Once again, Taako got dragged back to the Bureau offices feet first. Unconscious, and apparently unmarked this time. No-one had gone after the team Glass Cannon with anything physically damaging. Though that was not always a good thing.

Listen, Agnes, Taako had said during one of their training sessions. You can hit a wizard with the hit point drains and be wasting your time if the team have a competent healer. If you really want to harm a wizard, go after their noggin.

Angus worried. Magnus and Merle had no idea what Taako got hit with. Apparently, he touched one of the stones whilst announcing that they didn’t need Angus to solve the puzzle. Then he went down like a sack of bricks.

According to the Bureau Clerics, he wasn’t in any physical danger. Someone had messed with his dome, but that was all they could tell. He would wake up when it ran its course, and it was too late for Counterspell to be effective. They just had to ride this one out. 

It was a very stressful hour for Angus. Wondering exactly what Taako had lost, or how permanent it could be. Nevertheless, he was ‘just resting his eyes’ when the fabulous flipwizard opened his.

“Hey, pumpkin. I’m sure I told the innkeep not to let in visitors. Anxious to see the next show? Or are you hoping to get ahead of the autograph queue?”

“Show?” echoed Angus.

“My show, of course. Why else would you be here?” He took in his surroundings. “This isn’t the Blue Lion Inn…”

Angus decided to get the facts out there. “Sir, you had an accident. Something messed with your brain and… do you know where you are, sir?”

“Uuuhhhhh… some kind’a healing hospice? The decor’s terrible so it has to be an institution. I didn’t do anything… awful did I? Wait. Did I steal you at some point? Is that why you’re here?”

“No, sir, I’m a student of yours. And a co-worker.”

Laughter. “Like I’d work with a literal child. Where’s Saze? He can clear this up. I’m sure we’ll all laugh at this later but I can’t–” he made to get up and realised that he was in a shitty hospital gown and little else. “–think… of… when.”

“Sazed isn’t here, sir.” Angus pressed the call button. Trying not to flinch at every time Taako used his Polite To Strangers Smile on him. One of Angus’ other lessons was faking geniality when the mood was just not there. He knew all the signs of a smiling mask.

Taako was acting at being friendly. Putting on a show for the audience who was currently Angus. He could see it in his mentor’s eyes. Taako didn’t have a single shit to give about Angus.

That… stung.

Taako had a kind of casual, it’s-a-tough-world cruelty, but it was edged with a peculiar form of caring that was unique. It was like he could sense right when Angus was about to crumble and held him up for that one last eureka moment that made all the roughness beforehand worth it. Or when Angus was just about to fall off the mental edge and held him safe by the metaphorical belt loops.

Here and now, he was being casually nice. The kind of niceness that had the traditional Taako subtext of, I don’t expect to ever see you again so it doesn’t really matter what I say or do; but since my income depends on repeat business, I’m deigning to be nice to you. Which was kind of a lot to pack into a telegenically gentle smile and the posture of a stage actor.

“Did you check the supplies cart? He’s taken to lurking in there. I should probably hurry and get my clothes back, it’s thirty-clove garlic chicken tonight.”

Oh. Oh shit. Oh no. He was… he was back into the day before the fateful last show of Sizzle it Up! With Taako. “No sir. Your… your supplies cart isn’t here, either.”

Genuine worry and concern. “When you said ‘accident’…”

Make it quick. Like ripping off a self-adhesive medical strip. “Sir, your show ended seven years ago in Glamour Springs when forty people died.” Angus braced himself as his mentor’s mismatched eyes were the only things that showed his inner pain. “Sazed put arsenic into your forty-clove garlic chicken, sir. When he confessed just last year, he said he wanted to just make you sick, but the forty deaths could have been spun in his favour. He’s serving a life sentence in Hell’s Maw Prison, sir.”

If there was a worse moment for Lup to burst into the room, it was right at this second, when Taako’s world was falling into ash all over again. Did he remember his sister? How fragmented were his memories, right now?

Angus said, “Please be careful, ma’am,” but didn’t get much further.

Taako was looking dizzy. Confounded. He was hit with a confusion curse. His memories were intact, but they were jumbled. Messed up. Possibly made worse by the voidfish’s influence and then the removal of their influence on the Day of Story and Song.

“You,” said Taako. Tears fell down his face. “You left me.”

Lup showed remarkable restraint and adaptivity. “Didn’t mean to be gone so long,” she said. “I got… trapped. Then I got out. I had to come find you.” All accurate statements, but not the complete chain of cause and effect. She noticed Angus and said, “You okay, kiddo?”

“I can be okay,” he managed.

Taako was fighting a vortex of dizziness. “Did… Did I adopt him or something?”

“Close enough,” said Lup. “He lives with you and–”

“You also got married,” said Angus.

“To… Sazed?” Taako wondered.

Angus said it along with Lup. The exact words. “What? No! Fuck him…”

Taako was looking at his hands. He found the wedding band, which was silver and set with sapphires. “Married,” he said. “With a kid.”

Another figure entered the room. A rushed and flustered Kravitz.

“Well, hell-o, stranger,” Taako cooed. “I’d tell you to sit by my side, but I’m married, apparently. Pity. You’re exactly my type, there, handsome.”

Kravitz ran the entire gamut of possible emotions in less than a second. He finally said, “Dove… you married me.” To prove it, he showed his left hand, and the gold ring set with dark aquamarine gemstones.

Taako appraised the sparkle. “Damn. Lucky you, huh?”

