Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
my fav trope is like, nonhuman characters not understanding human needs/customs but still being super supportive of their human companion
“look what I found while exploring this planet’s surface!” “kilrak please I’m trying to sleep” “ah yes your human circadian rhythm. *stage whispering* I am supposed to be quiet during this time in your rhythm, yes?”
“the book I purchased on ragnok V says humans require physical touch when upset. therefore, I shall engage in a ‘hug’ with you.” *supremely awkward five-armed hug ensues*
*human sneezes* “OH MY GOD SIL'EEN GET THE MEDIC OUR HUMAN IS DYING”
“this pamphlet I received recently says that humans require companions and packmates in the form of small earth creatures. you should have told me this before we departed earth, but it is no worry. we will have to stop at the next trade planet to get you one of these ‘cats’ or ‘dogs’.”
imagine the aliens really purchasing a kitten for one of their rough and world-weary scifi badass human companions and watching in helpless wonderment what ensues
“she’s been cuddling that small animal for the past fifteen minutes just going ‘kitty, kitty’. did we - did we break our human?”
a more seasoned alien puts one of their tentacles around the younger one as the rest of the team gathers to watch their human make kissy noises.
“no, kilrak,” the alien says. “we did good.”
“Human-Steve! I have heard that today is the anniversary of your hatching! According to my human culture pamphlet, it is customary to set a sugary pastry on fire while chanting your species’ growth incantation and presenting sacrifices wrapped in shiny paper. I am afraid to ask, in case this ritual is sacred and this request therefor insensitive… but may I be allowed to participate? It sounds much more fascinating than molting.”
“Human Steve, I have read about your ritual dance called ‘The Hokey Pokey,’ performed mostly at mate-bonding celebrations after the guests reach an elevated level of intoxication. But Human Steve, how do I know WHICH left foot to put in, put out, and shake all about? I do not… Human Steve, why are you laughing?”
“Human-Steve, you are… you are eating, but it is not one of your ritual fueling times. Are you dying? Is everything alright? Have you not been receiving enough sustenance? Do I need to get you better things to eat? Human-Steve, why are you trying to hide that food?”
“Human-Steve, my research has informed me of a grave oversight in your care that I, as your companion, have made! Thus, I have gathered collections of fictional human literature to read aloud at the time of your bed. Which is more to your liking: “The Care and Keeping of Cacti” or “1001 Crossword Puzzles?” Human-Steve? Human-Steve, I am serious.“
One of the things I love the most about this post is how “Human-Steve” makes me think that there is also an alien called Steve in the squad, and I just imagine the first meeting and introduction where there is the human guy introducing himself as Steve and then there is this huge blue guy with like 5 legs and bug eyes and apparently Steve is like a completely regular name on his planet too in some intergalactical coincidence
So @internutter (WTF tumblr why can’t I tag them?) takes prompts for short TAZ stories and they wrote my request for a happy Angus playing Minecraft with his dads and I it turned out great. :)
>random guy in shit tier iron armor shows up one day saying a dragon is burning down a city >don’t know why the guards let him in >figure I can throw another body at my court wizard so I shuffle him over >Comes back with arrows sticking out of his body and holding the tablet out for my court wizard like its nothing >Hear reports someone killed literally every bandit, rat, wolf, and rabbit between here and the spot he was sent >I now need to get this pain immune lunatic murderer out of my city. >Dragon shows up >Ohthankthegods >Send the guy out on a suicide mission to kill a dragon >End of my worries >He comes back, apparently having killed the dragon and eaten its soul >According to reports just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself. >Now standing in front of me eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef while everyone looks on in horror and disgust >Need to get him away from my children as fast as possible >Tell him he needs to climb the tallest mountain in Skyrim and stay with the Graybeards >He leaves without a word >Hopefully thats the last I’ll see of him.
for months ive been collecting my fave of bizarre tumblr insults from famous posts in a note thingy on my phone omfg it cracks me up every time. there are truly some creative people here on tumblr.com
Today was Rabbit’s birthday. Well, not really, considering the bots don’t really have a specific date of ‘birth’ so to speak, but today we decided to celebrate her birthday. We threw her a party in the kitchen.
During the ‘party’, she seemed rather attentive to my fedora.
