Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
Anonymous asked, "Garfield has a secret adult section in fantasy Cosco. Who do you think would be in there the most/ the least?"
You had to know where to look for it. You had to know it was there in the first place to even know where to look for it. So naturally the band of Reclaimers known to all as Tres Horny Bois found it in under a minute. It only took them that long because Merle had to be pried out of the gardening section.
Some places have a discrete curtain between Adult interests and the rest of the store. Some places have a door that’s guarded by a big burly bloke named ‘Bubba’, who has four-letter words tattooed across his knuckles. In classier establishments, Bubba’s tattoos are even spelled correctly.
Here, however, the inner sanctum of naughty things is guarded by: an illusory display of Fantasy Furbies (cursed), a hallway of cunning traps, pitfalls, poison spikes and approximately five magical golems, seven interesting puzzles depending on illogic, irrational behaviour, and a certain amount of really stupid decision-making skills.
Naturally, Garfield - or one of his Prime Material Plane Physical Manifestations - is always waiting for them when they enter.
The less said about Merle’s Arbor Ardour, the better. Let’s just say that there’s a surprisingly healthy collection of books about vines, greenery, and the use of fertilizer. Fantasy Chuck Tingle has written most of them.
As for the other two…
“TUSK LOVE TWO: THE LOVE OF THE WARRIOR WOMAN,” said Garfield. “THAT SEEMS TO BE A FAVOURITE OF YOURS. PERHAPS YOU’D LIKE TO BUY INSTEAD OF RENTING?”
Someone behind the shelves, perhaps wearing a two-foot pointy hat, snorted.
“Shaddup…” Magnus said out the side of his mouth. “There’s other people here.”
“YOU ROOM WITH THEM, THEY SHOULD KNOW EVERYTHING BY NOW.”
“Yahbut… you don’t gotta shout from the rooftops or anything…”
“MY SILENCE COSTS EXTRA, MY GOOD MAN.”
Magnus grumbled an paid for the rental of Tusk Love 2. Then slunk back out the entrance like someone who had committed a crime.
Merle didn’t even bother. Nobody wanted to hear about his personal proclivities and Garfield didn’t want to announce them, either.
Taako was smart enough to wait until everyone else was gone before ponying up to the counter with his selection. Nevertheless, it startled the deals warlock.
“THIS?” said Garfield. “THIS IS A VERY PECULIAR SELECTION, SIR…”
“I know it,” said Taako. “How much to rent it?”
“I’M SURPRISED WE HAD IT AT ALL. I DON’T THINK IT’S MOVED OFF THE SHELVES IN YEARS.”
“Then it should be cheap,” said Taako. “And since it won’t be missed, how about I borrow it for a month?”
Garfield looked at the cover of the boxed set. Then back up to the smiling, seemingly unintelligent face of his customer. Nobody could be as stupid as he seemed… He checked the case, all present and correct. No illusions, no sneaky bullshit. Nothing.
Finally, he shrugged and rang it up. Far be it for him to dictate what got people through the night.
He still had to wonder what the hell Taako found so raunchy about Homesteader Hubbies.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]
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Lulu never liked it when Koko cried. He[1] always wanted to make people cry if they made his brother cry, they deserved to be crying too. Except this time, Lulu couldn’t work out why Koko was crying.
“Roshi was playin’ Sticks an’ Stones,” said Lulu. “Everyone plays it.”
Koko sniffled and wiped his face. “Roshi said… don’ play with ‘er no more,” sob, gulp. “She said we’re bad. She wasn’ playing… she said go ‘way forever…”
Lulu helped his brother to his feet, helping him limp home. “It’s just Sticks an’ Stones. Like from everyone. We dodge and laugh. ‘S how it goes.”
“…not funny any more,” pouted Koko. “I wanted to catch bugs and lizards with her.”
Mama found them on their way home. She could see if one or both of them were crying from forty yards away. She probably already had, and that was why she was running for them.
Koko wasn’t bruised or bleeding. Neither was Lulu. Mama had them both in her arms anyway, and the whole world could start to feel okay again.
Then he said it. “Mama, why do people always say we’re evil?”
“What?”