It was too much. Taako had lost everything all over again, with no idea how good his life was these days. He didn’t know what he’d gained but, thankfully, had a shaky grasp on what he’d lost in the time he thought he was still in. All that progress towards becoming a decent intelligent being… gone.

All those times that Taako had lovingly taunted Angus for accidentally calling him ‘dad’. Taako didn’t remember them. Taako didn’t remember the real friends he’d made, the love he’d found. The love he’d learned to share. Gone.

Including all the love he’d chosen to share with Angus.

He didn’t know he was crying until Taako started cooing insincerely.

“Aaaw. Aaaw. It’s gonna be okay, pumpkin. It ain’t all bad, is it? It ain’t all bad…”

“…feels like it,” Angus managed.

Taako said, “Need a hug?”

Angus fell into his arms. Wishing he could somehow use that hug to heal Taako right there and then.

“He really adopted me, huh?” said Taako.

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Lup. “None of us can figure out why he loves you.”

Angus let Taako hold him and pet his hair. Wishing the displayed affection was real.

“I gotta work out how to get my me back,” decided Taako. “Don’t fret, little man. We’re gonna figure shit out. My sister’s the smartest geek in any room.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

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[AN: I did promise that these would be PG, so all the sexytimes will be faded-to-black]

It was late, and the snow was all around, blanketing the landscape in white. Well. Except for the tracks where the residents of the farmhouse and nearby village had tamped snow into the moulds that gave Sellsnow Farm its old name.

The hour was late, but that was because the family was up in the upper chambers to watch the Sheepsford fireworks display. The nearby Dwarves and Gnomes competed with the local Humans in putting on the brightest and most impressive fireworks display to ring in the new year.

Kravitz kept by Taako’s side, and Barry was by Lup’s. The twins held hands as they sat on the viewing platform, underneath a huge amount of insulating layers and thick, padded quilts that they shared with their spouses.

Nobody mentioned how ridiculous the Elves looked in their winter ear socks. Elves already knew, they just pretended that they weren’t. Looking ridiculous and pretending they didn’t was way better than -say- freezing their ears off.

The first pops of the opening salvos began ten minutes before midnight, filling the sky with starbursts. Kravitz gasped as the bursts of bright colour reached their current elevation.

“You were right, Dove,” he said, “Better than front row seats.”

Taako was purring as he pulled Kravitz closer under the blankets. “Nice,” he said, and, “Mate.”

Uh oh…

Lup and Barry were deep into it. Not just necking but jawing and shouldering as well.

Kravitz couldn’t pay attention to them. He had a gorgeous Elf in his face. Sliding too-warm hands into Kravitz’s clothes, smooching at his neck and getting further and further into his space.

Not that he wanted to complain…

Too much.

Kravitz leaned into it and started kissing him back.

*

New year’s day is traditionally greeted as late as possible, often with hushed voices of regret. This was no different for the twins.

“Mmmnnnnggghhh… Ow.”

“Fuck, it’s freezing…”

A heap of blankets and winter clothing stirred, an one golden head peeked out. “Shit. It’s dawn,” said Lup.

“Whose ass is that?” mumbled Kravitz.

“Depends,” said Barry, “Whose hand is that?”

“…ow,” whimpered Taako. “…’d we miss New Years?”

Kravitz’s head emerged from the pile. “’S dawn,” he mumbled. “Guess we did.”

“Had fun anyway, right?” Lup yawned and stretched, then yelped and burrowed back into the warmth of her husband.

Somewhere in the middle of the pile, Barry said, “Absolutely, babe.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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As part of procedure, to be certain of Ella’s health, they took a drop of her blood and ran it through every scrying test they could. That was how they found out that she had a genetic family as well as an adopted one.

Bad news: Luume’irma adoptions are lifelong.

A compromise had to be reached. Which was why the core elements of the family were gathered in a rather large meeting room. ‘Core elements’ in this case meant the following: genetic parents, siblings of the genetic parents, and genetic grandparents of the child. In echo to this were Angus and Agatha, Taako, Lup, Kravitz and Barry. It was not an even match, even with Ango’s kids playing quietly in a corner.

Gnomes may be small, but their families were huge.

Ella looked normal sized in her birth mother’s arms, and had little to contribute to the proceedings. First, because she was a literal baby, and second, because she was fast asleep.

“Don’t get us wrong,” said the proud father of Ella. “It’s a good thing that you rescued her, it’s just… She’s ours.”

“My daughter-in-law is biologically compelled to be certain of Ella’s health and wellbeing,” said Taako. “It’s nobody’s fault that this happened. I’m just asking… can we… maybe share?”

“I would guard her with my life,” said Agatha in all seriousness.

“We have a Mountain Ygdrassi for a home,” said Angus. “There’s more than enough room for your entire burrow. In the mountain, in the walls, in the roots… Your whole clan could move in and little would change.”

“You’re suggesting,” said the Grandmother, “That we uproot an entire burrow of four hundred and seventy-three Gnomes,”

“Four hundred and seventy-four,” corrected Ella’s mother. “We got her back.”

“The entire family,” said the Grandmother, “and move into an Elf tree that’s likely thousands of years old.”

“There’s loads of room,” said Lup. “Some of us have cohabited with a Gnome before. We can help… ease the adjustment process.”

“Plus I always cook way too much food,” added Taako. “The old place needs more people like fish need water.”

The Gnomish siblings conferred. The murmuring went on for an extended time, but the repeated argument among many was, “Well, it’d be better than letting them come to us.”

That was the one that finally won the day.

“Taaco family… you have gained yourself a clan of Strongburrows.”

