[AN: I mean… he can…]

“Sir, there’s an Orc claiming that he’s family, wanting to see your baby,” said the nurse. “If you want him escorted from the premises–”

“Neosemo?” Angus started up from his chair. “My boy is here?”

The nurse looked startled. Agatha and Agnes were sleeping, but Agatha opened one eye and mumbled, “Cool it.”

Angus gingerly toured around the bed as he murmured, “I can verify his identity if I can just see him…”

Neosemo was waiting politely near the ‘no admittance’ sign. He saw Angus through the window in the door and waved.

“There’s my boy,” cheered Angus, speeding up to greet his adopted son with a hug.

“Hey Dad,” said Neosemo. “I got here as soon as I could.” To the nurse, he said, “Can I see my baby sister now?”

Angus made much ado about insisting that all remained quiet, because newborns needed their sleep to grow. Agnes was two days old and Agatha was still recovering from getting her out into the world.

Thusly, Neosemo entered the ward on tip-toe.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, “Elf babies are fucking tiny…”

Agatha opened one eye again. “You try pushing one out, sometime.”

Neosemo gave her a tusky grin. “Yeah, okay. I won’t complain again. Can I hold her, yet?”

Agatha scooted over. “Come beside me. You know how to be gentle, right?”

“Medical degree. Yeah.”

It was still an exercise in whispered tutorials. The infant Agnes complained about the transfer, and blinked at Neosemo.

“Hi there, little one,” he cooed. “I’m your big brother.”

Agnes frowned at him, then set up a howl. Much to the amusement of all around her.

“She’ll get used to you,” promised Agatha. “That, and she might be hungry again.”

“She has a stomach the size of a walnut,” said Angus, who had been studying this sort of thing. “She can’t help it.”

Neosemo was grinning. “It’s still a story I can taunt her with for decades to come,” he chuckled. “Long after I’m a famous and well-travelled Cleric.”

Of course he would. There was no such thing as a sibling who didn’t have ammunition against their brothers and sisters.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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There are children whose destiny it is to have their names pronounced in italics. When people are talking about them, they roll their eyes, scoff, and mutter things like, “Ugh, Darren,” or, “Karie? That little asshole…” If they survive to maturity, one might guess that they grow out of it. One may even hope that they become decent intelligent beings.

Taako knows one of those kids, and his name is Jason. He’s exactly that kind of kid that anyone might love to hate. He was, to use the kindest words, obnoxious, annoying, gross, and a spoiled brat. Most of this was because his mother, Susan, was the kind of person who saw Jason through rose-tinted glasses until five days after she met Taako.

Jason is also on Taako’s doorstep with a confused expression, a suitcase, and a note pinned to his shirt. To realise how pathetic it is, one might also have to be informed that he is also three years older than Angus McDonald, world’s greatest detective and all-around actual genius.

Taako, at this stage of “too early in the morning” (aka 8AM), was tressed in a large T-shirt that reached his knees and literally nothing else. He still had the twin braids he put his hair up in for sleep, and eighty percent of his morning coffee. He glared blearily at Jason and said, “The fuck are you doing here?”

“The fuck if I know,” said Jason sullenly. He stopped picking his nose to poke at the envelope pinned to his sweater. “This is for you.”

Taako gingerly removed it with Mage Hand and stared at the unfolded paper. “Mmmmnnngh.” He turned away from the door. “Ba-a-a-abe? Can you read this? My eyes literally can’t focus on Susan’s horrible handwriting!”

Angus McDonald bounced into the scene like a peppy living advertisement for some miracle antidepressant and said, “I can read it, sir.”

Taako handed it over and said, “Mazel tov,” then slouched into a corner and slurped at his coffee.

Angus translated. “It says here that Mrs Hackniid has had a family emergency that’ll keep her from looking after Jason, sir. She needs her attention undivided for up to three months, and is therefore leaving her son in your capable hands.”

“Fucking what?”

“Capable hands, sir. Her exact words.” Angus pointed to the place where they were written. “She says she knows you’re the best person available because you’re fostering me and running a school.”

“More fool her,” said Taako, who had reached the ‘not yet’ indicator on his coffee mug. “Sucks to be you, kid. You’ve been abandoned.”