Koko took over. “Roshi said her brother said their mom said we’re demons an’ we’re gonna wreck the whole world.” He wiped his face again. “Sticks an’ Stones was never a game…”
Oh. Oh that was why… Poor Koko. He’d worked it out. Lulu had been pretending for months and Koko had worked it out anyway.
Mama had very sad eyes. Sadder than every day. “No. It was never a game. Oh, my loves…” She held them just a little tighter. Picked them up and took them inside and gave them honey cakes. “My dear boys… I love you so much. I wish I didn’t have to tell you but… some people believe that eyes like yours can make curses happen.”
Mama’s eyes were amberish-brown. Both of them. Lulu and Koko could easily see that they had one green eye each. It was just how they’d always been. Mama and Aunty Ques and their Uncles Ench and Tortie had never feared them. None of their family had had curses happen.
“That’s silly,” said Lulu. “We don’t make anything bad happen to you or Aunt Ques or Uncle Ench or Uncle Tortie.”
“It is silly. It’s very silly, indeed,” said Mama. “People who believe in witch eyes like yours are… far too silly.” she sighed. “Yet they still believe. Your father left us… because he believed.”
Koko’s fingers tightened on Lulu’s tunic. They remembered that night of shouting and slamming doors, but they’d carried on without him and hardly noticed. As far as the twins were concerned, there were not more nights of shouting and slamming doors. And they got to spend seasons with their aunt and uncles.
“We can’t fix it, can we?” said Koko. “They’re gonna be silly all the time and we can’t run away like father did.”
“No,” said Mama. “We’re stuck here.”
Lulu was very quiet as Koko fed him a honey cake and he fed his brother the other one. There was a lot to think about.
“They want us to give ‘em curses,” Lulu said in Us. He let Mama wash their hands and faces. “I think we should show ‘em what real curses look like.”
Would that he could do so, Lulu would become a one-Elf plague on the little village of Tre Llew-Ddion. If they so much as threw one more thing at them, they’d learn that some curses could land quick.
Koko shrivelled up and hid when hostility came at them. He preferred to run away. Lulu, on the other hand, could be four times as bad as anyone wanted to think they were. He stormed through their little world, daring it to challenge them. Aiming magic missiles or other cantrips at anyone who tried to give them trouble.
Unfortunately for Lulu’s aspirations to punish the entire world for being silly, the twins were only six. The grownups around them had far better magics, far stronger abilities, and far quicker reflexes than a pair of little kids.
[1] They’re six. Lulu hasn’t worked out who she is yet.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]
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Anonymous asked, "Could you do a Garfield the Deals Warlock/ Garfield from the comics UV swap?"
Enter Jon Arbuckle - a regular loser in a regular town who sees absolutely nothing wrong with talking to his cat. The man in question has been the sole individual to hear his cat talking back for some significant amount of years, but that’s not the problem, today. Today, there’s something a little bit more unusual about his favourite feline. For starters, there’s been a substitution…
“You know, Garfield; after all these years trying to convince you not to eat my lasagna, I figured it’d be easier just to make two.”
Instead of the expected - his cat taking both and eating them in seconds - the figure on the counter was not the domestic orange tabby he expected. He was larger, for a start. He was wearing clothing, also. Most concerning, though, was the very, very wide smile.
“THAT’S A VERY NICE OFFER, SWEETHEART, BUT I’M TEMPORARILY OUT OF ITEMS TO TRAAAAADE.”
“You’re… not… Garfield?”
“I COULD TELL YOU I MOST ASSUREDLY AM, BUT I GET THE SENSATION THAT YOU WERE EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE. TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT, PERHAPS WE CAN MAKE A DEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLL…”
Meanwhile, in a totally different planar system…
Three adventurers looked down at the large ginger tabby curled up with a teddy bear behind the counter.
“Do… you think maybe he went on a diet?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s just a regular cat,” said Merle.
“Gee willikers, Fantasy Tintin, what was your first fucking clue?” said Taako. True Seeing and Detect Magic both told him that (a) this was not quite a regular cat and (b) there were some extraplanar shenanigans going on. “Anyone got Speak to Animals?”
“I could–” volunteered Merle.
