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Why did the insomniac get thrown into jail?

funooo:

He was resisting a rest.

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/u/gemily139
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They're closing sausage factories in Germany

funooo:

They’re calling it the wurst case scenario.

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/u/ricerly
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They're closing sausage factories in Germany

funooo:

They’re calling it the wurst case scenario.

submitted by
/u/ricerly
to
r/Jokes

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blondebrainpower:

BBC: Spaghetti-Harvest in Ticino, Switzerland 1957

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blondebrainpower:

BBC: Spaghetti-Harvest in Ticino, Switzerland 1957

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nardacci-does-art:

twocubes:

she knocked that smug look off my face but luckily i was wearing a second, smaller smug look underneath

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(via untruthsteller)

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soyoumusik:

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(via carry-on-my-wayward-wuffles)

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jartitameteneis:

Ya tenéis para entreteneros, a mi se me da bien, o sale por la ventana, según días.

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Originally posted by whispatchet

For reals though, I am fascinated.

(via sapphireswimming)

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vaspider:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

Women: “Hey, can we hire fewer blatant misogynists to direct and create media? We’d support that.”

Nerdy Male Director: “Well-spoken. Have you considered hiring me, a man who is afraid of women?”

Nerdy Male Director: “She had many masculine traits, like eating 10 hamburgers at once and wrestling Russian mercenaries while never going over 112 pounds. She learned these skills from her many fathers and brothers, never from a male partner or friend, as that may suggest she has some autonomous sexual history. No, men were all too afraid of her, except for me who has mistaken my fem-dom fetish for respect. If I met her in real like I’d hate her for rejecting me without ever speaking to her. Her breasts were D cups.”

Nerdy Male Director: “She was quirky and spontaneous and unfathomable. She was completely disarmed and alluring and so full of sunshine. She wanted to be by my side at all times no matter how much I shrugged her off, pained by my history of real women with adult-minds who wouldn’t put up with my unbearable personality. She was a golden retriever. But a human one, with boobs and legs. I made a dog into a woman and she is my dream girl. I have a degree in literature.” 

Nerdy Male Director: “She was a strong, feminist woman who was the ruler of this matriarchal nation. So strong, and so cold, and so emotionless, because i cannot figure out what sort of emotions or feelings a woman in power would have. I hate her because she is the bitter old screen-writing professor who gave me a D- on my manuscript about a sad 20 year old man finding himself through a series of prostitute encounters. She is violently killed on screen, and it is cathartic for me. Critics will praise how I handle grim realities. Her womb is barren.”

You can just say Joss Whedon

(via the-barefoot-hatter)

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Challenge #03003-H080: An Honest Mistake “ These havenworlders were marsupials and, as such, it was not unusual to see a tiny head poking out of a specially modified set of ship skins from time to time. When the human said she was expecting, her...

Challenge #03003-H080: An Honest Mistake

These havenworlders were marsupials and, as such, it was not unusual to see a tiny head poking out of a specially modified set of ship skins from time to time. When the human said she was expecting, her spouse was excited, but the havenworlders were confused that the humans politely turned down the offer for a modified set of skins with a pouch opening. – DaniAndShali

It was hot news on the Trembling Whisker - the Ships’ Humans were reproducing! The pair had announced after passing the first of their danger periods, which explained why Human Til had been so frequently nauseated lately. So the Humans said. The full mysteries of Deathworlder biology were not for the faint of heart. Companion Fris had gone as deep as she dared, and the rest was up to Medik Bruis.

There was one thing that every expecting parental needed. Companion Fris had one printed in Human Til’s size with plenty of room to stretch. Some pairs of Ships’ Skins pants, with a pouch allowance. So the little one could poke their head out when the mood suited them and greet their community. Dressed up with some other essentials, like little blankets and tiny clothing for the imminent young. Humans appreciated gifts for eventualities like that.

Human Til was looking exhausted, when Human Bel answered the door chime. “Growing a new Human is hard work,” said Bel as he accepted the gift. “Look, hon. Love gifts.” Human Til, slouched on the couch in loose clothing, was looking singularly unimpressed with life in general.

[Check the source to see the full story]

(Source: peakd.com)

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