“Sir! This is no time for goofs…”

“Come on. Three months is the perfect time window for a clean get-away. New location, new identity papers, new bank account, all of it. Even you’d have a hard time tracking her down with a three months’ lead.”

Jason started with the crocodile tears.

“Ugh, shut the fuck up. Suck it in. Deal with it yourself because literally nobody else cares.”

He turned off his wailing and gnashing of teeth off like it was on tap. That had always worked before… but then again, his mother had always been around to be angry at people until he got what he wanted. “What?” he said. “When my mom finds out.”

“If,” corrected Taako.

“I’m sure he’s goofing,” said Angus. “Come pick up your bag, and I’ll show you to one of the guest rooms.”

“You want me to do what now?” said Jason.

That was lesson one: do it yourself.

*

Lesson Two.

Jason awoke with the sun in his eyes and a rock under his butt. The discomfort alone was enough to startle him mostly upright. He was in the middle of nowhere. No hint of how he got there and just himself and the sleeping bag he was bundled in.

And Taako, nestled in the crook of a tree and wearing hardy adventuring gear.

“Shit’s hit the fan, homie. Tell me the most important thing you need to survive.”

He took a deep breath. “MOMMEEEEEEEEEE!”

“Cute, but no chocolate cigar. Your mom isn’t going to be around for your whole life. The sooner you know the important stuff, the better off you’ll be.”

“What’s so important about camping?” he argued.

“This isn’t camping, buckaroo. This is survival lessons. And eff why eye, my sister and I had to cope without our mom since we were twelve. Nobody cared about our sad tale, and I could care less about yours. Answer the quiz. What do you need to survive?”

Jason threw a tantrum, tearing up the sleeping bag and throwing rocks and sticks in any direction. He ripped leafs off of branches, punched at trees and screamed and screamed and screamed while he kicked and punched at anything in reach.

Taako was unimpressed. Cleaning his fingernails until Jason wound down.

“You’re not helping,” he whined.

“I’ll help when you’re ready to learn, kid.”

“I hate you.”

“Mutual,” said Taako, still cleaning his nails.

He sat and sulked, watching a tiny bug make its way across the bare earth. He was too tired to bother squashing it. “I’m thirsty,” he whined.

“So… whaddaya need?” prompted Taako.

“I need some wine.”

“Wine’s the advanced classes, hombre. You’re still on the Primer. ‘Sides, you don’t really need wine.”

“That’s not what my mom says,” said Jason.

“I’m shocked,” said Taako. “Come on. What do you actually need?”

Jason actually took a moment to think. It hurt his dome piece. “I need something to drink. Like wine or small ale or cider or hot chocolate or milk or juice.”

“Or…?” added Taako.

“Or what?”

“Or the most basic drink there is. Falls out of the sky. You can bathe in it. You can even find fish in it.”

“You want me to drink water?”

“Ding ding ding, we finally have a winner. So. You need water. Any ideas on how to get it?”

He looked up. “Doesn’t look like it’s gonna rain? How’m I supposed to find water?”

Taako answered his question with a question. “How does water flow?”

“You idiot, it flows downhill!”

“So look downhill.”

He went that way. Taako followed at a reasonable distance. It took less than twenty minutes to find water and Jason crawled on his belly to drink from the stream. Taako, beside him, knelt to scoop up the water in both hands and slurp from there.

“If an angry bear comes along, you’re fucked,” said Taako conversationally. “Gotta be ready to run in a cold second when you’re in the wild.”

A catfish, mough big enough to bite his face off, came up from the depths, aimed at his head. He choked and screamed and rolled away from the stream bank. The illusion glittered and faded away as Taako patted his back half-heartedly.

“I hate you.”

“Noted and logged.” Taako had a waterskin that he filled in the water. “Wanna try drinking again?”

He was smart enough to imitate Taako’s kneel when he drank this time. “Do I get a waterskin?”

“It’s make your own, homie. Can’t help ya.” He stood, shaking his hands dry and observed, “Sun’s getting real low.”

Only now did he realise that he had torn the shit out of the only sleeping bag for probably-miles. All that was left was rags and wind-blown scraps of fluff.

“Where am I gonna sleep?”

