Challenge #02835-G278: No Added Chemistry
And what, exactly, do you know of addiction? – Anon Guest
“Just because I don’t indulge in the standard recreational chemicals for my species doesn’t mean I don’t know what addiction is,” argued Human Kae. “I seek my serotonin in other things. You might think they’re safe, but they’re harmful if I’m not on guard. You just haven’t caught me in a spiral, yet.”
Companion Riik puzzled at this. Sure, ze had recreational chemical issues and therapy for that was always a work in progress, but the request for a companion like hir still caused confusion. “How, exactly, can anyone have non-chemical addiction?”
“You know about just one more and just one won’t hurt, right?” Human Kae waited for Companion Riik to nod. “That principal applies to other things. Humans have an endorphin boost every time they have sugar, but that’s not a recreational chemical at all. We need a certain amount of it in our diets. Too much is just as bad as not enough.”
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Challenge #02834-G277: Never Ask That
There was a loud explosion coming from the engine room, the ship was dead in the water, so to speak. The pirate looked at the humans in the hold, most of them still completely asleep from the gas attack, only a few coming around, and only one was wide awake. They were awash with mirth, laughing to themselves. The pirate demanded what was so funny. They grinned darkly at the pirate, then, and said in a tone that was both amused and filled with warning, “Damn, I’d forgotten how fearless kids can be!” – Anon Guest
There are some questions that must not be asked, lest the answers happen to you. The most well-known is, How could [this/things] possibly get worse? Only slightly less well-known is, How much trouble could [it/they] be? Pirate Captain “Fang” Thyl'wryk has made the mistake of asking that question. They will learn the hard lessons of the universe in due course.
In retrospect, they made a number of completely logical decisions that could only backfire in specific circumstances. Knowing that Humans Adults were pliable if they had a chance of protecting their young, Captain Fang isolated everyone younger than maturity in a well-protected, well-guarded area far, far away from the holding bay where the adults were. In order to keep the adults tractable, they were allowed access to a security feed. The armed guards in every corner emphasized the threat. Do anything we don’t like, and your children suffer. This should have worked, and it might have worked if this wasn’t a ship full of nerds.
To be quite accurate - a ship full of Human nerds who saw nothing wrong with answering any and all questions a child would sit still to hear the answer to. Including coaching them through how to perform tasks no child should normally be expected to perform. Many of the Human children could disassemble just about anything on the ship. Lots of the older ones knew the finer points of coding. Then again, this was a ship full of Humans. Captain Fang and the crew of the Remora[1] really should have stayed away.
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Challenge #02833-G276: Safety Except…
A new class of therapists are going through training and tonight’s lecture is about human psychology, past and present, when it came to the sciences and medical treatment. They were to watch an info video on humans in the early 21st century and their reactions to life-prolonging measures such as getting vaccinations to prevent disease, and wearing masks to try to control viral spreads during pandemics. And this, then was compared to the behaviors seen in the modern day. – DaniAndShali
The picture was of a bench in a park with a sign attached that read WET PAINT and a nearby weatherproof box with a sign that read, Paper towels and wet wipes for the folks who didn’t believe me. The handle of the box was covered in handprints in the same colour as the bench.
The lecturer waited for the laughter to die down. “This is not a staged image for the purposes of environmental storytelling. This is a real chain of circumstance that encapsulates the quintessence of Human nature. Any given Human can, has, and will choose to disbelieve a fact when it is deemed by them to be inconvenient to them.”
Now the image showed an image from a pre-Shattering protest. An angry man was screaming and holding up a sign bearing the picture of a disposable surgical face mast with a ‘no’ circle around it. The words said, MY BODY MY CHOICE! “Even when their arguments are co-opted from a movement they had strenuous opposition to.” The image zoomed out, showing the man was wearing a T-shirt with the legend, Pro Life for Love. “Thus, getting a Human to act in their own self-interest, let alone the common good. How to get through to them can be an exercise in frustration.”
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Challenge #02832-G275: A Life Saver
The human’s small ship carried several havenworlder families as they were heading on the normal space station to home-world run. However, an unseen micrometeorite managed to hit a vulnerable spot and the ship went down hard on one of the moons that orbited their system’s only gas giant. The moon itself had a breathable atmosphere, with a minimal filter, and was not unknown to the havenworlders whose people had been starting to mine it, but that facility was all but on the other side of this rock from where they were.
Unfortunately the human, who was alive, but only semi-conscious, badly injured, and almost completely unable to move, would be of little help. In fact, they would have to be the ones to save their human friend, and get themselves, and their human, to safety. – Anon Guest
Human Kip could not feel a thing. This could be either very good or very bad. “…’s my brain in a jar or something?” This was something of a common joke among Humans who had lost sensation in most of their body.
“Your body is intact,” said Companion Zarg. “Technically.” Zarg appeared to just hear what ze said and corrected hirself. “You are very injured, but it is not immediately life-threatening. We have temporarily made you incapable of movement or feeling pain below the neck.”
Human Kip absorbed this with fortitude. It wasn’t, after all, as if they could do anything about it. “Okay. Good news, bad news, time. Good news, I’m alive. Bad news is, for how long?”
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Challenge #02831-G274: Observer Effect
An extraterrestrial puts together a video showcase of human do-it-yourself and educational videos, open to the general public who wants to learn more about humans. They have even been smart enough to include offensensitivity warnings so havenworlders can avoid the appropriate films. Included in the film line up is:
Mythbusters
Nailed it
Naked and Afraid
The Darwin Awards – Anon Guest
[AN: Of the four listed here, only one is in any way instructional other than “learn from my mistakes lol”. Real instructional videos would likely be YouTube ones like How to Bake That, Primitive Technology, polynesiancultural, and many many more]
Humans are great at creating entertainment. They’re so good at it that the Archivaas are still attempting to classify lots of it. For instance, there is much debate as to whether Nailed It is a cooking, comedy, parody, or reality show. Many have argued that the classification of “reality television” is actually neither[1].
The Darwin Awards are negligibly verifiable, as most of them can be attributed to urban and internet myth. Nevertheless, Humans are not ones to ever shy away from an interesting story. The alleged docuseries Naked and Afraid seems to delight on how dependent on technology so many people have become. Primarily, many of these semi-instructional videos seem designed to derive amusement from the fates of the people in front of the camera. Nevertheless, that material is still valuable. Just… not for its original purpose.
“This is not an educational collection for explaining Terra,” admonished Archivaas Thel.
“Possibly,” acknowledged Companion Trainee Frep. “It is, however, an excellent educational collection for explaining Terrans.”
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