“Absolutely not. You’re gross enough with the plant kingdom, Dad. Silencio on that fucking noise.” He dug out his telepathic band and thought gently at the cat. Hey there, amigo. Don’t wanna alarm you, but you’re not where you belong.
The cat blinked. Yawned and stretched. Sat up and scratched himself in a very Human way. Either it’s a Monday or I’m dreaming super realistically…
“Wrong on both counts,” said Taako, strictly for the benefit of his teammates. “I think it’s a weekend, and definitely not a dream.”
“Well, there’s a line in a song that says you’re wrong,” said Magnus.
Things tended to escalate from that point onwards.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]
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internutter asked, "May I politely request Taako in the flashy Saloon Dress as is requisite for these western-type shenanigans? Preferably greeting Kravitz with some real overt flirting?"
I actually had a saloon gals sketch that I never got around to coloring. It features Taako and Lup but throwing in a little taakitz in the mix never hurt nobody ;)
Her babies were off researching very clever stuff over at IPRE, competing with other people in the IPRE for some posting on a two-month mission into the greater beyond. La’ming wished them luck. They needed a good adventure on their own. Her concern was with one of their past misadventures.
One of Lup’s past misadventures named Greg Grimaldis. He was one of the rare few scum-sucking user assholes who had successfully passed all their paranoid inspections to later betray the whole family.
On the surface, it was a simple matter of fifteen dollars. Not only was it the principal of the thing, but it was also one of Lup’s special fifteen dollar bills. The one success she’d needed to fund the thinnest of their college years. It should have gone back to La’ming and Mak’arune, but Greg Grimaldis had left her with a very clever fake.
He was now using the original to fund his entrepreneurial ventures, having dropped out of the IPRE the second he got what he was really after. And here she’d been thinking he was simply out to procure sex. Now she was thinking of ways to get past Grimaldis’ increasingly convoluted security measures.
Fifteen dollars a day, every day, added up to quite the tidy fortune.
She did not intend for it to add up for him for very much longer.
A combination of clever spellwork and superior stealth got her into his offices, and ransacking them for the bill proved fruitless.
“You really think I’d leave it somewhere like a doofus?” he said.
La’ming stood from her former, covert huddle. “Grimaldis.”
“Ton,” he smirked in that oily way she had hated from day one. “Small surprise I’d find you in here. Looking for something… special.”
“You have something that isn’t yours. I’m simply retrieving it for the person you stole it from.”
“Prove its hers and I report her for forgery. She’ll get kicked out of that fancy-schmancy gig they got going. Think she’d love you after that?”
He had to have it on his person. Somewhere. Good thing Taako had taught her how to rob someone blind without them knowing it. La’ming turned on the charm. Smiling seductively. Edging closer.
“Now, now, Mr Grimaldis… can I call you Greg?” she didn’t wait for permission. “Greg… we’re both beings of the world. I’m certain we can come to… some form of understanding.”
He grinned and moved beyond her reach. “Nice try, but you told me to fuck off in no uncertain terms at every given opportunity. I don’t think you’d betray your little wife like that. She is prone to cry.”
Damnit… La’ming sighed. “You should also know that this isn’t over. You’ve angered a very talented family. We’ll get that fifteen dollars away from you one way or another.”
“Any more threats, Mrs Ton, and I might have to call in my boys,” he cooed.
She left while things were still civil.
*
Of all the things she regretted, La’ming regretted not being able to tell the twins about their new brother. He’d been adopted at age seven in another fit of Luume and didn’t seem to mind having two Elven moms doting on his general welfare.
They taught him everything he needed to know.
Low cunning, high strategies, and being able to play the fool at a virtuoso level. Terry was almost as good as the twins and their mothers put together. He’d even counted on his older sister to figure out a way to try and procure it herself.
Sorry, Lulu. The circus needs that fifteen dollars more than you need to destroy it.
La’ming waited, watching what she could from hacks she had made in the Grimaldis Casino security systems. Her twins were very good at this, avoiding many pitfalls along the way. They were so close to taking it with them…
Then everything cut off. A pre-recorded image of Old Blue-Eyes was glaring in her general direction.
“Of course you’re up to something, La’ming Ton,” he said. “Try it again and I’ll destroy everything you ever loved. Starting with Turkey Boy.”
He knew!
