Challenge #02733-G176: The Old One Two
Hey if I fight back it would be considered self-defence right? – Anon Guest
“Pro tip, kid. Don’t ask that kind of question when you’re surrounded by ten armed adults,” said Pirate Vlex. They were facing down a small, scrawny Human who the crew had been feeding and coaxing out into company like a Human might do for a stray cat. They were a wild one, wearing whatever fit their body and not caring for any conventions about what should be worn, by whom, or where.
Despite the situation, the small Human was showing their teeth. This, according to Vlex’s knowledge base, was not a threat display, but an expression of happiness. They started chanting in a limited singsong. “I know something you do not, I know something you do not, I know something you do not…”
They fell silent when Vlex put the business end of their gun to the whelp’s nose. “You had better pray it is enough information to save your life.”
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Challenge #02732-G175: Rescue Human
A human stands still, eyes closed, at their work station. Their lips move. They are talking to themself, softly.
“You’re having a flashback. You’re having a flashback. It’s over, it’s done with, you’re healed. There’s nothing wrong with your wrist, and no one can ever make you that helpless again. You’re having a flashback.” – Anon Guest
The Galactic Alliance had initially shunned Humans, save for those existing in or near the Edge Territories. Shortly after their admission to the Alliance, the demand for Ships’ Humans outstripped the supply. This lead to the beginnings of Rescue Humans.
Humans are terrible to each other, especially in some of their more rigid colonial identities. Some were desperate to escape by any means, including risking their lives by sneaking aboard freight ships. They came with scars that weren’t always visible, and required a greater amount of understanding from their Alliance crew. One such Rescue Human was Human Nad.
For the most part, Nad was fine. Ekkus etiquette had it ingrained in the crew of the Risk Reward Ratio that one approached a crewmate so that they could see you approaching. Nobody crept up from behind Human Nad, and that made them more relaxed than when the crew had found them. Which was a definite improvement for Human Nad, but also disturbing for the knowledge that sometimes Humans were so horrible to each other that they never wanted to see another Human for the rest of their lives.
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Challenge #02731-G174: A Cautionary Tale
“If you want to hurt a man, do not target him. Target what he loves. Take that which he holds dear to his heart and twist it, corrupt it, or destroy it altogether. Then and only then will you hurt him in a way that he will feel in his soul. But take heed. When you hurt a man in this way, you twist him, corrupt him, drive him to heights of rage never before thought possible. You will have turned that man into a monster, and he will be coming for you.” – Anon Guest
If you want to hurt a Human - DON’T. – Galactic Saying
There is a philosophy known mostly to the Greater Deregulations - with enough finance, one can theoretically get away with anything. The trick, of course, is in defining “enough”. There’s always something that money cannot buy.
In this case, it was safety from Human Zol. To put it briefly, the Oligarch of Greater Deregulation Far Upper East had done her family a great wrong. There isn’t a Greater Deregulation Far Upper East any more, and Human Zol is the reason why. Here’s how…
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Challenge #02730-G173: Hunting for the Delicate
Some older humans bring their alien friends to a bingo parlor for a night of playing bingo and having snacks. – Anon Guest
[AN: Though I am of bingo-playing age, I only have the vaguest idea how it is played]
“This is a perfect game for the frailer sort,” said Human Jem. “Little strenuous activity, but it still tests observation, response time, and searching skills.”
This was a Deathworld game, so Glex knew the right question to ask. “What are you hunting?”
Human Jem laughed and nodded. “You nailed it. We’re hunting numbers, and these,” they handed Glex a piece of cardboard with a grid on one side, “are the hunting ground.” The grid, on further examination, held numbers within each square. “The goal is to get five of them in a straight line. Vertically, horizontally, or diagonally.”
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Challenge #02729-G172: Tis the Season
Human 1: so what about you?
Human 2: I learned how to make paper cranes so I’m going to make them in different colors and put them in everyone’s bedroom with notes like “this little bird told me xyz”
Human 1: …
Human 1: epic. – Anon Guest
Aprilfools: A Human holiday/tradition involving trickery, deceit, pranks, and practical jokes. Owing to many Terran Colony calendars becoming out of sync with the planet of origin, the entire Terran month of April has become a collective season of silly jokes. Always find out what kind of Prankster your Ships’ Human is. Such foreknowledge has saved many lives. – A Galactics’ Guide to Human.
Humans have an interesting sense of humour. Attempting to discourage them from things they deem harmless has been a long and arduous journey. However, most of them do indeed prefer to share the laughter rather than cause lasting harm. Dye in the bathing water supply is a popular. Bubbles in fountains. Tiny writing somewhere inaccessible with the words, took you a lot to get up here and read this scribed carefully there.
Why the Humans insist on doing this is unknown, but it is known that the celebration of this peculiar holiday helps hold off Silly Season during that particular time of the year. All things considered, many species preferred the individualised shenanigans of Aprilfools to whatever mass hysteria occurred during Silly Season. It was easier to clean up for one.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]