Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
In order for Tres Horny Boys to pull off the thing in the new episode… it REWRITES the Stolen Century AND gives us a good firkin reason why things happened the way they did.
They weren’t living year after year in all these different realities.
They were living the SAME YEAR in all these different realities.
That’s why it reset. That’s why they were essentially immortal during that time. And that’s why Greg Fucking Grimaldis is now a prosperous dude. At least until Lup turns up.
It also means that the IPRE crew were travelling through Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.
I put it all in one post to make it easier to read since people seemed to really like the necromancer turns Taako into a thrall story. Enjoy! Please spread it around so people can see the full work!
He was never tricked more than once, but that one time was enough.
Taako’s ears perked up at a knock at the door, and he stretched before going to answer.
“If you’re selling dwarf-scout cookies, lemme tell you right now, the answer is yes give me ten boxes,” he said as he opened the door. However it was not a dwarf scout at the door but a filthy half-elf child illuminated by a dramatic flash of lightening as a thunderstorm raged outside.
The child was gripping at a bloodied arm, and practically fell into Taako’s lap as he bent down to help the child.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Taako tried to help the child up, but she was like a rag doll in his arms.
“It’s chasing me…please…” the girl sobbed, pointing backwards at a large wolf, licking its lips and snarling. Taako reached for the emergency wand he kept in his boot and approached the beast, wishing Magnus “animal proficiency” Burnsides was there.
For those of you who’ve watched a few episodes of Horrible Histories… [linkie for those who haven’t]
Pre- Crystal Kingdom story where Krav is doing the Stupid Deaths thing on each of the badguys from each of the arcs. Raven Queen kibbitzing optional of course.
And like, in Petals to the Metal, he gets their names, and realises THB are three of the juiciest bounties that have ever walked Faerûn. And then he gets the location from Boyland…
The interviewers always ask the same thing - they did for college, for the IPRE, and plenty of interested individuals have asked after everything is over - “What made you want to learn transmutation magic?”
Taako knows the right answers, and there are plenty: reasons like finding the magic interesting, or natural inclination, or a love of learning.
He wonders what any of them would do with the honest answer. He watched his sister starve. He felt hunger like a horrible, clawing beast in the pit of his stomach and he didn’t know if either of them would live from one day to the next. No amount of genuine interest or natural skill could compete with fevered desperation. He exhausted his spell slots and he could not get it wrong. The two of them could not afford any less than perfection from him, and Taako would like to see any “rigorous” college program replicate that level of demand.
Taako knows they ask the same question of Lup. He knows that she doesn’t tell them about people bigger than them, looming and calculating, pulling on their arms and lurching towards them. Those aren’t the answers that anyone wants.
Nobody likes to think of the silly, goofy, vibrant twins as children who only just survived, day to day. So they don’t talk about it.
They don’t bring it up on the ship, not after cycles have passed and everyone on the crew has died at least once. Barry talks about why he decided to go into necromancy and Taako doesn’t comment. Merle chuckles when Lup and Taako both snipe at him about wasting food. Lucretia watches in interest as Taako sews a shirt back together for the fifth time instead of throwing it out, as Lup inventories the kitchen meticulously. The twins both scored exceptionally well on the survival aspect of IPRE testing, but sometimes Davenport forgets that, until they’re tracking down the light and he’s reminded. The twins don’t talk about it, but so much of who they are is made up of who they had to be to get the chance to grow up.
One cycle, there’s a world that never has enough food, and Taako and Lup fall into a routine that’s well-practiced. Spell slots are measured out daily, rests are scheduled, and Lup shows the crew how to preserve any extra food they find. Everyone is always hungry, but no one starves.
Taako hasn’t worked this long perfecting his transmutation magic to let any of his family starve.
There isn’t enough food. They are starving. They are two dirty little elves, witch-eyed and abandoned. Freezing and aching.
They are twins. They have very little possessions, but they have a knife.
Today, Taako is going to do it.
They haven’t had enough to eat in weeks. It’s cold, they have no shelter. Lup has a fever. They are going to die.
Taako has made a decision. He’s going to do the right thing. He’s going to let Lup go.
Lup is good. Lup doesn’t deserve to starve. Lup doesn’t deserve to die in agony. Taako knows he’s bad, so he’s gotta do it. He loves her, he’s gotta do it.
He trembles, but he grips the knife tight. He cries, but it’s time to be brave.
“It’s gonna be okay Lup,” he whispers in her ear, pets her hair. “You’re gonna go to a good place.”
Lup is delirious, but she hears him.
“We gonna go to the same place Koko?” She asks, and Taako cries harder.
“No Lulu, we’re not.” Because Lup is good, and Taako is bad, and he’s going to be even worse because he’s going to kill his own sister.