Agatha said, “Strongburrow family… you have gained yourself some Taacos.”

It would take months, some magic, and an over-use of Garyl to move four hundred and seventy-five Gnomes (another one was born during the move) into the farmhouse, but it was worth it. The labyrinthine complex of halls, rooms, tunnels and caverns hadn’t sounded so alive in half a millennium.

It wasn’t a smooth transition. Elves, half-elves, Humans and the technically undead had to get used to the bustle of an entire clan of Gnomes. The Gnomes, in turn, had to get used to the sometimes peculiar habits of Elves. It wasn’t easy, but then again, life never was.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 5]

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Angus had no idea how it happened, but he woke up in the middle of some scrubby forest with no idea where he was or how to get home. He was in a very comfy sleeping bag and Papa was lounging nearby.

“Morning, pumpkin,” he cooed. “It’s survival lesson time.”

He sat up. There was no sign of any other camping gear. “What?” he mumbled. “What’s going on?”

“Every child should learn how to make it if the worst happens. Honestly, with all the folderol with adoption, I was kind’a scared to start. Still am, tee bee haitch, but I can’t let any kid of mine wander this wild world without at least a few basics.”

Angus rubbed his eyes. “Really?”

“We survived a raid on my village and then a raid on the survivors’ caravan, sweetie. If we hadn’t had lessons like this, we would have died at age twelve. Lucky for you we didn’t. Someday, all this will be lucky for someone else.”

Well. Put it like that way. Papa knew for certain that life had ways of throwing mud at you at the worst possible time. Therefore, he paid attention. There were worse things in life than being in a shitty orphanage. “What’s lesson one, Papa?”

“Priorities,” was the answer. “Food, water, shelter. What do you look for first?”

It was a day of lessons. Those very priorities were in the order of water, shelter, then food. Followed by a near encyclopaedic knowledge of which wild foods were edible more than once. As the sun began to dip down in the sky, Papa showed him the Shelter part of the survival trinity. How to build a cote.

“If you can’t find an abandoned badger burrow or a cave, building a cote is your next best thing. These are temporary shelters, here, so you don’t wanna be too elaborate. Start with a tree where you can move some branches around. Make it tricky for any predators.”

It was weaving, in a way. Weaving the living branches into a sort of skeleton for any uprooted saplings or long reeds or tall grasses they managed to find. The real trick was thinning out the brush without picking an area clean. That sort of thing would lead the intelligent predators to realise that someone was nearby.

The best cote, of course, was one that was tricky to get into. If it was tricky for the Elf - or half-elf - who made it, then it would be even trickier for anyone out after them. The green brush used to make it would be near perfect camouflage in a dense enough tree, especially if it was high up in the canopy.

Papa helped him make a cote just big enough for two, and showed him how to make a door to seal it off. By that time, it was well past dark, and their use of magic added tiny lights to the interior.

For a structure made of bent branches, saplings, and grass, it was astonishingly comfortable. Angus slid into a meditative trance knowing that his Papa was watching over him.

Lesson two, the next morning, was learning how to find civilisation. That was how Angus learned that their impromptu camp site was an extensive vacant lot within half a days’ walk of the farmhouse.

Where Dad was waiting with a celebratory feast, Aunt Lup and Uncle Barry.

“No probs, dingus?” Aunt Lup shouted.

“Of course not, goofus,” Papa shouted back. “He’s a fucking genius.”

It had never occurred to Angus that Papa could have possibly been worried. Not until that moment. The concept was re-enforced when Aunt Lup gave Papa a noogie and said, “I told you he’d be fine.”

Dad had been worried, too. Angus could tell by the way Dad swept him up and covered him in kisses and said how proud he was. They’d both been worried about the absolute worst that could happen. Neither of them said so, but Angus could tell.

They’d be less worried, next time. With every lesson, there would be less and less to worry about.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 6]

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The Pine Guard used to be great. A well-oiled machine that took out abominations like they took out their lunch. It had once been something magnificent. Until recently, it was Mama, Barclay, and the handful of Sylphs in and around Kepler who could actually do something useful about the situation. Situations that frequently got out of hand, no matter what.

Mama knew that the sequential clusterfucks couldn’t continue. She also knew that she was no spring chicken. Hell, she was barely an autumn fowl. She had a bum ticker, stress out the wazoo, and three chucklefucks who could barely keep a plan together. Sure, they were great at improvising, but they needed to get better.

Strengthen the weaknesses, for instance. Which was why they were having training sessions in the long-abandoned old water park called Watersports Wonderland. It was safe and had been safe for a very long time because nobody in their right mind wanted to be associated in any way with a place called Watersports Wonderland.

Back in the old days, her and her team could practically fly through the traps and surprises that Barclay and some others peppered the old waterpark with. This lot could barely make it to the parking lot without some desperate adventure. That. Had. To change.

Mama didn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to keep sweeping up after these idiots. She didn’t have a lot more miles on the clock, so to speak, before the inevitable breakdown. She couldn’t let them continue in the half-assed manner that they’d been doing.

They stood before her in an outright parody of a military parade. The reluctant hero, the liar, and the mage. All with their merits. All with their flaws.

She had to get them to a level of competency before she bit the big one.

“Duck,” she said. “How’s your lyin’ practice?”

“Well, I gotta tell you, I’ve been talking to my mirror and– fuck. I’ve been sorta… rehearsin’ in the show–fuck. No. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.”

Ned fucking Chicane, on the other hand, could make a scientist agree that the sky was green. That wasn’t his problem. His problem was taking too many fucking risks and landing in the hospital. That, and gambling too much.

