Daily Opus

Sara + Kickstarter

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 10:33:00 +1000

(#00166)

“Hi,” said the slightly horsey androgene on the screen. “I’m Sara, but most know me online as TheTallest. I work with the indie film studio Thylacine Films. You might know us from such things as this—”

The dance of the dead hallucination scene from _Gopocalypse, Go, Go!_

“And this—”

The town destruction scene from _It Came From The Other Side_.

“And this—”

Everyone’s favourite scene from _All My Zombies_.

“I’m used to working under the red line, but for this project, Working Title, _Spreading Terra_,” a gesture pointing to above her own head. “I want to go all out. Distant locations, a cast who is not also the crew, decent special effects… the whole deal. A one hundred dollar donation will get you a test merch swag bag. Five hundred gets you the opportunity to be a background character. One thousand buys you a line. Five thousand gets you five lines. The rest is in the list to the right. I do have animated storyboards, which you can unlock with a donation as low as one dollar. Have fun, and thanks for becoming part of Thylacine Films.”

“HOLY SHIT!”

It was not often that Sara swore, let alone screamed while doing so. Thus, she gained a crowd.

“Two hours! They gave me everything that I asked for and then some! And they’re not stopping… I owe five hundred people a copy of my script…”

Jean, looking over her shoulder, whistled backwards. “You’re going to have to come up with some bonuses…”

“Two hours… two hours…”

[Muse food remaining: 9 (fic war prompts, 4). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Firsts

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 07:30:38 +1000

Firsts:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

DS9 AU with kiddie!Odo

In Another World

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 07:30:30 +1000

In Another World:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Yet another DS9 AU. I did a lot of them

Apparently, sharing "weirdest patient I've ever seen" or "you'll never believe what this idiot did and wound up in the ER" stories isn't how most families spend holidays.

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 06:16:00 +1000

(#00165)

It’s hard to judge reality when Mom’s a cop, Dad’s a triage nurse, and you’re aspergic. Sure, I got along with the Nypicals (that’s a shortened form of ‘neurotypical folks’) with a combination of rehearsal and elementary anthropology, but there are just some things you don’t know until you get there.

Until I got a sleepover at Bobby Dryland’s house, I thought all families chatted casually about Grousome Murders and Tales From the Idiot Ward. You can imagine my stunned amazement when the Drylands calmly discussed accounting, economics, politics and plans for next Sunday. Mr Dryland did desk work at some firm and his stories were about numbers. I could deal with that.

Numbers are pretty cool.

Mrs Dryland stayed at home to keep the house orderly and filled the family in on the news they missed while they’d been out. That bothered me a little. All politics was was rich white people telling the dwindling middle class that everything was the fault of the poor people whilst simultaneously begging for more money from both. And most of the news was about what happened when folks realized that this wasn’t going to work.

Light dawned. These people needed something interesting to talk about.

“Didja see the crash on the corner of Fifth and Main, today?” I blurted. “One of them was a Sedan, so that means at least one passenger. I’m willing to bet there were two broken fibs and multiple lacs!”

The Drylands stared as if I’d grown another head that spoke a different language.

“Edie…” Mrs Dryland said carefully, “that’s not what polite people talk about at dinner.”

“But Mr Dryland was talking about his work…”

“I got this one,” said Bobby. It took two hours of him trying to explain and me trying to understand, but blood and guts and all the interesting stuff actually puts a lot of Nypicals off their food.

Weird.

[Muse food remaining: 8 (fic war prompts, 3). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

felicefawn: formerlybunsenturner: firony: bombprince: melonlordn: ieatgokudera: EYELASHES YOU...

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:45:02 +1000

felicefawn:

formerlybunsenturner:

firony:

bombprince:

melonlordn:

ieatgokudera:

EYELASHES YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PREVENT SHIT FROM FALLING IN MY EYE BUT WHEN YOU FALL IN MY EYE THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO YOU WERE MY LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AND YOU BETRAYED ME

How eyeronic

get off my post

You don’t have to lash out

Eye see what you did there…

I’m so done with Tumblr.

Who else reckons these awful punsters should be iris‘ted?