“Then I don’t wanna go.” She says, before she loses consciousness again, and Taako collapses against her, because he can’t do it. He loves her, but he’s selfish. He doesn’t want to be without her. He’s a coward. He holds her and she’s so warm.
When he wakes, he sees a campfire. Taako looks at Lup, and she has fire dancing on her palm. She grins, and presses a small rock into his hands. Taako looks at it. He holds it and magic floods from his soul, through his arms into his hands. It turns into an apple. He starts to laugh, but he’s crying too. Lup does the same.
They laugh and cry and hold each other. He’s never going to let her go.
You know you’ve made it in a fandom when someone else creatively borrows your headcannons and terminology.
Okay I’m actually really proud of this fic please read, reblog, and review!
Angus loved Taako, every weird bit of him.
He was definitely weird, the elf was just a walking
collection of eccentrics. Of course, as a detective, Angus was able to find a
reason for each and every one of them.
“That’s alright, sir, I’m full,” Angus said, putting his
hands up as Taako approached his plate with the pot. Taako scoffed and loaded
Angus’s plate up with more seconds than the small boy could ever eat.
“You’re too small just eat it, squirt,” he said as he walked
back into the kitchen.
He was always like that when it came to feeding Angus,
slipping the kid extra cookies and making sure he had a big lunch to take to
school with him.
THE CLUES:
-Taako likes to make sure everyone in his life, especially me,
has enough to eat
-Taako keeps a hoard of snacks under his bed
-Taako eats till his plate is clean
-Miss Lup says her and Taako never got enough to eat as kids
THE SOLUTION:
-Taako starved as a kid and has been paranoid about food and
others starving ever since
Taako didn’t just slip Angus cookies. He was also loose
about the liquor cabinet.
“You want soda or beer, sweetie?”
“I’m only ten, sir?”
“Better to learn young so you can get the taste for it,”
Taako said uncapping the bottle.
During New Year’s Taako had let Angus have a sip of his
champagne, and had earned a through scolding from the director for it.
THE CLUES:
-Taako gives me alcohol even though I’m only 10 11
-Taako swears around me a lot
-Taako raised himself
THE SOLUTION:
-Taako’s never followed a rule in his life, and doesn’t see
why I should have to
Once Angus had gotten up for a glass of water in the middle
of the night and found Taako crying in the living room. Once Taako realized
Angus was there he’d cast a glamour on himself to erase any signs of crying and
greeted the kid with a snappy: “shouldn’t you be in bed?”
“Are you alright sir?”
“None of your business, twerp, go back to bed, jeez Louise.”
THE CLUES:
-Taako cries a lot at night
-He always cries in the living room, bathroom, or kitchen
THE SOLUTION:
-Taako doesn’t want me or Kravitz to see him crying
Living with Taako and Kravitz had taught Angus a lot about
love and being in a relationship. For example, one night they were walking home
from the best pizza place in town, Taako had been very drunk at the moment, and
had been the one to insist on going out to pizza in the first place. All three
walked down the street munching on their slices when Taako paused and looked
Kravitz dead in the eyes.
“Babe. Baaabe. You wanna know how much I love you?”
“Okay?”
“You see this pizza? This is the best pizza in the goddamn world.” Taako shook the slice in
Kravitz’s face. “But for you, for you Kravitz, I would throw this bitch right
on the ground. I would do that for you!”
Taako had then thrown the pizza onto the ground.
“Do you want me to buy you another slice?” Kravitz had said
once he finished laughing and kissing Taako.
“….yes, please. I still love you more than pizza! I just-“
“Love pizza very much, I know, dear.”
As they waited for Kravitz to come back with his new slice,
Taako picked up the street slice and started feeding it to some nearby racoons
(ANGUS WE CAN’T LET FOOD GO TO WASTE).
“I’m glad you took us out for pizza, sir!” Angus said.
Kravitz had asked him to keep an eye on the drunk elf while he was gone, and he
was taking his job very seriously and making sure Taako didn’t put his hands
too close to the racoon’s teeth.
“S’lonely,” Taako sniffed. “Needed someone to get pizza
with.”
“What was that sir?”
“I was lonely, Ango. I get lonely a lot. A looooot.”
Taako slumped over, sitting with his back to a building.
Angus sat down next to him and Taako lay his head on the boy’s shoulder.
“I’m not a good…” he hiccupped. “M’not a good person, Ango
McDango. “Dunno why Kravitz hangs out with me….or you…”
“One fresh slice of pizza, please try not to drop it to
prove your love,” Kravitz said, returning that very moment.
“Gimme!” Taako made grabby hands and snatched the pizza away
from Kravitz, chowing down with all sadness forgotten.
“I love you, silly man,” Kravitz laughed, pressing a kiss
into Taako’s hair.