Aubrey was doing great at learning magic, but she had all the focus capabilities of a kitten in a discotheque. If she didn’t have crazy bad ADHD, then Mama would be as blue as the summer sky.

They needed a special kind of help. Fortunately, Mama had learned to come prepared. “Duck,” she said, digging into one of her many pockets. “You’re the closest thing this team has to a figure of authority. We could work with that if only you could lie worth half a darn.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just against my nature. I keep fuckin’ it up…”

“Well,” she took out the bracelet. “I want you to remember from now on, What would Ned Chicane say?” and she put the letter bracelet around his wrist. It was one of those hobby shop ones with the lettered beads, and the five initials were WWNCS. “See if that’ll help you.”

She moved on to Aubrey, who was playing with a small mote of fire, running it in a slalom pattern around her fingertips. “Aubrey… you’re getting very strong in the magic department, but you need serious help with your foc– Aubrey!”

“Huh?”

“You need help maintaining focus,” said Mama. “Y’all got a favourite kind of fidget?”

“Uh. Actually… plastic and I don’t get along. I wasted a lot of money on those things and they just melted after like a couple of days.”

Thought so, Mama took out a ring made out of interlocked parts. “This one’s a little tougher than the plastic ones. Meteoric iron and high-tempered steel. Try it out.”

Aubrey put it on the index finger of her left hand and twiddled at it with her thumb. “Holy shit,” she murmured. “Holy shit…”

Last, but not least, Ned Chicane.

“I don’t think there’s anything in that black duster for me,” he said.

Mama offered him her hand. “Five bucks says you don’t make it through without a scratch.”

He grinned. “You’re on.”

The challenges set out for them on the obstacle course within Watersports Wonderland were physical, mental, and co-operative. Mama watched via the minicams Barclay had set up so she didn’t have to chase after them all. They were doing it! They were collaborating. In the case of Duck Newton, he was prevaricating!

Sure, he was establishing a scaffold of half-truths, but he was getting there. Baby steps. Ned was taking sensible precautions. Aubrey was even in the moment. It was working. It was all working.

A ghostly blue light in a vaguely humanoid form shimmered into her peripheral vision. Mama knew better than to turn and try to look. “They’re getting there, Minnie. At fucking last, they’re getting there.”

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 8]

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The whole gang was invited to the party. That meant snuggle-buddies were included, and some baby-mommas came too because -hey- free food. The new family seemed to just roll with it and rent a hall, throwing the doors open to anyone who was hungry.

Neosemo hadn’t been born yet, when the Story and Song flooded the world, but he’d seen enough penny plays. He knew enough to know that the Birds were formidable, loaded, and dangerous to rile.

The penny players always picked skinny actors to play the Twins, and put shining yellow wigs on with the red robes. Therefore, Neosemo didn’t expect the upholstered forms nor the bright colours they wore. Yet, they were unmistakable.

Hair like gold. Mismatched eyes of amber and green. A casual disregard for how many spell slots they had was a definite giveaway.

Neosemo was nervous about approaching them. They should have been in red robes. They should have been something more than everyone else. Yet, there they were. Laughing and joking and bustling about with trestle tables and foodstuffs. Taako from TV, who had faced down -and then married- the Grim Reaper had no business wearing a Kiss the Cook apron nor cracking what had to be a terribly filthy joke.

“…didn’t do that when I tried it,” was the punchline. Several people around the immediate area were turning red. One was laughing so hard that he was drooling.

Neosemo loaded up a plate with offerings that were already crowding the table, licking sauce off his fingers.

Taako - it had to be Taako. He was the one with the apron and the slightly duller hair than his sister. Taako turned and gasped. “Angus Taacoson McDonald… how dare you. You can’t even wait to make your own, you had to adopt?”

Neosemo stuffed his face before anyone could chuck him out.

“You’re the one throwing the family welcome party, Papa,” said Professor McDonald. “Also - you know how Uncle Irma can change a life.”

“More than one,” said Taako. “Teenaged grand-baby. I’m barely two hundred! I’m too young to be the grandfather of a teenager. I’m old before my time! Old before my time…” He struck a pose. Three poses. Languishing for want of an audience.

“You still don’t look a day over a hundred and sixty to me,” said a dark-hued man in dark-hued clothes with silver ornaments in his hair. That had to be Kravitz.

“Flirt,” chided Taako. He put down a dish of things that Neosemo wasn’t able to identify. “Okay. You’re new to the family, kiddo. This kind of thing is normal for us. C’mere. Come to Grampa Taako. Gods, I can’t believe I just said that…”

Neosemo shuffled nervously closer to one of the most powerful wizards in the twelve planes. He was aware that he had his mouth full, and sauce dribbling down his chin, and one hand full of plate, and the other filthy with sauce and food.

He fully expected this literal living legend to tear him down atom by atom. Which was why it was such a surprise to have Taako from TV sweep him up in his arms. “Welcome to the family, kiddo! You and your friends might just give me a challenge for a change.”

Professor McDonald had wet wipes. So did Taako. They both had spare utensils for Neosemo to use. They both introduced him to more family than he could remember, let alone think plausible.

The full-blood Orc who proclaimed herself to be his Aunty Killian, wrapped him up in a bone-crushing hug and told him that she could help him build up his muscles if he ever got tired of living like a wimpy, weedy Elf.

The human with the greying sideburns offered him a dog, and told him that he was Uncle Magnus.

Instant family. Just add Starblaster.

