Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
A little over 8 years ago, a friend of mine, L (name redacted)
was hit by her scum-bucket boyfriend. It
wasn’t the first time he’d hit her, but it was the first time he’d hit her in
front of her best friend J. (name also redacted.) J objected to the abuse, you might say she
objected violently to the abuse (which is one of the reasons why the names are
redacted even if the statute of limitations should be up.)
After scum-bucket had fled the scene, J decided that L needed some more support, so she called every women she knew. Everyone available showed up to L’s apartment
with weapons and booze. Imagine if you will, around 30 women stuffed into a one-bedroom apartment comforting L and
passing around the drinks when someone spots scum-bucket’s car pulling into the
parking lot.
It was decided that a few ladies would stay in the apartment
with L while the rest of us when downstairs to confront scum-bucket and prevent
him from entering the building.
Now all of us ladies at that time happened to belong to the same theater group that
specialized in swashbuckling plays, lots of sword fights and the like. So, when I say we brought weapons, I mean we
brought things like broadswords, battleaxes, crossbows, rapiers and like.
So, scum-bucket gets out of his car and starts walking
across the parking lot only to spot 25 or so heavily armed women marching out
of the building, raising their weapons and charging at him while screeching
like furies.
Scum-bucket had a pretty good sense of self-preservation and
the sight of us was inspiring. He ran
back to the car and peeled out of the parking light like the hounds of hell
were at his heels and I suppose we were.
Anyhow, L never heard from him again. Eventually, she and J started dating and they’ll
have been married for 5 years next September.
Low strength, very low dex, low constitution, high intelligence, low wisdom, godlike charisma
Is capable of doing anything a PC can do (climb/intimidate/bluff/etc) but with disadvantage on anything that would be difficult or impossible for a dog.
A loyal dog that follows the party. No one knows where it came from. It does its best to help the party, but it only knows a few generic commands. They are:
Sit: Perfectly Ordinary Dog sits. Leave It: Perfectly Ordinary Dog disengages from all opponents. Shake: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Earthquake. Come: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Teleport on itself to move directly next to the person who issues the command. Stay: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Turn to Stone on itself. The effect lasts until Perfectly Ordinary Dog is told otherwise. Speak: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Speak With Animals on itself. In addition to the spell effects, it removes disadvantage from all rolls involving speech (bluff, etc.) Sing: Perfectly Ordinary Dog uses Bardic Performance. Heel: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Cure Light Wounds on the most injured party member within range. Down: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Gate and summons a portal to a random netherworld dimension.
The PCs do not know about any of Perfectly Ordinary Dog’s abilities and must find them out via trial and error.
TIL… that in the middle ages there was a popular belief in a demon of language, one who collected the words of people women gossiping in church, and the mumbled syllables of priests who weren’t saying mass properly. He was also held responsible for scribal errors. “Later he haunted printing presses, causing typesetters to make mistakes.”
TIL… there is a typo demon, it has a name, and it is Tutivillus (Titivillus).
Can he leave me alone please
I asked and he said ni.
Hey Tedbaldus, you missed a letter.
Now he has taken residence in Autocorrect, which is why it always turns your thoughts into word salad when you try to text.
If you haven’t seen DreamWorks Animation’s newest short film Bilby yet, now is your chance! “Bilby” was created as part of DWA’s recent short film initiative and re-purposes characters from the cancelled “Larrikins” project, an animated musical set in the Australian outback.
Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[stifled giggling]
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
Julius IdontgivaFucik
More like Julius Fuckit
Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share
I haven’t been in band for years but this made me laugh so hard
I haven’t seen this post in ages and I’m dying of laughter
I didn’t think it could get better after The Foghorn Tuba Story, but it did. It got better. Bless you, MusicTumblr.
every time i see this i laugh so i’m reblogging it so i can laugh at it every day thank you and goodnight
OMG I’m in tears I’m laughing so hard! XD
I could never figure out, as a child, how to not make the clarinet shriek. So one day my band instructor passed out the new music sheets and mine was blank. Just a blank sheet with the song title on it. Idk how many p’s that one deserved.