“Where would be safe?” asked Taako.

*

Three months later.

“MOM!”

Susan almost didn’t recognise her boy. For a start, he was riding a deer. Secondly, he looked a lot less like the sallow, doughy boy she had left on Taako’s doorstep. He had a bow hooked over his shoulders and a quiver at his waist and… he was significantly fitter than when she’d left him behind.

What had that Elf done to her helpless baby boy?

The deer skidded to a halt and Jason hopped off so he could hug her. “I was almost worried,” he said. “Mr Taako kept insisting you’d left for good, but you’re here exactly three months from when you left, just like you said.”

Susan kept staring at the deer, who was eyeing her like she might be edible.

“Oh, she’s cool. This is Nightbright, I tamed her myself. Watch this. Nightbright? Down.”

The deer knelt and looked like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

“You… tamed… a deer?”

“And loads more, mom. Mr Taako’s been teaching me how to survive in the wild! I made this bow? And these arrows? And this waterskin? And I tamed Nightbright and learned how to ride her? And I was gonna learn how to make a saddle, but Mr Taako says that bareback is faster? And I can weave a temporary shelter outta branches and I’ve nearly caught up with Angus, mom!”

Susan latched on to the only phrase that fit her limited world view. “You’re on an academic par with Angus McDonald?”

“No, mom. Survival. Like, if the worst happens, knock on wood,” he rapped his own head, “I can get you an’ me an’ dad to safety. Isn’t that neat?”

Belatedly, it dawned on Susan that her son was calling a grownup by a respectful honorific and using ‘neat’ as a descriptor rather than any given insult.

A second deer bounded up to them. A large and impressive stag. This one had a very small boy on it. “Hello, ma’am. Taako will be here in a minute or so. Was everything sorted out to an amenable finish?”

She was still stunned by the transformation of her son. “Yeah. It was… it was sorted out.”

Now a third deer appeared, with Taako on top like a classic woodcut. He looked every last inch the stereotypical Elf. “Hail and well met. I guess you want him back, right?”

Susan nodded. “How did you manage this?” she finally stammered. Tell me your secrets… what was the magic spell?

“Oh, you know how it is,” Taako dismissed, dismounting. “All kids really need is a firm understanding of action related to consequence, and certain motivation to learn.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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I started drawing my headcannons

Taako stumbled out of bed to make his morning dose of caffeine to find that about a dozen Gnomes were inhabiting the Aga. Three of them were cooking, but the rest were examining the entire rig.

Thank the gods that the coffeemaker was on a tall shelf out of their immediate reach. “Somethin’ I can help y'all with, my dears?” He set the kettle onto a hotplate.

“Where are the controls?” said a spokesGnome. “What if we want to make it faster?”

“Listen,” said Taako. “It’s an Aga. It doesn’t have controls. It has specific heat areas. If you want fast food, my sister’s pretty zippy on the old hotplate. I cook cuisine, my friend. That’s worth the wait.”

The Gnomes all looked at each other. There was a small conference.

“We could make it so you could hard-boil an egg in less than a minute,” they offered.

“Sure, you could,” Taako said. “But it would be the shittiest hard-boiled egg you’ve ever eaten. Trust a five-star chef. Some ovens don’t need min-maxing.”

“By the way,” said one of the Gnomes at floor level. “You might want to at least put undies on when you’re out in your nightshirt. The view from down here ain’t complimentary.”

*

There apparently was a coffee room, now. Lup squinted at the machine dominating three quarters of it and mumbled, “Izzat our coffee machine?”

“What is it with you Elves and not wearing underwear?”

“It’s fuck off inna morning. Coffee before pants,” Lup yawned and stretched. “D’z that make coffee or izzit gonna go boom?”

“One way to find out!”

“Millennia-old tree house, babe…”

Too late. The lever thrown, the machine rumbled into life with the kind of bass thrum that makes a body uncomfortable with its place in the universe, especially considering the relative distances between itself and the closest privy.

Steam hissed. Gears ground. Water bubbled through a percolator. A distinctive smell issued forth as a liquid black as night poured into a carafe.

Lup shambled towards it. “Coffee…”

“Uh. You might wanna be careful, that’s Gnomish coffee.”