The doughy human with the horn rim spectacles and the perpetual blue jeans had to be the Barry Bluejeans of legend. He sort of sat beside Neosemo and said, “You don’t have to be what anyone else wants you to be. We can all help you in whatever you want, wherever you want to go. Education, work, a career somewhere… we got your back. Just… remember. You gotta be true to yourself or your dreams will never come true.”

He had heard people making plans for him before. People wanting to help him by getting his tusks removed. People wanting to help him by putting him into some institution designed to pump out perfect, cookie-cutter kids. People wanting to help him be what he wasn’t.

These people were just giving him offers. If you want to… not We want you to… Just one of the many differences that made the Starblaster family what it was. And better - they were just as welcoming to Neosemo’s street family. Letting them know that there were plenty of rooms in the farmhouse, if they wanted to help out, they could live there.

Angus caught up with him as the party was winding down to people lounging around with drinks in hand. “You look like you’re thinking some deep thoughts, there.”

“Old Maisy used to look after a bunch of kids when I was little. She was always coming up with these weird old sayings,” he said. “She said, home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.”

“Interesting choice of wise words,” allowed Angus.

“I was just thinking… Home is where they welcome you in, whether they have to or not.” He looked out over the motley crew, where Tuff Jari was learning how to ride a deer under the guidance of two Elves and a guy who looked like he’d never exercised in his life. “This feels like it’s gonna be a great home.”

[TAZ prompts remaining: 8]

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Twelve years, give or take. All alone. Without any real senses. Without touch. Without feeling. Twelve years of being emotions and memory and trapped in a curtained hell. Air burned her lungs when she took her first breath in a decade. Weight pulled her down. She was heavy. The slimy goo was heavy. The robe was heavy and the warmth of it was as unfamiliar as the cold of the goo.

Barry had done this time and time again during the time she was trapped. Tirelessly swapping from lich to body and taking risk after risk to try and find her. He was used to this. More or less. He knew that she didn’t need or want a hand grasping her arm to help her up. He knew that that would be too much on skin that was technically mere minutes old.

He had a mirror so she could see that she’d come out right. With the right junk and all. That had been a major worry for her, while her body had been growing. Even though she could see the progress, it had still been a big terror.

She defused that anxiety with humour. “Man, I forgot how good I look.”

Barry smiled, as he always smiled. So dopey in love with her that it almost oozed from every pore.

“I’m about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe.” Of all the things she missed most, two were at the top of her list. Barry’s kisses and cuddle-puddles with her twin brother. Taako was too much into a freak-out to watch her emerge in the flesh and had elected to stay at the moon base, wrapped around his boyfriend for comfort.

Barry felt so warm against her. His hands were so rough - when had that happened? No. It wasn’t him. It was her. Skin. Organs. Even her hair was brand new. Minutes old. She had a newborn’s sensitivity to the world in an adult body that came replete with a lifetime’s worth of scars.

She had to remind herself that Barry’s skin wasn’t rough. It was her hands that were new. That the touch she had craved wasn’t the sensory explosion that she felt it as. That she didn’t need to be afraid of it.

Barry held her close as she hyperventilated, so very gently. “You can cry,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I cried the first time, too.”

She instantly had the mental image of the man she’d loved -discreetly and not so discreetly- for a hundred years, coming out of a tank like that, and onto a rough floor. All alone, with few memories, and nobody to help him. That was all she needed to tip herself over the edge.

She had spent decades of her life hiding her feelings. Putting up a wall between herself and beings who could hurt her or her brother. All she needed was permission from one of the few she could trust completely, and the concept that he had been hurt.

Lup cried like a child. Let Barry take her to a soft cot full of fluffy pillows and blankets and each other. Let herself cling and howl until the weariness of it took her down into lassitude. Let herself be looked after. Barry wiping away at tears and snot and drool. Barry gently kissing her, caressing her. Comforting her. Let herself run dry. Let herself sigh.

She finally said, “Do I have to start with baby food?”

Barry laughed. “Comfort food,” he said. “The easy stuff. You can work your way back up to wow-wow sauce.”

Breathing was okay, now. Touch was okay, now. Which was a good thing, because, “Taako’s gonna want to hug the stuffing out of me.”

“Don’t blame him,” said Barry. “I can take you there express if you want.”

She could stand, now. She could stand to stand without the feeling of the world pulling her down. Without the feeling of her clothes wanting to drag her through the centre of the globe. She could stand to feel bare earth on her feet. “I think I’m ready.”

She wasn’t ready.

Not for seeing Taako with his glamour off, red-eyed from crying and frizzy-haired from worrying. Not for seeing him so vulnerable with her own eyes. Not for hearing that little shriek of relief. Definitely not for the impact of a brother who had only recently realised what had been missing from his life for twelve horrible and long years.

Lup was definitely not prepared for that shuddering intake of his breath that meant that he was about to start bawling his eyes out. He had a death-grip cling to her. Just like she had to him. His scent was all she needed to know that she was home.

She said, “I missed you so much.”

Taako said, “I wish I had,” and then the tears fountained out of both of them.

They finished up kneeling and leaning into a huge Fantasy Beanbag, their spouses cuddled around them, and only the fairy lights to give their living room some shape.

Her voice trembled as she said, “That was more emotional than it had to be.”

Taako sniffled. “Got’cha a comfort food feast with add-your-own spices,” he offered. “I wanna watch you work your way up.”

“Sadist,” she laughed. “I’m gonna eat ‘till I creak and fall asleep with all of you around me.”

“Bold of you to assume we could let you go,” said Taako and Barry together.

