Daily OpusEverything I write is freely rebloggable. Just keep the source and tell people about my books :D [Until I decide otherwise, my pronouns are Ze/Hir/Hirself. As in "Ze went to the shops to get hir medication hirself". Thank you for the respect.]
i like clues because they make sense, unlike people, who have legs that go on for days. how can a leg go on for days? i don’t know. help
i got the call late at night: “there’s been a murder on the orient express.” i knew i had to take the case immediately, because that is a TRAIN
i have been told i am “gritty” and “hardboiled”, maybe because i eat so many eggs and crunch the bits of shell between my teeth
“he’s the killer!” i said. “wait, no he’s not. wait, all these people look the same, which one is which again?”
i’m a straight shooter who plays by my own rules, all 376 of them that I have in this annotated binder
i’m a lose cannon, in fact, i have been institutionalized for erratic behavior
my job as a detective is made harder by the fact that i am physically incapable of telling a lie or bluffing but made easier by the fact that i have no emotions about anything but trains. once a train was murdered, and i couldn’t stop crying
she had curves in all the right places. i like curves, because they make sense, unlike people
i like my liquor hard, and my social interactions harder
i’m the best detective around, but my fees are high, and i only take payment in trains
she had curves in all the right places. she was a graph i was making about trains. in the other room, my dad was crying because i wouldn’t make eye contact with him
“you will tell me what i want.” i said. “everyone tells me what i want. i’m tough as nails, and i’m not afraid to display aggressive behavior”
i got into this job because one time in fifth grade i asked my special teacher why people don’t like me, and she told me to be a detective and figure it out. i took that completely literally, and here we are today
maybe i should throw away all my detective memorabilia so that i can hug my dad for the first time
“i know you’re a detective,” my mom sniffled, “but sometimes i feel like the real detective, trying to figure out how to finally help you”
the only mystery i cannot solve is the mystery of why these nice ladies keep making me play with special blocks. i have literally no theories about why this is happening
“i didn’t solve the case, and i let a second train get murdered!” i cried. “i’m a bad detective!” “oh, honey, no,” my mom soothed, “you’re not a bad detective, you’re just special, and sometimes that means things are a little bit harder for you”
he handed me the pictures of the suspects. i crossed out their eyes so i could look at their faces.
i got the call late at night. “TEXT ME” i shouted into the phone
“there’s been a terrible murder.” “that makes 231,” i said, twirling my hair. i like numbers.
she had curves that went on for legs. i reminded myself to make eye contact, like my special teacher told me
“ain’t she a beauty?” i asked. my special teacher had been working with me on saying “isn’t.” “a genuine Horse .75. i got her 12 years and 37 days ago and she weighs exactly 14 ounces. i call her Melissa, after my special teacher. she’s almost as good as a train.”
i took out my bottle of whiskey, and started to read the label aloud
i’m a private eye. that means i think eyes should be private. why do people have to look at each other’s eyes all the time?
the ceiling fan moved slowly in my grimy office, slowly like someone about to give up on the world. i stared up, up, up at it, distracted from my obsessive cleaning. it had curves in all the right places
the whole world seemed black and white, like an old film, or my thinking
i took my gun out of the pocket of my trench coat, which i was wearing because of my sensory issues
Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”
HOLY SHIT
one time we had a sub that was handing back papers and called my name. I asked if someone could grab it for me and she started mocking me for not even standing up. taunting me asking why I was not walking up to the front to get the paper myself.
my classmates went dead silent and after the sub’s laughter ended someone informed her that the wheelchair parked nearby belonged to me
I had a sub in English once, on presentation day. And everyone goes up and does their thing, and then its my turn. The whole time im stuttering and mixing up my words, having to stop and re-say my sentences. The rest of the class is used to this and claps. However, by the time its over, the teacher is 100% done.
Starts saying horrible thing about how im going to have to get over my ‘fear of public speaking’ and how she’s heard 8 year olds give better presentations (plus worse things but I don’t really member them). By then im in tears and on the brink of a panic attack, and then she starts telling me off for crying
The rest of the class is horrified. Then this boy stands up. He never been my friend and we never really got along, but he’d never bullied me. He told her in a pissed off, cold voice that in freshmen year I got a concussion and that I never really recovered from it, so all that was medical related and I couldn’t help it. Then he starts telling her off and the rest of the class joins him.
The teacher is mortified and tries to cover her ass, but the whole class walked out and that boy took me by the shoulders and we all walked to the principles office and told him what had happened. Lets just say she isn’t teaching anymore.
Also, turns out that boy had a sister like me, who couldn’t really speak. We’ve been best friends for 8 years and i’ll be his best woman at his wedding next year.
The moral is that Teachers, even subs, and adults shouldn’t scold kids before knowing the whole story, because shit like that can fuck up kids self-esteem for the rest of their life.