Lup chugged down a cup. “HELL-lo! That’s got some fuckin’ KICK!”

Concerned Gnomes stared at each other. “You sure you’re all right, there, dear?”

“YEAHI’MFINE, THANKSFORASKING, I’MGONNAGOPUTONSOMECLOTHES, ANDGETTHECOBWEBSOUTTATHERAFTERS. WELL. TALLCEILINGYPARTS. HEYBARRYYAGOTTATRYTHISSHIT, IT’STOTALLYBOMB!”

Barry, by comparison, was only wearing underwear and wisely watered his coffee down by a significant portion. “I’ll get her to help shape the new branches. That aughta help her calm down.”

“Y- She’s immune…?”

Shrug. “As immune as an Elf can get. Century with each others’ coffee can get you used to anything.”

*

“I want to see my baby girl,” cooed Agatha.

“Here she comes,” said Tilwyn Strongburrow.

Ella laughed and gurgled, kicking in anticipation. For her and her alone, it would be completely normal to have a half-Elven co-mother as part of the family. There would be comfort and security in a half-Elf’s arms and rest achieved by the steady purr.

She alone would find it perfectly normal to be nuzzled by creatures twice her size, and have siblings that weren’t related to her at all.

It was the rest of the family that would have to get used to cuddle puddles in or out of a cote made for the purpose.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]

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Tumbl Into TAZ - Chapter 73 - InterNutter - The Adventure Zone (Podcast) [Archive of Our Own]

Taakitz modern fantasy fluff. Yay!

This week’s big bad was preying on wealthy newlyweds, hijacking wedding jewellery and any other valuables. When they weren’t kidnapping the most affluent member of the pair for ransom.

There were suspicions of Dark Magic happening to those who didn’t earn the ransom. They were certainly never seen again. Not alive, for sure.

This band had a type. They liked the younger couples, and the wealthier, the better. Therefore, the Bureau of Benevolence picked Angus and Agatha as the ideal team to be bait.

Agatha looked splendid - better than splendid - in the dress they had found for her. Angus rather fancied he looked spectacular in the suit he wore. Their luggage was loaded with the right kind of jewellery and they booked the most expensive Honeymoon Suite. They talked loudly of expensive plans as part of a Faerun-wide tour, as they checked in.

It was easy to act like he was ridiculously in love with Agatha, since he was. It was fun to kiss and be goopy in each other’s general direction without any comments from the peanut gallery - otherwise known as Tres Horny Boys.

The suite was amazing. Room service and wine and laughter together as they watched Fantasy Pay-Per-View together in bed.

It was the fifteenth kiss that did it for him. Angus made a decision.

“I can’t wait to do something like this for real,” he said.

“Theft and potential murder aren’t real enough for you?” she teased.

He had to laugh. “I mean I’d love it if you’d marry me, Agatha Tremaine.” He circled the fake engagement ring around on her finger. “I’ll get you a real one as soon as we’re done here. First thing.”

“Gosh, this is so sudden,” she said, quizzaciously sarcastic. “Nothing at all like the other times.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’,” he said. “You always said stuff like, ‘really. Now?’ and didn’t give me an answer.”

She leaned up on her elbow. “I’m going to have to answer you or keep facing this question, aren’t I?”

“That would be ideal,” he purred.

She kissed him. “Fine. Yes. I’d love to make our partnership official.” They sealed the deal with an extensive make-out session. Which was, unfortunately, interrupted by the hotel staff who were the theft/kidnapping ring.

Those idiots were immediately and instantly trounced.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

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This had to be one of the weirdest cycles they had ever had the misfortune to live in. There were semi-intelligent creatures, but they all looked like weird conglomerations of lumps with random features attached.

Worse, communication was nearly impossible. They could scavenge fruits and hunt meat, but getting along with the natives was… weird.

“This lot,” Taako threw up an illusion of a blobby pink thing with too much in the way of lips and arms improbably thrown onto their head, “are called Jaa’m. Don’t ask why. This whole system was made by some truly malevolent creator.”

“They only do applesauce,” said Lup. “And you gotta dance to get it. Like… their dance? Which is so lame that even Barold would be embarrassed to do it.”