Gods, it was good to be back in the flesh.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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For the first time in a long time, Angus McDonald felt safe. Nobody around him was judging him, or at least not judging him harder than the word ‘nerd’. That was just a word and wouldn’t cause anyone using it to hurt him. Nobody telling him everything he’d done wrong and never telling him what he’d done right. In fact, his time in the Bureau had been -he had to be honest- the best time of his life.

Cracking mysteries, doing the good he wanted to see in the world, being praised for his deeds, following independent studies on topics and skills that interested him and not pursuing the ones that his parents insisted on. The food was great. The people were friendly, for the most part.

Magnus kept pulling mean goofs, but Taako was actually trying to be a better person about Angus’ presence.

And now, there was Moving Scroll Nite. One of his favourites - Fantasy Labyrinth. He got to sit between Taako and Madam Director, two people he secretly wished were his actual parents. They were way more helpful about improvements on his business than his actual parents were.

In the middle of Fantasy David Bowie’s introduction, when the Goblin King was flipping crystal spheres around, IT started to happen. A rumbling vibration started deep in his chest. His parents had never liked that happening.

Angus cleared his throat, desperately running through the horrible things that stopped IT short. Grampa’s death day. Something horrible happening to his actual parents. His birth mother’s disdain in regards to his existence and the only words she ever said to him: “You should have died already.”

It was only when he imagined something horrible happening to Taako that his growing thunder instantly toned down to a subtle stutter. Inaudible to everyone around him. All he had to do was keep that image in the back of his mind and nobody would say anything rude.

Taako pressed the back of his hand to Angus’ brow. “You okay, little man?” he whispered.

Angus lied like a rug. “Just peachy, sir. If you don’t mind, I’d like to enjoy the movie, please.”

Madam Director leaned back in her seat and started making signs in the air with her fingers. ESL[1], but Angus didn’t pay much attention to it beyond that. He could pretend that they were plotting to throw him out of the Bureau if it helped keep IT down to imperceptible levels.

Taako and Madam Director were having a covert conversation literally behind his back. Good. Less cause for that thing to happen at all.

When Sara was lost in the stone part of the maze, and little goblins were messing up her marks, Madam Director put her hand to Angus’ forehead. Then gentle fingers to his neck. He deflected her hands when they approached his chest.

More signing happened. Angus scooted forwards and kept the fury in his mind so that he wouldn’t get any louder. Not that it had much reason to come out, any more. At least they left him alone for the rest of the movie.

*

“You remind me of the babe,” said Fantasy David Bowie as the owl flew off in the moonlight and the credits started to roll. Most of the audience began shuffling out, but Taako and Madam Director stayed behind. Eyes centred on Angus.

They all waited together, until Taako, Madam Director, and himself were the only people left in the Fantasy Theatre. Angus folded his arms and refused to start the conversation.

“So,” said Taako. “Who was the asshole who got on your case for purring?”

That was exactly the wrong thing to say. “MY PARENTS AREN’T ASSHOLES! THEY’RE TRYING TO RAISE ME RIGHT! I’m the one who’s messing up. Every day.”

Taako reached out and tucked some of Angus’ curls behind his pointed ear. “No Elf would teach you that purring is wrong…”

“Angus… purring is a perfectly natural reaction to stimuli. It’s part of proper communication, proper emoting… withholding it is… it’s worse than teaching a left-handed person to only write with their right hand. It causes horrible and lingering emotional scars.”

“If you don’t wanna talk about it,” said Taako.

He could do this. Angus took a deep breath. “My birth mother left me with Father, and then he re-married. They’ve been making sure I grow up right.”

“Both humans?” said Madam Director. She’d seen how Angus hid the points of his ears in his hair.

Angus could only nod.

“Humanmen,” muttered Taako. He tutted. “Sure they were trying their best, but Elves need to purr, kiddo. You. Me. That nerdy library nook you like to live in. Elf Practice. Tomorrow.”

“I’ll arrange a counsellor to help with the -uh- emotional side of things,” said Madam Director. “Would you feel more comfortable talking to a man or a woman?”

Angus couldn’t dredge words out of his mouth. He shrugged. He couldn’t look at either of them.

“I’ll find a good match,” said Madam Director. She finally got up and left. So did Taako.

*

Taako was sprawled in Angus’ favourite book nook and seemingly half asleep. He opened an eye upon Angus’ approach. He yawned and stretched and sat up. “Morning,” he said. “I don’t get up this early for just anyone, so gratitude should be a thing.”

“Uh. I-I-I’m not– I dunno– Maybe– This isn’t the greatest idea?”

“Says who?” Taako pointed out a pillow in a sunbeam. “Sit. Right there.”

Only the concept that his parents would freak out about this had him hesitating. Sunbeams were so nice…

“Go on. It won’t bite.”

Well… he could easily get his teenage rebellion phase started early… Angus sidled into the sunbeam and hummed a little in delight at the warmth. The next thing he knew, there was a small plate of fat little cakes with walnut halves on top of them. They were drizzled with honey and glistening like a forbidden treasure.

“Elven sweet curd cakes. Try one,” said Taako. “I checked. You’re not allergic to walnuts or anything else in there.”

Angus gingerly picked one up and tried a bite. Just the right balance of sweet, gooey, chewy, and a little zing of bitterness to stop it being cloying. This was even better than the macarons. He was licking his fingers clean in seeming seconds.

“There’s more. Feel free.” Taako had somehow produced a hot chocolate from nowhere. Prepared just the way Angus liked it with the dusting of candied honey crystals and cinnamon on the cream.

He could feel IT start to happen.

