Challenge #02767-G210: The Problem With Pib
More Human Pib, please. – Escla
[AN: Referencing this thing BTW ]
Havenworlders were on edge, some were seeking out places to hide. Some were seeking out places where something might be hiding. The entire crew of the Jaunty Merchant were operating under a Code Giggle.
Human Pib had escaped.
Humans Orgo and Lun were checking their entire quarters, and every nook and cranny therein. They were doing this for the fiftieth time since Human Pib had “turned up missing”. The fact that Humans had a phrase for this kind of thing was disturbing in a multitude of directions.
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Challenge #02766-G209: Communication Block
A havenworlder has a soft, higher-pitched, voice and the human only catches half of what they say most of the time. They are both heading to a medical hub, the human to get treatment, the havenworlder to do their internship. While there, the human explains about that annoying ringing in the ears called tinnitus, and how humans who have accidents, listen to too many loud noises, or just start to get elderly, can sometimes end up with hearing damage. – Anon Guest
“All right,” sang Medik Fluph. “Human Jan, is it?”
Human Jan was engrossed in their datareader, apparently playing something involving bright colours and tapping at them.
Medik Fluph circled into their field of view. “Human Jan Mettistov?”
Human Jan startled. “Hah? What? Oh Yeah. That’s me. Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” their voice was pitched a little too loud for normal conversation. “I’m here for my tinnitus. It’s acting up.”
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Challenge #02763-G206: Makes Sense?
A: Why everyone is releasing stress hormones?
B: oh, it’s just turbulence – Anon Guest
Humans are unfathomable. Sil had been seated near this one since Faranaway Station, a process involving a lot of stops and hazards, and at least two journeys through Hyperspace. Now that they were on their destination planet, the Human Qin was exhibiting high levels of stress.
Sil checked. They still had the same destination area in their itinerary. “What is the matter? Why are you exuding stress hormones now?”
“I hate flying,” said Human Qin. “I feel so unsafe up there.” This of course was a typical display of Human illogic that Sil had previously believed to be a hypothetical example of such.
Sil had to ask. “You were much further from safe ground and in a more dangerous means of transit mere hours ago. Why is this method feeling more dangerous for you?”
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Challenge #02762-G205: My What Big Ears…
“OW! [Fornication] [excrement]! What the [undesirable afterlife] did I just step on?!” – Anon Guest
Some toys were made to be weaponised into anti-personnel measures. One has, by logic and design, a set of small, modular, interlocking bricks designed to be parts of a creativity toy for children. Children are renowned for not putting away their toys, or not being very vigilant at doing so. There are, to children, much better things to do than looking for tiny building blocks.
Most adults would agree, until their unprotected feet meet with the unexpected caltrop in the darkness. At that moment, all pretense of attempting to stealthily check the whimpering in the night-time fly out of the nearest available portal. There is only one reaction to finding the sharp corners of the unexpected building-block lurking in the gloom. Most of them are words that the under-fives should not hear.
Very little has changed since modular building blocks were invented. Even in times far-flung from their origin, they still exist as playthings and they are still painful to tread on. Fortunately for parents, there are such things as audio filters that bowdlerise offensive language. Unfortunately, the default setting is for technical terminology.
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Challenge #02760-G203: Biological Hazard
“Attention, intruders. Your attention, please. This is the ship’s human. I am sincerely sorry to inform you that my Aunt Flow has come to visit me for Shark Week. You have ten minutes to get out of here before I come over there, rip you open with my bare hands, and feast on your internal organs to replenish the vital materials that my body has decided to purge via my reproductive system. I haven’t been able to find any pain relief that does more than take half the edge off, and our theobromine didn’t make it past customs. I repeat, ten minutes. Thank you.”
After retreating from the cruise ship they had been attempting to capture for ransom, the pirates took the time to look up “Shark Week” and, for good measure, “Aunt Flow”. They were surprised to find that they were the same thing. They were somewhat less surprised to find that that thing was covered with offensensitivity warnings. – Escla
As far as Deathworlder threats went, it was even more effective for the lack of knowledge concerning the terms used within it. They were smart enough to know that it wasn’t wise to hang around when a Human threatened death and destruction, even when they really wanted to know what certain terms actually meant.
There were the free infonets for that kind of thing. Far less risky to life and limb than risking a Deathworlder’s obvious ire. The Shandy Shanty made an expeditious retreat to one of their least-hazardous hideouts before risking their research.
Search term: Aunt-Flow, Human-phraseology, explanation. Search result: Terran euphemism, dating back to pre-Shattering era when reproductive necessities were taboo. See: Human reproductive system, uterine cleansing cycle. Offensensitivity warning: bodily fluids, blood, pain, muscle spasms, partial organ failure, hormonal peaks.
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