“…hey,” objected Barry.

“It’s true, Barold,” said Taako. “This is beyond mortifying.”

“Did you get the applesauce?” demanded Davenport.

Lup started unloading bags of it. Actual bags. There were no glass jars, nor bottles, nor anything that would make sense to put applesauce in. Just. Bags. Bags for the applesauce that their Captain craved.

Davenport opened a bag and just dug in there with a spoon. “Ho yeah… that’s the stuff.”

“This… this is the nightmare scenario,” mumbled Lucretia.

“So…” said Magnus, valiantly ignoring Cap’n’port and his weird cycle-specific addiction. “Any signs of intelligent life? Or of the Light?”

“Trust me broceph,” said Taako, “I think this reality might be better off for us not finding it.”

For once, Lup was silent about pulling the trigger on an entire civilisation. She was having doubts as to whether this one counted.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]

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Once again, Taako got dragged back to the Bureau offices feet first. Unconscious, and apparently unmarked this time. No-one had gone after the team Glass Cannon with anything physically damaging. Though that was not always a good thing.

Listen, Agnes, Taako had said during one of their training sessions. You can hit a wizard with the hit point drains and be wasting your time if the team have a competent healer. If you really want to harm a wizard, go after their noggin.

Angus worried. Magnus and Merle had no idea what Taako got hit with. Apparently, he touched one of the stones whilst announcing that they didn’t need Angus to solve the puzzle. Then he went down like a sack of bricks.

According to the Bureau Clerics, he wasn’t in any physical danger. Someone had messed with his dome, but that was all they could tell. He would wake up when it ran its course, and it was too late for Counterspell to be effective. They just had to ride this one out. 

It was a very stressful hour for Angus. Wondering exactly what Taako had lost, or how permanent it could be. Nevertheless, he was ‘just resting his eyes’ when the fabulous flipwizard opened his.

“Hey, pumpkin. I’m sure I told the innkeep not to let in visitors. Anxious to see the next show? Or are you hoping to get ahead of the autograph queue?”

“Show?” echoed Angus.

“My show, of course. Why else would you be here?” He took in his surroundings. “This isn’t the Blue Lion Inn…”

Angus decided to get the facts out there. “Sir, you had an accident. Something messed with your brain and… do you know where you are, sir?”

“Uuuhhhhh… some kind’a healing hospice? The decor’s terrible so it has to be an institution. I didn’t do anything… awful did I? Wait. Did I steal you at some point? Is that why you’re here?”

“No, sir, I’m a student of yours. And a co-worker.”

Laughter. “Like I’d work with a literal child. Where’s Saze? He can clear this up. I’m sure we’ll all laugh at this later but I can’t–” he made to get up and realised that he was in a shitty hospital gown and little else. “–think… of… when.”

“Sazed isn’t here, sir.” Angus pressed the call button. Trying not to flinch at every time Taako used his Polite To Strangers Smile on him. One of Angus’ other lessons was faking geniality when the mood was just not there. He knew all the signs of a smiling mask.

Taako was acting at being friendly. Putting on a show for the audience who was currently Angus. He could see it in his mentor’s eyes. Taako didn’t have a single shit to give about Angus.

That… stung.

Taako had a kind of casual, it’s-a-tough-world cruelty, but it was edged with a peculiar form of caring that was unique. It was like he could sense right when Angus was about to crumble and held him up for that one last eureka moment that made all the roughness beforehand worth it. Or when Angus was just about to fall off the mental edge and held him safe by the metaphorical belt loops.

Here and now, he was being casually nice. The kind of niceness that had the traditional Taako subtext of, I don’t expect to ever see you again so it doesn’t really matter what I say or do; but since my income depends on repeat business, I’m deigning to be nice to you. Which was kind of a lot to pack into a telegenically gentle smile and the posture of a stage actor.

“Did you check the supplies cart? He’s taken to lurking in there. I should probably hurry and get my clothes back, it’s thirty-clove garlic chicken tonight.”

Oh. Oh shit. Oh no. He was… he was back into the day before the fateful last show of Sizzle it Up! With Taako. “No sir. Your… your supplies cart isn’t here, either.”