Taako booped his nose. “Uh-uh, kiddo. Let it out. You’re part Elf. Own it.”

THRRRMMMMBLPT… He flinched out of instinct. His parents weren’t here. His parents couldn’t know. They’d never hear about this unless they heard him purr.

“That’s it,” cooed Taako. “It’s okay, now.”

Another cake. A swig of the world’s most perfect hot chocolate. The sunbeam and the comfort and the deliciousness all got to him.

ThrummmblerumblerumbleRUMBLERUMBLERUMBLErumblerumblepurrrrrr…

Taako lunged into a hug, and Angus could feel his chest vibrating in a matching purr. “There’s my beautiful magic boy,” he said. “You got this, champ.”

Angus’ next purr was so loud that the nearby window shook with it.

Taako was impressed. “Damn, son. You got yourself one hell of an engine in there.” He directed Angus to lean into the sunbeam and sort of curled around nearby so he, too, could snack on an Elven sweet curd cake. “Perfect. We’ll lounge around in comfort and safety and practice purring together.”

Angus’ voice vibrated with his ‘engine’. “How long, sir?”

“…’till I wake up again,” Taako yawned, got himself comfortable, and apparently fell asleep. Purring the whole time.

Angus ate another cake. Elf Practice was looking pretty excellent so far.

[1] Elven Sign Language.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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[AN: This got submitted twice, but I don’t care. Moar fluff!]

“If you kids don’t stop murdering each other back there,” threatened Angus McDonald, “I will turn this wagon around!”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” the riding deer and the Wizard mounted on it seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Angus had seen him Blink closer from up on one of the hills. “This is Elf territory. I’m stealing your babies.”

Three small people screamed, “GRAMPAAAAA!” and leaped from their wrestling, off the wagon, and towards the deer that Taako was riding. The deer, long since used to this shit, didn’t even flinch. Not even when Aloicious tried to do gymnastics on the antlers.

Taako had Bigby’s Hand ready to scoop children onto the deer’s back. “Not a good idea at the end of Summer, Aloe. Those things can fall off, precious.”

Ambrose had leaped directly into his Grampa’s arms and clung there, whimpering a little.

Agnes had leaped from the wagon to her accustomed seat in front of Grampa Taako. She and her baby brother Aloicious were excited to be spending time at the country estate. Ambrose was not.

“I’ll drop off their stuff in the vestibule,” said Angus. “They’re really hyped up, this time.”

“Two outta three ain’t bad,” mumbled Taako as Angus urged the horse further up the track to the giant tree house. “You okay, there, Amber?”

Ambrose shook his head and clung to Taako. He had wetness in his eyes and he mumbled, “Mama’s goin’ be hurt.”

Taako rubbed the babyest brother’s back and purred for him. “Slow your roll, little man. It ain’t that bad, I promise. Your mama’s a competent lady. She’s more likely to rescue your pop.” He started the deer at a slow amble towards the farm, much to Aloicious’ disappointment. Anges, who had gone through this stage of things, decided to enjoy the scenery and point out cool things for the older of the twins.

Ambrose was still pouty and clingy. Not wanting to enjoy himself. “Mama could be hurt,” he objected.

He was four. Kid had spent little holidays like this with the Grandparents since they were infants. It was only now that he’d made the connection about what was happening around those fun little holidays. “Why spend all your energy being afraid of what might happen?” said Taako. “Let’s focus on what will happen, huh?”

He was still sulky. “How do you know what’ll happen?”

“I’m nearly a hundred and seventy years old. I’ve seen lots,” said Taako. “What’ll happen. We’re gonna ride this deer to the house. Aaand Papa’s gonna hug you and kiss you and try not to cry. Popop’ll take the wagon into parking because Papa’ll wanna ride a horse back to be faster…” Taako lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “He wants more time to smooch your Mama.”

“EUW,” chorused the tiny trio. One day, they may not mind so much.

“Then we go inside and I help you all make some Ambrosia salad with real food instead of that… Miller Labs pressurised shit.”

“Grampa…” chided Agnes. “It’s not evil…”

“Listen. We just got cream cheese, and this nerd has to go cram it into a can and do weird things with it? No. No spray can anything for Taako.” He cleared his throat. “After we make the Ambrosia, we need to let it chill, so we’ll head off to the swimming hole and chill for a while. If one of you catches a catfish, we could have it for dinner.”

“I’m not bait,” protested Aloicious, who had caught the last catfish by accidentally stepping in its maw.

“Pretty tasty in beer batter, all the same,” Taako breezed. “You’re even bigger, now, they probably won’t eat’cha.” Taako knew damn well that none of the catfish in the pond would even try. They were lazy little fucks by now. Well fed on Taako’s vegetable scrapings and stale bread or cakes. “After a swim and fuckin’ around with the fish, we’ll all need a bath. And then Popop’s gonna break out a cake that he hid somewhere…” That Taako had baked and decorated, some time previously.

The kids laughed. They loved it when their Grampa got dramatic about his diet.

“Then we all sit down on the fantasy bean bags for bad food and worse fantasy television and cats and cuddles. You little nuggets will be out of it before nine. Tops.”

“Will not,” said Ambrose. “I’m gonna wait up for Mama.”

“You’re gonna fall asleep,” predicted Taako. “And your Mama and Papa are going to be just fine. They’ll come in some hours before dawn and curl up nearby because they don’t wanna wake you. And when you do wake up, they’ll be waiting for you like it ain’t no thing.” Taako thought about this. “And they’ll have probably finished off the catfish and all the other stuff.”