“Yeah, I know he’s yours. The interesting thing is going to be whether I fire him or kill him. Guess we’ll see how much a rich man can get away with murder.”
*
Terry kept the bill safe and himself financed all the way to Varmvale, where a neat little cottage rested by a barn made to shelter a moderately-sized traveller’s caravan. The original note was safely hidden and he had an easy way to tell the original from the dupicates that sprang forth once a day.
His step was lighter on the way to that little cottage. His smile wider as he walked up the path towards the pretty little gate and the neat little fence. “Mo-oms… I’m ho-o-ome!"
Two Elven figures, one blue, and one pale, rushed towards him from their former places in maintaining and keeping their winter home. One was half-Elven, but that didn’t matter when family was on the table. They scooped Terry up in their arms and covered him in kisses and there was more than one pair of eyes that got a little moist.
"Any trouble?” said the blue one, known to the world as La'Ming Ton, Fushi Mermaid.
“You were right about the twins turning up,” said Terry, letting Mak'arune Ton add a bobble hat to his ensemble. “Mom, it isn’t that cold. Give over…”
“You need to stay warm, baby. Did they make more trouble for you?"
"No, your scrying was right on the button. I gave them the wand and they bought it hook, line and sinker. I could tell Lup was gonna be pissed, though."
"She’ll get over it. How’d they get back into this dimension? I never saw that part."
"Special belts. Which means we might be in for trouble when they recharge."
La'ming grinned. "I think they’ll forgive us. Meanwhile, it can help fill out the Bail Fund."
Terry let himself inside to warm by the fire and started to relax after he handed over the fateful bill. "Grimaldis was a piece of work, though. I almost didn’t make it in.”
“Yeah. We tried to warn your sister, but…” Mak'arune shrugged. “You just can’t warn people sometimes.”
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]
scarlet-gryphon asked, "Out of curiosity: Barry Bluejeans in the Monty Pithon 'verse?"
Taako had taken the flier off of the dweeb because it was more or less a professional exchange. He, too, had been handing out fliers for Monty Pithon’s Amazing Circus and they both promised to see what the other’s flier was about. You know, the usual horseshit.
Except this dude actually turned up. In the actual midway while he was doing the lunch rush and turning it into an instructional show at the same time. Lup was down with the local crud, so he had to go solo this time.
“And that’s the chicken bouillabaisse,” he smoothed, ladling out small portions of it to the audience thanks to one of the circus brats. Anyone who actually worked in the pandemonium of the circus would stop by for whatever they wanted, but the people watching him had to add an offering to the box before they got theirs.
Bluejeans dude added a silver to the pot and, after taking a few bites, called the kid with the box back to add a couple of gold. Nice guy. This meant, of course, that Taako had to go to whatever his shindig was. Scouting forum for something called Ip Re.
He was only a hundred and sixteen. Barely an adult by Elven standards, so he showed it to his moms and sickened sister. A little of his legendary ginger garlic chicken soup saw her over the crud enough to come and attend with him.
My gods… it’s full of nerds…
Lup was still a little under the weather despite his soup, and he needed to boost her spirits. So he kept up the acerbic comments in her ear about the nerds, geeks, and dweebs that took turns up on the podium. Interesting stuff. This super-nerd called Hallwinter insisted that there was more than one planar system, and was busy devising a method of departing one planar system to investigate another.
Lup was coming up with some interesting questions about it and jotting them down. Taako kept his questions in his head. The ones that Lup didn’t think of, anyway.
There was a queue of people who wanted to ask nerdy questions. Some of them also bought books thick enough to be fucking weapons.
As they approached the desk where Professor Hallwinter was signing and answering queries, it was none other than Bluejeans man himself! He leaned over to his sister and said, “Nerd alert,” a little too loudly.
It was classic. He looked over their way, did a double-take, took off his glasses and cleaned them, and looked again.
Then it was their turn.
“He– Yo– Wha– I– There’s two of you? I mean, we were looking for a cook for the eventual mission, but… twins would solve a lot of the bond engine issues. Hi. Sildar Hallwinter. Professor.”
Lup had recovered her edge. Taako could tell by the way she launched right into their Bit without turning a hair. “Wow. So… you think all Elves look alike, then?”