Genuine worry and concern. “When you said ‘accident’…”

Make it quick. Like ripping off a self-adhesive medical strip. “Sir, your show ended seven years ago in Glamour Springs when forty people died.” Angus braced himself as his mentor’s mismatched eyes were the only things that showed his inner pain. “Sazed put arsenic into your forty-clove garlic chicken, sir. When he confessed just last year, he said he wanted to just make you sick, but the forty deaths could have been spun in his favour. He’s serving a life sentence in Hell’s Maw Prison, sir.”

If there was a worse moment for Lup to burst into the room, it was right at this second, when Taako’s world was falling into ash all over again. Did he remember his sister? How fragmented were his memories, right now?

Angus said, “Please be careful, ma’am,” but didn’t get much further.

Taako was looking dizzy. Confounded. He was hit with a confusion curse. His memories were intact, but they were jumbled. Messed up. Possibly made worse by the voidfish’s influence and then the removal of their influence on the Day of Story and Song.

“You,” said Taako. Tears fell down his face. “You left me.”

Lup showed remarkable restraint and adaptivity. “Didn’t mean to be gone so long,” she said. “I got… trapped. Then I got out. I had to come find you.” All accurate statements, but not the complete chain of cause and effect. She noticed Angus and said, “You okay, kiddo?”

“I can be okay,” he managed.

Taako was fighting a vortex of dizziness. “Did… Did I adopt him or something?”

“Close enough,” said Lup. “He lives with you and–”

“You also got married,” said Angus.

“To… Sazed?” Taako wondered.

Angus said it along with Lup. The exact words. “What? No! Fuck him…”

Taako was looking at his hands. He found the wedding band, which was silver and set with sapphires. “Married,” he said. “With a kid.”

Another figure entered the room. A rushed and flustered Kravitz.

“Well, hell-o, stranger,” Taako cooed. “I’d tell you to sit by my side, but I’m married, apparently. Pity. You’re exactly my type, there, handsome.”

Kravitz ran the entire gamut of possible emotions in less than a second. He finally said, “Dove… you married me.” To prove it, he showed his left hand, and the gold ring set with dark aquamarine gemstones.

Taako appraised the sparkle. “Damn. Lucky you, huh?”

It was too much. Taako had lost everything all over again, with no idea how good his life was these days. He didn’t know what he’d gained but, thankfully, had a shaky grasp on what he’d lost in the time he thought he was still in. All that progress towards becoming a decent intelligent being… gone.

All those times that Taako had lovingly taunted Angus for accidentally calling him ‘dad’. Taako didn’t remember them. Taako didn’t remember the real friends he’d made, the love he’d found. The love he’d learned to share. Gone.

Including all the love he’d chosen to share with Angus.

He didn’t know he was crying until Taako started cooing insincerely.

“Aaaw. Aaaw. It’s gonna be okay, pumpkin. It ain’t all bad, is it? It ain’t all bad…”

“…feels like it,” Angus managed.

Taako said, “Need a hug?”

Angus fell into his arms. Wishing he could somehow use that hug to heal Taako right there and then.

“He really adopted me, huh?” said Taako.

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Lup. “None of us can figure out why he loves you.”

Angus let Taako hold him and pet his hair. Wishing the displayed affection was real.

“I gotta work out how to get my me back,” decided Taako. “Don’t fret, little man. We’re gonna figure shit out. My sister’s the smartest geek in any room.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

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[AN: I did promise that these would be PG, so all the sexytimes will be faded-to-black]

It was late, and the snow was all around, blanketing the landscape in white. Well. Except for the tracks where the residents of the farmhouse and nearby village had tamped snow into the moulds that gave Sellsnow Farm its old name.

The hour was late, but that was because the family was up in the upper chambers to watch the Sheepsford fireworks display. The nearby Dwarves and Gnomes competed with the local Humans in putting on the brightest and most impressive fireworks display to ring in the new year.

Kravitz kept by Taako’s side, and Barry was by Lup’s. The twins held hands as they sat on the viewing platform, underneath a huge amount of insulating layers and thick, padded quilts that they shared with their spouses.

Nobody mentioned how ridiculous the Elves looked in their winter ear socks. Elves already knew, they just pretended that they weren’t. Looking ridiculous and pretending they didn’t was way better than -say- freezing their ears off.