Why Kurt Wagner was banned from Show-And-Tell

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:37:00 +1000

(#00164)

There is a rule in classrooms all over the world. When it’s Show and Tell day, beware the kid with the cardboard box. Or the self-motive brown paper bag.

This time, it was Kurt ‘that weirdo’ Wagner with the cardboard box and the optimistic grin.

His record said he used to work in a circus, and you could believe it, the way he oversold all his presentations with carney-level breathless superlatives.

“Ladies and Gentlemen—”

“Let’s skip the preamble, Wagner.”

“Aaaww…” he sighed. “I humbly submit mein amazing discovery…” He opened the box and yelped.

The box had a hole in the bottom. A gnawed hole. A suspiciously large gnawed hole.

“Ah… heh. Um.” He quickly looked towards all the corners and under all the desks. “Has everyone had their shots?”

The class jock, Ray Billertyne, screamed like a little girl. It began a chain reaction of screaming and panic and a large hairy blur scurrying all through the class.

And Wagner trying to catch it bare-handed.

[Muse food remaining: 6 (fic war prompts, 1). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Dreaming Off Leash

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:30:37 +1000

Dreaming Off Leash:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

DS9 AU. It’s a bit dark.

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will. geekhyena (#00163) “Monster...

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 15:20:00 +1000

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will.

geekhyena

(#00163)

“Monster delivery!” sang the maid as she entered.

“That’s a monster?”

“That’s a maid?”

The red-head curtseyed. “F’give me sir, but I was told to deliver this green beast to this lab.”

“RHHAAAAAAARRHHH!”

“I did not order a monster.”

“Nor did I.”

“Probably a mix-up at the warehouse again.”

“You stay here -ah- miss. We’ll sort this out in due course.”

Sara stepped out of the cage and spat out her false teeth. “So much for the obligatory stupid guard.”

“Remind me again why *I* had to be the maid?” demanded Tarvek.

“You look cute in the little cap. That, and that frilly little scrap was not my size.” Sara gave him an appreciative measure up and down with her eyes. “And you have *lovely* legs.”

“Can we get ON with this?” Tarvek hollered.

Sara gathered supplies from the false bottom of the cage and vanished towards the enemy’s achilles’ heel with a gleeful little giggle.

“…lovely legs…” Tarvek muttered, beginning to stomp as angrily as he could manage in high heels to their mutual target. He passed a mirror, and couldn’t help but look.

“Damn right I do,” he said, and sashayed onwards.

[Muse food remaining: 6 (fic war prompts, 1). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Ask internutter a question #fic war #instant story #just add prompt #girl genius #tarvek

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will.

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 13:19:00 +1000

(#00163)

“Monster delivery!” sang the maid as she entered.

“That’s a monster?”

“That’s a maid?”

The red-head curtseyed. “F’give me sir, but I was told to deliver this green beast to this lab.”

“RHHAAAAAAARRHHH!”

“I did not order a monster.”

“Nor did I.”

“Probably a mix-up at the warehouse again.”

“You stay here -ah- miss. We’ll sort this out in due course.”

Sara stepped out of the cage and spat out her false teeth. “So much for the obligatory stupid guard.”

“Remind me again why *I* had to be the maid?” demanded Tarvek.

“You look cute in the little cap. That, and that frilly little scrap was not my size.” Sara gave him an appreciative measure up and down with her eyes. “And you have *lovely* legs.”

“Can we get ON with this?” Tarvek hollered.

Sara gathered supplies from the false bottom of the cage and vanished towards the enemy’s achilles’ heel with a gleeful little giggle.

“…lovely legs…” Tarvek muttered, beginning to stomp as angrily as he could manage in high heels to their mutual target. He passed a mirror, and couldn’t help but look.

“Damn right I do,” he said, and sashayed onwards.

[Muse food remaining: 6 (fic war prompts, 1). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Could Have Been

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 07:30:37 +1000

Could Have Been :

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

DS9 AU and Odo/Kira shippyness ahoy.

Why the X-Men aren't putting on musicals anymore.

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 17:12:00 +1000

(#00162)

“Okay, so let’s recap. The lead’s got ‘lurgi’, our soprano has a frog in her throat from the same thing, our harpist is having a nervous breakdown..”

“Fifth this week,”

“And thanks to a fight in the school grounds, the tenor has a broken arm.”