“That’s a bit speciesist,” said Taako. “And listen to him presuming we’re twins.”
“We are totally different people,” said Lup. “Next thing you know, he won’t be able to tell us apart despite the obvious differences.”
He was stammering so fast that it almost made a word. “Ah-er-ab-u-da-er-ih-tha-oh-de-ur…” He was turning so red it was a miracle he didn’t bust a vessel somewhere.
Lup burst out laughing, and Taako followed. “We’re pulling your leg, professor. Of fucking course we’re twins. Hi. Call me Lup. And this is my dumb baby brother…”
“Taako,” said Taako. “From Tre Llew-Ddion.”
It was a half-hour of interesting questions, followed by being loaded up with offers to further their education at the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration. The very young Professor Hallwinter thought they could gain some diplomas - after a few catch-up courses that they’d obviously sail through.
In spite of all evidence to the contrary, he thought they were both very brilliant and would be shining stars at the Institute. “Now I know he’s trying to sell something,” Taako joked on their way back to camp. “You and I both know I’m as dumb as a bag of rocks.”
“Let’s humour him,” said Lup. “If nothing else, we can be cooks and get a proper education.” She had her wicked smirk back, too. “Besides, he looks like he’d be fun to play with.”
“Play gentle,” Taako advised. “Humanmen are kind’a fragile.”
If he only knew then what he’d know in less than a century…
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 7]
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Anonymous asked, "Sno destroys Sazed. Lup and Ming rejoice."
They grow up so fast. Allegedly. They say that Elves mature at the same rate as humans, but that is not quite so. Elves don’t have growth spurts, but rather slowly progress at a steady pace from infancy to something close to their adult forms.
According to their parents, they shoot up overnight. According to outside observers, they keep pace with their Human counterparts until roughly their mid-teens. That’s when the final progress of Elven growth slows down over the remaining eighty-some years until their official entrance into the adult world.
Humans used to say that it took special training to tell an underaged Elf from a grown one. That was before a lot of vitally necessary education regarding some of the more subtle indicators of an Elf’s age. All of this meant that Sazed had no business approaching Koko during his afternoon work in the local bodega.
“Excuse me,” he said. “I was documenting daily life in the urban landscape and I accidentally got you in the shot.”
“Walkway needs sweeping m’dude,” said Koko, never stopping.
“No, no. That’s not a complaint. Look.” He showed the image on his camera, which looked almost like something by a renaissance painter. With the clouds of dust and the light streaming through them and Koko, in the middle of it, looking like some diving being with the light shining in his golden hair. “You look so beautiful, here. You could be a model.”
Koko smiled in spite of himself. So far, only his moms had called him beautiful. Even his sister said he was the ugly one and they were identical. “Aw, that’s sweet of you. And a good pic. Pity I’m not paid enough to buy a print.”
“Oh, I’m not selling,” he said. “I’m Sazed Baker, and I was hoping to hire you.”
Koko brayed laughing. “For reals? Me?”
“Sure. You can start by signing this release form so I can put this picture in my art book.” Sazed offered a reasonably thick sheaf of paperwork. “This is boilerplate stuff. Permission to use and reproduce this image as an unpaid civilian, bla bla bla. Everyone has to sign it. It’s horseshit. You don’t need to worry about it.”
“Uuuhh… I have to run this by my moms…”
Sazed appeared shocked. “Come on… we’re both men of the world. You don’t really need your mommy’s approval for everything do you?”
“Legally yeah. I’m like sixteen.”
“Sixteen? You? I’d never have guessed. I had guessed you were way older.”
Koko blushed. “Yeah? How old?”
Lulu appeared like a demon or an avenging angel. “Boss says stop standing around and looking pretty. Your turn in the stockroom.”
“Aw, Lulu…”
*
Lulu didn’t like the guy that Koko was already stupid in love with. Much though she’d never admit to loving her brother, he had a tendency to fall into love like the KT meteor into the Yucatan. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings about Sazed but…
There was something hinky about him.
Which was why she pulled Aunt Sno into the kitchen for some hushed and urgent girl talk while Koko continued to wax lyrical about his favourite topic - Sazed.
