Challenge #01332-C237: People in Glass Houses Shouldn’t
Garnet vs. the PTA – @callmegallifreya
[AN: Cue Harper Valley PTA :D]
Steven’s first semester at school had not gone great. He was failing advanced math, and flunked right out of sharing that class with Connie at all. And on the night before the PTA meeting, Steven came home with a note.
It was not a criticism of Steven, nor of his scholastic performance. It was a criticism of the Gems and their ‘unconventional’ lifestyle being a reason why they should not be raising Steven at all.
Pearl, of course, went ballistic, ranting for a good half hour about their absolute nerve and disastrous lack of understanding concerning the Gems.
“when connie is president what will that make me? first boy?”
honestly I think that might be my favorite (non-singing) line in all of steven universe because it makes my imagine the craziest/best presidential term in U.S. history.
“Mr. Universe, many republicans are claiming that your birth certificate was faked and that you are an illegal alien. What would you say to these allegations?”
“Well definitely not illegal, but I am an alien.”
“you were born outside of the country?”
“no, I was born here”
“then how are you an alien?”
“I mean a literal alien, from outer space. My mother and guardians are all aliens.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Well I’m half alien anyway. I thought we made that clear from early on in the campaign?”
(conspiracy theorists have a field day)
“Madam President, why is your husband carrying a huge crystal disc out onto the white house lawn?”
“oh, that’s a warp pad, It lets Gems travel around”
“Isn’t that a security issue?”
“Well only gems can use it, and the only gems on the planet right now are friendly”
(the secret service has their work cut out for them)
and then theres other things- like the time the president and her husband combined into one person at a state dinner. Or how the president is ridiculously badass with a sword. Or how the fist gentleman has five (or possibly six?) adoptive mothers. Or that time the president, her husband, and an insane eldritch monstrosity defended Washington DC from an alien spaceship. (approval ratings skyrocketed)
what I’m saying is: Take some time to imagine the shenanigans President Maheswaran would get up too. It will not disappoint.
Take a moment to imagine President Maheswaran pondering the details of a foreign war that the US has to get involved in.
“What should we do, Madam President?”
The President contemplates a large map. Pushes her glasses (lenses tinted but with no correction) up her nose. Stands. “There’s no choice; we send in the big guns. We send in my husband.”
The table glances out the window to see a balding middle-aged man in sandals laughing while he plays frisbee with a pink lion. “Are… are you sure that’s… wise, ma’am?”
“It is extreme. But it’s our only chance.”
Two weeks later, the postcard arrives. Steven has his arms over the shoulders of the two warring foreign leaders, one of whom is laughing at a joke the other is telling. They are surrounded by shelter puppies.
President Maheswaran smiles. It’s good to have backup.
Okay but isn’t Steven pretty much stuck as a child? Please imagine the controversy when THE PRESIDENT TURNS OUT TO BE MARRIED TO A SMALL CHILD. Maybe they say he had a growth problem. Or maybe they pretend he’s Connie’s adopted son. Or my favorite, Steven shapeshifts into an older version of himself until one day in the middle of a speech, he reverts to his child form AND ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
((Honestly, since there are real adults (like, in our real world) that still look like kids due to, like, dwarfism or hormonal conditions, their most transparent option is to tell the truth. That’ll probably clear it up for most non-jerky people.
Though maybe fringe news outlets (or even just biased ones like Fox News-ish stuff) and conspiracy theorists won’t let it go and keep on about it even when they’ve gotten an answer
So then Steven and Connie make fun of the controversy a la the “Obama playing The Lion King as his ‘birth video’” thing: Steven just deliberately starts acting like a small child at all presidential dinners with those people in attendance. Maybe he even age/shapeshifts into a literal baby/toddler a few times. XD
The rest of the time he’s an eloquent guy giving speeches but then the correspondents’ dinner comes up and he’s dragging a stuffed animal twice his size behind him and rambling with a baby talk inflection about how his imaginary friend needs a plate too and none of the correspondents can sit or move without making sure they aren’t hurting the friend.))
I thought it was established in Steven’s Birthday that he is going to age? Like most kids he grew quick then levelled off for a bit. He’s probably going to hit a massive growth spurt at some point. He might go slower than normal thanks to his gem half, but he’ll get there.
That or he’s going to be short forever but still age, I mean Amethyst doesn’t get mistaken for a child and they’re the same height
Or…
Now that Steven has a friend about his age, he’ll start to age again. So he can keep up with all the things Connie does.
He might even go to a proper school. He’ll fail a lot of his classes, especially History. It’s hard to accept the official story when you can talk to people who were there at the time.
But the real reason he fails is absences. The Gems don’t understand a lot of human things and permission slips is one of the minutiae that go sailing past their heads. His teachers learn very quickly that saving the world is important, and more important than algebra, but some administrivia minion refuses to listen and keeps adjusting his scholastic scores because of missing paperwork.
Pearl would be the most offended at this, she would be in the office all day and ranting at whomever she could coral. Until someone tells her about extracurricular credit.
Suddenly Steven is turning out some amazing projects and displays of skills and arts that blow everyone away and keep Steven in the same classes (mostly) as Connie. Which is really the only thing he cares about in the end.
(via callmegallifreya)
Thought occurred to me
In the reality of Steven Universe, all of the alien conspiracy theories might just have an element of truth in them.
So Erich Von Daniken is like a respected scientist and whatnot.
Challenge #01318-C223: Gem Daycare
Warning - contains gems being cute
Challenge #01316-C221: Random Encounter
@knitnan - Crossovers can also include a much-needed breather
A direct video feed (taken from Chuck E Cheese) of the extended Steven Universe theme from SDCC has been posted on YouTube!!!!!!!
Finally!!!
(via punlich)
Whack SU Theory Time!
I know there’s a post out there about how Pink Diamond was the weakest of the four, but what about this:
She was the youngest.
Further theorising and spoilers under the cut
Challenge #01297-C202: On the Shoreline
Boundaries and borderlines are strange realms