“That and the costumes have gone missing, the lighting’s mis-wired, half the backdrops have been accidentally used by the local kindergarten as a mural, and someone’s meticulously disassembled the props.”

“Do we have a show left?”

“We could probably do A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum… in a pinch.”

“Nothing beats impromptu costumes like togas.”

“…is it me, or did we do Forum last year?”

“For the last three years.”

“You know what? Fuck it. We’ll just do a talent show.”

[Muse food remaining: 7 (fic war prompts, 2). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Broken Minds

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 07:30:47 +1000

Broken Minds:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Comicverse crackfic circa Winding Way.

Dear xottxot went and did this for me. I’m an infographic!...

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 07:30:50 +1000

Dear xottxot went and did this for me.

I’m an infographic! Squeee!

Iron Chef - Mechanicsburg!

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 06:25:00 +1000

(#00161)

“READY!”

“What I want to know is—”

“STEADY!”

“—who thought this was a good idea?”

“COOK!”

Gil winced as the klaxon blared. “Well, given the -ah- intense emotion, and the fact that this town’s had enough battle…”

“PENALTY FOR KNIFE THROWING!”

“…I thought this was slightly more rational.”

One competitor had not bothered attempting to sabotage the competition. She had knives flying, all right, but they were chopping, slicing, dicing, julienne-ing and otherwise preparing food. The grim determination in her face spoke a lot more than any of the commentators did.

Yes. Sara had a lot to hide…

“After how much ‘special’ coffee?”

Gil glared at Tarvek. “I haven’t touched the stuff. But I am keeping some in reserve for… ‘special’ guests.”

“You mean the ones that argue too much and won’t listen to a sane word?”

“That’s them.”

“That’s… that’s…”

“Cruel beyond reason? Strange and unusual? Poetic?”

“…perfect…”

The watching crowd oohed as several pans caught artfully on fire.

“I thought so, too. They’re much more willing to at least listen.”

“Pity your little green girlfriend had her biochemistry altered by a madman,” Tarvek noted. “You could have made her… talkative.”

“Have you seen her on normal coffee? Or even substandard coffee?”

“No.”

“Well, she’s what happened to the Gallery of Misery after one small cup.”

“…eeeeeeeeeeesh…”

“Needless to say, I forbade further experiments in that field.”

“Five!” the audience cheered. “Four! Three! Two!”

BLAAAAAAAAAAAT!

All competitors stepped back from their trolleys.

“Why are the judges sweating?” asked Tarvek.

“I told them it was this or the coffee. And when a Jaegermonster is one of the competitors…”

“Ah. Of course.” Jaegermonsters not only ate things that could fell a mere mortal, but relished them as delicacies. It added a certain… edge… to the competition.

[Muse food remaining: 8 (fic war prompts, 3). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Trilogy progress, book 2, part 3

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 12:16:23 +1000

40K words accomplished. 20K to go.

Assuming I don’t go bananas and decide to put more than that in.

inconvenient-harpist: the word is actually DOUGHNUT, not DONUT dunkin donuts spells it wrong...

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 07:30:45 +1000

inconvenient-harpist:

the word is actually DOUGHNUT, not DONUT

dunkin donuts spells it wrong okay

Amen

Gil and Tarvek try Agatha's "special coffee".

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 06:24:00 +1000

(#00160)

“Honestly, that flask says ‘Do not open’. There has to be a reason.”

“Exactly why I’m opening it. To see why[1].”

Tarvek, at least, had the sense to duck and cover.

“Some kind of liquid…” Gil sniffed cautiously. “It’s coffee!”

“It’s in a sealed container with a warning label! That alone is enough to put it back where it came from!”

“…there was something important I was supposed to remember about coffee…”

Tarvek growled. “Oh, warm it up, then. I’m sure we’ll find out about it.”

“DESTROY! IMPERFECTION!” grated the clank. “DESTROY! IMPERFECTION!”

“How the hell did we make this out of three rocks and a cheese grater?”

“And the container the coffee was in?” added Gil. “I can’t remember. Everything was… perfect…”

“DESTROY! IMPERFECTION!”

“And how do we kill it?”

“Good question.”

