this:
Distressed/injured Elf purring for self-comfort: panting, short bursts of purrs at a low volume. May be felt more than heard.
Emotionally distressed Elf purring for the comfort of friends/family: Longer, deeper purrs in longer bursts. May include oscillating tones for a soporific effect.
Parental-feeling Elf purring for child: Definitely soporific oscillations in tone, low, steady volume. Almost always unbroken by breaths.
Comfy/safe Elf with friends/family: LOUD AS POSSIBLE, unbroken purr. Oscillations in tone dictated by breathing.
Feel free to use this in any purring Elf fics
Random Encounters - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
It’s finished! 30 chapters of angst and fluff.
And nothing to take its place tomorrow.
Whoops.
Completely random Taako thought
Taako has two modes of physical interaction:
a) This is a social obligation touch, you can’t afford me at my regular rates
b) How many limbs does this fucking Elf have hugtopus
There is no middle ground.
Random Encounters - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
Once again, I play with the idea of Taako being Angus’ primary parental from an earlier passage of time. Like. WAY earlier.
Like “practically from birth” earlier.
We all love writing how Ango could legitimately [or illegitimately] be a son of the Starblaster crew. I just went with a really unlikely pairing.
Nesting Instinct - Chapter 1 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
This… exists, now.
Taako undergoes Elven Fantasy Pon Farr, aka @interstellarvagabond‘s Luume’irma, and Ango is in the house. Is the fact that Taako thinks of Angus as a baby a good thing? Or a bad thing?
I Don't Hate You - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
Have a one-shot.
The seemingly obligatory Taako-and-Lucretia-make-up fic.
Double Play - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]
I was working on one of my larger stories and then this shiny plotbunny crossed my path…
The twins and a scam-of-sorts that they call “The Two For One Sale”.