When I was thirteen, I had to have spinal surgery. When my doctor said I was allowed to attend school again, he said I had to use a wheelchair when on school grounds. My first day back at school, my special-ed teacher had put up a banner in her classroom that read, “There is no elevator to success. You must take the stairs.” I asked what that meant regarding my wheelchair, and she gave me detention for “disrespecting her authority”. The next week she gave us a homework assignment to design a poster that could potentially be used as a Public Service Advertisement. On the due-date, I handed this in.
My special-ed teacher was fucking OUTRAGED. She wanted me expelled for ridiculing her authority in front of the other students. The principal proclaimed my work to be “a masterpiece of satirical genius” and vetoed the special-ed teacher’s attempt to expel me.
Reblogging this post yet again, this time for the masterpiece of satirical genius. Hope the teacher got in trouble.
Sad update everyone, Tama recently passed away… An estimated 3,000 people, including railway officials, attended Tama the cat’s funeral on Sunday, days after she died of heart failure aged 16. [x]
For those who haven’t read articles about it, the local shrine elevated her to a god. She’s now the Eternal Stationmaster and patron god of the station.
Beautiful.
Now I’m crying thanks
and a new cat was hired right?
yep! her name is Nitama (essentially ”second tama” or “tama II”) and she served under Tama as an apprentice before being appointed her deputy
she works very hard
Everytime this crosses my dash, I reblog. It is the law.
Law
I’m crying at 11pm over train cats
Nitama, already now a mature cat (born 2010), has a protege named Yontama (fourth Tama, b. 2016). There is no information available for either the physical befellment or tragic self-disgrace which has removed Santama from contention.
^Nitama majestic, and below with Yontama
Yontama.
a legacy
okay but actually what happened to santama (or sun-tama-tama, which is her name because it’s a pun on santama) was that she was basically sent to train for the position in okayama and they liked her so much they refused to send her back
“Sun-tama-tama” (a pun off of “Santama”, lit. “third Tama”) was a calico cat sent for training in Okayama. Sun-tama-tama was considered as a candidate for Tama’s successor, but the Okayama Public Relations representative who had been caring for Sun-tama-tama refused to give the cat up writing, “I will not let go of this child, she will stay in Okayama.” [25]
As of September 2018, Sun-tama-tama is working as the stationmaster in Naka-ku, Okayama and appears occasionally on Tama’s Twitter account.
Every time I see this post there’s new info and it gets better
You are only allowed to scroll pass this after you pay tribute to the great Tama Station masters.
this won’t get 1% of the women’s version of this post.
the world we live in, and people in general don’t care about men. we are pretty much robots who aren’t allowed to show emotion. we’re taught from a young age that boys don’t cry.
fact is women are sexualised, men are idealised. because men can’t be raped because they’re big and strong right? right? yea, pretty much the idiots view of living.
Always reblog
Sks support this idea or unfollow me i dont give 3 shits if i loose yall as followers, fuck off if you dont support this
Men, like Women, are abused, physically, mentally or both.
We live in a culture, the Consumer Culture, that discounts Men and Women by labeling each as a group and then sets behavior standards for each, physical and mental, that define each group.
All of this is done to us by advertisers to sell to us, to make money. By labeling people and defining standards advertisers make it possible to sell lots of the same thing and make lots of money. To belong to a group you must conform to the standards of that group, or you are discounted and then treated as less than human.
Men and Women are disrespected all the time, especially physically. When people are shown Respect, physically and mentally, they are always treated with dignity, which they deserve as human beings.
In the Martial Culture, showing Respect is one of the Moral Virtues of Manliness, acquired by training and fighting.
Showing Respect sets us apart as fighters and marks us in a special way.
Always show Respect!
Train and fight!
Always seek Manliness!
WarriorMale
Good gravy I love Warrior Male being a wholesome blog. Good on you.
Hey all! Some of you are asking about the bear incident. I will tell you in due course, but for now ill give you a teaser
It involves a bear, a tree, and a lack of pants
Well I’d be worried if the bear was wearing pants…
To clarify. Im lacking pants
hopefully you’re fully equipped with as many pants as you need at this point in time, i’d be much more worried if you didn’t have any pants at all.
To clarify AGAIN: AT THE TIME OF THE BEAR INCIDENT I WAS LACKING PANTS
CURRENTLY I HAVE MANY PANTS AT LEAST 2 OK
Okay but did the tree have pants
THE BEAR HAD NO PANTS I HAD NO PANTS AND THE TREE HAS MY PANTS OK
YOU WERE ROBBED BY A TREE???
…..maybe…..not exactly
As a non-native speaker I always wonder: pants as in two long tubes of fabric that go down to your ankles or pants as in the underwear. Please tell me it’s the latter
I mean at that point it was both
A tree panty thief… i always knew trees were suspicious…
Wait, how does the bear fit in??
