Challenge #02794-G237: We Do Mean Anything
Me: Bears are f****** terrifying. Some are bulletproof, their bones are strong enough to last though hibernation and are maul me to death with in a matter of seconds.
Also me: https://ifunny.co/fun/QrPytnfe7?s=cl – Anon Guest
[AN: Video shows a Russian dude (I presume, the dialogue sounds Russian) playing with his FULLY GROWN PET BEAR. How fortunate we are, indeed, to live in a world full of creatures who love to be petted]
Humans will arrive with pets. Most Havenworlders are advised to insist Human’s pets are safely contained. Mostly because Humans take one look at a big predator twice their body-weight or more and say, “Aaw, that looks like a real cutie!” and take one home with them. Don’t be mislead by the smaller predators. They’re all quick, armed, and contain some truly interesting pathogens[1].
This pet arrived on a float pallet with a safety fence. There was a cushioned pad underneath the giant beast, and cautionary labels on the fencing. These included Predator Containment, Deathworlder, Live Animal, Do Not Disturb, and Human Pet, Do Not Harm. None of these warnings were reassuring in any way.
It was enormous, of a mass easily four times that of Human Dran’s. The reason why it was on a float pallet was that it was sound asleep. “Don’t worry about waking Pookie too hard,” reassured Human Dran. “She’s a sound sleeper when she’s hibernating.”
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02793-G236: Look He Likes You
I don’t know why, I want to pet this guy https://ifunny.co/fun/BUDyVF1h7?s=cl – Anon Guest
[AN: Dear readers, the video linked is an alligator mating call. That reptile thinks the camera person is attractive o_O ]
Humans are well-known for wanting to pet every living creature on any given planet. Yes, even the toxic ones. There are Humans who keep toxic creatures as pets. There are Humans who laugh off “love bites” - but not from the venomous creatures. Well. Mostly not from the venomous creatures.
Everyone knows about at least one human who keeps a toxic creature and, through a process of ‘love bites’ has become a cogniscent serum horse. There is, in fact, a network of them. At the last bulletin, they were attempting to come up with an appropriate backronym from WHINNY or NEIGH[1]. Compared to all of this, an emotional support crocodile[2] is small beans.
This one was three Sidu[3] long and wearing a harness that attached to a leash that, in turn, attached to Human Vob. The croc evidently put up with hats with the infinite patience of a predator who doesn’t have to worry about where the chicken is coming from. This one was a brightly-coloured party hat with a tinsel pompom. “It’s his birthday,” explained Human Vob.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02792-G235: Welcome to the League of Superlative Artifice
I liked the story about the Asian chef, who quickly made dinner from the would-be invaders.
I wonder what other adventures she and her crew would have?
Maybe their own version of a “beach episode”? Or perhaps the crew learn about a hobby she has, that she kept secret because she was embarrassed? Or maybe a new crew member arrives (he’s a human too) and a love story arises?
P.S.
I really enjoy every story you wrote :D – Tom
[AN: Thanks. Please remember that I take stereotropes and turn them into MUTANT ABOMINATIONS. You’re welcome. Also, Human Jin never made a literal meal of the attacking Vorax. She just ended them in a quick and efficient manner]
Havenworlds without intelligent life already in residence are usually claimed within seconds as Resort Worlds. They’re treasured as shelter-optional destinations where even the deadliest Deathworlders and Havenworld species can both relax, unwind, and enjoy the scenery.
Of course, any resort will gather conventions. This was a fact that the crew of the Reckless Poker apologised for when they reached Bognor Nouveau. Jin did not react as they surmised. She gasped and said, “What kind of convention?”
“Uh,” said Companion Lin. “It is for something called ‘steem… punk’?” They then flinched as Human Jin squealed at a shocking volume and went running for their long-term storage units.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]
Challenge #02791-G234: The Weather Outside…
“FLAKK IT ALL TO HELL!!” Human Bear roared as he punched his way out of the ice and snow of the Avalanche that had just swallowed him. “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!?” He raged at the mountain.
“Human Bear!” Vren cried. “We have 3 that are still trapped in the ice!”
Bear’s rage instantly turned to terror. He had to find the lost ones before there Livesuits failed to to their jobs… – Anon Guest
[AN: Bear’s other stories are here and here if you’re interested]
Livesuits do their job, but they’re only good for so long and can only resist so much. They’re designed to help the wearers live for long enough to get to help. Alas, as part of the Galactic Survey Team, they were a very long flight away from help. That’s why they had Bear in the first place.
Bear survived a direct hit with half a mountain’s worth of ice and snow. Vren managed to escape with a lucky dodge. They almost got the shock of their life when Human Bear literally punched his way out of the drift, all fury and venom.
“I lived, bitch,” he roared, “Is that all you flakkin’ got?”
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Challenge #02790-G233: One Star to Hang Hope On
The company existed for many centuries (even before the shattering!). They call themselves Michelin and their well know guide the “Michelin Guide” (a bit on the nose but ok). They expanded their assets across the galaxy, although they have many humans in the company due to the fact that humans can consume nearly anything presented to them, they are some other cognitive species that work as Inspectors, each has been trained and tested to create extensive reports of the courses that are given to them. Wondering if is it enough to give the restaurant a star.
https://www.internationalculinarycenter.com/culinary-topics/michelin-stars/ – Anon Guest
There is no longer one Michelin Guide. The Universe is too big and diverse for just one. There’s one each for every level of Havenworlder, since it’s very bad form to accidentally kill either inspector or a guest who has used said guide. There’s a separate set for Deathworlders because some of them want to go looking for new and interesting poisons to try.
Deathworlders are just like that. The greater corpus of the Galactic Alliance has merely surrendered to their peculiarities and let them chase their increasingly bizarre joys. It’s not entirely unheard of to hear a Ships’ Human say something like, “The Michelin Guide says that they serve a curry here that almost burned their tongue off. I have got to try some!”
Then there’s the guides for everyone else. They are incredibly detailed, as there are numerous ingredients or chemical compounds that many are sensitive to. The phrase, “one being’s medicine is another’s poison,” has ever been apt when working for Michelin.
[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for a link to the rest of this story, and details on how to support this artist. Or visit peakd (dot) com (slash at) internutter for the stories at their freshest]