The first pops of the opening salvos began ten minutes before midnight, filling the sky with starbursts. Kravitz gasped as the bursts of bright colour reached their current elevation.

“You were right, Dove,” he said, “Better than front row seats.”

Taako was purring as he pulled Kravitz closer under the blankets. “Nice,” he said, and, “Mate.”

Uh oh…

Lup and Barry were deep into it. Not just necking but jawing and shouldering as well.

Kravitz couldn’t pay attention to them. He had a gorgeous Elf in his face. Sliding too-warm hands into Kravitz’s clothes, smooching at his neck and getting further and further into his space.

Not that he wanted to complain…

Too much.

Kravitz leaned into it and started kissing him back.

*

New year’s day is traditionally greeted as late as possible, often with hushed voices of regret. This was no different for the twins.

“Mmmnnnnggghhh… Ow.”

“Fuck, it’s freezing…”

A heap of blankets and winter clothing stirred, an one golden head peeked out. “Shit. It’s dawn,” said Lup.

“Whose ass is that?” mumbled Kravitz.

“Depends,” said Barry, “Whose hand is that?”

“…ow,” whimpered Taako. “…’d we miss New Years?”

Kravitz’s head emerged from the pile. “’S dawn,” he mumbled. “Guess we did.”

“Had fun anyway, right?” Lup yawned and stretched, then yelped and burrowed back into the warmth of her husband.

Somewhere in the middle of the pile, Barry said, “Absolutely, babe.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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As part of procedure, to be certain of Ella’s health, they took a drop of her blood and ran it through every scrying test they could. That was how they found out that she had a genetic family as well as an adopted one.

Bad news: Luume’irma adoptions are lifelong.

A compromise had to be reached. Which was why the core elements of the family were gathered in a rather large meeting room. ‘Core elements’ in this case meant the following: genetic parents, siblings of the genetic parents, and genetic grandparents of the child. In echo to this were Angus and Agatha, Taako, Lup, Kravitz and Barry. It was not an even match, even with Ango’s kids playing quietly in a corner.

Gnomes may be small, but their families were huge.

Ella looked normal sized in her birth mother’s arms, and had little to contribute to the proceedings. First, because she was a literal baby, and second, because she was fast asleep.

“Don’t get us wrong,” said the proud father of Ella. “It’s a good thing that you rescued her, it’s just… She’s ours.”

“My daughter-in-law is biologically compelled to be certain of Ella’s health and wellbeing,” said Taako. “It’s nobody’s fault that this happened. I’m just asking… can we… maybe share?”

“I would guard her with my life,” said Agatha in all seriousness.

“We have a Mountain Ygdrassi for a home,” said Angus. “There’s more than enough room for your entire burrow. In the mountain, in the walls, in the roots… Your whole clan could move in and little would change.”

“You’re suggesting,” said the Grandmother, “That we uproot an entire burrow of four hundred and seventy-three Gnomes,”

“Four hundred and seventy-four,” corrected Ella’s mother. “We got her back.”

“The entire family,” said the Grandmother, “and move into an Elf tree that’s likely thousands of years old.”

“There’s loads of room,” said Lup. “Some of us have cohabited with a Gnome before. We can help… ease the adjustment process.”

“Plus I always cook way too much food,” added Taako. “The old place needs more people like fish need water.”

The Gnomish siblings conferred. The murmuring went on for an extended time, but the repeated argument among many was, “Well, it’d be better than letting them come to us.”

That was the one that finally won the day.

“Taaco family… you have gained yourself a clan of Strongburrows.”

Agatha said, “Strongburrow family… you have gained yourself some Taacos.”

It would take months, some magic, and an over-use of Garyl to move four hundred and seventy-five Gnomes (another one was born during the move) into the farmhouse, but it was worth it. The labyrinthine complex of halls, rooms, tunnels and caverns hadn’t sounded so alive in half a millennium.

It wasn’t a smooth transition. Elves, half-elves, Humans and the technically undead had to get used to the bustle of an entire clan of Gnomes. The Gnomes, in turn, had to get used to the sometimes peculiar habits of Elves. It wasn’t easy, but then again, life never was.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

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