“Will not,” protested Ambrose. “‘S gonna go bad.”

One day, it might. Taako would rather walk naked into the Fire Plane than tell a four-year-old child that. “What’s so bad about staying with Grampa and Popop, huh? It’s fun here.”

Ambrose only shrugged.

“Fine. Be grumpy about it. You’ll see. Taako is never wrong.”

*

Three in the morning is the traditional hour that things go tits up in obscenely bad and vile ways.

Not this three in the morning, though.

Taako woke to the sound of his kid and daughter-in-law attempting to sneak into the house. Whispers. Stocking feet. Shushing each other. None of it worked against an Elf who had long-term-trained paranoia about that sort of shit. Life on the road will teach a person to always be wary of people trying to be quiet.

He sat up carefully and watched those night-blind humanman goofuses attempt to sneak in to the big living room.

Taako lit a candle. “Good morning,” he whispered.

“Dangit, sir. Could you not do that?”

Taako, legs dominated by both husband and sister and three cats, just smiled. “So you know,” he said, “it all went according to plan.”

Agatha lay down sort of curled around Ambrose, so she’d be close when he woke up.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 9]

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Taako had allegedly been teaching Angus survival skills. So far, that sort of training had involved waking up in the middle of nowhere with Taako lounging artfully on some landscape and the greeting, “Surprise, little man. Any thoughts on how to survive this one?”

Angus was getting used to it. He had set every possible alarm on his sleeping quarters, but still Taako managed to pick him out of bed, stuff him into a sleeping bag with some bare essentials, and take him off the moon and into a random wilderness. The only irritating thing at this point was that this was the third time in as many weeks.

Angus had had to admit it was effective. Taako would hang around and supply information whenever Angus stumbled. The basic rules had already been covered. Survival skills like the priorities of water, shelter, and food. Where the best places to locate all three could be. What perils to watch out for in which terrains, how to be prepared to escape them.

Never how to be prepared to beat them. These were survival lessons. Taako taught him survival. How to live another day. Getting strong enough to beat the heavy hitters involved living that long.

So far, this trip had been more pleasant than most. Fishing in the local stream, cooking over a campfire, running survival checks to forage for foodstuffs. Angus thought he was doing rather well, until he brought a handful of elderberries to his mouth.

“NO!” Taako screamed like he was watching his mother being murdered.

Angus dropped them out of reflex, but Taako was already on him, checking in his mouth, feeling him over, temperature and pulse, glaring into his eyes.

Taako was talking very quickly. “Nightshade looks like elderberries. Never eat ‘em if you can’t be sure. Watch out for sweats, light sensitivity, a high heart rate. Nausea. D’you feel nausea, kiddo? Any kind’a sick? Feel like y’r insides wanna become outsides?”

“I’m fine, sir, I didn’t even eat one.”

Prestidigitation to create a palm-sized glowing globe. It wavered back and forth in front of Angus’ eyes. Close and then further away. He kept this up for five whole minutes.

“Damn it, why’re your eyes so dark? Why’d I have t’ leave my Stone on the moon? You feeling any dryness in your mouth, sweetheart? Palpitations? Any need at all to throw up or take a dump?”

Taako’s pupils were paper-thin slits, even in the gloom of early evening. His pulse was jumping, his breath quickening. His ears lowered and his hair thickened as it curled with stress. He was panicking.

“Sir…” Angus held his hand. “I’m not dying, I promise. Let’s take some deep breaths, okay? Breathe with me.” He breathed a little slower than Taako’s panicked panting. Slowing down towards a normal rate as Taako slowed down. “I’m fine, sir. I did not eat any berries.”

“Good thing because those are night…” he trailed off, gaze jinking over all the plant. “Those are actual elderberries. Clusters, not singles. Different leaves… They. They’re… elder…” He pulled Angus close in a rare hug. His heart was pounding. “Better t’ stay away from ‘em, huh? Just in case.”

Taako was trembling, that night, as Angus made dinner. Since they were following the stream down its course, it was fish again. With safer wild herbs for seasoning. His hands shook as he wound his golden hair into its evening braids.

“Are you going to be okay, sir?” Angus asked.

“Watched a lot of people get nightshade poisoning,” his voice trembled, too. “Not pretty.” He crawled into his sleepy sack and Mage Handed the zipper closed. “You remember Hold Person, right?”

“It’s not a cantrip, sir. It’s a Second Level spell.”

“Well, fuck,” muttered Taako. “Not gonna lie, this’ll be a rough one.”

The ears of the ridiculous cartoon dog face on the chest of Taako’s sleepy sack were also restraints for the arms. To stop a person inside from hurting themselves in the middle of their nightmares. Angus had to promise three times to sit on Taako if he tried to escape the camp.

Taako didn’t lie. It was a rough one. Three separate nightmares, one of which had him bawling like a child for someone named Sazed. A different one had Taako thinking Angus was a vengeful ghost. He slept peacefully at the dawn, and Angus let him have the extra rest.

The sunlight finally made him sit up and wake into the real world. “Ugh,” he said, “Fuck. Okay. You’re you. We’re still at a camp, and headed towards civilisation. I’m good. Lemme out of this thing.”

Angus set him free of the sleepy sack. Served a decent breakfast of leftovers and packed up what he could while Taako stretched and picked at his food.

Now the mystery of the Elf’s shadowed eyes and lack of appetite was solved, revealing another riddle underneath. If he had his notebook, he could write the clues down. Pity that wasn’t in his go-bag.

Angus didn’t try to eat any elderberries for the rest of the trip.

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