“You know how you’re always telling me to watch out for guys?” said Lulu. “You should have been warning Koko. This dude? Sazed? He might be like a semi-famous photographer and shit but… some of the stuff he says? Some of the stuff he does? I get hackles like anything.”
“I did try to warn Koko,” said Aunt Sno, sipping at her semi-eternal cup of coffee. “Some people just can’t be told.”
“I caught them in the stairwell last night, kissing. And it wasn’t what you’d call an innocent kiss. It’s like…” she groped for the correct reference frame. Her moms kissed like they were giving their hearts to each other. Angus and Agatha kissed like they were each others’ water in the desert. “You know those old movies where the guy kisses the girl to shut her up and you always yell about it? That. And Koko always melts like warm butter.”
“Okay, that’s a borderline thing, I can’t really–”
“His hands went inside Koko’s clothes, I swear.”
Aunt Sno nodded. “That, I can investigate. I know the right questions to ask a victim. Don’t stress, okay? I’ve been looking out for you two since your mother…” She didn’t say, Fell victim to a plague and left you as orphans. That was unspoken history by now. Including the part that made Aunt Sno technically the twins’ sister.
Lulu fixed up some snackabobs that would distract Koko. They were all used to Sno’s lines of questioning and knew all her tells by now. Keeping Koko from picking up those lines was part of her job at this point. All part of protecting Koko from what felt really, really hinky and gross.
*
Koko felt like he could fly. Sazed loved him and wanted to share him with the world. Show everyone how beautiful Koko was.
It was like a game. Wear this, pose like that. He got to wear makeup and had people styling his hair and he felt like a superstar and, after a particularly good shot, Sazed would kiss him and it felt like magic.
Which was why it was such a shock when Aunt Sno burst into the studio with a whole dang task force. Some of them landed on Sazed. Some of them landed on the hair and makeup people. One of them wrapped Koko up in a big cloak and took him out of the building and into a counselling room.
That was when he felt like an idiot because they showed him what Sazed had been doing. For every artistic shot that Sazed showed Koko, there were like twenty that were…
Gross…
Pornographic.
They even read out and interpreted the contracts that Sazed said were ‘boilerplate’. They were gross consent forms to acquiesce to ownership. They were illegal, of course, but Sazed could have used them at a later time to make Koko think that he was property.
All of which would be evidence in court.
Koko didn’t know when his family turned up, but gods, he was glad they were there. Moms and twin sister clustered around and held him safe as he sobbed. He spent what felt like forever repeating, “I loved him…” over and over.
He’d never questioned why the artists working on him were all older men. He’d never wondered about any of the poses or the wardrobe or… anything.
“You were right,” he finally murmured to Lulu. “I’m an idiot.”
“I’m sorry I said that Koko,” she said. “You’re not an idiot just ‘cause some nasty old man had you fooled. He said things you wanted to hear. He was running a con.”
When Sazed came down, he was in handcuffs, and bruises were on his face and arms. He’d been stupid enough to try and fight his way out.
Koko had a good run-up, and kneed him square in the crotch. “YOU ASSHOLE! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!”
“That’s assault,” said someone in the periphery.
“I didn’t see anything,” Aunt Sno glared at the speaker. “And neither did you.”
The gigantic ass had poisoned him against any kind of love in his future. He had to be careful and wary about anyone he liked from that day on. He couldn’t trust. not outside his family. Not for years.
Aunt Sno provided regular updates. He was in solitary for his own protection. His court date was incrementally delayed because they had to find a lawyer who even wanted to defend him. Someone shanked him in prison. He was no longer allowed to have cameras.
Koko could feel a little better knowing that that man would spend the rest of his life in a box without touching anyone, eating nothing but pre-packaged food because so many people wanted to kill him and poison looked like the best way to do it.
Sazed would never reach fame. His published photo journals were burned. Only a handful were kept as relics in sealed archives. So that others would learn how to spot anyone like him in the future.
Koko spent a decade dying his hair so that he wouldn’t look like the famous “Angel Sweeping” photo, which was everywhere with, or without context. Waiting for the world to forget him as he grew a shell around his heart and a cynical sting to his world view.
He would never trust anyone who started a conversation about how beautiful he was. Never again.
[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]
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