a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs: the bikings
I JUST REALIZED THAT THIS POST IS 4 PUNS IN ONE OH MY GODDDDD
(via chaoswolf1982)
the ham is melting, the turkey is suspended in midair, the salami is hatching from its own egg. why did we even come to the salvador deli
Because we didn’t have the monet for anything else.
(via betterbemeta)
Weird News Day
In order to appease the bible belt, President Muppet is switching over to Biblical Law. All of the biblical law. He just had a staffer find any phrase of “thou shalt” [or whatever the modern translation is] in a digital version and write it up into this massive bill.
Effective across the entirety of the US of A.
Now one of those biblical laws is to leave impotence as it is(because it’s a curse from God), and everyone who’s ever taken Viagra has become an overnight criminal. [Weirdly, there’s no biblical law about miscarriage or abortion] But saner heads prevailed, and the law is only in effect as of 12:01AM on April 1st.
To deal with all the sudden criminals, there’s an offshore base off the west coast, where some fly-by-night company is fast-building an instant colony to house anyone who takes or possesses viagra.
Inmates are expected to grow and raise their own food, there. And live there until such time as their trial can be accomplished.
That’s right, folks. America has it’s very first offshore penile colony.
Why is a church like a laser gun?
Pew! Pew! Pew!
I spent two minutes trying to figure this out before I realized that this is not a red vs blue joke, this is a religion joke.
(via youve-doomed-us-all-jerk)