DAMMIT YOU GUYS
I WAS GONNA GIVE THIS ONE TO YOU LATER WITH PROPER THOUGHT AND WRINTING BUT NO YA’LL HAVE NO CHILL
BUCKLE UP FRIENDS YOU’RE IN FOR A WILD RIDE
Ok so i’m twelve. little twelve year old Rekina. I was a scout for most of my life, so the forest is like home to me ok. In a city i get super turned around, can’t find my way around to save my life
but drop me in a forest? man ill have an entire camp set up and find my way out in less than a day ok im wilderness survivor exrtordinare
So i’m out camping with my troop. We’re big kids now so the adults dicthed us for our very own solo three day hike
let me just say that my troop didn’t like me. I was the quiet nerd kid who read alone in my tent and kicked everyones aass at lighting fires, when they all were sneaking in booze, peeping on girls, and failing to light fires
So one afternoon while i’m out hunting for supper (a task no one has succeeded at, they just wanted me out of the way. fools) i discover i severly have to pee. So i got ahead and prop mysef agaisnt a tree as you do
Now, when you’re a girl, you don’t get the lucury of just whipping it out and pissing on a mushroom ok you have to remove all clothing from the lower half and squat agsint a tree like a weight lifter
so im doing my thing, my pants around my ankles, when i hear the bushes near by rustling
Those fucking boys i swear im going to kick their asses if they’re spying on me
but im midstream and you don’t just stop midtsream ina forest cause then you drip all over your under wear and its not fun
I get two more seconds of peaceful pee time
BAM the bush fucking explodes
i scream, and almost fall over because my legs are getting tired ok peeing in a forest is hard work for women let me get an amen
But its fine, i look over and it isn’t one of the boys
it’s a baby bear no threat to me
I continue about my buisness.
wait
baby bear =
mama bear
Sure enouogh the second i think that she rears up from behind the bush
now this thing is gigantic im talking would knock an nba player away from the hoop and get a slam dunk with out even trying ok
huge
I don’t move. I;m racking my brain like ok what did the manual say to do what would indiana jones do shitshitshitshit well ok as long as it doesn’t see me im safe ill just wait for it to go away and make no noise
she looks over and roars
had i not already been peeing i would have pissed my pants
I was caught, literally, with my pants down.
I think its time to beat a hasty retreat i threw the manual and indiana jones out the window
id like to say i calmly made my escape, floating like a graceful ballerina
didnt happen
i waddled away like a psychotic penguin screaming and flailing and being decidedly ungraceful ok i would have made Mumble proud for how my my little feet were moving i was like a penguin tap star
I booked it, desperaty trying to pull up my pants so i can at least die not looking like Bert from mary poopins doing his ridiculous little dance
so im running for life, a big ass knife in my hand and i know i won’t be able to stab this thing
or out run it
or out last it
i couldnt out anything it
but im good at climbing
I beeline for this massive oak and scramble up that thing like a penguin, squirel hybrid. I prop my self up on one f the high branches, stilling trying to pull up my pants, but that’s kind of hard while your ass is being tickled by fire ants
lets just say i took the short cut down
I plummeted face first out of the tree, screaming like a banshee
The bear screamed back andd ran away because when i say banshee i mean banshee ok i have the shriek of a dolphin on helium
suddenly im not falling.
A branch had snagged my jeans and now i was dangling maybe ten feet of the ground by my pants
in a true, rekina, cliche move, i slip from the branch and crsh the ground completely unharmed (except for my bruise dignity) and somehow managed to not stab myself with my knife on the way down
on small problem
i left my pants in the tree.
The branch had flung my three layers of pants three different ways
my underwear fluttered to the ground beside me like the graceful ballerina i wish i was
my long underwear was twisted around a branch not far above my head
and my jeans had been freaking rocketed into one of the highest branches, the bough too thin for me to climb
i so i put on my now fire ant infested under wear (after doing my best to clean them and quickly snag my long johns because i know one thing for certain
i still see baby bear
mama is coming back
I high tail it like i have never high tailed before ok i was hauling ass outta there
I sprint for a good minute or so when suddenly a brown blur shoot from he bush and im thinking oh shit ima dead man so i do the only logcal thing because im going down fighting aint no bear gonna find me curled on the ground
i lashed out with my knife like a frickin knight in shining armour except im not a knight
and im in my under wear
and it wasn’t a bear
in my amazing survival stab the beast reflexes i didn’t notice how low to the ground i was aiming
i had stabbed a water rat
you can bet your ass im not wasting that meat
I scoop it up, its blood splatterd all over my face and strut back towards camp
i roll in there pantsless, covered in blood, dirt, and fire ant, grinning like a maniac
“I found supper”
none of the boys ever peeped on me again
How are you even still alive
I wish i knew
Mother fucker this is exactly why the aliens are never going to attack earth. A furious monster attacked a human youngling while as vulnerable as possible and the youngling not only survived, it also climbed a tree half naked, scared the monster away, and caught dinner for it’s pack members with a blade. Not to mention we’re all just chillin’. Laughing about a terrifying near death experience.
Story of my life bro (literally)
Alright fess up which of you jerks brought this back while i was gone