[1] This tells you everything you need to know about humanity in general and Sparks in particular.

[Muse food remaining: 9 (fic war prompts, 4). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Jean decides to go for the special award for community service offered by Bayville High in exchange for 200 hours of volunteering. Xavier thinks this is a great idea - so guess who else winds up doing it? Chaos/hilarity ensues.

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 09:29:00 +1000

(#00159)

“The prize is a car,” said Jean. “You have no idea what that means for me.”

“There’s something wrong with my car?” said Scott.

“Yeah, I have to go where you want to take me. I’m going for it.”

Jean opened the little envelope. “Looks like I’m a candy-striper at the veterans home. Huh.”

“Hooray,” deadpanned Kurt. “Bedpans and unwanted PDA’s from old folks.”

“Ignore him,” said Kitty. “He’s still bitter about the whole animal shelter fiasco.”

“You’ll get another chance,” predicted Jean. “Try them again during kitten/puppy season. They’re always swamped, then.”

“Hrumph.”

Jean secured the last bit of hairnet to find a fellow volunteer in andy-pandy overalls[1] and also a hairnet.

He looked at her. She looked at him. Both voiced the same thought at the same time. “Oh, just great.”

“You two know each other?” smiled the volunteer co-ordinator.

“Rivals,” supplied Jean. “But I’ll make an effort not to let that get in the way of our work.”

“You but out of this, miss perfect. I need that car!”

“Aren’t you already working two jobs?”

“Not since Speedy got me fired. But I took care of him. He’s doing courier work. On the other side of town.”

“And how about the other two?”

“Trek Marathon at the Odeon. They shouldn’t do too much damage.”

Jean breathed out. “Okay. Good. You should also know that there’s more than one car to win. So there’s no need for any kind of ‘special fireworks’, got that?”

“Yeah, I got no interest in more damage to pay off, thanks.”

“Then we have a deal.”

“Fine.”

They shook, and got on with the day.

Five hours later…

One wing of the Home was on fire. A broken hydrant sent a fountain of water twenty feet into the air. The runabout-painted minivan that broke it lay forlornly on its side in the middle of the street, blocking traffic both ways. Distant sirens howled.

The veterans, Fred, and Todd were conga-ing around the ruined building. Singing.

“STAAAAARRRR TREKKIN’ ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!”

“This is all your fault.”

“ON THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE UNDER CAPTAIN KIRK!”

“My fault? I didn’t do anything!”

“STAR TREKKIN’ ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!”

“They’re your friends.”

“BOLDLY GOING FOR-WARD ‘CAUSE WE CAN’T FIND REVERSE!”

“I did not get them shit-faced on sugar and additives and throw them out of the theatre! They did that all by themselves.”

“IT’S WORSE THAN THAT HE’S DEAD, JIM; DEAD, JIM; DEAD JIM!”

“You weren’t there to stop them.”

“IT’S WORSE THAN THAT HE’S DEAD, JIM; DEAD, JIM, DEAD!”

“Well excuse me for trying to get a car I didn’t have to pay off after I die!”

“WELL IT’S LIFE, JIM, BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT…”

“Oh my God, when are they going to shut up?”

“I suggested elephant tranq’s but they just laughed at me.”

A siren-bearing vehicle finally pulled up on the verge and a uniform got out, and picked them to talk to, since they were the only ones sitting still and not trying to relieve the chaos. “Do either of you know who’s responsible for this mess?”

“THERE’S KLINGONS ON THE STARBOARD BOW…”

Jean pointed to Lance. Lance pointed to Fred. “I left him in charge of Todd,” he explained. “He knows that neither of them are supposed to have sugar and additives. I had to work.”

“As a candy-striper?”

“No, this is to win a new car. Kinda need that to work, too.”

“Are they singing ‘Star Trekking’?”

“Yes.”

“You’re kidding. I love that song!”

Lance pinched the bridge of his nose. “…kill me now…”

[1] Of course certain household whovians introduced Jean to the concept of Andy Pandy overalls.

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A Singular Day

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 07:30:33 +1000

A Singular Day :

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Headcannon backstoriness and insanity :)

A New Slice

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 07:30:29 +1000

A New Slice:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Portal Crackfic written before Portal 2 was a thing.