[AN: I think there was a prompted AU in which Angus was somehow a Taakitz baby so I’m taking it from there]

Angus Taakoson had had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. The forces of fate, fortune, and family were all against him. He kept hearing ‘no’, the cats kept avoiding him when they weren’t hissing and clawing at him, he had just discovered the Wards that pushed him harmlessly away from all the interesting places. Then, to top it all off, to make a wet, miserable day even worse, Apa served Angus a plate full of broccoli.

It smelled bad. All the cheese sauce and sparkling lights in the world could not make it smell better. Angus pushed the plate away and said, “Yuck! No!”

Apa smiled in spite of the plate of yuck and produced a plate of yum, Apa’s incredibly delightful Sweet Potato Mash. “Good little boys eat their food, Ango,” he said. “You can’t say it’s yuck until you’ve had some.” Instead of the yum, Apa put a tiny little bit of broccoli and a lot of cheese sauce on the spoon. “Try a little, and you get some sweet potato after.”

Somewhere in the blurry distance, Aunty Lulu said, “You can’t bribe or bargain with a baby, bro.”

“Yeah, like you got experience points in that,” grumbled Apa. He waved the spoon in the air. “Aaaaahhh?”

“‘Course I got experience points, I raised you didn’t I?”

Angus pinched his lips together and turned his head away. “Mm-mm!”

“Listen,” said Apa. “I can keep all of this as warm and as fresh as I like all day. Sooner or later, you’re gonna be hungry enough to eat anything.”

“NO!”

Apa was quicker. He popped the spoon and its horrible contents into Angus’ mouth so neatly that it all came as a shock. He could taste cheese, but he knew, he just knew that it had been poisoned with the horrible, horrible broccoli yuck. Therefore, so had he.

Angus screamed and wailed, thrashing all four limbs and tossing his little baby head as he fought against the torturous restraint of the high chair.

*

Seven heroes and their significant others were watching this performance, one up close and personal, where he had just received the world’s tiniest broccoli floret to the face at maximum possible velocity. Cheese sauce included.

There was a lot of giggling.

Kravitz was trying to be a stern Papa, but was rolling ones at the sight before him.

“What a big drama from such a little boy,” said Lucretia.

Magnus was in absolute fits, holding himself up against the closest counter and wiping tears from his eyes.

Merle was crowing. “How do you like it? How do you like it now, smartypants? Shoes on the other foot, boy…” He was referring one of the hundred worlds in which the Twins were turned into Terrible Elf Larva and he, Merle, was chief in charge of making them do anything related to their needs.

Taako calmly used the spoon to scoop the cheese-and-microscopic-broccoli-floret off his cheek and waited. Primed to pop it back in that howling baby mouth as soon as opportunity allowed.

Davenport, watching with the cats from a very safe high shelf, sipped his wine and said, “Why am I having flashbacks? Why am I having flashbacks?”

Lup, still giggling, said, “Oh, you know. Dad’nport.”

Barry said, “I’d either use Command, or just… wait a few weeks before introducing him to broccoli.”

At the mention of the hated word, baby Angus renewed his howling protest against that particular vegetable.

“I am not,” announced Taako, “going to lose a battle of wits to a gosh-darned toddler.”

[AN: Why not both?]

Young Angus

Angus McDonald was seven years old, today. If there was a cake, Angus hadn’t seen where Papa had hidden it. Instead of that, he was packing a picnic basket.

It had to be dimensionally transcendent, because Papa was packing way more stuff into it than a regular basket could hold. He had that sneaky face on that meant he was plotting something.

“Good morning,” said Angus. “Do you have something special planned for today?”

“Nope,” lied Papa. He added yet another huge container to the basket.

“I thought today was a special day,” teased Angus. “I’m pretty sure something important happened today. Something… seven years ago…”

Papa pretended to think about this for three containers. “Nope. Nothin’ coming to my mind.” He added a wink. “We just need a little time outdoors. You’ve been cooped up indoors since your welcome-to-the-family party. Sunshine’ll do you great.”

Dad carried him on his shoulders, all the way to the park where the others of this huge, weird family were gathered.

Aunt Lup was the one who had the cake. She could do confectionary if she put the effort into it, Angus knew. It’s just that she preferred quicker recipes. The fact that she had done the cake meant that she thought he was worth the extra effort.

Magnus had some of his best trained dogs. The whole family had everything ready for the best seventh birthday a little boy could hope for.

Baby Angus

Here’s the thing about having a baby - going anywhere with one is almost a kingdom-conquering exercise. There was so much stuff involved in taking an infant anywhere that one could easily mistake it for a military event.

“Stroller, check. Diaper bag, check. Bottles, check. Formula, check. Spare clothes, check. Washers, check. Binkies, check…” Taako ran down the list. “Blankie… where the heck is the blankie?”

“I got it, Dove.” Kravitz added the blankie to the significant pile of baby accessories.

“Booties, mittens, tumby…” the essential companion toy, a chubby cloth moppet that Lucretia had made by hand, thus paving the way to Taako actually talking to her by the end of the decade. “I think that’s everything.”

“Except…” prompted Kravitz.

“Except what? We got the baby stroller, the baby bag, the baby bottles, the baby formula… what are we missing?”

“The baby?” Kravitz already had him in his arms.

Angus blinked owlishly at his Apa and said, “Blpth.”

“Of course. The most essential part of a day out with baby.” Taako welcomed both his men into his arms, spared a smooch for them both. “Okay. Now we’re all ready for our first day of shopping.”

It was an interesting day, nonetheless. Taako happened to trip over one of his family or friends on the regular. So regular that it seemed suspicious.

He finally snagged Barold about the fifth time they chanced to meet. “Spill it, Bluejeans. This ain’t no co-incidence. Confess.”

Barold turned bright red (natch) and stammered out, “Yeah, well. Uh. We know it’s your first day out with the kid anduh… we… thought we’d make sure you were all okay.”

Lup appeared out of nowhere. “Not that we were all that worried,” said Lup. “I knew you’d crush it. You’d never do anything stupid like pack everything and forget the baby.”

“Hardy har har,” deadpanned Taako.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 0]

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