This just in: part of Queensland has caught fire.
Whoever came up with this wins all the pies :)
I didn’t vote for him.
Nobody likes him.
The only reason he got in was Rudd the Dudd announcing he was going to raise taxes just before the election.
Smart. Not.
Fingers crossed that Abbott is a one-term wonder.
(Source: guessthisisit, via the-gay-is-over9000)
owlturdcomix: Where no one will ever find it.
Yeah, that’s probably how it happened :)
(Source: shencomix, via the-gay-is-over9000)
Invisible things are ridiculous says man who lives his life according to a invisible thing
A Sydney man who believes an invisible spiritual being created the earth, impregnated a woman and devised intricate views on what constitutes a family, says the Emissions Trading Scheme is flawed because carbon emissions are not visible to the human eye.
The man, who also hopes to become Australia’s next Prime Minister, is the same man who once described the Clean Energy Regulator as a “police force chasing an invisible, odourless, weightless, tasteless substance”.
“This idea that you’d set up entire institutions dedicated to something you can’t even see, well, that’s just madness,” he told The Shovel today.(X)
Getting involved in politics must be a sign of insanity.
(via the-gay-is-over9000)
Giant, fluorescent pink slugs found on mountain
It would seem to be something you’d see only in a cartoon or at a Phish concert, but according to park rangers in New South Wales, Australia, dozens of giant, fluorescent pink slugs have been popping up on a mountaintop there. “As bright pink as you can imagine, that’s how pink they are,” Michael Murphy, […]I’m putting this up for my GG fanpeeps because clearly there’s a Spark at work in Australia somewhere…
And, because this is AUSTRALIA we’re talking about, they’re probably flesh-eating/venomous/freaking toxic.
This is why those tree-hanging tents were invented, folks. Because of these things.
On the recent floods
First: Damnit, America! Do something about this climate change before it gets irrevocable on all our arses!
Right. That’s off my chest.
There is little crueler in Australian weather than flooding rain that follows a drought. Any attempt to avert incipient disaster by letting some water out of the dams is greeted with immense hue and cry. Because we’re not sure we’re ever going to get water again.
Then everything gets effed up because the water’s still coming and the dam has to let something go or the whole thing will bust and that would make it even worse for the poor sods downstream.
That’s what went wrong in 2011.
Now it’s happening again in 2013, everyone seems to have forgotten how rivers work [CLUE: water upstream == water downstream, later] and are blaming the dams for all the water. This in the face of all evidence that the dams are actually waiting for a good time to let loose some excess water this time around.
The reason why we’re having trouble now is there’s a FUCKING EX-CYLCONE OFF THE COAST. It’s dropping-down shit-tons of water, and most of it wasn’t turning up on the radar because it was going sideways. People have forgotten, during the short span between 2011 and 2013, what cyclonic storms are like.
And this one’s especially long-lived. Owing to climate change.
Thanks a bunch, America. Just get rid of the dickhead climate deniers and get off your collective arse and do something constructive for a change. Or, I dunno, subsidise environmental responsibility instead of the usual corporate douchebaggery.
But I digress.
There’s a fair chance that all this rain might just hit all the bushfires in Victoria. The one place that’ll be glad to see it coming. One plus side to that, at least.
I just wish they’d stop calling them once-in-[insert number of decades] storms, because they seem to be turning up every couple of years.
And I really want a “meanwhile in Australia” animated gif of the car in this:
An open letter to the Republicans planning on moving to Australia
Dear nongs idiots yobs wankers yanks (aw fuckit) Reppos:
We would welcome you to Australia. We’re a welcoming bunch [once we’ve figured out a suitably isolating slang for yaz, of course] we’ll even chuck another steak/prawn on the barbie for ya.
There’s just a few things you ought to know before you pack your bags.
1. You might have heard that the lady in charge of this country is an atheist. This is nominally true, but the actual lady technically in charge of this country is also the Queen of England. Good thing for you she’s a bit more “hands off” than you lot.
Yep. We’re a constitutional monarchy. This means there’s no such thing as private beaches and any old drongo can walk along any old beachfront any old where. We also have nudist beaches, but remember - just because she hasn’t got a stitch on, doesn’t mean it’s a “legitimate rape”… or whatever your term for it is.
2. We have some pretty restrictive gun laws down here. The tl;dr version of all that goes: * You have to have photo ID on you at all times * You have to be a card-carrying member of the SSAA * You have to have your guns in one safe and your ammo in another * There’s a limit to how many guns you can have * And every time someone so much as sneezes during a criminal event, there’s hue and cry to make these laws even more restrictive. [Seriously. Some idiot set off a bomb in Bali and our kneejerk reaction was “Ban guns!”]
3. We have free health care for everyone. Near as I can figure, this has yet to ruin the country.
4. We’re a lot less restrictive about who gets the dole welfare. This has lead to some folks choosing to live on it and becoming “dole bludgers”. It’s getting harder and harder to actually do this, but it is still possible.
5. It’s illegal to kill native animals. We don’t, however, give a shit about the feral ones. If you plan on going hunting for them, be sure to get permission from the land-owner. And if you’re hunting bush pigs, pick a tree. Those bastards are too stupid to know when they’re dead. And they will most definitely rip your shit if they catch you.
6. Most of our native animals are venomous. If they aren’t venomous, they can still tear you open if they’re having a bad day. And you can’t know which ones are having a bad day. Just don’t go near anything that looks like it belongs here, you’ll be fine.
7. Even if you’re firmly in suburbia, watch out for the plovers. There’s a reason why these little bastards are one of the few ground-nesting species to survive the introduction of both rats and foxes. They’re fucking vicious. They have spurs on their wings that can rip your head open.
Tricks for dealing with a plover: *Stick a photo of Edna Everage on top of your hat. That’d scare anything. * Carry an umbrella. When the Plover starts to swoop, aim umbrella roughly at plover, open umbrella. This makes the plover think you’re bigger than you really are and back off. Hey, it works for the frill-neck lizard. * Avoid the living fuck out of plovers. Seriously.
8. If you get possums, do not pick them up. These buggers can go from adorable bundle of cute to ball of buzz-saw-related death in 0.0075 nanoseconds. Just hand them a piece of toast on a long stick and don’t expect to get the stick back in one piece.
9. Do NOT go swimming where there’s jellyfish or sharks. Unfortunately for you, this means most of the coast.
10. We did make a humorous song about some of our nastier wildlife. Alas, the song only covers about five percent of the things that are venomous or can rip your shit.
11. We will laugh at you for not knowing Strine. Then we’ll laugh at you for picking it up.
12. We call biscuits scones. Cookies are biscuits. Wife beaters are singlets and you’re a “bloody yank” until further notice. Deal with it.
On the plus side, we still have rampant racism and exclusion of the native peoples, so you’ll be right at home, there!
Cheers,
All the Aussies waiting to see the look on your faces.
Rules of Australia
Every now and again, I come up with rules that my country seems to follow.
This is one of them.
If a vessel is left alone for any significant portion of time, it will have a spider in it.