“I love ya too, I love you more than pizza, ‘n the moon, n’
magic n’….” the list continued.
THE CLUES:
-Taako is lonely and thinks he’s bad
-Taako gets drunk a lot
-Taako doesn’t like to be alone while he’s drunk
THE SOLUTION:
Angus crept into Taako and Kravitz’s room, breakfast tray
clutched carefully in his hands. He’d followed one of Taako’s recipes for
cinnamon walnut pancakes and had tried to throw together a decent mimosa (which
he tried just one sip from to make sure he got it right! Cause he’s still a
little boy!).
He set the tray on the bed. “Good morning sirs!”
“Mmm…good morning, Angus,” Kravitz yawned. “What’s all this?”
Taako rubbed his eyes and looked down at the tray. “Hot shit
Angus you got ‘em just right, nice job little dude.” He ruffled the boy’s hair.
Kravitz and Taako exchanged a surprised look for what seemed
like an eternity. Then suddenly Taako burst into tears and pulled Angus into a
hug, almost knocking over the tray (Kravitz saved it with his quick reflexes
before joining in on the hug)
I wanted to do this whole thing as a comic but I’m a writer not an artist so baby steps and all that. I’mma write the rest of it here:
Kravitz stepped through the portal into the living room he now shared with one of the most famous elves in the world. Taako had been at a press conference that day with the rest of the seven birds, answering questions about the Hunger attack and all the secrets an extraplaner might have. He was sure that Taako would be in a great mood when he returned, excited from all the attention and his increased fanclub.
Instead, he found Taako sitting quietly on the couch, an old piece of paper clutched in his hands. When Taako noticed Kravitz enter he shoved the paper into his pocket, but not before Kravitz managed to see that it was an advertisement. A poster for an old Sizzle It Up With Taako show that showed the elf standing there with a confident smile arms spread wide and various ingredients spinning magically around him.
Lup knew the signs instantly. Her brother was about to shred that fucking tardigrade-level scum for asking that question. Very possibly with Evard’s Black Tentacles. She whispered, “Taako, mm-mm,” for all the good it would do.
The luckless personage of the press repeated their question. “Taako. What is your weight loss secret?”
“Heard you the first time, homie,” said Taako. Putting on that fake-ass smile that meant that murder was a viable option for him, right now. “You want to know how I managed to lose like twenty pounds between the time of Sizzle it Up! and the Hunger War. It’s not that hard you know.” He took a deep breath. Let his inner rage show. “You just have your best friend and business partner let you think you poisoned forty fucking people to death and then get that kind of eating disorder where you’re god-damned afraid of food for six fucking years.”
Magnus, ever the protector, stood and loomed in the general direction of the newsie who’d been hoping for some diet tips. “Taako’s in recovery from an eating disorder and it’s still early days for him. Thanks for being an asshole.”
What hurt most is that Lup couldn’t hold him. She was as ephemeral as smoke. Sure, she had a body brewing in Barry’s tank, but it would be six months too late by the time she had arms to hold him.
“Koko,” she cooed. Trying to soothe.
His ears were flat back in barely restrained fury. His hair was starting to frizz up in a certain sign of anxiety. Lup knew it before he said it. “I’m gonna go make a huge batch of peanut butter brownies. Wanna come mage-hand things around with me?”
Fuck.
He only made brownies when he was in the shittiest moods. And adding peanut butter? He was fucking allergic to peanuts. So… food he could not eat. And stress baking added to that. Emotionally speaking, her brother was circling the drain. Thanks, asshole.
Fortunately, Lup knew exactly what to say. “Only if you let me make those peach custard danishes with the caramel toffee drizzle.” The only food in the multiverse to tempt him into eating when he did not want to eat.
Taako… imploded. His face collapsed into a rictus of rage and misery. He curled in on himself as a few rough sobs tore out of his throat. Three of the IPRE crew were around him in instants, but not before a few fantasy cameras got a good shot of his breakdown face.
They dragged Taako off to Barry’s kitchen. Small but serviceable. Big enough and stocked enough for Taako to bake his emotions and for Lup to make her danish balm for them.
He had his with whipped cream. Made with vanilla sugar. Breathed a sigh that could easily pay for early release from the Eternal Stockade. “Best sister in the world,” he said. “In the multiverse.”
“Natch,” preened Lup. “You gonna be okay?”
“I can make it home,” he allowed. “Don’t know about dinner.” Another sigh. “I need Krav.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” she said. Already planning to rip the scythe out of his gorgeous hands and throw him through a rift if she had to.
Is there a place where an impoverished Aussie can listen to the latest live show? ‘Cause I’m seeing a few spoilery things that I’m not up on for stuff I haven’t heard yet.
