Completely random TAZ:BA thought #2

Taako is exactly one inch shorter than Lup. He’s used to being in heels so he can be the same height or slightly higher than his sister.

Merle notices [being closer to the target] during TSC and drops the “lot of heel for a guy” line.

Taako takes this as a frikkin’ challenge.

Every day after that he just… rocks higher and higher heels until they’re just… ridiculous and is like, “Anything to say, half-pint? Anything to SAY?” until Merle apologises.

And then Taako goes back to the former two-inch heels in a huff.

The twins are just a little bit defensive about their heights.

Completely random TAZ:BA thought

Pre the IPRE launch, Lucretia didn’t know that Lup and Taako were twins for like five months. They worked in different labs on the Light and whatnot. Lup was using more incendiary shit and Taako was working on transmutation. Lucretia was getting reports with nearly identical scribbled signatures [the twins have fucking sloppy sigs].

And then one day she asks either of the twins how they can get such a fuckload of work done and they’re like…

“What?”

“You do literally twice the work of anyone else on the team. How can you study two different disciplines at once?”

And after that twin is done laughing their arse off, they get Lucretia to sit perfectly still in one spot like, “Trust me, this is going to be fucking GOLD.” And then they piss-bolt straight to their sib and are all, “Come on ya gotta come with me right now, you will fucking SCREAM.”

And then they both arrive and Lucretia’s staring at nearly fucking identical elves like, “What. The. Shit.” And the twins are laughing so hard they’re crying and DROOLING and nearly collapsing in a heap.

The rest of the crew doesn’t let her forget that for like twenty worlds, either.

Mor TAZ:BA shit

Some elves fight the androgynous thing so hard that it’s blatant.

Most elves just fucking go with it.

Some elves flaunt it.

There’s only one elf in all of Faerûn who goes so EXTRA with the androgynous thing that they make everyone around them fucking UNCOMFORTABLE.

You know it’s Taako.

He spends every waking moment daring anyone to say anything about it with every wardrobe choice, every affectation, and every accessory he has. He can code-switch gender presentation on a gnat’s whisker and in a picosecond.

TAZ:BA headcannon

The umbra staff’s umbrella canopy is blue and pink with white trim.

And fancy as fuck.

Because Lup thought Taako wouldn’t steal it for an accessory when it looked that ridiculous.

Fight me.

Yet another TAZ:BA shitpost

I’m all into Taako being touch starved but like…

Consider:

Taako finds out one of the facilities on the lunar base for BoB is a spa/massage parlour. Because finding relics is a tough job and the agents need to relax and recuperate. Some masseuses specialise in therapies for sports-like injuries etc.

And ever after that, the first thing Taako does after the formalities are observed, is just… go there. Gets himself pampered. Steam bath. Deep tissue massage. Mani-pedi. The fucking _works_. Everything that could plausibly involve warmth and another person touching him for whatever reason.

And he never tells anyone else why he’s into all of that. It’s just part and parcel of being a fancy elf.

And Lucretia never tells him that she arranged to get it installed the instant she realised how fucking lonely he was [like five seconds after he walked into her office FFS] because she knows she ruined him and will literally do anything to try and make it up to him. Giving Taako a chance to enjoy himself won’t even partially pay it back, but seeing him smiling after a spa day is totally worth the world.

TAZ:BA thoughts

The mind-wipe changed Taako the worst because he forgot Lup.

During the stolen century, they were always the closest of the crew, and Lucretia can remember the exact moment that the twins accepted her because that was the year that Taako started stealing her clothes and mangling her name on purpose.

The few times that Taako died in those years, it was after that. Hand in hand with Lup, and making sure the ship got away because he knew he’d just pop back to that reset point.

He was always at his bravest when he had Lup’s hand to hold.

He was the last one Lucretia dropped off after the mind wipe. The one she was most concerned about. He was the one she watched carefully after setting him up with everything he needed for the travelling show. Watched him prepare a meal for a dozen people that she would never taste.

She’d wait a decade or more to taste those elderflower macaroons he made as a dessert.

Lucretia had thought he would be all right. She hadn’t counted on the drastic changes she’d made having a long-lasting impact.

Now there was no longer the twin with the reckless philosophy against her enemies, Taako was aloof and craven. His kleptomaniac side, always the chief source of his asshole moments, came to the fore. Because the only person Taako could rely on was Taako.

After the wipe, he NEVER used anyone’s name. He’d mangle their name if he trusted them enough (but there was no real trust there. Taako without Lup at his side never had anyone he could trust), but otherwise, it’s a constant stream of synonyms for ally or lover that mean nothing when they come spilling out of his lips.

So when Lucretia sees him again after a decade, there’s a heart-wrenching change from the Taako she knew. She lost track of him after the forty deaths at Glamour Springs. Nobody could find him after that. Authorities wanted to talk to him, but he just couldn’t be found. He never stayed in the same place for more than a day. Sometimes more than an hour. Sightings were brief and contradictory. He went off the grid so hard that he might as well have cast Blink and maintained it for four terrifying years. And yet, there he was.

The twins had had a hard youth and it left its mark. They’re short, for elves, and during the stolen century, it didn’t much matter. But here and now, Taako perpetually wears four-inch heels and a two-foot hat. But instead of the slight ‘puppy fat’ that marked the twins’ love of food and quality merchandise (they never had nice things when they were on the run), he’s now gaunt. Four years of thin rations and staying out of notice have stripped every ounce of fat off of him and the results horrify Lucretia.

But not more than the drastic change in his personality. When he enters her chambers, he’s the last through the door. His personal bubble is wider than anyone else’s and she can almost see it. His eyes are cold. HE is cold. Aloof and deliberately distant. His humour is cruel and tainted with acid.

Her fault. She removed Lup from his memories. And now there’s walls around his heart that would take supreme effort to get through.

And he steals a paperweight off her desk, right under her nose. Not for its monetary value, because it’s just an interesting rock she found one day (on a world none of the THB remember any more), but because stealing has become an essential survival habit. A reflex action. Of course she notices in a cold second and makes him put it back.

And when he says the words, “simple idiot wizard” it breaks her heart. Something happened to him, very likely in Glamour Springs, that took away all the faith he had in himself.

When she took Lup from his memories, she replaced him with a changeling. Taako isn’t Taako any more. And the only thing that broke him worse was when he remembered, and he didn’t have one atom of himself to care with.

All that self-sabotage. All that self-depreciation. Even the literal flirting with Death. It all made sense because Lup wasn’t there.

Hey fanartists

Consider this:

Baby Taako and Lup, or Lup and Taako since we all fucking KNOW she’s the alpha twin. Runaways and exiles, etc.

BUT

With matching

Shirley firkin Temple

god

damned

RINGLETS